His Curvy Wife, page 6
“But he left. You said he didn’t want to live here anymore. He didn’t want to live with me.”
I shook my head. “No, Amber. No. That’s not true,” I said firmly. “Your daddy would live with you if he could. When he moved out, we agreed the best thing for you would be to stay in your room, in your bed, in your house where you’ve always lived. He was the one who wanted to leave, and since his work schedule makes it hard for him to take you to school and pick you up, we agreed I would stay in the house with you.”
“I want both of you to live here,” Amber whined softly.
I nodded and pulled her into my arms again. “I know, baby. Me, too.”
We sat on her bed for a few more minutes, just holding on to each other. I glanced at her clock and knew I needed to start dinner. I offered her a trade.
“What if I start dinner while you call Daddy? Tell him about your day and let him know you’re thinking about him.”
She pulled back and nodded, a smile finally back on her face.
Amber settled on the couch with my phone while it rang. Once she grinned and said, “Daddy,” I went to the kitchen to start dinner.
One of Amber’s favorite meals was tacos with mac and cheese, so I put water on to boil and some ground beef in a pan to brown. I got out the rest of the ingredients and was stirring the ground beef when the doorbell rang.
Amber was still talking to Ramsey when I walked by to see who was at the door. I smiled when I saw my sister through the peephole. “Hey,” I said when I opened the door. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”
She shrugged and stepped inside, closing the door behind herself. “I wanted to see how you were doing and check in on my favorite niece.”
“She’s talking to Ramsey. We had a little issue earlier.”
“Issue?” Willow asked.
I nodded and jerked my head to the kitchen. Willow got the hint and hung up her coat, then followed me out of the room.
“I asked her if she had fun with Gina the other day. I was trying to get a feel for her thoughts about me dating.”
“And?”
I shrugged and added the pasta to the boiling water, then stirred the meat and added in taco seasoning. I was avoiding the question, and we both knew it. But Willow was patient.
“She said Gina told her I was going to kiss her daddy, and Amber was mad because I was only supposed to be kissing Ramsey.”
Willow shook her head. “I knew they argued about something, but neither of them would tell me what it was. What did you tell her?”
I sighed. “The truth. That Ramsey doesn’t want to be married to me and that I might kiss other daddies because hers doesn’t want to kiss me.”
Willow grinned. “How well did that go over?”
“She asked if Ramsey is going to stop loving her, too.”
Willow’s face fell. “Poor thing. This is a lot for her to handle.”
I nodded. “It is. And I hate it. I always said growing up that I didn’t want my kids to have to deal with the stuff we dealt with. The crappy parenting and not being able to be emotional.”
“And she’s not,” Willow argued.
“No, but she doesn’t have the childhood I hoped she would have either. Her parents are getting divorced.”
“When we were kids, we were so afraid we’d end up like Mom and Dad. People who couldn’t say anything. You wanted a big family that would be wild and love each other fiercely and always be there for each other.”
“So much for that dream,” I said bitterly.
Willow nodded. “That’s why you let Ramsey go. Because he wasn’t interested in supporting your dream. He wasn’t willing to try again.”
“He was worried about me,” I said.
“He was a chicken shit. He couldn’t handle it. Every pregnancy has risks. Every day has risks. He used it as an excuse to get what he wanted.”
“But—”
“No, Mel. You and I both know that’s what happened. I know you love him, but he’s never been right for you. Now you have a chance to find someone who is. Someone who wants the same things you do.”
I nodded, knowing she was right but not liking it. She was never team Ramsey, but she knew how much I loved him. She was the first person I told when I realized I loved him. Even though she was five years younger than me, Willow was always the person I talked to. About everything.
“I don’t want Amber to be hurt by all this,” I admitted.
Willow offered me a kind smile that said I wasn’t going to get what I wanted. Not this time. “She’s going to get hurt, Mel. Her parents are splitting up. Her world is changing. When he left, it was hard. When she realizes he’s not ever coming back and someone else will be sharing your bed, it’ll be even harder. But she’ll get through it. Kids survive.”
I nodded and hoped Willow was right. She usually was, which was why I listened to her. She knew me better than anyone else in the world, and she adored Amber like an aunt should. We were lucky to have her.
“Aunt Willow!” Amber yelled, rushing into the kitchen. Willow scooped her up and spun her around, both of them laughing.
“How is my princess today?” Willow asked.
“Good. Mommy and I played in the snow when we got home. And Daddy said he’s always going to love me and Mommy, so Mommy doesn’t have to kiss Gina’s daddy again.”
Willow’s eyebrows darted up. She glanced at me.
“Amber, honey, that’s not really the truth,” I said.
Amber turned to me, her forehead wrinkled in the middle. “But Daddy said he loves you. And he said he loves me.”
I nodded and crouched down in front of her. “Yes, honey. And I love Daddy and you. But Daddy and I aren’t going to be married anymore.”
Her lip trembled and tears filled her eyes again. “But Daddy loves you. Why won’t you stay married to him?”
My breath caught in my throat. I wish I had a good answer for her. One that would make sense to her five year old mind. “Sometimes people who love each other aren’t actually supposed to be together. Sometimes someone gets sick or dies or—”
“Is Daddy going to die?” she screeched.
“What? No. Amber, no, honey, Daddy is fine.”
“Then you are?” she shouted, her eyes wild with fear.
“No, Amber. No one is going to die. No one is sick. It’s—”
“Then why can’t you and Daddy stay married?”
I sighed. “Because Daddy and I want different things.”
“Like when I want mac and cheese for dinner but you tell me I have to eat chicken instead?” she asked.
Willow coughed to cover up a laugh, but I just nodded solemnly. “Exactly like that.”
“But you always make me do what you want. Why don’t you just do that with Daddy? Make him do what you want so you can stay married and you don’t have to kiss Gina’s daddy.”
I wanted to laugh but it was really just too sad for me to find the humor. I was breaking my daughter’s heart. Shredding her childhood. She wanted her parents together. I did, too, but neither of us were going to get what we wanted. And I was sick of feeling like nothing I did mattered.
I flashed Willow a look, and she grinned then scooped up Amber. “Why don’t you show me what book you and Mommy are reading right now?”
Willow carried Amber out of the room. Amber chatted constantly about Charlotte’s Web and what part of the book we were on. She told Willow the whole story, her voice drifting as they walked down the hall and away from me.
When I couldn’t hear them anymore, I finally breathed a sigh of relief. I wanted to throttle my husband. He was the one who asked for the divorce. He was the one who refused to talk about more kids. He was the one who left. And I got to break our daughter’s heart and try to explain why over and over again.
It sucked.
I finished dinner while Amber and Willow were gone. When they came back, I had three plates of food on the table and water in three cups.
“Ooh, am I staying for dinner?” Willow asked Amber.
Amber nodded excitedly. “Yeah, yeah. Will you, Aunt Willow?”
Willow grinned. “Of course, princess. Which seat should I sit in?”
“That one,” Amber said, pointing to one of the seats. Amber chose hers, then I sat at the last one.
Willow and Amber talked about books and school and everything except Ramsey and me until we finished dinner. I stayed silent, preferring to let joy reign instead of fear and sadness. Amber asked Willow to stay and read to her, so I let Willow give Amber her bath and said goodnight before Willow read to Amber and tucked her in.
I was sitting on the couch when Willow left Amber’s room. “Is she out?”
Willow nodded. “Like a light. She barely lasted half the chapter.”
“Thank you,” I told her.
She sank onto the couch next to me and nodded. “I’m sorry she’s not taking this well. She deserves more than this.”
“I”m doing my best,” I said softly, hating that even my sister, my best friend, thought I wasn’t pulling my weight as a mom.
She shook her head. “I mean from her father. Ramsey shouldn’t leave all this for you to figure out. He should be explaining himself. He’s such an ass.”
“Why do you hate him?” I asked her. I’d always known my sister didn’t like him, but I never knew why. And I’d never had the guts to ask her.
At my direct question, she froze. “You know I’ve never liked him.”
I nodded. “I do know that. What I don’t know is why.”
“He’s not right for you,” Willow said, avoiding my gaze.
“Why does that mean you should hate him? Not liking him, maybe, but hating him?”
She shrugged. “I love you. You’re the one I worry about. He doesn’t deserve you.” She stood and glanced at the door. “Do you need help cleaning up the kitchen?”
I shook my head and stood with her. “I took care of it while you were reading to Amber.”
“Okay, then I should probably go.”
“You don’t have to,” I said. I wished I could take back my question. Willow hated Ramsey because she knew he wasn’t right for me. I didn’t need to know more than that. Maybe there really wasn’t more than that.
“No, I need to go. I have some stuff to do tonight. I’ll see you in a couple days.”
She hugged me and waved as she walked out the door into the cold night. I stood in the middle of the living room wondering why everyone I loved seemed to want to be anywhere but with me.
Before I went to bed, I checked my phone to see if Willow texted me. She usually did after she walked home from being at my house. And she usually did before she went to sleep.
I sent her a quick text saying good night and waited. Nothing popped up immediately, so I opened Book Boyfriends Wanted to see if I had any new matches. Maybe seeing someone who wasn’t the dad of Amber’s classmate was a better idea.
There were a few guys that matched with me. I read through their profiles quickly, swiping right on each of them. Dating was a numbers game, according to Willow. If I dated a bunch of men, I was more likely to find my new The One.
I hadn’t closed the app yet when a message popped up from one of my new matches.
RH214: Hey WebMommy. How are you?
Really? That was his opening line? He sounded like he had as much experience dating in the last decade or two as I did. But he reached out, so I had to answer.
WebMommy: Hi. Good. How are you?
Wow, yeah, I was so good at this.
RH214: I’m good, thanks. I see you’re a mom. Aren’t kids awesome?
I clicked back to his profile. He had a daughter, worked in a professional field, and was divorced. His profile picture was a spider, which was funny since mine was a web.
I went back to the chat and replied.
WM: Most of the time. My daughter got upset tonight when I tried to explain why her daddy and I aren’t getting back together.
RH214: Mine had a meltdown tonight, too. That’s the hardest part. When you want to take their pain away and can’t.
WM: I agree. My daughter doesn’t understand that two people can love each other and still not want to be together. Of course, I’m not sure I understand it at times either.
RH214: How long have you been divorced?
There was no option for separated, so my profile said divorced. I didn’t like lying, so I admitted the truth.
WM: I’m actually not. We’ve been separated since last summer. But putting married didn’t feel right either.
RH214: Same. Sorry. It sucks. I thought I was going to be with her forever.
WM: Agree.
RH214: Can I ask why your name is WebMommy?
I laughed.
WM: My daughter’s favorite book is Charlotte’s Web. We read it every night before she goes to sleep. It was the only thing I could think of.
RH214: Uh. That’s a weird coincidence. Mine does the same.
No. There was no damn way. It couldn’t be. No.
RH214: Is this Melody?
“No! Are you kidding me? What the hell?” I groaned.
WM: Ramsey?
RH214: Wow. Well, I guess we do have a lot in common. It would make sense we’d be paired together.
WM: Yeah, but this obviously doesn’t work or we wouldn’t both be on this site. Sorry, but I need to go.
I closed the app without waiting for his reply and ignored it when one popped up. What were the freaking odds?
I opened messages and looked at the text I sent Willow. It was still unread. Which meant she wasn’t talking to me. I almost texted her about being paired with Ramsey, but he was the reason Willow left earlier.
I locked my phone and decided the best thing for me was sleep. Everything was always better after a good night’s sleep.
7
Ramsey
I was still reeling the next morning as I sat in my office and tried to think of anything other than Melody. What were the chances Melody and I were paired together on that app? Apparently good, but damn, it was not what I was expecting.
I told myself I was going to reach out to one of the women I matched with and strike up a conversation. I needed to move on. And the one woman I chose, the one whose profile was the most interesting to me, was my freaking wife.
The shittiest part of it was I was enjoying talking to her before I figured out who she was. I felt good, proud of myself for putting myself out there. And then she said they always read Charlotte’s Web and it all clicked.
WTF?
It just wasn’t fair that the only woman I wanted to reach out to was my wife. And she was definitely not interested.
I seriously considered deleting the app, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I stared at the conversation again, imagining Melody’s smile when she flirted back with me, then her shock when she realized who I was. I had to hold on to the smile.
A knock on my door had me shoving my phone in my pocket before I called out for my new client to come in. I stood and walked around my desk as he opened the door.
Colin Jones pressed his lips into a grin and glanced around the room before he walked the rest of the way inside. I noted his worn work boots paired with his neat and clean suit. The navy jacket and the black pants didn’t really match, and the gray shirt underneath looked like it was a tee shirt.
I was wearing one of my best suits. Gray with a navy dress shirt with black shoes and a red tie. It was one of my power suits because I felt good in it, and after flirting with Melody, I needed the extra armor. Except it didn’t feel like armor when Colin Jones scanned it.
“You’re my grandmother’s attorney?” he asked me, his face showing clear surprise.
I nodded and offered him my hand. He stared at it for a long moment before he reached out and shook my hand. “Ramsey Holland. It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Jones.”
He breathed a laugh and shook his head. His dark hair was cut short and didn’t shift with the movement. He was ready to bolt for the door if his dark brown eyes were any indication. He was not impressed with me.
“Why don’t we sit and talk, Mr. Jones?” I offered, taking a step back.
He glanced at my chair and looked around the room again. I tried to see my office from his perspective. It wasn’t huge, but I did my best to make it impressive. Bookshelves held a combination of textbooks and awards I’d received plus a few decorative items. The walls boasted my degrees. The guest chairs were comfortable, and my desk was impressive. But Mr. Jones clearly didn’t see the same things.
“I don’t think this is going to work,” he said carefully.
“I worked with your grandmother for years. Can I ask why you’re not willing to sit and talk to me?”
He looked at me and sighed. “Listen, I’m not a corporate kind of guy. I work outside, and I like it. I picked out the nicest clothes in my closet, and I still look like a bum next to you. I need someone who’s a little more real. Someone who’ll understand what it’s like to struggle a bit.”
He turned to walk away and I knew I had to say something. “I’m going through a divorce,” I blurted.
He paused and looked back at me over his shoulder. When he saw I wasn’t joking, he turned around and crossed his arms over his chest. “And?”
“I’m living in my friend’s old apartment because I moved out of the house I shared with my wife and daughter. I don’t know how to cook for myself so I eat out almost every night. I finally signed up for online dating and the first woman I reached out to was my actual wife.”
A laugh burst out of him. He tried to cover it quickly, but it was already in the open.
I grinned. “I’m not a corporate guy either. I own this firm because I always wanted to help people. If someone wants to have their own business, I want to help them make that happen. Some of my clients prefer a guy who looks like he has his shit together, but none of them know I’m not living with my wife. And I sure as shit am not going to tell them I met her on a dating site six months after I walked out on her.”
Colin drew a deep breath and shook his head. “I think you might be just as screwed up as me.”
