Back to September, page 17
Bo nodded sagely. “It’s not unheard of, unfortunately.” She leaned in. “But Parker? From what I’ve seen, is over the moon for you. You should see the look she gets in her eye when you so much as walk by.”
“I know. Until she’s back into her life and over the moon for everything else she has going on. I hear from her less and less lately. It’s…telling.”
She took a bite of a dumpling and gave it some thought. “Is it still good between you two when you do?”
I nodded. “We pick right back up again, but, Bo? I don’t want to be the woman who just sits around and waits until Parker decides she’s ready for me again. If I’m going to be with someone, I want it to be an equal partnership, you know?”
“And you want to be with Parker?”
My heart thudded away. “Very much.” I took a moment, realizing how much I had at stake. I was in deep. “Too much.”
She reached across the table and covered my hand with hers. “Then don’t you give up. You fight for her.”
“That’s my plan. What we have is too good not to.” I smiled at the amazing food on my plate, nervous now that I’d voiced my concerns out loud. Something about sending them into the universe made it all seem exceptionally real. “What about your world, Bo? You seem…out of sorts.”
“I had court today,” she said, gesturing with her chopsticks. “I’m always extra keyed up after going to battle.”
“Nope. Uh-uh.” I folded my arms. “More than that. What gives?”
She met my eyes and looked away. “No idea what you mean.”
I dropped my head and stared at her. She was too preoccupied with her own plate. “You’re lying to me. I know this because you fixate on unimportant objects in the room when you lie, and that fried rice is not all that riveting right now. Pony up the details, Bo.”
She shifted her lips to the side. “I’ve gotten myself involved with someone, and it’s messing with my head.”
“Now, this I can identify with,” I said with a smile. Bo didn’t get tangled up with romance too much, simply because she was a no-nonsense girl with a career that took up most of her time. She vicariously lived the life of a heroine through romance novels, and films, and TV shows, always vowing she’d get to it soon enough. It seemed like maybe soon enough was now here. “Who is he?”
“You’re going to shake your head at me.”
“Well, it’s my job, so let’s get to it.”
“I’ve fallen for a client, and it’s a whole conflict of interest thing, and I’m awful for doing it.” Her always present composure came tumbling down, her vulnerability on full display.
“You’re not awful, first of all. Is there a law against seeing a client?”
“The laws are pretty watered down, but when there’s a divorce and custody in question? It shouldn’t happen.”
“Oh, this is one of your divorces? How long has he been divorced?”
She opened her mouth and closed it. “It’s more the custody case I’ve been telling you about?”
“The one with the jerk dad? I don’t get it. He’s an asshole, first of all, and he’s not even your client.”
She paused, and I struggled to piece together what I was missing. Because Bo would never date a guy like that. She wouldn’t. She would rather— “Oh my God, you’re dating the single mother? You’re dating a woman?” I realized I had said that really loud. Perhaps I yelled it. The swiveled heads and Bo’s wide eyes indicated that yes. Yes, I had.
She held up a hand to get me under control, and I drank heartily from my glass of water to busy my mouth. “I didn’t plan on any of this, and I certainly didn’t see it coming, but she sparked something in me.”
I nodded. “But the woman thing?”
“Is very unexpected. I get that. It was for me, too. It was for her.”
“But?”
My sister broke into a small smile that instantly reached her eyes. Her hand fluttered to her cheek as the smile grew. “The past few weeks, I feel like my feet haven’t touched the ground.”
Hearing that from Bo was everything. “Awww. Bo.” I blinked happily.
“But that doesn’t mean there aren’t obstacles. I’d have to step back from representing her.”
“But you can do that.”
She nodded. “It makes me nervous. There’s a child involved, and I’ve been the one fighting for him every step of the way. But it does seem like most of the litigation is behind us.”
“See?” I stole another dumpling from the platter. “The timing is playing out nicely.” I shook my head. “There’s just nothing about you that ever said you’d be interested in dating women. I’m so impressed right now.”
“You weren’t impressed before?”
“You’re always impressive. I’m just extra taken by your ability to continue to surprise me.” I shook my finger at her. “You’re tricky, Bo. I like that. What’s her name?”
“Amy. She’s thirty, and blond, and the kindest person I’ve met. She likes a lot of the same things I like, including making fun of boy bands, and any and all pasta.”
“All important things. You’ve landed a good one.” I dropped my voice. “Sex? Have you had sex with her?”
She blinked at her plate. “No. Not yet.”
“There’s nothing to be nervous about.”
She winced. “Isn’t there? What if I’m not good at it? With a woman, I mean.”
“You’ll get the hang of it. Just need a little practice.” I smiled as warmly as I could to reassure her. “Outside of that? You know what you like, right? Start there.”
She seemed to take to the advice. “I can’t believe I told someone. That it’s out in the open now.” She was smiling again.
“How does it feel?”
“Absolutely amazing. I’ve never been so excited by someone before, and I truly saw a future I wanted to pursue.”
“I think we’ve earned a little more wine, don’t you?”
Bo held out her glass for me to pour. “Lay it on me.”
“I can’t believe I have to share the whole ‘dates women’ thing with you now. Is nothing sacred, Bo?”
“Is this going to be like the straightener in high school? Where you remind me for years that it was yours first?”
I grinned. “I think it’s going to be a lot like that. Now, drink your wine and tell me more about Amy, so we can be old friends as soon as I meet her.”
Chapter Fifteen
“Good morning, books,” I whispered reverently and flipped on the lights that spring morning. I took a deep inhale of the distinct aroma of so many pages in one room. Back to September would be out in ten days, and I was excited for Parker and all this would mean for her career. It was a big step. Not only that, but I took pride in having maybe been an influencing factor.
“You were more than just an influence,” Parker told me on the phone late last night. It had been three and half weeks since I’d laid eyes on her, and I felt the strain. “Without you, there would be no book. Or there’d just be another, very similar book to the others I’ve written.”
“Then I’m extra moved. What are you wearing?”
Parker chuckled. “A T-shirt and purple underwear. I forgot pants.”
“Purple, huh? That’s a really good look.” I blinked happily as I imagined it.
“Oh, yeah? My favorite look of yours is you topless at the mirror in the morning. You run your hands through your hair to give it a fluff. I know you’re about to hop in the shower and it takes everything I have not to drag you back to bed. I have no idea why bookstores have to open on time.”
“Topless, huh? Now I’m feeling objectified and sexy. More of that.”
“There’s tons more where that came from. Trust me. I’ve never been so attracted to another human being before.”
“What?” I shook my head. “Really? You’ve never told me this before.”
“Well, Hannah, I have to hold a few things back or I’d be an open book. A little mystery is fun.”
I hesitated. “Sometimes I worry you hold a lot back.”
“Okay.” She paused on the line. “Tell me about that.”
Did I really want to go here? We hadn’t had an actual disagreement, other than who was going to do the dishes, since the cabin. I pushed forward, though, because what I was feeling was valid and the circumstances were real. “I suppose I thought we’d see each other, talk to each other, more than we have been.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry about that. Things have been so fast-paced lately and I’m trying to balance my writing time with the PR appearances, and I guess I’m not doing such a great job.”
I nodded. “I haven’t heard from you in three days. Even when we were just friends, we talked each night.”
She went quiet. “Yeah.” Another pause. “My head’s been a little…”
“A little what? You can just say it, Parker. Lay it out there.”
I could tell how hard this was for her, but pushing was the only way to get an honest answer. “Scattered.”
It wasn’t enough information for me. “Do you think you’re running again? We know you did that once before. Is it happening again?”
I heard her blow out a slow breath. “I’m not going to let it, Hannah.”
“Will you tell me what it is that you feel when you’re afraid?” I walked from one spot in my kitchen to another, the movement keeping me focused, clear, and courageous. I needed courage for this conversation, because it felt like there was so very much at risk.
“That I’m too close, that I’m putting all my eggs in a basket that might get smashed to pieces once you get to know me and decide that I’m not all that special.”
“Baby.” I couldn’t believe she’d even think such a thing. I’d seen Parker at her most glamorous and I’d seen her at her most mundane. “That’s not going to happen. I’ve never met anyone I thought was more special than you.”
She sniffed, and I wondered if she was crying. Parker tended to default to strength, so she might not have wanted me to realize.
“I don’t know why I get this way. It’s not how I want to operate.”
I nodded, as if she could see me, and absently gave Tomato a rub as I passed her sitting on the back of the armchair. “Do you think there’s a reason?” It was a very personal question, but after all we’d shared, I felt empowered to ask.
Another pause. “My therapist does.”
I didn’t want to push, so I stayed silent, giving her space to say more, hoping that she would.
“Not the best childhood. Here we go.”
I imagined her fluffing her curls as she did absently when she was about to launch into a story.
“I was removed from my parents’ care when I was eight.”
My mouth fell open and I was thankful she wasn’t there to see. “Oh, Parker. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. They weren’t the best people. Completely ill-equipped and uninterested in having a child. Addiction was more their jam, and from what I was told, the man I believed was my father may not have been. They’re currently both in jail, my mom for robbery and my father on assault charges, which was not at all a surprise, let me tell you.”
I felt nauseous.
“It was traumatic, though. Losing my home, my family.”
“Of course it was.”
“I moved in with my aunt, who was a lot older than my mom. It was the first time in my life I’d felt…I don’t know…safe. Happy. Her name was Lydia, and she took care of me, made dinner at night, and kissed me before bed. She, unfortunately, had a debilitating stroke, so I became her caretaker when I was twelve. She died when I was fourteen. But wait, there’s more.” She said it as if impersonating an infomercial announcement, probably to lighten the mood.
I couldn’t imagine even the first part of that story, the second knocked the wind out of me, and the fact that there was a third had me gripping the countertop for her.
“I moved in with my best friend Daniela’s family. They agreed to take me in when I was pretty much on my own in the world. The thing was, though, that I tried to make them my family, and her parents did everything in the world to make sure I remained just a friend of Daniela’s. It took me a while to get the message. They’d done their part and put a roof over my head and even took me shopping when I needed school supplies or clothes. But when they went to visit relatives? I was left behind. When there was a soccer match? It was Daniela they cheered for, not me.”
“That’s awful.”
“It really wasn’t, but I was a teenager at that point, and made a lot of decisions about life and people and my place in this world. Probably screwed me up, doing that.”
“Sounds like self-protection to me.” So much made sense now. So much. “A lot of people let you down, Parker.”
“Not intentionally.”
“Doesn’t matter when it’s burned into you like that.”
“Yeah.” She sounded sad, and I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and never let her go, show her that it was okay to get used to someone, that I wasn’t going anywhere.
“You still sure you want me around after hearing about all that baggage?” She chuckled sardonically.
“When can I see you again?” I asked, needing to more than ever now.
A moment passed. “How about this weekend?”
I grinned. “Yeah? I’d love that.”
Her tone took an energetic upshift. “Perfect. I’ll fly to you or you can fly to me. You decide.”
I’d already put a few systems in place that would give me the ability to take time away from work more often, should I need to, anticipating that it might useful, given Parker’s schedule. “I’ll fly to LA.”
“Hannah, I’m going to see you, and speak to you, and laugh with you, and eat messy food with you in just four short days.”
It felt like a gigantic weight had been lifted off my chest. “Is that all? I was thinking of more.” I was flirting and enjoying it. “I have additional plans beyond your agenda. I should probably confess that now.”
“Oh, really.” She drew that last word out playfully. “You can’t see me, but I’m fanning myself like a teen at a boy band concert.”
“Interesting. I didn’t know I had quite that effect. What I do know is that I plan to put my hands on you.” God, I missed this woman. Her smile, her humor, her scent. All of it. Lying in bed, my face nestled into her neck was one of my favorite places to be.
“You’re killing me, right now,” Parker said.
“In a sexy way?”
“In a very sexy way. If you think I don’t have plans to get you naked and beneath me, you’re very wrong.” She was using what I had come to call her quiet/sexy voice and I loved it. “Why aren’t we in the same room together? This purple lace underwear wants you to slide it down my legs.”
I swallowed. “You wouldn’t have to ask.”
“That’s what I love about you in bed. You always anticipate what I want before I even know I want it. And damnit, talking about this is doing a lot to me.”
“Are you wet right now?” I was surprised at myself. Was this phone sex? Or at least phone sex foreplay? I’d never engaged in that before. It was very un-Hannah-like, but I couldn’t help myself with Parker. She brought it out in me.
“I am. Just hearing your voice does that to me. It’s always been that way.”
I withheld a gasp. “Another new piece of information. Even when we weren’t together?”
“Are you kidding? Yes. After our first night, everything about you got me going. The cabin? Which I thought would be good for helping me out of that mode?”
“Yeah?”
“Only solidified that it was impossible. I don’t know why I fought so hard. I had no chance.”
“I happen to think there’s something to that. Maybe we were meant to have a few hiccups in the early stages.”
“Hannah, I will hiccup with you anytime. On a boat. With a goat.”
I laughed. “Back at you. On the lam. With a ram.” I felt my confidence, everything I thought I’d known about Parker and myself, come rushing back. We were really good together. Yes, we’d hit a rough patch lately, but we’d talked it out. Parker had taken a leap and confided in me about her early struggles.
* * *
Three days later, I watched as all of Los Angeles flew past the window of the cab I’d grabbed at the airport. Parker didn’t have her own place in LA but instead rented what she called a small bungalow in a trendier area of Hollywood called Franklin Village, close to all sorts of restaurants and shops.
I had been in Los Angeles a total of ninety-seven minutes, and I was already fascinated by the fast pace of it all. Never had I seen so much traffic. Never had I seen so many beautiful people. Never had I seen so many skateboarders, rollerbladers, and joggers on the sidewalk of a residential street.
“Here you go,” my cab driver said, and paused at the curb next to a cute red house with three steps up to a small front porch. I paid for my ride and pulled my suitcase up the walkway, taking a deep breath. I was nervous. Whether it was because I felt out of my element or just excited to see Parker was hard to say.
She swung open the door before I even had a chance to make it to the porch. This wasn’t the first time she’d been watching for me as I arrived. Remembering how she’d burst out of the cabin in greeting, as well, I had to admit that I liked the early greeting a lot.
“Hi, beautiful,” Parker said with a wide grin. She was barefoot and wore shorts and a soft looking-baby blue T-shirt that made her look extra cuddly. Her hair was down and the curls were more like subtle waves today. Her eyes were bright and happy. She was everything.
“Hi back.” I paused for a moment so I could take her in, like a cool breeze on a hot day. She scurried down the stairs and took me in her arms and held me close. I didn’t want to let go once I was in her arms, and apparently Parker didn’t either because we stood like that, locked in an embrace, for a long time. I was hit with the scent of peaches that was so very Parker. I nearly choked up with happiness.
