Difficult Girl, page 5
Helena shakes her head. “Something for my daughter is something for me.” She gives me a small smile. “It sounds like you understand that. I’m looking forward to meeting your little girl. I hope I can keep up.”
Me too.
I help Helena hang the rest of the clothes and then move inside to Fritz.
Pants for Fritz. That’s a need that goes to the top of the list. I’m not having him walking around like that in front of my daughter. “I’m bringing you back some decent clothes, Fritz,” I tell him, motioning to his underwear. “Enjoy this last day of being an exhibitionist.”
Fritz grins at me like the cad he is. “Oh, fine. If it’ll keep ye from lusting after me, I suppose it’s for the best. Can’t have Connery taking a bite outta my arse if he gets jealous ye want me most.”
“Absolutely.” I try to say it all with confidence, but in reality, I have no idea how much room I’ll have in a backpack for a full set of clothing for everyone.
A problem for another day.
Actually, it’s a problem for today, being that Bodhi and I are leaving in a few minutes. We were supposed to leave already, but he’s still doing his best to let Connery down gently.
I close the door behind me so I can have a word with Fritz. I really, really wish he had pants on. “Fritz, I need a favor,” I tell him, my voice quiet.
Fritz has a scar down his left cheek that makes him look terrifying when he’s serious, which thankfully, isn’t often. His feet are shoulder-width apart, his arms crossed over his massive chest. “Anything, Goddess. I’m at your service.”
It’s really hard to take him seriously when he’s only wearing briefs, but I do my best. “I need you to keep an eye on Connery. He wants to come over with us, but Bodhi’s right; it isn’t safe. We have to make sure I get there and back without being seen. That’s easier to do with fewer people.”
“Aye.” He runs a hand over his face. “Tha won’t be easy, but I’ll hogtie him to the tree if I have to. He’s not likely to take the separation lying down. He’ll look for loopholes, any way he can get to ye to make sure ye return safe.” His eyes narrow in on me. “So it’s to ye to make sure ye return safe. You’re not going to stay over there, are ye?”
Fritz has a way of going from goofball who no one takes seriously to man I wouldn’t dare lie to if my life depended on it.
I shake my head firmly to make sure he knows I’m not about to abandon everyone here. “No. I’m not going to leave Bodhi to do this by himself. I’m in this. I’m not going to ditch you all. But I can’t be here without my daughter anymore. I can’t ditch her either. That’s why I’m bringing her over.”
“Aye. Tha’s what I heard ye say. I guess I wanted to hear it up close.” His green eyes are severe, which is difficult to stomach when I’m used to knowing him as only playful. “Because this all hinges on ye. If ye leave us, ye take all the stolen magic with ye, along with the hope tha comes when you’ve got the Goddess of Vengeance in your corner.” His jaw ticks. “Ye won’t do tha to us, aye?”
I purse my lips. “I won’t, Fritz. Promise. I plan to be back before the sun sets.”
He boops the tip of my nose. “Grand. I’ll plan your demise if you’re not back by the time the sun rises.”
I shoot him a withering look but worry that the slightest delay might result in exactly the threat he’s posing. “That wouldn’t be you trying to control me, would it?” I ask him quietly, matching his bravado with my own version of “don’t cross me.”
Fritz seems to catch himself and lowers his chin submissively.
Well, that’s odd.
“Apologies, Goddess.”
Ugh, that again.
I need to get out of Crimshade.
8
REUNITED
It’s not nearly as harrowing to get over to my world as it was to get into Crimshade, thank goodness, but my stomach is in knots with no hope of undoing my angst anytime soon. I need to get to Seven. I need to hold her and make sure that she knows she is the most important thing to me. If she’s forgotten that one crucial fact, she might drift in her lonesomeness, and I’ll have lost all that is precious about her to despondency.
Not that I’m being overdramatic about it.
“Your hands are sweaty,” Bodhi complains as he drops my grip and wipes his palms off on his trousers, shivering at the wintry chill that Crimshade just plain doesn’t have.
“Well, I’m nervous.”
“You’re going to scare her, looking frazzled as you do. Take a breath, poppet.” He motions to the front door of the rented vacation home where we last left Jonathan and Seven.
“I abandoned her,” I let out in a gust before he knocks on the door. “Just like her dad. Just like every friend she’s ever had. I left her unprotected. I… I…”
Bodhi spins me to face him, his hands gripping my shoulders. “That’s rubbish, and you know it. If you don’t know it, then I’m going to stand here until you understand how ridiculous it is that you don’t believe you can take a week to save lives if it means you’re off the mom clock. You’re allowed a vacation, which this wasn’t.”
I can’t even nod along and pretend to agree with him. I feel sick to my stomach, now that Seven’s on the other side of the door and I’m going to have to face that forlorn expression she gets whenever a friend cancels a playdate.
Only when Bodhi rings the doorbell, an answer never comes.
“Looks like they’re not here,” Bodhi remarks. “Huh.”
My stomach drops. If I thought I felt sick before, it’s nothing to the pit that sinks in my gut now, gnawing away at what bravery I thought I had down deep. I keel over, holding my midsection as dread washes over me. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Now, now. Let’s not panic.” Bodhi touches the doorknob and unlocks it with his mojo, letting us into the space Jonathan rented from his friends when his place wasn’t safe for us to stay. Bodhi motions to the dishes in the sink and the sweater draped over the arm of the couch. “See? They’re just out. There’s no sign of foul play.”
He’s probably right, but I’m too scared at not finding them here to make much sense of the space. My breath comes in shallow pants as I keel over, my hands on my knees while my head swims. “I can’t feel my fingers,” I whisper as pressure builds behind my eyes.
Bodhi’s arms curl around me, but such is my trust in our connection that I don’t shirk away from the affection. He leads me to the couch, sitting me down and moving my head between my knees so I don’t pass out, which is a very real possibility at this point. “Easy, darling. They’re probably just out at the park or something. Is there a way to contact Jonathan?”
But all logic has left me. “I don’t have a phone. I don’t exist in my world anymore. I’m dead. I died. There wasn’t even a funeral because I have no one but Jonathan and Seven, and I can’t find either of them!”
For not knowing me all that long, it’s a wonder that Bodhi knows how to handle my rare freak-outs. Kneeling before me, he slides me off the couch, wrapping my arms and legs around his body so I have something steady to hold onto. Grief that I’ve been pushing aside overwhelms me, erasing my logic and absconding with all traces of calm.
I’m not a hugger. I swear I’m not. But I somehow find myself with my arms and legs wrapped around Bodhi while my tears spill onto his shoulder.
“I failed her! My sister trusted me to raise her child, and I ditched her! I failed, Bodhi! And now I can’t find her!”
Bodhi holds me tight, his heart pressed to mine because, linked as we are, he can feel my sorrow on a level no one else might be able to. “Shh. Zara, darling. That’s not true. We’ll find them. They’re probably…”
But he doesn’t finish his sentence because the front door swings open, and the sweetest voice in the world calls for me. “Mommy?”
A sob of desperation belts out of me as I scramble out of Bodhi’s arms and stumble toward the entrance. “Seven!” My arms throw themselves around her. I’m sure I look more terrifying than anything else, but I’m desperate to be near my girl. Seven’s rarely seen me cry, and she’s never seen me lose it like this.
“Mommy, what happened? Papa Jonathan said…”
But I hear little else. She’s here and she’s real and I can’t stop kissing her face. I press my lips to her perfect, cherubic cheeks that should be pinched several times a day. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry it took me this long to come back. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
I don’t know how long it is that I hold my little girl, my heart racing and tears leaking when I should be giving her nothing but smiles. But the truth is, I’m not built for being away from Seven. She’s the only bit of family I have left, and most days, Jonathan and I are the only people in her life at all.
“You were gone for so long!” Seven laments. “I got a cut on my finger!” She displays the tiny papercut as evidence that we should never again be separated.
I make the appropriate shocked face and then kiss the cut that looks like it didn’t even bleed when it was fresh. “Oh, baby. I’m so sorry!”
Seven pulls back, her fingers tracing the side of my face. “What happened? Did you spill glitter on you?”
My lips purse. “Something like that.”
Jonathan yanks on her ponytail. “Alright, munchkin. Mommy’s home, so let’s pretend you’ve had no sugar all day and you’ve done nothing but study.”
Seven winks at Jonathan and gives him a thumbs-up. “We super didn’t have any candy today. And Papa Jonathan never gave me video games while he was working.”
Jonathan throws his head back at how horrible Seven is at keeping secrets. “We need to work on your winking, kiddo.” He holds up his hands as I slowly rise to stand. “I know how you feel about video games, but honestly, I had to get a little work done, and it was necessary. Plus, you know I can’t say no to her.”
I don’t care about any of that. I throw my arms around my best friend, grateful to see his stupidly handsome face. “Thank you,” I whisper. “Thank you, Jonathan. Thank you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
His hands move around my trembling frame, and I can tell he’s only just starting to realize there has been more to the other world than an easy trip we can laugh about someday. He’s asked me for hugs loads of times over the course of the years we’ve spent picking up the shattered pieces of each other’s dreams for better things, but I rarely oblige. I’m sure I’m scaring him with my affection.
I’m certainly scaring myself.
“Hey, of course. You’re shaking, Z. Come here.” He jerks his chin to Bodhi. “Seven, can you show Bodhi how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I need to help your mom for a minute.”
Seven tugs on Bodhi’s hand. “This way. You don’t know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? It’s so easy!”
Bodhi plays along masterfully, shooing me away so I can fill Jonathan in on all he’s missed.
Only I don’t have the energy for that. I slump in my best friend’s arms, finally safe now that he’s here. “Whoa! Okay, Zara. Let’s get you to the bedroom. Or maybe the bathroom. When was the last time you showered with actual soap?”
“I can’t… Jonathan, it’s… I missed you both so much!” The tears start all over again, and my bestie has no idea what to do with me.
Neither do I. In fact, I worry that all that’s broken inside of me isn’t going to be able to stay hidden ever again.
9
THERAPY GONE WRONG
Jonathan guides me into a bedroom and sits me on the mattress. Then he holds up a finger and moves into the ensuite bathroom, where I hear the bathtub filling up. When he comes back, he digs a white undershirt of his from the drawer and his most fitted pajama pants for me. “Alright, first things first: you’re going to take the longest bath of your life with all the ridiculous smelly stuff my friends have stocked in their bathroom. Then you’re going to tell me what crafting accident happened to your face while we drink wine and I do something to put a little meat on your bones. You look like you’ve lost weight in the week we’ve been apart.”
I nod, catching my sobs in my hand. I’ve been so worried about Seven’s safety that to see her completely fine sets everything loose. “You kept her safe. You looked after her. Thank you, Jonathan. I don’t say it enough but thank you for being there for us. Above and beyond there. I honestly don’t know what I would have done. I’m so sorry I was gone so long.”
Jonathan crouches in front of me, much in the same way Bodhi did when we were in the living room. “Hey, you don’t have to worry about Seven. You know she’s my daughter, same as she is yours. We’ve been doing just fine this past week.”
My head bobs, but my gratitude doesn’t stop even though Jonathan acts like he doesn’t need it. “It’s a mess. Everything is a mess over there. I have no idea what I’m doing or why. Wherever I’m at, it’s the wrong place. I should be with Seven, but if I’m here, people over there will keep dying. I had to get back to her, but every hour that I’m here sets the mission back.”
Jonathan touches the side of my face, no doubt testing the gold flecks to see what they are. “I take it you’re going back?”
“I’m sorry, but I have to,” I tell him, then I give him the briefest explanation I can muster about the stolen magic, the freed prisoners, and how we are not even close to liberating the bulk of the prisoners. “I can’t stay here, but I can’t leave Seven either.”
Jonathan frowns at me. “Well, you can’t take her over there. It’s dangerous.”
I shake my head. “I can’t leave her! I found a woman who can stay with her during the day while I’m off helping Bodhi and Connery and everyone.”
“Everyone? Who is this woman?”
“The queen who we freed from exile. Queen Helena.”
Jonathan pinches the bridge of his nose. “I can’t keep up. You seriously want to bring Seven over to Crimshade when it’s on the brink of implosion?” He frowns at my temple. “And what is this on your face?”
“It’s gold that melted into my skin. Apparently, there’s some legend that a Goddess of Vengeance with gold in her skin would come to liberate the people and avenge them. That’s supposed to be me, even though I keep telling everyone it’s not. The gold sticking to my face was a fluke accident, but it means something to the people.”
I don’t know why Jonathan finds this amusing, but the corner of his mouth quirks. “Is that such a big leap from your Instant Karma persona? Goddess of Vengeance doesn’t sound too far off.”
I shouldn’t chuckle. It’s not funny. None of this is amusing, but here I am, chortling through my tears about the twist I never saw coming, but apparently it doesn’t surprise Jonathan in the least. “A goddess. They think I’m a goddess! They think I can free the prisoners and avenge them for all the wrong that’s been done.”
Jonathan rubs the nape of his neck. “I mean, are they wrong? It sounds like you already helped liberate an island full of prisoners, and you have a solid plan for the rest.”
I shoot him a withering look. “It’s not a solid plan. It’s a shot in the dark.”
“It’s the first glimpse of light they’ve had in ages, and you brought it to them.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know why you undervalue yourself so much.” He rocks back and sits on his butt, bringing his knees up to his chest. “Actually, I do. Your mother made you feel like everything was your fault, that you were a constant burden, and you bought into that lie. You’ve done nothing but apologize to me for watching Seven for you, as if it’s some grand inconvenience to spoil my girl without your interference.”
“Interference?” I balk.
“You know a growing girl needs video games.”
Again, my best friend makes me laugh. I don’t know how Jonathan does it, but he finds me even when I’m certain I’ll never be able to find myself again.
He holds onto my wrist, his eyes meeting mine in earnest. “Leave Seven here with me while you go deal with the prisoners.”
I shake my head. “I can’t even consider it. You’ve given up enough of your life for us.”
“What am I giving up? Water cooler chatter? I’ve been working from home just fine, and Seven doesn’t mind being with me. I was going to talk to you about this afterschool program that a friend recommended to me.”
“No,” I rule without hearing a smidgen of the details.
Jonathan purses his lips before dismantling my veto. “David and Daniel’s daughter Olivia is in this club where the kids learn about farm animals and hiking and whatnot. The troupe is okay with Olivia having two dads. I already asked the coordinator, and they said Seven being transgender isn’t an issue. I’ll go with her. I’ll be a den parent so she’s not alone. I’m telling you; our girl needs socialization.”
My pitch climbs, along with my anxiety. “Don’t you think I know that? But I’m not about to throw her to the wolves because we’re desperate.”
Jonathan squeezes my wrist again. “I’ll be there for every step of it. If any wolves come for her, they’ll have to go through me. I’ll hover worse than you do, I promise.”
I sniffle the last of my tears away. “You say that like my hovering is a bad thing.”
“No, I meant it as a compliment. Nothing will happen to her that I don’t know about. I even ordered some homeschool workbooks that we’re going to start working on. I’m telling you, Zara, I’ve got this.” He kneels before me while the tub fills with water in the bathroom. “You know that world is too dangerous for her.” He meets my eyes with caution. “How about we take this week by week. This week, Seven stays here with me. Next week, come back and see how we’re doing. If it’s still good, then she’ll stay with me another week.”
“I can’t leave her for three whole weeks!” The very thought is horrifying.
“You’re not leaving her,” Jonathan assures me. “You’re protecting her from a world that doesn’t have its act together. This is temporary. Free the prisoners, get the world set up, and come on back to us. Simple.”
