Wartime Friends, page 19
‘I’ll get Noreen a pair too. Her fingers were blue with cold yesterday.’
‘Come on, let’s run, else we’ll miss the transport.’
As the weather turned colder, the girls would go to the canteen as often as they could for a hot cup of tea. On one such day in November, Carolyn and Beryl sat together at the end of a particularly hard shift. Beryl stirred her tea thoughtfully, even though there was no sugar in it. With no warning, she suddenly blurted out, ‘I’ve got to ask for compassionate leave sometime soon. I – I need to go home.’
Carolyn had noticed that Beryl had not been her usual bubbly self for a couple of weeks. ‘Oh dear. That sounds as if something’s wrong.’
‘I – um – think there is, so I’d better go and sort it out. Look, I don’t want to say any more just now, Carolyn, but I’ll – I’ll tell you when I get back. And before you offer, I don’t want you to come with me. This is something I’ve got to do on my own.’
‘Well, good luck, then.’
Beryl pulled a face. ‘I think I’m going to need it,’ she muttered.
Twenty-Nine
‘Hello, Beryl? You’re back quicker than I thought you’d be,’ Carolyn greeted her friend when she arrived back at their billet after only one night away. Carolyn had thought that Beryl would be away for at least the whole seventy-two hours she’d been granted on compassionate grounds. ‘Everything all right?’
‘I only wish it was,’ the girl muttered and dropped her head.
Now she looked more closely, Carolyn could see that her friend was really upset. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. She took Beryl’s bag from her and linked her arm through hers. ‘Come on. Let’s go and get you a nice hot drink in the kitchen and you can tell me what’s happened.’
Fresh tears sprang to Beryl’s eyes. This was so unusual that it must be something really serious.
‘Is there something wrong at home?’ Carolyn asked as she pushed Beryl gently into a seat and busied herself making them both a drink.
‘No – yes. Oh Lord!’ Her tears flowed freely now and Carolyn stopped what she was doing to put her arm around her friend’s shoulders.
‘Let’s go and find a quiet place and you can tell me what’s happened. There are too many people coming and going in here. Even our bedroom can be like Piccadilly Circus, with Noreen running in and out whenever she feels like it. Let’s go for a walk.’
Beryl sobbed now and clung to Carolyn’s arm. Carolyn was shocked; this was so unlike the cheerful, outgoing girl. Now, she was really worried.
As they walked down the road towards the river, arm in arm, Beryl’s sobs ceased, but she kept her head down as if she didn’t want anyone to see her. They sat down on the bank. Carolyn held her friend’s hand and patted it. ‘You can tell me anything. Is it to do with Jeff? A trouble shared and all that . . .’
Beryl hiccupped. ‘Sort of, but the trouble’s all mine. My – my father made that very clear.’
Carolyn stared at her. ‘Oh no!’ she whispered. ‘You’re not – you’re not . . .’
Beryl nodded and said bitterly, ‘Yes, I am. I’m in the pudding club and there’s no mistake because I’ve seen a doctor.’
‘Oh Beryl. But – but Jeff’s a good sort. He’ll marry you.’
Beryl shook her head. ‘No – he won’t. Jeff is not “a good sort”. He’s not the man I thought he was. He’s married,’ she ended flatly.
‘Married! Oh my Lord, I didn’t expect that.’
‘Neither did I,’ Beryl said bitterly. Then she sighed heavily, ‘Though I did expect the reception I got at home. My dad has turned me out. I’m not to “darken their door again”. Not ever. Oh Carolyn . . .’ She leaned her head against Carolyn’s shoulder and wept afresh. ‘Whatever am I going to do? They’ll turn me out of the ATS when they find out and now I’ve nowhere to go.’
‘You’ve never said much about your family, but surely they won’t do that, will they? I expect they’re just shocked. They’ll come around.’
But, suddenly, Carolyn was unsure herself as her mind flitted back to the time when her own mother had said that if she went home ‘with a belly full’, she’d be turned out.
Beryl raised her tear-streaked face. ‘I’ve never said much about my family and I’ve never gone home before when we’ve had leave, because – because I didn’t want to.’
‘Go on,’ Carolyn said softly.
‘I’m sorry, Carolyn. I should have trusted you. I’ve not been entirely honest about my family. I left home under a bit of a cloud. My father is a very strict disciplinarian. Oh he’s a good dad in a lot of ways. He provides for us. We’ve never gone hungry, but he rules our whole family with a rod of iron, including my poor mam.’ Beryl’s eyes clouded as she thought about her mother. ‘I worried and worried about leaving her when I joined up, but in the end, Carolyn, I just had to get away.’ She laughed wryly. ‘Talk about this chap Hitler being a dictator; he could take lessons from my dad.’
‘Have you got any brothers and sisters?’
‘Yes, one of each. I’ve just turned twenty-one. Robin’s eighteen months younger than me and Rosie is fourteen.’
‘They’ll look out for your mam, won’t they?’ But before Beryl could answer, Carolyn added, ‘Oh, but perhaps your brother will be called up, will he?’
‘I’m not sure. He’s working in a factory that has turned over to war production, so he might not be. Mind you, he might want to join up, like I did, and for the same reason.’
‘What . . .? I mean, how . . .?’ Carolyn began and then fell silent. Prickly though her relationship with her own mother was sometimes, she couldn’t imagine leaving home because of it, and her dear, placid father had never even raised his voice to either her or Tom.
‘What does he do, you mean?’ Beryl guessed what she was trying to ask.
‘Well – yes.’
Beryl’s pretty mouth twisted with bitterness. ‘How long have you got? For a start, he gets in some filthy moods, usually after he’s had a drink or six or when Sheffield United have lost a match.’
‘Does he – did he – hit your mother or you?’
‘Not Mum, no, but he used to smack us kids across the back of the legs when we were small.’
‘Yes, my mam did that, but never my dad. He only had to look at me with such an expression of disappointment and I used to dissolve into tears.’
‘My father is so controlling, Carolyn. Everything has to be just as he wants it. For heaven’s sake, I’m twenty-one now, but I still had to be in no later than ten o’clock every night. He wanted to know who I was going out with and where I was going. And as for boyfriends, well, you could forget that. So, you can see why I’d rather stay here than go home, can’t you? I only joined one of the services to get away from home. He couldn’t stop that, though he had a damned good try. He went to the recruiting office where I’d signed on and played merry heck with them, but as I was over eighteen, he couldn’t do anything about it. I was never allowed out in the evenings – not even to go out with girlfriends. Once I got home from work, that was it.’
‘What about your brother and sister?’
‘The same. Once they were home from school, they weren’t allowed out again. Not even to play with the other kids in the street.’ She paused and then added, huskily, ‘So you see, when finally I got away from home, I went a bit wild. I’d never been allowed to have a boyfriend. Not even a friend who was a boy, like you and Peter. And I was so naive. I mean, I knew the facts of life. It was all drilled into me – especially by my dad – that I mustn’t let a boy anywhere near me. I thought for a long time that you got pregnant by kissing.’ She smiled wryly. ‘But it was told to me in such a way that it sounded horrible and dirty and disgusting. There was nothing about loving and being loved. And when Jeff came along . . .’ Tears sprang to her eyes yet again. ‘He was so kind and thoughtful and gentle, I just fell in love with him. He promised he wouldn’t hurt me. That he’d be careful . . .’ Her voice faded away to a whisper. ‘And I trusted him.’
‘Did you – did you know he was married?’
Beryl looked up sharply. ‘Heavens, no! I wouldn’t even have gone out with him at all if I’d known that.’
There was a long silence. Beryl dried her tears and blew her nose hard. Then she straightened her shoulders. ‘You won’t tell anyone else, will you, Carolyn? Not even Noreen.’ Over the time since Carolyn’s misadventure, Noreen had become a closer friend to both of them than before, but not as close as Carolyn and Beryl were to each other.
‘Of course not, but what are you going to do?’
‘I’ll stay on here until they kick me out, which they will do, once they get to know.’ She sighed. ‘Then I expect I’ll have to find a mother-and-baby home somewhere. After that, well, I don’t know.’
‘Have you really got no other relative who’d help you? No grandparents or aunts?’
Beryl bit her lip as she shook her head. ‘I think my mother has a sister somewhere but they fell out when she married my dad. In fact, her whole family cut her off.’
Carolyn gaped at her. She hadn’t realized just how lucky she was to have a close-knit family. Oh they were a bit of a pain sometimes, especially when her mother tried to organize her life, but she’d never believed that they would turn her out if she got into trouble, despite what her mother had warned. But now a little seed of doubt began to grow. Would they have reacted the same as Beryl’s parents had done if she had found herself in trouble?
‘Look, we should have a forty-eight coming up soon. I’ll be going home,’ she said. ‘Want to come?’
Beryl shook her head. ‘Not this time, thanks. I couldn’t face them. I wouldn’t be able to keep it from them. They’re such lovely people. In fact, you can tell them, if you want to. I don’t expect they’ll want to see me again, but they’ll have to know sometime.’
‘Will you be all right on your own, though?’ Carolyn asked worriedly.
‘Yes. I’ll offer to do extra duty. There’s always someone off ill this time of the year. It’ll keep me busy. I won’t have time to think.’
‘What – what about Jeff? You have told him, haven’t you?’
Beryl nodded. ‘Oh yes. I couldn’t wait to tell him. I was so excited. I thought we’d be married straight away and we’d live in a little cottage with roses round the door and be such a happy little family.’ Bravely now, she held the tears back. ‘Oh Carolyn, why was I so stupid?’
‘It’s not your fault. We were both too trusting.’
‘Grandad.’
‘Yes, lass? What is it, cos I can see summat’s bothering you? So, out with it.’
They were sitting in front of the range on the Sunday afternoon before Carolyn was due to return to Beaumanor Hall the following morning.
‘It’s Beryl. She’s in trouble.’
Frank packed his pipe slowly and when it was lit, he said, ‘Tell me about it, love.’
As Carolyn explained what Beryl had told her about her family and about Jeff, who’d misled her so cruelly, Frank stared into the fire. He didn’t interrupt once and when she had finished, there was a long silence between them. ‘So,’ he said slowly at last, ‘she’s nowhere to go?’
‘No. She says she’ll have to go into a mother-and-baby home.’
Frank winced. ‘They’ll make her have the bairn adopted, whether she wants to or not. Does she – does she want to keep it?’
‘Actually, she’s not said. She probably doesn’t even know herself yet. I wouldn’t at this stage.’
‘No, but she’ll feel differently once the little mite arrives. I can guarantee that.’
Carolyn smiled. Her grandfather had always been fond of children. One of her earliest memories was of him bouncing her on his knee playing ‘Horsey, Horsey’.
After another thoughtful silence, Frank said, ‘Are you sure she’s no other relatives she can go to?’
‘She said not.’
After another long pause he said, ‘Then, Carolyn, you can tell her that she can come and live here with me, the bairn too.’
Carolyn’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Are you sure, Grandad?’
‘I wouldn’t have offered, lass, if I wasn’t.’
‘But – but what will Mam and Uncle Harold say?’
‘It’s nowt to do wi’ them. I’m still in charge of my faculties. I like Beryl. Despite what’s happened, she’s a nice lass. I reckon her parents have let her down first and foremost, keeping her penned up so she didn’t have a chance to get to know the way of the world. And then this feller, well, he’s a wrong ’un. Getting another lass in the family way when he’s already married. I ask you. I don’t blame her but she’s the one left in disgrace.’ He glanced at her. ‘Now, you go back tomorrow morning and tell her, but leave telling yar mam to me. All right?’
Carolyn stared at him and then, smiling, she nodded and whispered huskily, ‘Thank you, Grandad.’
‘She won’t be coming for a bit, will she?’
‘No, she’s going to stay on in the ATS until it – her condition – becomes obvious and then she’ll have to leave.’
‘That gives me a bit of time to get things ready.’
‘What – I mean – how . . .?’
Frank chuckled. ‘This is a big house, lass. More than half the rooms aren’t used now.’ He prodded the air with his pipe towards the south. ‘You maybe haven’t been to that end of the house recently, but it’s where your mam and dad lived when they were first married.’ His eyes softened. ‘You were born here, love. I wouldn’t have minded you all staying here for good. It was what your grandma wanted too in the end. She was upset at first, like any mother would be, but I talked her round and once they were married, she couldn’t do enough to help them. But your mam wanted her own place, so I gave them the cottage and a bit of land for their lifetime.’
Carolyn wrinkled her forehead. ‘Yes, Dad told me a bit about it not long ago. I don’t remember living here, though.’
‘No, you probably won’t. You were only about three when you all moved out. Anyway, what I’m coming to is that the rooms at the far end of the house are already self-contained. There’s a small kitchen, living room and two bedrooms and a bathroom above. We have to share the same staircase but, other than that, it’s all separate. There’s even an outside privy just near the back door of the kitchen. So you see, Beryl will be fine there. But you’d best tell her just one thing: I don’t want any rent off her, but I would hope she’ll be able to do a little work about the place – once she’s over the birth, of course. She’ll get plenty of food from the farm and I’d give her a small wage. She’ll need a bit of money of her own to buy things she’ll need.’
‘But what will everyone say?’
‘I wouldn’t give a brass farthing for what anyone else says. Not even your mam or your uncle. I’m far too old to worry about my reputation and as for hers . . .’ He shrugged.
Carolyn sighed heavily as she finished his sentence for him, ‘It’s in tatters already.’
As she left, she hugged her grandfather hard. ‘I don’t know how to thank you. And nor will Beryl.’
‘Don’t forget – not a word to your mam. This is our secret. For the moment anyway.’
Thirty
‘Where’s Beryl?’ Carolyn asked Noreen when she got back to the billet.
‘In her room. She’s got some sort of stomach bug. Keeps being sick, she says, and she looked as white as a sheet this morning. Mr Lawrence has given her the day off. She’s neither use nor ornament in that state.’
Carolyn hurried to the room they shared. She found Beryl lying on her bed, her face swollen from shedding copious tears. She paused a moment in the doorway, her heart turning over at the sight of her friend in such hopeless distress. She closed the door and moved to sit on the bed at Beryl’s feet.
‘Now, you. Sit up, I’ve got something to tell you.’
Beryl groaned. ‘Leave me alone. I just want to die.’
‘No, you don’t. At least you won’t when you hear what I’ve got to say.’
‘It can’t be that good.’
‘Oh it is. It’s better than you could ever imagine.’
Even in the depths of her misery, Beryl was intrigued. Slowly she pulled herself up and leaned against the bedhead. ‘Has Jeff come back and said he’s going to divorce his wife? Because if that’s what you’re going to say, then I don’t believe you.’
‘No, sorry, it isn’t that.’
‘Don’t be sorry. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with such a lying bastard.’
‘Now, just listen and hear me out, will you?’ Swiftly, Carolyn told her all that Frank had said and, while she talked, Beryl’s mouth dropped open.
‘You’re not serious. He can’t be serious.’
‘Grandad never says anything he doesn’t mean. I promise you.’
‘But – but – why? He hardly knows me. Why would he want to help me?’
‘He took a liking to you and I think . . .’ Here she hesitated.
‘Go on,’ Beryl prompted.
‘I’ve never told anyone this . . .’
‘I won’t say a word. You know I won’t.’
Carolyn took a deep breath. ‘I volunteered for the ATS because of something that happened at work. It was when all the trouble blew up about me and Peter. His mother came to where I worked . . .’
‘Woolworth?’
Carolyn nodded. ‘She caused a dreadful scene. I was so embarrassed, I just had to leave. Amongst all her accusations against me about Peter, she said something about my parents. She implied that my birth was too soon after their marriage, if you know what I mean. And then, a while back, my father admitted that there was rather a short time between their wedding date and my birthday and then, yesterday, when we were talking, Grandad confirmed what Dad had said and that we lived with him and Grandma until I was about three years old. I can’t remember it, but I expect it explains his understanding of – of the situation you’re now in. He and Grandma stood by their daughter and now he wants to help you because your parents won’t. Sorry if that sounds a bit blunt.’
