A Dangerous Land, page 10
“You think you’re so clever,” Tom said, head tilting to the side. “A Kanaka who thinks he’s white. Well, think again, boi, because you’re not.”
“That’s enough, lads,” Mr McKenzie interrupted, voice firm. “Your father would be ashamed of your behaviour, especially in a time like this. I’ve agreed Tom can go with the injured men, while Daniel will come with me to Wau. If there are any planes left up there, I’ll need a good pilot to fly them out.”
Daniel glared at Tom for another moment before turning on his heel and storming off, not even bothering to relish the compliment Mr McKenzie had paid him.
* * *
“There you are,” Amelia said as she walked up behind Daniel. He was at the edge of the village, fiddling with the packs of stores that would see Amelia and the injured men through the next several weeks as they made their way up the Morobean coast to Buna. It was harsh territory: croc- and mosquito-infested swamplands with long stretches of exposed beach. The group would have to be mindful of not only the elements, but also the threat of Japanese planes flying overhead, especially when they didn’t have the jungle for protection. He wanted to make sure she had everything she needed to make the trip as comfortable as possible, though didn’t know why he was even bothering, since she had Tom to look after her.
Looking over his shoulder, he offered a half smile. “Here I am,” he said as he shoved a raincoat into the pack.
She hovered next to him, biting her fingernails. Daniel opened his mouth, but wasn’t entirely sure what to say. Amelia shifted on her feet, glancing over her shoulder, before finally taking a seat on a patch of grass opposite him. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them, biting on her lip as she spun a blade of grass between her fingers. A symphony of insects hummed, the only noise between the two of them. She cleared her throat, as if she was going to speak, but no words came.
“I guess we better say goodbye,” Daniel finally offered, trying to break the pulsating tension.
“I’m surprised you want to,” Amelia muttered, gaze still set on the grass.
Daniel tensed. “Why would you say that? Look at the lengths I went to before the raid.”
Amelia looked up. “The lengths you went to? I ran away from my parents so I could see you. Look how much good that’s done me now.”
“You couldn’t have known what was going to happen.”
“No. But I still risked it. You can hardly say the same.”
Daniel flinched, skin tightening. Does she know?
“Why didn’t you tell me my father offered you a place in the NGVR in return for ending things with me?”
She does. Daniel looked away. “I’m sorry, Meels. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.”
The silence between them stretched on again, the lack of words screeching in Daniel’s ear, like fingernails scraping a chalkboard. He wanted to offer an explanation, to help her understand why he’d betrayed her, but everything he could think of fell short.
“Right, then. I guess I’d better go,” Amelia said as she stood.
Daniel swallowed, throat choking as he tried to think of suitable words. Were they really going to leave it like this? Amelia stared at him, eyes pleading, desperate for recognition of her pain, but he didn’t know how to express himself; his thoughts were muddled. She offered a slow nod – as if she understood that nothing was coming from Daniel’s pathetic mouth – and turned to leave.
“You know …” she said, stopping short. “I don’t regret what happened before the raid. Everything we shared leading up to it, and what … what we did in the hut.” She paused, as if she was remembering that moment, before saying, “But something changed in me when those Zeros swooped in. A realisation of how selfish I’d been. My parents don’t deserve that. No matter how awful my mother can be, she deserves for her daughter to respect her enough to leave when she’s asked. And my father definitely didn’t deserve to worry about whether I’d been killed or not, and certainly doesn’t deserve the stress I’ve now added to the situation. I … I’m lucky he’s even alive.” Her voice choked on the last word.
Daniel rose, ready to comfort her, but she stopped him by adding, “I love you, Daniel. I always have. I was ready to do anything to preserve that love, to fight until the end to give it a chance. But I’m not so sure anymore. There’s too much uncertainty, not only with the war, but with how you feel about me.”
He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to leave things this way, but he couldn’t find the words to change it. She was right. He’d betrayed her when it mattered most. There was so much uncertainty – not just because of the war, but with Daniel himself. How could he be there for her when he didn’t even know how to be there for himself? “Amelia—”
She put her hand up. “Don’t. It’s easier this way.”
And with that she walked off, turning her back on Daniel, just like everyone else in his life had done.
13
Amelia
Amelia swallowed back the tears, determined not to let Daniel see her cry. It’s easier this way. She had to keep telling herself that. It’s easier. Daniel betrayed her. She’d sacrificed it all for him, for a chance at a life together, a chance of a future – and he’d thrown it all back in her face. He’d been so willing to fight for his country, and yet he couldn’t even muster a few words to fight for her. She could no longer trust him. Her father was right. A life together would be challenging. War was here. The Japanese were coming. Her life was in danger.
And still … it felt as if she’d made the biggest mistake of her life. But she had to hold firm, so she kept her goodbye with her father brief, inhaling the familiar scent of her childhood as she imprinted every line of his face into her memory, telling herself over and over again this wouldn’t be the last time. She did the same with Silas, fully embracing the little man, no longer caring who was watching, before gathering her pack and falling in step with the group as they marched out of Butu. Evelyn was by her side, the only saving grace in this entire mess.
They trekked up an old goat trail, and the rain fired up again with a vengeance, the downpour a mirror to Amelia’s mood. Her boots were sucked off her feet several times, but she hardly cared, her heart the only thing she could feel. She stumbled, thankful for the group of locals from Butu who’d volunteered to help, carrying the stores and the sick men on old pinnaces while helping Amelia and the others with their footing in the mud. Tom was being carried in a pinnace, one arm resting behind his head and his Akubra hat tipped forward over his eyes, while his thin lips were turned slightly upwards. She shook her head. Did Tom really have the audacity to make these men carry him the entire way? But with no energy left to fight, she let it go. The events of the past twenty-four hours had changed everything. All she could do now was look forward and continue to put one muddy boot in front of the other as she walked further away from everything she’d ever known, praying she’d be lucky enough to get out of this alive.
* * *
Amelia dumped her pack on the ground and slumped down next to a tree. Her mud-slicked limbs ached along with her broken heart. They’d been walking for several hours, trudging through mud as thick as cassava. She was thankful when Melrose made the call to rest at Laukanu – a village five miles east of Salamaua – before they were to journey around the point on canoes. From there they’d hike again until nightfall. Amelia closed her eyes, focusing on the cacophony of jungle sounds echoing off the trees – anything to distract her from the look on Daniel’s face when she’d refused to say goodbye – until the citrusy smell of Earl Grey brewing pulled her back to the present. She opened her eyes to see Evelyn standing above her with a cup of tea.
“Drink this,” Evelyn said as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. “A cup of tea makes everything better.”
Amelia accepted, her body relaxing as the tea coursed down her throat.
“We need to rebandage the men before we carry on,” Evelyn said. “It’s important we to keep their wounds clean, or they’ll risk infection.”
Amelia exhaled and savoured the final sip before standing up. “Righto. Where would you like me first?”
“Start with the men with the ulcers.”
Amelia fished her medical kit out of her pack. She worked through a dozen or so men, dousing their wounds with iodine and wrapping them in fresh bandages. They were in fine spirits, thankful for Amelia’s care, which helped to brighten her mood. There was comfort in providing comfort. She was finishing up on the last of the men when Tom came out of nowhere.
“Aren’t you going to tend to me?” he said. That ridiculous smile of his was plastered across his face, and not a smudge of mud across his all-white attire.
Amelia swatted a fly away. “You look alright to me—”
“My ankle is killing me.”
Amelia glanced at his foot. Tom suddenly winced as if he was in pain. She bit her tongue while pulling out a roll of bandage, then squatted to inspect his foot. She gently removed his boot and sock and checked for swelling, digging her fingers into his flesh to see if he’d react, but all he could do was smile down at her.
She stood up and said, “I’d better check in with Evelyn before we leave.”
She glanced over his shoulder towards the village that was nestled in between the palm trees lining the black-sand beaches. Several locals were helping to pack the canoes, loading the pinnaces up with the supplies they’d carried from Salamaua and the men who were too sick to sit. Children splashed in the waves, completely unaware of the world around them, their bouts of laughter comforting. There would always be innocence.
Amelia offered Tom a half smile as she stepped past him, her mother’s standards so ingrained in her she couldn’t help it, but a loud whooshing stopped her cold. She looked up, searching for the plane that had made the noise, hopeful it was the Aussies out on reconnaissance. Her stomach seized. It was a large gunmetal-grey plane with red emblems emblazoned on the belly. The Japanese, back for more. Amelia stumbled backwards, tripping over Tom into the mud, where she cowered like a turtle in its shell. She pressed her hands to her ears, heartbeat thrashing, the plane no longer audible, only the distant sound of her name being called. A name she no longer wanted, a person she no longer cared to be. It wasn’t until several minutes later – or hours; she wasn’t sure – that the thrashing stopped. She peeked out of her shell to discover she was in Tom’s arms.
“It’s alright, Meels. They’re gone,” he said as he stroked her back.
She was suddenly aware of his skin against hers, the heat of his breath.
She stiffened. “What was it?”
“Just the Japs surveying the area. They kept going up the coast.”
“Are you sure?” She looked around as if she was expecting the Japanese to jump out of the bushes. But all she could see was the injured men she’d tended to earlier being loaded onto the canoes.
“Of course I am,” Tom replied matter-of-factly and pulled her closer to his chest. He pressed his nose into her hair and inhaled, causing Amelia to flinch.
She pulled away. “We’d better get to it then, if we want to get past the point before nightfall. We’re lucky we weren’t out there when they flew past.” She walked towards the pinnaces, not daring to give Tom a second look, to give him any ideas; her willingness to take comfort in the arms of the first man she fell in was a worry.
* * *
Sweat seeped from every crevice as the sun singed Amelia’s skin. The canoe spliced through the water that glimmered like an aquamarine. What she would give to jump into the ocean, to wash the sticky, pungent aroma from her body. They were moving at a snail’s pace, the local who was paddling taking his time to guide Amelia and Evelyn around the point safely. No one was ever in a rush in New Guinea … even with the threat of the Japanese flying overhead at any minute, the locals would always take their time. Amelia’s stomach roiled, the meagre lunch they’d had before they left threatening to expel itself. She turned her head to watch the trail of canoes and pinnaces behind them, like a mother duck leading her ducklings along – ducklings that were more like sitting ducks out here.
Amelia glanced back at Evelyn, whose face was tipped towards the sun.
“Do you think we’re foolish for not going with Dad?” Amelia asked.
Evelyn opened her eyes, a soft shade of hazel staring back at Amelia. She found it incredible that the three sisters all had such different features.
“We didn’t have a choice,” Evelyn replied with a smile. “These men need us.” Evelyn’s smile wasn’t as reassuring as usual. It wavered, like Daniel’s love.
“But what if the Japanese catch us?”
“We can’t think like that.”
“Still … aren’t you scared?”
Evelyn took a moment to answer. “I’ve learned that nurses don’t have that luxury. We must remain calm. The injured already have so much to contend with. As hard as it can be, we must be strong for them.”
Amelia nodded, wondering how she could ever muster that sort of strength. She was not the reassuring type and found it very difficult to control her emotions; she was always the first to fire up, her father’s Scottish blood flowing freely through her veins. She only had to look at how easy it was to get angry with Daniel to know she could be quick to react. Now that they were miles apart, separated by mountains, jungle and seas, she wondered if perhaps she had overreacted.
“Ev,” she said quietly, wondering how to phrase the thoughts that’d been whirling in her head ever since she walked away from him.
“I know you’re hurting, Meels, but I think you made the right decision,” Evelyn replied, instantly knowing her sister’s thoughts.
“You do?”
“Yes.”
Amelia bit her lip, still not reassured, prompting Evelyn to continue.
“War changes things. Everything, in fact. You cannot make the same decisions without factoring that in. War will change you. It will change Daniel and it will change this place. The hard truth is that New Guinea is no longer our home.”
“How can you say that? Lae … Salamaua, they’ll always be our home.”
“Think about it, Meels. What do you think will be left when the Australians and Japanese are through? Look at what the Aussies did to Lae, what the Japanese did in one air raid.”
Amelia looked past Evelyn at the receding coastline, the staggering green peaks that enveloped the valley that Lae sat in. Heavy clouds hovered above the town, the town that was now engulfed in smoke, swallowed up by its own forced destruction. Amelia shivered when she thought of what else was to come, what Daniel would be left to face. And yet, what choice did she have? War was here. Change was coming. Daniel wouldn’t be the same person when this was over, and neither would she. The events of the past two days had already cemented that. Who would she be in a year, or five years from now? This war could drag on for years. Everything would be different when it was over. She had to trust her decision, that what she was doing was right, even if it was breaking her heart.
14
Daniel
Daniel fell to the back of the line, boots dragging through the mud as they ascended the range. He kept glancing over his shoulder, hoping she’d appear, desperate to have him back, forgiving him for his transgressions. But all that was behind him was jungle as dense as his steely heart. A bevy of birds bellowed high above, their song piercing his ears like a screeching baby. Normally Daniel would take pleasure in the sounds of nature, the elements around him and the indistinct beauty of the bush, but every agonising step only deepened his distance from Amelia.
He could’ve slapped himself for not speaking up when she came to say goodbye, for not fighting harder for their love and its place in this world. But she did have a point – he’d betrayed her, to her father, no less, put his needs before her own. And there was so much uncertainty, so much unknown before them … yet the one thing he was certain about was his love for her. So then why couldn’t he say that? He swatted at a vine that hung across the path, wishing he was better at expressing himself. He always held his emotions close, whereas Amelia wore hers like a shield. She’d been ready to fully commit herself, but he’d wavered, torn between his two desires.
She said it was easier this way, but none of this felt easy. The only thing that’d been easy was the way he felt when he held her in that hut, the delicate lines of her body pressed against his. He closed his eyes and inhaled, still smelling her perfume, praying it never faded. But it’d be impossible to hold on to, with what was ahead. How could they find a place together in a society that would never accept them? He was too busy fighting for a place for himself, let alone the two of them together. She must’ve seen that, which was why she was able to walk away so easily. She was right. It was easier this way. He’d have to soldier on without her, even though his shattered heart was screaming not to.
* * *
For every white man on the track, there were two to three black ones carrying his goods, blindly trudging up this mountain on the faith of their master’s word. He had to give it to the locals who’d stayed. Most of them had fled into the bush after the Japanese swooped into Salamaua. He supposed for some, like Silas, working for the waitman was the only life they knew. They were far more loyal and brave than they were given credit for. Silas was directly in front of him, dressed in a lap-lap that hung above the knee. His torso was seared with scars, the history of his life written on his body, a preview into the daily hardships that Niuginians faced. He was carrying a spear carved out of bamboo that was tucked into a sheath made of kunai grass. His head slowly shifted from one side of the jungle to the other, like a meerkat watching for predators.
Mr McKenzie was in front of Silas, trudging along purposefully, even though the trek would’ve been taxing on a man his size. Daniel still hadn’t spoken to him since the attack, worried he might have blamed Daniel for Amelia missing the evacuation flight. Daniel was angry with him for allowing Tom to go with the injured men. The lying weasel clearly wasn’t hurt, and yet Mr McKenzie had let him get away with it. And Daniel was still angry with Mr McKenzie for convincing him to betray Amelia. He was angry about it all. But there was no point in arguing about it now.
