Someone to Hold, page 19
“I hope you said fuck that.”
“Many times, thus the contention.”
“It was ballsy of him to ask you to forgive them for being racist.”
“I thought so, too, and I told him so. But I also felt for him. They were his parents. He was stuck in a tough position.”
“No, he wasn’t. You were his wife. He chose you and brought you into his family knowing full well how they were. He should’ve always taken your side with them.”
“You’re racking up the points this morning, my friend.”
“I hate racists. I fired a guy for making a racist joke at the office. No questions asked. He was gone.”
“You’re turning me on.”
“Stop,” he says on a laugh.
“No, really. You are.”
“Is that right?”
“Uh-huh.”
The next thing I know, he’s moved us so he’s on top of me, gazing down at me with the intense eyes that see me so clearly.
“I like waking up with you,” he says gruffly as he kisses my neck and slides into me for the third—or is it the fourth?—time since we got home last night.
I wouldn’t give Wynter the satisfaction of knowing that Gage’s big hands and feet are a true indication that he’s big all over, but as my sore flesh stretches to accommodate him once again, I can’t help but think of her commentary and giggle.
“What’s so funny?”
“Wynter was trying to get me to confirm that you’re big all over, but I wouldn’t. You’re just reminding me of that.”
He pushes deeper into me, making me gasp from the impact. “Is that right?”
“Mmmm-hmmm.”
“Are you complaining?”
“Not at all.”
He never breaks eye contact as he makes love to me.
I don’t think I blink even once as he gazes into my eyes, making me feel like we’re joined body and soul. My heart aches with love for him, a love that’s already so deep, it’ll wreck me all over again if I lose it.
That can’t happen.
We’re so perfect together in every way, especially this way, which he proves to me with not one, but two orgasms in the span of five minutes.
“You feel better?” he asks.
“Did I feel bad before? That seems like a long time ago.”
His grunt of laughter is just what I wanted to hear. “Let’s go pick up the kids and find a fall festival with pumpkins and face painting and apple bobbing.”
I look over at him. “You really feel like doing that?”
“I really do.”
21
IRIS
After dinner at a pizza place the kids love, Gage drives us home in my minivan, keeping up a steady stream of chatter with the kids the way he has all day. They had the best time carving pumpkins, having their faces painted and riding on ponies. We never got to the apple bobbing, which was just as well after the face painting.
Gage insisted on paying for everything and was fully engaged with them the entire time. We even took a group photo, the first of the five of us together. For a while there, it felt like we were a normal family doing normal family things on an autumn Saturday.
In exchange for dinner at their favorite place, Gage got them to agree to baths and pajamas the minute we get home.
He’s good with them, and they like him, which is a relief.
“Mr. Gage,” Tyler asks when we’re nearly home.
“What’s up, pal?”
“Are you going to be our new daddy?”
“Tyler!”
“Are you, Mr. Gage?” Sophia asks.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter to him.
“I don’t know about that,” Gage says, “but today was fun, right?”
“So much fun,” Tyler says. “That’s why I want you to be our new daddy. You’re good at models, too.”
“That’s very sweet of you to say, buddy, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“What does that mean? Get ahead of ourselves.”
“Your mom and I aren’t ready to have those sorts of conversations yet.”
“When will you be?”
“Oy,” I whisper.
Gage squeezes my thigh. “I don’t know, but not for a while.”
“Why?”
“That’s enough, Ty. We need to be thankful to Gage for a very nice day and not make it into something it’s not.”
“Shouldn’t we get to say who our new daddy is?”
I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. I turn in my seat to look at my son, who’s wearing a defiant look. “Enough.” He’s heard that tone of voice often enough to know I’ve reached my limit.
Poor Gage. This is the thanks he gets for giving us a beautiful day—being put on the spot by a daddy-starved seven-year-old.
After we pull into the garage, Gage reminds the kids of their deal.
They take off to do what they agreed to do, while I hang back to apologize to Gage.
“No apology needed, sweetheart. They’re adorable and sweet and confused about what I’m doing here.”
“Are you? Confused about what you’re doing here?”
“Not so much. It feels good to spend the day with you guys and drive the minivan and make deals with kids again.”
“Did you make a lot of deals with yours?”
“All the time. Nat called me Monty Hall, who was the host of Let’s Make a Deal when she watched it with her grandparents, in case that reference is outside your zone.”
I laugh. “I love that.”
“It was how I got them to do what they were supposed to do without a lot of yelling, which I hate as much as I hate racism. Both my parents were yellers when we were kids.”
“I had that teacher who gave me stomachaches. Used to scare me.”
“No yelling allowed on my watch. Lots of dealmaking.”
“That works for me.”
He hooks his arm around me. “It’s too much, too soon. I know that and you know that. But today felt good. Maybe we keep doing more of that and see how it fits for all of us?”
I look up at him as I nod. “You’ve got a deal, Mr. Hall.”
My call with Eleanor is scheduled for this morning, and I’m as nervous as I’ve ever been in my life. Gage offered to be with me when I talk to her, but he’s meeting with the people buying his company today and has a full day. Even though I wish he was here, I told him I’d be fine.
I really hope I will be. I’m scared of what she might tell me and how it might make this dreadful situation even worse than it already is.
She’s supposed to call me after she drops her son at school.
I should’ve asked what time that would be. While I wait, I stare at the phone as if it’s a bomb that’s going to detonate at any second.
By the time the phone rings at nine thirty, I’m a wreck. I nearly drop the phone as I answer the call. “Hello?”
“Hi, it’s Eleanor.”
“Hi,” I say as if it’s no big deal that I’m talking to the woman who had a child with my late husband.
For a long moment, neither of us says anything, and then we both speak at once. I don’t know what I’m saying and didn’t hear what she said.
We laugh.
“How awkward is this?” she asks.
“Mad awkward, as my nieces would say.”
“Mine say mad awk.”
“That’s even better.” I don’t want to like her, but she doesn’t seem terrible.
“I didn’t know he was married, Iris, until after I told him about the baby.”
“He wore a ring.”
“He wasn’t wearing it when I met him.”
I close my eyes as I absorb that information. He intentionally took off his ring and set out to meet someone.
“I can’t begin to know how painful this is for you. Mike… He told me that our son, Carter, would be cared for in his will if anything ever happened to him. He said he’d taken care of that. I waited to reach out. My sister said probate can take up to eighteen months, so I let it ride, hoping I would hear something. When I saw the thing about the NTSB blaming him for the crash, I reached out to Steve to ask him what was going on.”
“How did you find out Mike had died?”
“From your social media.”
“You follow me?” That shocks me.
“I started to after I found out he had a wife and children. I wanted to know more about his life, since everything he’d told me was a lie.”
As I listen to her, I realize we were both victimized by him. “Are there others? Besides you?”
“I don’t know that, but then again, I didn’t know he had a wife and three kids back in Virginia.”
“What did he tell you?”
“That he was divorced and starting over.”
Fuck, that hurts. I fight the urge to scream. “After you found out about us, did you ask him why? Because I sure as hell have no idea why he’d do this to me and our kids.”
“I did ask, but he didn’t have an answer to that. In hindsight, I think it was maybe the excitement of it all. Long-married guy has a chance to bust loose, and no one will ever know, so why not? That’s my theory, anyway.”
“If you don’t mind my asking, was the baby intentional on your part?”
“God, no. That was the biggest shock of my life. I’m on long-term birth control that didn’t work. I wouldn’t change a thing, though. I love him so much. I had no idea it was possible to love anyone this much.”
“He’s my children’s half brother.”
“Yes.”
“What do we do about that?”
“At some point, it might be nice if they could meet. I’m not sure how feasible that would be, but I’d love for him to know his siblings, because he won’t have others.”
“Mike always loved the name Carter. He wanted to name our son that, but I was hooked on Tyler.”
“The name was his suggestion, and I loved it.”
“Does he have Mike’s last name?”
“It’s hyphenated with mine.”
His parents will be happy to hear that. “Did you love him? Mike?”
“I thought I did until I found out he’d been lying to me since the second we met. Steve told me the estate is closed, so he also lied about taking care of our son.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“None of this is your fault, Iris. He deceived us both.”
“He did this to me once before, but I thought we’d gotten past it. I was so proud of the way we put our marriage back together.”
“I feel terrible about this. I never would’ve given him a second glance if I’d known he was married. I was sick to my stomach for weeks after I found out about you and the kids, and that was on top of the pregnancy nausea.”
“That must’ve been a shock for sure.”
“It was awful. I was disgusted with him and myself. I only saw him once more after that. He came to see Carter when he was first born. I told him he could see him once a year, but otherwise, we wanted nothing to do with him. He was apologetic, contrite, all the things. Whatever. I was done with him.”
“I know it’s none of my business…”
“You can ask me whatever you want.”
“How many times did you meet up with him? Before you found out about us.”
“On and off for about six months.”
That information lands like another punch to the gut. This was a full-on affair, not a one-night stand.
“It was all so romantic, you know? The corporate pilot only in town a day here or a day there, and we must make the most of it. To find out it was just sex for him was devastating.”
“I’m sorry he did that to you.”
“I’m sorry he did this to you. It’s horrible.”
“Steve said you might sue me for child support.”
“I don’t want to do that, but I assume there were some assets, life insurance, that kind of thing. Raising a child on my own is expensive. If there’s anything left, I wouldn’t say no to it.”
“There was life insurance, and that’s what I’m living on now. It’s enough that I don’t have to work until my youngest starts school.”
“I see.”
“I, ah, I’ll talk to my financial adviser and see what we can do.”
“That’s very kind of you.”
“Please don’t sue me. I don’t have the mental energy to deal with that.”
“I understand, and I don’t want it to come to that, but he made promises to me.”
“I know.” He made vows to me, I want to remind her, but I don’t blame her for any of this. “Let me talk to my guy and get back in touch with you.”
“Thank you.”
“Mike’s parents would like to meet Carter. Is it okay if I give them your number?”
“Yes, that would be fine. What are they like?”
“They’re okay. She can be a bit judgmental, but I just ignore her. He’s harmless, and Mike’s brother, Rob, is great.”
“Good to know. Thank you.”
“I’ll get back in touch after I talk to my financial guy.”
“Sounds good. I want you to know… I’m sorry about adding to your grief.”
“That’s kind of you to say, but you’re not the one who added to my grief. In some ways, finding out he wasn’t who I thought he was moves things along for me. I’ll reach out in the next few days.”
“Talk to you then.”
I end the call feeling disgusted, furious, heartbroken and surprised by how nice she seems. I’m not sure what I expected, but I’m thankful that she appears to be a decent sort of person.
As I promised I would, I text Gage to tell him I talked to her.
He calls me.
“Hey.”
“How’d it go?”
I give him the recap in as few words as possible.
“God, I’m sorry, Iris. Not what you wanted to hear.”
“I don’t want to hear any of this but finding out he took his ring off and went looking for it was a little tough to take. And that he said he was divorced.”
“It’s terrible.”
“I asked her where she’s been all this time, and she said she waited to hear from someone about a settlement for her son. When that never happened, she reached out to Steve through Mike’s company, and you know what he did. After the NTSB report was released, she asked Steve for an update and that’s when he brought the news about her and Carter to me.” I release a deep sigh. “I hate being part of something so sordid, but I keep reminding myself there’s an innocent child involved. He didn’t ask for any of this either.”
“How did you leave it with her?”
“She said she won’t sue me for child support if we can come to some sort of agreement that would give her son a piece of the insurance money.”
“Can you afford that?”
“I’m going to try to help her out. It’s not her fault Mike was a liar.”
“True. If I can help, I hope you’ll let me know.”
“I’m not taking your money, Gage.”
“If you need it, I have it, and I’m about to have a whole lot more. Don’t suffer in silence, Iris. If I can help, tell me so.”
“You’re very sweet, but I’m okay. I might have to take some of those endorsement offers I’m getting for my TikTok account. I hear there’s lots of money to be made in that space. I’ve resisted that because it would turn my hobby into a business that would require more energy than I can give it right now, but it’s good to know that’s an option.”
“It’s always good to have options, such as very close friends who are willing and able to help with anything you need.”
“Stop being so sweet. It’s annoying me.”
He laughs, as I hoped he would. I love when he laughs. I can picture the gorgeous dimples that appear when he’s truly amused. “I can’t wait to annoy you more after work.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what Tyler said last night, and I can see how they’re getting attached to you. It’s just important to me that they not be hurt any more than they’ve already been.”
“I’d never hurt them. You have my word on that.”
“You could hurt them by deciding the insta-family isn’t what you really want after all.”
“That’s not going to happen. I love being with them, and I have since long before things changed between us. They’re great kids, and it’s not just about me being there for them. They fill some of the gaping void inside me where my girls used to be. I love their silly chatter and their excitement over the simplest things and how fun Saturday was. I’ve missed that kind of thing more than I realized. Not sure I’m explaining that well.”
“You are,” I say softly. “That’s lovely, but a few days ago, you were still saying you weren’t sure you wanted to be in a relationship.”
“I know, and I still have misgivings, but those have nothing to do with you or the kids. It’s more about my fear of something happening to you guys and having to go through that nightmare again.”
“We’re not going anywhere.”
“I’m counting on that.”
22
GAGE
Iris and I settle into a routine that includes dinners and weekends with the kids, outings with our widow friends and an occasional night to ourselves thanks to her parents. I sneak out of her bed at five a.m. every day and leave before the kids are up, so we don’t confuse them about where things stand between us before we’re ready to make the next move.
That move is coming. I can feel it, and I know she can, too.
After consulting with her accountant and lawyer, Iris made a one-time payment to Eleanor that included a document the other woman signed to ensure she wouldn’t be back for more. They’ve agreed to speak again in a few months about potentially getting the kids together. Iris is relieved to have that taken care of and to know she doesn’t have to deal with that situation again for a while.
