His Curvy Wife, page 15
Casey grinned and leaned in. Her dark hair slid over her shoulder and her eyes sparkled. “Now I really want to know.”
I groaned and looked up at the ceiling, hoping it would give me some answers. Unfortunately it didn’t, but I had a friend sitting there who might have some.
“Ramsey came over last night,” I began.
Casey put her hand on mine. “Was that a good thing?”
I breathed a laugh. “It was a very, very good thing. Three times.”
“You slept with him three times? Damn. You were making up for lost time.”
I shook my head. “We didn’t have sex.”
Casey smirked. “Even better. Good for you taking what you want from him.”
I grinned. “It wasn’t like that. Well, it was, but I didn’t really mean it to be.”
Casey’s grin fell. “Okay, back up and tell me exactly what happened.”
I sighed and told her the whole story from Ramsey showing up to Ramsey walking out the door. She reacted the way anyone would have going from delight to shock when I admitted what happened that led to him leaving.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
I nodded.
“How good were the orgasms?”
I snorted a laugh. “Really, really good, but I don’t know what that has to do with anything.”
“If the orgasms were that good, I’m jealous, first of all. Secondly, you still have chemistry. That means there’s a chance for you two.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. He asked if I was ready to give up wanting to get pregnant again. He said nothing had changed if I wasn’t. And he’s right.”
Casey gave me a sad smile. “When Derrick and I decided to start counseling, I wasn’t sure it was going to work. He hadn’t looked at me in far too long. I was half convinced he was having an affair. Our spark was gone. I still love him, but he felt more like a roommate than my husband. Even now, there are days when I’m annoyed when he comes home. Maybe I shouldn’t admit that, but it’s true because at the end of the day, we still don’t have that chemistry. He doesn’t look at me and make me wet. I wish he did, but he just doesn’t.”
“God, Casey, I’m so sorry. How do you live like that?”
She shrugged and took another sip of her wine. “I pretend to be asleep when he comes to bed. I avoid eye contact when we’re awake. I don’t rock the boat and I schedule playdates when I know he’s off work.”
I laughed with her but neither of us found it very funny.
“What I’m saying is I wish I had what you have. I know your husband moved out and I know things suck right now, but he still wants you. You still want him. And sex doesn’t fix everything, but it sure does help.”
I sighed. The wine was helping me relax. I leaned back in my seat. “I think it’s almost the opposite for us. I want more kids. I’ve always wanted a big family. I lost our son, and my doctor said getting pregnant again was a risk. I could…I could die, and if I survived, I might not be able to carry the baby.”
Casey flinched. “Seriously?”
I nodded.
“I’m sorry, but I have to ask why in the hell you would even consider getting pregnant again.”
“I’ve always wanted a lot of kids. We bought a four bedroom house, and I pictured the kids sharing rooms. I love kids. It’s why I became a teacher.”
Casey nodded, her lips pursed and her brows pulled together. “I still don’t get it. If you get pregnant again and something happens, you still won’t have another child, but you could also die, which means you wouldn’t be around to see those kids. With how many kids out there who need homes, why wouldn’t you adopt if you want more kids?”
I shrugged again. “I loved being pregnant. I love everything about it. And the doctors…well, it’s not a guarantee. I could have a perfectly normal pregnancy with no complications.”
“They told you that?” Casey asked.
I shook my head. “Well, no, but I know that’s how it works. None of this stuff is a hundred percent. And I had Amber without any issues.”
“Um, sometimes that isn’t how it works, though,” Casey said carefully. “There are medical conditions where you can’t get pregnant.”
“My mom was told she couldn’t get pregnant again, then she had my sister,” I argued.
Casey nodded. “Sure, but a lot has changed since then. We learn more every day than we used to learn in a year it seems. And medicine…everything is different now than when we were born. I don’t think the doctors were telling you not to get pregnant because they don’t want you to have children. I think they were telling you because they don’t want you to die.”
I took a breath and tried to hear her, really hear her, but my brain blocked the words I didn’t want to process. So I smiled and nodded and sipped my wine and asked her about Makayla.
Sunday wasn’t much better than Saturday. Amber and I spent the day together, playing outside and being silly. I tried to let it boost my mood, but I couldn’t shake it.
Willow came over late in the afternoon looking like she’d been up all night.
“Well, not all night,” she said with a wink.
I just shook my head. I adored my sister and was jealous of how easily she let her guard down.
“How are you? You look all mopey and weird,” Willow said, taking stock of me.
I shook my head again and avoided meeting her gaze. Willow could always read me. When we were kids, it came in handy to warn the other one about Mom’s moods, but as adults, it was just annoying. Especially when I wanted to hide my thoughts from her.
“I’m fine. Just anxious about this.”
“Then don’t go,” Willow said quickly. She and Finley had never gotten along either, so it didn’t surprise me she wasn’t in favor of me hanging out there. The rest of the women seemed nice enough, but we weren’t friends. It wouldn’t take much for Willow to talk me out of it.
“I told Blake I’d come.”
“You told Blake you’d think about it.”
I sighed. “I don’t feel right blowing her off. She’s been nice to me.”
“I’m always nice to you, and you’re fine blowing me off.”
“That’s because you’re my pesky little sister,” I said with a smile.
Willow stuck her tongue out at me. “How late are you going to be? Do I need to get Amber into bed?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea. Hopefully not, but who knows.”
“Maybe I should call you thirty minutes in and say you need to come home.”
I snorted. “That’s what you do on a bad date.”
Willow blinked. “And?”
“This isn’t a date. It’s just a night out with some new friends.”
“Mmm hmm.”
After we ate dinner, I brushed my hair and swiped on some lipgloss. I hated how women always felt the need to impress each other, but I still fell victim to the trap. It was cold out, so I wore fleece lined leggings and a long sweatshirt. I added a pair of boots and my winter coat and decided it was going to have to be good enough.
“Are you coming back?” Amber asked before I left.
I nodded. “Of course. I don’t know how late, though. If I’m not back before bedtime, Aunt Willow will help you.”
“Can I stay up until you get home?”
“Um, no. You need some sleep. But I’ll be here in the morning.”
Amber nodded and hugged me tight. I’d already warned Willow she’d been extra clingy all weekend. I loved it, but it wasn’t like Amber, which concerned me.
I was still trying to figure out what could be bothering her when I knocked on the door to Book Boyfriends Unlimited. The closed sign was flipped, but lights were on in the back so I hoped Blake wasn’t joking when she said they met there.
After a long moment, Finley appeared. She narrowed her eyes when she saw I was the one on the other side of the door. I pressed my lips into a smile and waved.
Finley unlocked the door and said, “We’re closed. You’re going to need to come back tomorrow.”
“Actually,” I said as she closed the door in my face, “Blake invited me.”
Finley’s eyebrows jerked up. Her lips flattened into a line. She finally stepped back and let me walk in.
It was warm inside her store. I’d never been there before since she was the owner, but it was a cute place. A display near the front proudly displayed book recommended by locals. I recognized some of the covers, but a lot of them were books I didn’t know.
“We’re in the back,” Finley said flatly, leaving me to follow her.
“Who’s here?” her friends asked before I walked into view.
Finley didn’t reply, but I could feel the tension when I turned the corner and saw all of them sitting in a circle. There was a cake plate with a chocolate cake on a coffee table between them. Finley took a seat in an oversized red chair. The others just sat and stared at me.
Except Blake. Thank God for Blake. She jumped up and hugged me like we were the best of friends. She dragged me over to sit with her on the loveseat she’d claimed and smiled.
“I wasn’t sure you were going to come,” Blake said.
I shrugged and looked around. I still had my coat on and held my purse on my lap. Uncomfortable didn’t even begin to describe how I was feeling.
“Take off your coat,” Blake said. “We’re really casual here. And we’re talking about this book. It just came out.”
I nodded and struggled to remove my coat while I was sitting on it. I felt like an animal at the zoo. Or maybe a fish. They all just stared at me, waiting to see what I was going to do next.
“Guys,” Blake hissed, and finally broke their spell.
“You totally should have told us,” Elise said, not bothering to hide her irritation.
“Why?” Blake demanded. “Melody is my friend. And she needs friends. I invited her here because she’s going through some shit, and we’re always going through shit. We all know what it’s like to feel alone. So, I invited her here so for a couple hours, she didn’t feel quite so alone.”
My cheeks burned. I pressed my lips together to keep from saying I was going to just go. Blake stared down her friends, begging each of them to challenge her. I appreciated the show of solidarity, but I wasn’t sure it mattered to a group of people I didn’t know.
“Well, I don’t know what the problem with you being here is, so I’m going to say hi and pretend it’s not all awkward. I’m Trinity,” she said. She waved from her seat across the room. She was beautiful with naturally curly hair and perfect curves.
I said hi and thanked her.
Elise spoke up next. “Did you kiss your husband again?”
I gasped and wondered how in the hell she knew that. “What?”
Elise snorted when she saw my face. Then she smirked and cut a piece of cake. She handed it to me, got one for herself and sat back. “We need details.”
“There are no details,” I said softly.
“Ah, no. That’s not how this works. If we’re going to be friends, you need to spill.” She turned to everyone else and said, “She and Ramsey kissed a couple weeks ago. She was all upset about it because he said something stupid, but she still wants him. And it looks like maybe she got her way.”
“My sister is home with Amber right now, not Ramsey, so I definitely didn’t get my way,” I said.
“You got something,” Elise said, raising an eyebrow in challenge.
I held out as long as I could then sighed. “Fine, yes. We…fooled around the other night. But he left when I couldn’t tell him I don’t want more kids.”
“You don’t?” Blake breathed.
“No, that’s not what I meant. He asked me if I was ready to give up on getting pregnant again, but I didn’t answer him because I’m not.”
Again, the room was quiet.
After a minute, Elise leaned forward. “Can we go back to the ‘fooled around’ part?”
And just like that, the tension in the room broke. Everyone laughed, and I managed to relax just a little bit.
I filled them in on what happened with Ramsey, feeling guilty that I was sharing it with people I barely knew and kept it from my sister. But I knew Willow would be mad. Blake and her friends were excited about it.
“I gotta tell you,” Laura said. “If I had a man I loved as much as you love Ramsey, I would give up anything to be with him.”
The others groaned.
“You have to hold your ground. You can’t let him walk all over you and make demands. A relationship should be a partnership,” Elise said. “Trust me, if it’s not and one person has all the power, it gets ugly.”
I was clearly the only one who didn’t understand all the nuances of what she was saying, but I agreed with her. “My entire relationship with Ramsey has felt like letting him decide everything. I’ve always given in to him.”
“About what?” Blake asked.
I shrugged. “Everything, it seems. From little things, like that we named our daughter, to big things, like where we live, Ramsey’s always been the one in charge.”
“I like it when a man takes charge,” Karissa said. “I spend too many hours a day making decisions, and once in a while, I want someone else to do something.”
“I get that, but if he’s making demands, that’s not healthy,” Elise countered.
“Was it like that?” Blake asked.
I shook my head. “He never made demands, not like that. He just never gave up until I saw things his way. After a few years, I think I stopped forming an opinion and waited for him to tell me what to do.”
“You’re making me really not like your husband, and I don’t even know him,” Trinity said.
“Yes, you do. Ian’s best friend, Ramsey,” Blake said.
Trinity’s eyes went wide, and she flashed me a guilty smile. “Sorry. I kind of hit on him a few weeks ago.”
I shrugged and waved it off, but knowing another woman was flirting with my husband stung. Not because she admitted it, but because he never told me. He didn’t tell me a lot of things. How many other women flirted with him? Did any of them do more than flirt?
We were technically still married, but we were separated, so he could sleep with someone else if he wanted. He could do anything he wanted. And I wouldn’t be able to say a thing about it because if I’d been able to keep my husband happy, he’d still be at home instead of living like a bachelor.
“She’s spiraling,” Finley said.
“No, I’m not. I’m just…”
“Spiraling,” Finley repeated. “It’s okay. We all have our moments. You’re just now realizing that your husband might have slept with someone else. And you’re worried about it. Because you still love him and have hope that you’ll be able to figure it out. You want him back.”
“Well, of course I do! He’s my husband. I’ve loved him almost my entire life. For twenty years, he’s been the man I wanted to grow old with. He’s it for me.” I looked at Karissa. “Even your app paired us together. I know he’s the one for me, but we can’t get over this. I won’t give in again, and he won’t either.”
“You used my app?” Karissa asked.
I nodded.
“And it paired you with Ramsey?”
I nodded again and chewed on my nail.
Karissa grinned. “Nice. I like it.”
“But if we’re supposed to be together, why aren’t we?”
Everyone looked around and avoided me. I felt just as alone as when I walked in until Laura leaned forward and put her hand on mine. “I wonder the same thing all the time.”
“Yeah, but you’re in love with your boss,” Finley said. “She wants to get back together with her husband. It’s a little different.”
“It is,” Laura agreed. “But she’s the kind of person who can give me hope. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Like Romeo and Juliet.”
The others groaned.
“Romeo and Juliet is Laura’s favorite romance, even though it’s not really a romance,” Blake said.
“It’s a tragic love story,” I said. “The Notebook is so much better. They fell in love, but lost each other. Then years later they were able to find each other again and build a life together. It’s still a little tragic, but everyone dies eventually. No love story truly lasts forever. That’s what makes love so perfect. It’s fragile and delicate but life changing when it’s right.”
“And when it’s wrong,” Finley said. “Falling in love with the wrong someone can change you, too. It’s not a good change, but not all change is good.”
“True,” Elise said. “If I’d never met Andy, my life would be very different than it is today.”
Again, I was the only one who didn’t understand. The others nodded, and Karissa grabbed Elise’s hand.
And I realized going there was the best decision I’d made in a long time. I prejudged most of them, but they were amazing people. They cared about each other, and they wanted to find what Ramsey and I had. They loved and lost people, but they were still standing, fighting, striving for the kind of love I shared with my husband.
Which made me wonder if they were right. If there was a way to keep Ramsey in my life, why wouldn’t I do it? Why did having another baby matter more to me than having my husband in my life? Because at the end of the day, did anything really matter if the people we love aren’t there to share our lives?
17
Ramsey
Blake refilled my coffee mug and asked if I was ready to order.
“Yeah, I’ll have the special. And keep the coffee coming. I need it today.”
“Everything okay?” Blake asked. She tucked her pad into her apron and tilted her head.
I didn’t like people knowing what was going on in my world, but Blake wasn’t just anyone. She was going to marry my best friend. “Just Melody.”
“Aw, okay. Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” Her cheeks turned pink before she had a chance to get away.
“Do you know?” I asked.
She shook her head, but the flush darkened. “Know what?”
