Guilty Like Us, page 12
“I don’t know, but I’d like to try.” He cleared his throat, held her gaze. “I took advantage of your kindness, took everything you offered and shared nothing. It was wrong and I’m sorry. Sharing with someone isn’t easy for me.” He did not want to do this, but he had to... “A few years ago, I lost someone I cared about very much. She died of cancer. Her name was Sara. She believed in causes, saving the world, and making her own path. What I didn’t understand until recently was that she couldn’t accept viewpoints that weren’t hers, or a path she didn’t condone. Sara believed she was the one with the right ideas and beliefs and anything contrary to that, was wrong.”
His voice drifted as memories smothered him. “I’d never met anyone like her and at first I thought she was so committed and determined and I wanted to be part of that. I loved her, or I loved the person I thought she was… Or maybe I loved the one I wanted her to be. She hated money, hated those who had money, and I think she probably loved me because I had none.”
Daniel sucked in a breath, focused on Meredith as she studied him, her expression a mix of confusion and uncertainty. “We disagreed on a lot of things, but she had such commitment, whether she was making those damn little necklaces and earrings she loved so much or marching in a protest. I wanted to believe as strongly as she did, to commit to something that was bigger than me, but I didn’t feel it.” He blew out a sigh, dragged a hand through his hair. “I didn’t even believe that strongly in us and that made me feel very guilty. I’ve never admitted that to anyone, but right before she got the cancer diagnosis, we almost split up. It just wasn’t a fit anymore, not when her need to be right overshadowed everything else, including our relationship. I thought couples worked things out when they disagreed. I didn’t think they drew a line and told the other person, if they don’t cross over, then they’re out. What did I know? I’d never been in a full-on relationship in my life and Sara was my first. I did not want to screw that up, but it was exhausting. When she got the diagnosis, I told myself I was all in, and then I told her we’d get through this together, we’d do everything we needed to do to get her well.”
Oh yes, he remembered his words, but he also remembered hers. I know what I need to do, Daniel. I know, and it’s not chemotherapy. I have a plan. I’m going to get better, you’ll see. “She refused chemotherapy, refused all conventional treatments and stopped seeing her doctor. She’d mix up herbs and who knows what else from some online group she belonged to, and ten months later, she died.”
Meredith had moved to stand almost a touch away, and when she spoke, the anger had left her voice. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you.”
“It was a senseless death.” He’d never talked about this before with anyone, not even Ethan. “Sara could have had a chance. If she had tried to get help, she might have made it, but she refused.” He shook his head. “Why would a person do that?”
Meredith placed a hand on his arm, said in a gentle voice, “I’m so sorry.”
“I had a difficult time after she died because in some bizarre way, I felt responsible. And worse, I had to live with the guilt. Should I have tried harder? Should I have insisted? What should I have done? I vowed then that I’d never open myself up to be hurt like that again.” His voice turned hoarse. “Then I met you.”
Her hand fell away and she stepped back, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I’m not a substitute for another woman...especially a dead one.”
Did she think she was a substitute? Did she think he wanted her to be? “You were the last person I wanted to fall for, but you’re the only one I want.” He moved toward her, cupped her face between his hands. “You are no substitute.” Then he lowered his head and devoured her mouth. She tasted like mint and cherries, and he wanted more...
When she moaned, he broke the kiss, his breathing ragged, his brain incapable of formulating an intelligent thought. All he felt was need: white-hot, sizzling, desperate. “I want you. So damn much...but there’re still a lot of questions between us…things you should know…”
She looked up at him, eyes bright, sparkling. “You want me. I want you.” She trailed her tongue along his bottom lip, whispered, “What else is there to know?”
“Meredith.” He brushed his lips against her. “You are so damn beautiful.”
When she held out her hand and led him toward the winding staircase, he followed, capturing kisses as they made their way up the steps, his hands on her body, hers on his. Heaven had come to him in the form of a temptress-angel named Meredith and he did not plan to let her go—ever. When they reached the top of the stairs, he pinned her against the wall, yanked her T-shirt from her jeans, and reached for her zipper. “I want to taste every inch of you.” Then he trailed kisses along her neck, sucked the soft spot behind her ear. She moaned, buried her fingers in his hair. “Your bedroom,” he rasped. “Where is it?”
She pointed down the hall, clasped his hand, and led him to the third room on the right. The glow from a small table lamp cast the room in shadow: the queen-sized bed with the burgundy-striped comforter, the matching draperies, the dark wood of the dressers. His gaze slid back to the bed, then to Meredith.
He smiled.
She leaned on tiptoe, kissed him. “I love the way you taste.”
“Then taste me,” he murmured, sliding his hands under her T-shirt to unclasp her bra. He ran a finger along the zipper of her jeans, heard the sharp intake of breath. “Let’s go to bed.” The damn bed was four feet away but he wanted her so bad, it seemed like four miles. If this weren’t their first time, he’d ease her to the floor and bury himself deep inside her sweetness. But he’d save that for the next time...or the time after that. As she stepped back in the direction of the bed, he followed, unwilling and unable to let go.
Daniel sat on the edge of the bed, lifted her T-shirt, and removed her bra. Her breasts were small, her nipples a dusky rose. He placed a soft kiss on each nipple. “Perfect,” he murmured as he cupped her breasts, stroked the supple flesh. He looked up and caught her studying him, eyes bright, mouth parted. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
Her smile filled him with pleasure, made him want her even more. “I’m sorry, too,” she said, leaning forward to place a trail of kisses along his jaw. “Sorry I didn’t trust you.”
Guilt jabbed his temple but he snuffed it out. This was real, this meant something, the rest would come later and they’d get through it because this was destiny. When her kisses reached his mouth, they turned from gentle to fierce, demanding: tongue to tongue, teeth to teeth. Pure need. Daniel unzipped her jeans, slid them down her legs and helped her out of them. Pure heaven. When she gripped his shoulders and climbed onto the bed, she straddled him, rubbed her body against his. Slow and sweet and so damn seductive. “You’re still wearing your clothes,” she murmured against his neck. “What are we going to do about that?”
He had a few ideas, all beginning and ending with getting naked. “Meredith… Are you sure?” His conscience forced out the question one last time...
She sat up, legs still straddling him, and smiled. “Am I sure I want you? I can’t think of anything but you.” Her voice cracked, wavered. “I can’t think of anything but this.”
Seconds later, her panties landed across the room, followed by his T-shirt, jeans, boxers... When he lifted her onto him, was it her moan or his that filled the room? His gasp or hers? They moved together, slow and easy, then faster, harder, out of control—ready to burst. Daniel flipped her over, buried himself deep inside as she clung to him, legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull him closer. Passion, need, pleasure, heat—it was all there, all too much, spinning, reaching, wanting until they both exploded with a string of moans and sighs.
After, he would wonder if the universe had known something he hadn’t when he’d called meeting Meredith destiny. At the time, it had been a convenient line to get what he wanted, but maybe it had always been about a lot more than them. Maybe it had been about destiny: their destiny. He’d never believed in the universe lining up to create the perfect situation or the perfect moment. But he did now. Yes, he absolutely did, because when he was with Meredith, she made him want to share his heart, his soul, his world. This was peace. This was joy. This was love.
“Daniel?”
She lay tucked against him, her head on his chest, his arm around her waist. “Hmm?”
“Thank you… That was…”
He pulled her closer, smiled into the darkness. “I know. I thought so, too.”
They made love twice more, the second time a more leisurely path of exploration filled with more sighs, more gasps. A hell of a lot of pleasure. This time, they were actually in bed, under the covers, moving together, a blend of hard and soft, need and desire. Their releases were deep and slow but just as powerful, just as consuming. He woke in the pre-dawn hours to Meredith touching him, her body pressed against his, warm and inviting. How could he refuse such an irresistible invitation? They made love again and as he drifted off to sleep, he realized he couldn’t let her go—ever.
Chapter 18
Meredith rolled over, reached toward the empty pillow beside her. Daniel had left a few hours ago, telling her he wanted to get home before his parents woke up. He’d given her a boyish smile, trailed his fingers along her naked skin, and said, “I’ve got a 50-50 chance to get back before they wake up, but I like my odds.” Then his expression had turned serious. “I don’t want people talking, so maybe next time we’ll figure out a different plan.”
Next time. Oh, but she loved the sound of that. She missed him already, missed sleeping next to him, the sound of his breathing providing a rhythmic calm. After the episode in the woods yesterday, she’d never imagined this was how they’d end up. Last night had been magical, all-consuming, beautiful.
She couldn’t wait to see him again—in and out of bed. There was so much they had to talk about, so much to share. He’d been so brave to tell her about Sara, the woman who broken his heart. If that had been Meredith, she’d have done everything necessary to get better and have a life with Daniel. The truth was, she would do anything for him. Sleeping together had definitely changed things, made her more vulnerable, maybe made him more vulnerable, too. Last night had been about so much more than sex. It had been a joining of mind, body, and spirit, and she’d never felt that way with anyone.
This was a new part of their relationship, one to be guarded and cherished and not shared until they were both ready. Tate would have his comments and they wouldn’t be kind. He’s after your money. He’s after your generosity. He already knows you’re too soft...an easy target. He wants all of it and you’ll never see it coming. Did her brother really believe Daniel wouldn’t simply want her for who she was?
Nicki would understand. She and Jameson hadn’t exactly been the ideal match when they first got together. And when Nicki learned he’d been engaged to Giselle Robard, the woman who trounced on Nicki’s career? Oh, it had been bad, but look how that turned out? Could a couple be any happier? Doubtful. Nicki wouldn’t judge when Meredith shared her feelings for Daniel.
Of course, Vanessa was a definite no for many reasons. They might be good friends, but she didn’t understand what it was like to care about someone in an all-in-no-matter-what-it-took kind of commitment. When Meredith’s cell phone rang a short while later, she was still thinking about Daniel and words like magical, all-consuming, beautiful... She grabbed her phone, looked at the caller ID. Vanessa. “Hey, how are you?”
“Where have you been?” Irritation and worry snaked through the line. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you since late yesterday.”
Well, she could share that she’d been in no mood to speak with anyone because Daniel had put her in that mood… And she could also confess that he’d gotten her out of that mood and into something else…like a bed. And pleasure. White-hot. Sweaty. Soul-grabbing.
“Meredith? Is everything okay?”
Perfect. Everything was absolutely perfect. “Sure, great.”
“You sound like you just woke up. It’s 10:40 a.m.” A pause, followed by a curious “Did you just wake up?”
“No. Of course not.” Meredith dragged a hand through her hair, sat up in bed. Naked. Satisfied. “I’ve been up for hours… Still trying to get used to the schedule… It’s not the time difference because an hour isn’t so much. It’s the pace. My aunt’s on a trip and the house is pretty quiet. I’ve been binge-watching a new series, thinking about the next line of headbands.”
“You have?” Excitement thrummed in Vanessa’s voice. “Oh, I like the sound of that. Tell me, what’s the plan?”
Goes to show why a person should never plunk a lie in the middle of another one. She had definitely not been binge watching anything unless the binge-watching was focused on Daniel’s toned and muscled body. As for the headband line? Hardly. However, she did feel invigorated and ready to sit down and start planning. “I need a little more time before I share, but soon.”
“Just don’t spend too much time with you-know-who. I still don’t understand why you felt the need to accompany him on that trip. It’s not like he’s a child who needed his mother with him.”
No, Daniel was definitely not a child and she was absolutely not his mother. Partner? Maybe. Time together would tell. She pushed aside images of Daniel covering her body, said, “I know that, but I felt sort of bad skipping out on my brother last time. We’re close and we miss each other. It’s a good time to reconnect.” Vanessa wouldn’t understand about family because she never talked about hers, said she didn’t have any, none that counted. But Meredith did. She had Tate and Neal, wherever he was. And hopefully, by default, she would have the Donovans. Her father, she didn’t want.
“Right.” Pause and a doubtful “You missed your brother.”
“Exactly.” Of course, she missed Tate, she always missed him, but that wasn’t the reason she’d returned to Reunion Gap.
“Okay then, so I called yesterday to tell you we have four applications that look pretty promising. I’m not sure how many people you want to take on, but two of these look like really solid possibilities.”
They’d talked about adding two new prospects per quarter, keeping the numbers light because they wanted to devote enough time to each. If there were two very qualified candidates, then Daniel made three. Not that she’d actually gotten him to agree to accept their help—in fact, he’d seemed pretty against it—but she wanted to leave a slot open until she talked to him about it. And they had to talk about it because life wasn’t built in and around a bed. Or wherever else they might land. He’d had a few thoughts last night that included the floor, the shower, his favorite spot in the woods… Meredith shivered. Yes please, to all three.
“When do you think you’ll be coming back? I know you said it was open, but I don’t like the idea of you being there alone with him.”
Him meaning Daniel. “For heaven’s sake, Vanessa, he’s not a monster.”
“Who is he, Meredith? I’m not sure and I can’t seem to find out no matter how many different ways I search. It’s like the man has no Internet presence. Now how can that be?”
When Vanessa asked questions like that, it usually meant she had an idea, maybe even had an answer and she wanted Meredith to inquire. “Okay, I’ll bite. How can it be?”
“He’s had someone erase his presence. All gone. As if he didn’t exist.”
“Are you serious?” Her laugh spilled through the line. “You think he’s had his online presence erased? He sleeps on his friend’s couch. I doubt he had money for the kind of serious technology required to do that.”
A huff of impatience, followed by the air of superiority Vanessa used when she was certain she was right. “Nothing else makes sense. Nothing. What I can’t figure out is why he’d do it, unless…”
“Unless?” For someone who didn’t believe in drama, Vanessa certainly could be dramatic.
“Unless he isn’t who he says he is.”
Daniel knew all about being an overprotective brother. Hadn’t he gotten between his sister and a few long-haired hot-rod types Rachel called “boyfriends”? Yeah, they were punk-ass kids who thought it was cute to call their “woman” names like Babe, Sugar, Hot Stuff. Maybe a sixteen-year old girl bought into that phraseology, but older brothers didn’t, especially when the names accompanied a whistle or a hand gesture.
He’d been nineteen and had just finished mowing the lawn when the 1969 GTO zoomed up the drive, revved the 400 cubic-inch engine. A lanky kid with frizzy hair stuffed under a ball cap stepped out, wearing jeans and a heavy-metal T-shirt. He eyed Daniel, nodded, and began to brush the dust off the hood of his car.
The screen door opened and Rachel appeared, wide-eyed innocence in a pink and white sundress with sparkly sandals and a big smile for frizz head. She tried to ignore Daniel but he cut across the lawn and intercepted her attempt to get in the car with a few questions.
Who’s the guy?
Where are you going?
Who else is going?
What time’s your curfew?
He would have asked those questions even if his parents weren’t in Atlantic City for the weekend. But they were gone and he was in charge of Rachel’s whereabouts and keeping her safe. Rachel turned sixty-two shades of red and stumbled around for answers. Frizz head stared him down, started tossing out F-words and said it was nobody’s business. Followed by another string of F-bombs.
Daniel turned to his sister, told her to go into the house. No arguments, no backpedaling, nothing but bright eyes and a trembling bottom lip that told him the tears were coming—tsunami style. Fine. He’d take that over this guy trying to hook up with his sister.
Hey, man, what’s with you?
Get out. Don’t come near my sister again.
That’s her call.
No. He’d moved to the other side of the car, balled his hands into fists. It’s my call.
