Trusted Bond, page 6
“I would have taken it,” he told me. “You know that.”
To remain a member of my tribe, I was certain that my best friend would do anything. “Never happen,” I assured him. “Not to you, not while I’m still breathing.”
“I deserve it for putting my fight with Markel before your welfare.”
“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?”
“Like I said, I deserve it. But for now, my punishment, along with Markel’s, is that we stay here and watch over everything together until you all get back.”
I let out a breath, resigned to Logan’s decision. Crane lifted up off me slowly. “What’s with you? Why’re you even in here when Logan’s home? Didn’t you miss him?”
“That’s not—”
“What’s going on with you guys? You were so happy.”
“I was happy—I am happy, I just… I think it all just sank in. It was fast, so fast. I think we both got caught up in the whole mate thing and didn’t even think.”
“Are you kidding? All you do is think. You think until you make yourself sick. I bet you went over and over and over it.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You’re exhausting.”
“We should have dated… we’re nothing alike.”
“Yeah, I know,” he said, sliding a hand into my hair, gently massaging my scalp. “But that’s part of the fun, isn’t it? That’s part of the whole strong semel and gentle reah, isn’t it? The whole yin/yang thing, am I right?”
I groaned.
“You ought to explain it to Domin and Koren.”
“What?” I muttered, not lifting my head, content with the heat of his body against my side from shoulder to thigh, feeling like I was slowly sinking down into the bed. “I think the problem with those guys is that Domin thinks Koren wants to dominate him, and the truth is that Koren wants Domin to tie him up like he did before and fuck him.”
Wait. I rolled over on my back and looked up at him. “I’m sorry, what?”
His wicked smile made his sapphire eyes dance. “See, you’ve been too busy to even dish the dirt with. What the fuck?”
“And what about you and Delphine?” I asked, because that was more important to me. He grunted before returning to killing people with a machine gun. “She likes the whole poor tortured artist bullshit, and you know that ain’t me. Whatcha see is whatcha get—I ain’t deep, and I make no apologies for that. You, Saint Jin, are deep enough for all of us put—”
“What’d you just—”
His cackle cut me off. “It’s what Domin calls you. That shit is funny.”
“What’re you talking about?”
He laughed at me. “Domin does this killer impression of you”—he furrowed his brows, and when he spoke, his voice was high and whiny—“oh no, Logan I can’t be your reah, what would that do to your life and your tribe?”
I squinted at him.
He waggled his eyebrows.
“What the fuck was that?”
“That was you.” He grinned then shrugged. “Well, Domin’s impression of you.”
“Since when do I have an English accent?”
“It’s funnier that way.”
I could have done without the back of his hand on his forehead and his bated breath. “Fuck you, and fuck Domin Thorne, and fuck—”
“Calm down,” he said, laughing at me again. “It’s funny as hell… Saint Jin. I thought Delphine was gonna pee herself, and Russ fell off the couch. You know Domin is sarcastic as hell and quick—fuck. I thought he was a dick at first when he was trying to kill you and all, but he’s fuckin’ hilarious, and he has you down pat.”
“You’re supposed to defend me.”
“You’re such a douche.”
“So Domin thinks I’m some kinda drama queen?”
“You are some kind of drama queen and a douche,” he reminded me, “and pain in the ass, and you wanna have everything be perfect all the damn time.”
“And?”
“And you know the rest,” he said, his eyes on mine. He didn’t have to give me the words; there were too many years between us for me to doubt his feelings. “Between us, you know how it is, right?”
I let out a deep breath. “Yeah, I know.”
“So what’s the truth, Jin?”
I just stared up at his profile now that he had turned back to killing the minions of Columbian drug lords. “I love Logan.”
“I know that.”
“But I worry that he just loves me because I’m his reah.”
After a minute, he looked down at me, and his expression, along with the way he was squinting, made me groan. “Again with this bullshit?”
“C’mon, Crane.”
“‘C’mon, Crane’ nothing—fuck you and fuck this crap.”
“But—”
“He just loves you ’cause you’re his reah?”
I growled at him. “Why does it matter why he loves you?” “Crane—”
“I’m serious. Who the fuck cares why he loves you? The important thing is that he does. People get stuck in elevators and fall in love, people work side by side every day and fall in love, people go down on planes together and fall in love, it doesn’t matter what brought you together, now you just gotta see where it goes.”
“He wants me to think of him first when I get hurt or I’m happy or whatever the case may be. He wants to be first on the list.”
“Before me—I get it. If I was him, I’d want the same thing. I wanted it from Delphine, and she wants her person to be Markel. It’s how it is. You’re very lucky to have someone who wants it all from you. I wish I had that.”
“Shit.”
“You’re such an idiot.”
I had no rebuttal.
“And so?”
I yawned loudly. “I’ll think about what you said, but now tell me about Koren and Domin. What the hell are you talking about—who tied who up?”
“What are we, girlfriends?”
“Just tell me.”
“Asshole,” he said with a smile, enjoying being the one who had the dirt. “According to Ivan, who was the man’s sylvan, as you recall, when Domin kidnapped Koren last year, he tied him up and did bad things to him.”
“Bullshit. Koren’s way too strong if it’s one-on-one, him against Domin.”
“Did I say that the things were done without permission?”
It took me a second because I was tired. “Oh shit,” I breathed out.
“‘Oh shit’ is right,” he said, laughing softly. “I guess your boy Domin, for all his big-ass talk, has never actually done anything to anyone without permission. The man likes to be in control, but not without willing participants.”
Which made sense; I could see Domin Thorne getting off on having a big strong man submit to him willingly. “As you recall, Koren told everyone he was tortured,” Crane reminded me. “And I bet it was after the fact. Imagine what it must be like in Koren’s head? Here you are, a totally straight, totally alpha-type man, and then along comes this guy who gets in your blood so fast and makes you so hot that you agree to bottom for him? Christ, how do you even attempt to rationalize your feel—”
“Bottom… really?” Crane whined. “You had to go there?”
I snorted out a laugh at the look of pain on the man’s face. “Seriously—there’s a limit, ya know? Jesus, Jin.”
“I’m just saying—and I’m sorry to have offended your delicate sensibilities, but seriously, I figured Koren for a top.”
“Because Logan is.”
I shot him a look. “What?”
“That comment right there—that’s why our conversations get weird.”
“Shit, I’m just sayin’—I think that Domin is making a mistake. He thinks that because Koren is Logan’s brother, he didn’t enjoy what was done to him, and so he’s been waitin’ around for Koren to make the first move while the whole time, Koren just wants Domin to take charge again, since he so obviously got off on it the first time.”
“How do you know Koren liked it?”
“Ivan said that the screaming he heard was not the pain kind and that when he finally went into the bedroom, Domin, not his prisoner, was passed out on the bed, and Koren was sittin’ there just pettin’ him.”
“Domin let Koren pet him?”
“Ivan says that Domin was too far gone to allow or not allow anything.”
“Jesus.”
He shrugged broad shoulders. “I think Koren really likes not being the guy in control or in charge and he wants Domin to just be that guy, and instead, for whatever reason, Domin’s waitin’ on Koren to take him. They’re both fucked up.”
“And so what?”
“I think that you, as the reah of the tribe, need to sit them down and fix it up between them. Tell them what’s what.”
“Which I’m sure will go over great with Logan and Koren’s father.”
“Oh, I didn’t even think about that, that is funny,” Crane cracked a wide grin. “Since you became reah of the tribe, not one but two of the man’s sons are gay.”
I smirked at him. “Yeah, it’s great.”
He snorted out a laugh. “You can’t make anybody gay, Jin. They either are or they’re not.”
“Oh no? Before Logan met me, he was straight.”
“Maybe, and maybe, like Koren, he just hadn’t found the right guy yet.”
“So it stands to reason that maybe there’s the perfect guy out there for you.”
“Or not.” He scowled at me. “I know you don’t get it, but some guys actually like sleeping with girls.”
I smiled at him.
“Listen, just do what I say and have a talk with Koren and Domin before they do something stupid and one of ’em leaves.”
“Why not you?”
“I ain’t you. Nobody listens to me.”
I was quiet, absorbing everything he’d said. “I think you tell Domin to jump Koren’s bones and go from there.”
“You’re like an advice column all of a sudden.”
“Screw you; get the hell outta my room.”
But I had no intention of moving. “I should know all this.”
“Yeah, ya should, but you’re so freaked out about being Logan’s reah and what does that mean that you’re missing where you’re actually needed.”
I grunted. “Saint Jin of Perpetual Sorrow,” he teased me. “What?” “It’s what Domin calls you.”
“I hate him,” I sighed.
“I know,” he said, bumping me with his knee.
“I’ll miss seeing you every day.”
He pushed my thick hair out of my face, his fingers threading through the length of it without even realizing what he was doing. It was long, too long, falling now to the middle of my back. I left it alone because of Logan—he liked to bury his face in it, let it slide over his bare skin, tangle his hands in it and pull. I watched Crane twirl it through his fingers over and over. “Crane?”
“I’ll miss you too, but it’s for the best. I’m going crazy living up here, Jin—I need my own place, my own everything.”
“You must’ve already discussed this with Logan—he knows you’re going?”
“Yeah, he thought it was because of Delphine,” he said, knotting his hand in my hair, and I felt the tug on my scalp. There was a part of Crane, a very small part, that thought of me as his, and sometimes, in subtle ways that most people missed, he showed it. His hand fisted in my hair, he flexed his grip, and I breathed out my primal response to his dominance. I belonged to my semel, but Crane was my best friend, and so a piece of me would always be his. Every now and then, he reminded me. When he opened his hand, my hair fell out of his grip, running like water over his palm. “Logan should talk to the semel in Vegas, whoever that is, and make sure he understands about you living there even though you’re not going to join his tribe.”
He smirked at me. “I am still your beset, idiot. I will never leave your tribe, and I ain’t goin’ anywhere until you get back from the feast. You don’t hafta help me move ’til then.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “You really are stupid.”
“This is not news,” I said as I rolled back over on my stomach.
“Jin,” he began, and I felt his hand slide between my shoulder blades again.
“I don’t want Logan to hurt anyone because of me,” I interrupted him. “You can’t ask your semel to forgive an attack on his mate,” he said softly. “That’s not right, Jin, and you know it.”
“Is Markel in trouble too, or just you?”
“Oh, we’re both in shit up to our eyeballs. We’re both confined to the grounds except for work until you get back.”
“Which means lots of quality bonding time with Markel.”
“It’ll probably kill me.”
The two of us were silent for long minutes.
“Jin?”
I grunted.
“Can I see?”
“Why?”
“Because I should.”
I shrugged even though I was lying down. Whatever he wanted. He lifted my shirt, and I sighed as his hands traced all the wounds on my back and sides.
“It’s healing.”
“Yuri’s gonna kill them all.”
“Don’t say shit like that, it doesn’t help.”
He eased my shirt back down, and a minute later I felt him press close as he resumed playing his game. It was comfortable, and after a week of dealing with being brutalized, no sleep, and, when I did sleep, nightmares, I needed normal and familiar. I fell asleep fast and woke up hours later in the dark. Crane was passed out beside me on his back, the controller still in his right hand. I moved it out of harm’s way, rolled off of his bed, and hit the power button on his game system and the TV as I moved by them.
Slipping into my own bedroom minutes later, I could make out Logan stretched out on his back in only a pair of sleep shorts on his side of the bed. He looked good lying there, and I stood over him, enjoying just seeing the man.
“Where were you?” he asked softly without opening his eyes.
“Go back to sleep,” I told him, ready to move away from his side of the bed. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
His hand lifted fast, the fingers wrapping tight around my wrist. “Where were you?”
“I had to talk to Crane.”
“Of course you did,” he said, but he didn’t let me go.
“He’s moving to Vegas when we come back from the feast.”
“What?” His eyes opened and sparkled when they caught the faint trace of light, looking like black pools in the darkness. “He told you?”
“Yeah, he’s going away,” I sighed, putting my hand over his on my wrist, stroking over his skin lazily. “And it’s gonna be all right.”
“Is it?”
“Yes, sir.” I smiled down at him. “Jin.” He said my name like he was dying.
“Listen,” I sighed, bending to rub my chin over his hand before I pulled gently away, walking around the bed to the left side. “I know you think you wanna be my whole life, but do you have any idea how suffocating and smothering that would be?”
“Try me.”
I smiled in the dark as he sat up, and I collapsed down onto my side. “I want to matter most, Jin.”
“But you already do.”
“Jin—”
“Logan… everyone in my life, Crane, Yuri, Mikhail, Delphine, your folks, even Koren and Domin, offers a piece that I need, but you… you make all of it work. You’re my home, and that’s what you’re not getting. Without you—nothing works.”
He moved closer to me, and I felt the heat rolling off his powerful frame of hard, toned muscle. “I just—I worry that you’ll wake up one morning and realize that I’m not what you want, but every day my trust gets stronger just because of how you are with me. We just need more time to work things out between us,” I finished, turning to look at him. “Maybe we should date.”
His laughter was deep, rich, and blanketed me in warmth. “Logan, are you—”
“What’d you do, rehearse that?”
“I’m sorry?”
“What the hell am I gonna do with you?”
“No,” I almost whined, tired and hurt and not at all ready to fight with him a second more. “Just lis—”
“Love,” he said, exhaling, “we’re not gonna date.” He chuckled.
“Why?” “Because you’re already my whole life.”
“Logan—”
“Can I just tell you that there is no one else in my life that makes me happy just to look at even though you give me so much crap?” he said, his fingers tracing the curve of my face. “I mean, Christ—just you not being here when I got home tonight nearly killed me.”
I turned away because I didn’t want him to see my tears. But when the light on his nightstand flipped on, I rolled my head back to look at him. “All my life I’d had everything I wanted, I’ve had everything my way but you…. I swear to God, fighting with you will keep me young.”
What could I say? “Do you have any idea how frustrating you are?”
He was ignoring the fact that I had tears welling up in my eyes, trying to divert my thoughts to tangling with him instead. It was really very thoughtful. “You drive me crazy, and everybody I know—my family, all my friends, the whole tribe, for crissakes—everyone thinks that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
I swallowed hard.
“Because when you’re around, I’m a better man.”
The way he was looking at me, the love I saw there, it was overwhelming. “And you make everything fun.”
I smiled through my tears.
“Hell, just getting groceries with you is an adventure. I mean—no one needs four kinds of cereal.”
I rolled sideways into him, hooking my right arm around his neck, hugging him tight. “And don’t gimme that crap that you’re buying it for everyone; you buy it for you.” He snickered, giving me a zerbert on the neck and causing goose bumps. I squirmed closer, and he clutched me to him, sitting up and then leaning back against the headboard, lifting me into his lap, yanking me forward so I was straddling his thighs. He was so strong, my slight weight was of no consequence to him. “What?” He smiled warmly, his eyes molten gold.
