Forever Yours, page 4
“About two years ago.”
He clenched his jaw. Two years ago? She should have been finishing medical school two years ago. Asking about the past was likely to lead to a heated exchange, but he couldn’t stop himself. “What about medical school? Didn’t you finish?”
“No.”
Glancing at her, expecting a more detailed answer, he scoffed as she continued focusing on the papers. “But you were so determined to become an obstetrician.”
She didn’t voice her frustration, but he could read her body language as easily now as he could four years ago. She lowered the papers, slowly turned her face toward him, and pinned him with her hard stare. “I was ready for a change.”
“Why?”
Meg pressed her lips together. “Because. I was ready for a change.”
Aiden wanted to press, but her glare was a good reminder that they were already walking a fine line. Starting an argument wouldn’t accomplish anything at this point. The peace between them was as fragile as one of those sugar sculptures on the cooking shows she used to binge watch when she wasn’t studying.
Their rare Sundays off had been her favorite days. He’d known that, still he’d often chosen to spend what should have been their afternoons with friends. She’d never complained, though. He’d disappear for a few hours and come back to their place to find her enjoying the quiet. Or at least that’s what he’d told himself to appease his guilt. He’d given her time to enjoy the quiet.
Man, he really had been an ass. He had no idea why she’d tolerated him as long as she had. She should have been happy to see him go. Instead she’d stared at him as if she didn’t understand the words coming from his mouth. Her eyes had filled with tears and her lip had trembled as she’d seemed to finally understand he was breaking up with her. Out of the blue. Without warning. And for no good reason.
The urge to apologize to her again sneaked up on him, but he stifled it as she rambled off information about the next house. Four bedrooms, two and a half baths, fenced yard, and, oooh, a hot tub. He was glad for the distraction.
She sorted through the pages a few more times before asking, “Why, uh, why three bedrooms?”
A few minutes ago, he wasn’t willing to push her for answers, but if she got to ask questions, he figured he did as well. “You first,” he pressed. “Why did you leave school?”
Meg stared at him. He waited, determined he wouldn’t answer her question until she answered his. Turning her focus to the papers in her lap, she shuffled through several and then slammed the folder shut.
“I never wanted to go to medical school. That was my father’s plan, not mine. I told you that a thousand times.”
Back when they were dating, they’d curl up in bed and talk about the future. Aiden was so excited about becoming a doctor and thinking of all the good he was going to do in the world. Meg had never shared in his excitement. Finally, he’d nudged her to open up about why she didn’t share his passion for medicine.
She hadn’t decided what she wanted to do with her life. She said she’d never considered it because her life had been decided for her. She’d never had the courage to stand up to her father. He had started preparing her to be a doctor when she was a child. She got to choose her focus—obstetrics—but she had never felt like she got to choose her path. She’d been too scared to tell her father she didn’t want to go into medicine.
Apparently that had changed. Aiden couldn’t quite figure out what had led her to this job, though. The Meg he knew didn’t have the personality for sales. She was quiet, a little meek at times. She was shy but brilliant and studious. Sales seemed to be the complete opposite of what she should be doing with her life.
“What did you father think about that?”
She laughed. “I’m sure you can imagine. Your turn. Why the big house, big yard, white picket fence?”
Aiden shrugged. “At some point, I hope to have a family. Not anytime soon, since I’m not even dating.” He threw the last bit in for good measure. He had no expectation of them getting back together, but he could hope. He had to hope. So he wanted to make sure she knew he wasn’t attached.
The smile she gave him didn’t reach her eyes. They didn’t reflect the excitement her upturned lips did. Her dark eyes looked surprised, maybe even a little hurt. “Oh. Good that you’re thinking ahead.”
It took a second to understand why she wasn’t as impressed by his answer as he has been when he’d realized he should buy a bigger house. He’d patted himself on the back for considering the future when looking for a home. However, Meg was likely remembering how adamant he’d been that he didn’t want children. He had wanted to focus on his career. He had wanted to travel and see the world. He had wanted material things, not a family.
“I needed time,” he blurted out.
“What?”
Aiden tightened his hold on the steering wheel. There were a lot of things he wasn’t ready to talk about, but he felt like he owed her some kind of reasoning on why he’d changed his mind. He knew he had hurt her with his past decisions, and he didn’t want to do that again. “Being in New York, seeing the things I saw at the hospital there—it was what I needed to understand that I didn’t want to live in that world. You know how I was. I had all those big dreams about how I was going to save so many lives and change the world. I was going to make a name for myself and have this grand life. It wasn’t like that. It was just like you told me when I left. It was horrible, and I should have just stayed here and done my residency like we talked about.”
She looked out the window at the passing houses. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“Actually, I do. That’s the least I owe you.”
She jerked her head around to glare at him. “Well, I don’t want to hear it.”
Aiden swallowed hard at the anger in her tone. “Meg—”
“You know, you should probably just work on home ownership first, Aiden. That’s a pretty big commitment in and of itself. Maybe, if you can handle that, having a relationship with a human being won’t seem so daunting.” She closed her eyes and grunted out a frustrated sound. “Goddamn it. I was not going to lose my temper.”
He blew out his breath slowly. “One step forward, five steps back, huh?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I deserved that.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to be so bitter anymore. It just sneaks up on me.”
He grinned. “It’s good that you’ve learned how to release your anger instead of bottling it up. You used to just swallow it down and try to ignore it. This is a much healthier way to deal with your emotions.”
“Turn right at the next block.” Her words effectively ended the conversation. He had no right to discuss how she dealt with her emotions—then or now. She didn’t have to say that. Her abrupt change of subject and hard tone did that for her.
He followed her instructions and pulled into the driveway. The two-story house looked like a photo out of a home improvement magazine. Though the landscaping was covered in snow, there were multiple bushes, and Aiden imagined they were complimented by flowers and plants of varying colors and sizes to present the perfect home. As they approached the porch, he smiled at how it was decorated for the holiday, with snowmen carved out of wood and strings of lights waiting to be plugged in, adding to the welcoming feel. The light yellow siding looked new against the crisp white window panes.
“I like this already,” he said as Meg worked on releasing the key from the holder. “It’s very homey.”
She didn’t respond. She simply unlocked the door and pushed it open for him to step inside. They slid their boots off, and then she guided him into a big living room. The house was a little older, so it didn’t have the open concept that he’d been hoping for, but the vibe that rolled through him made this feel like home. The river stone fireplace needed a good scrubbing, but he could work with it—redo it, even. The flooring was manufactured wood but carried throughout and was obviously newer. The room was large enough that the big sofa in the middle didn’t fill the space, and the row of tall windows along the front brought in lots of natural light. He liked this house.
“The kitchen’s this way,” Meg said.
He followed her to a room with long white countertops and a table tucked into a dining area. The appliances could be newer, but they were clean and worked. The bedrooms were good sized, and the bathrooms had been updated. When they stepped out the sliding glass door to the backyard, Aiden warmed despite the cold outside.
“This is great.”
A tall privacy fence surrounded the yard. The cement patio had space for a grill and more than enough room for the family he didn’t yet have. He tried to ignore the lack of enthusiasm Meg had as she talked about the newer roof and dry basement, but it stung him every time she lamely gestured into a room and spewed facts like a bored gameshow host. He felt something in this house. A sense of belonging or a hope for the future. He couldn’t understand why she didn’t feel it too.
As he wandered the upstairs, he could almost see his life here. A feeling akin to déjà vu found him. Not that he had been there before but that he would be there in the future. And as he stood in the master bedroom with Meg leaning against the doorjamb watching him, he had a sense that she belonged there with him.
The feeling was so strong and unexpected it nearly took his breath away. He wondered if she felt it too when she pushed herself upright.
“Take your time,” she said dismissively. “I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready to look at the next one.”
He wanted to stop her, but he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t exactly ask her if she felt the same connection to the house that he did. How could he expect her to? Aiden toured the smaller bedrooms alone. The rooms would be perfect for the children he didn’t even have.
Yet.
Before leaving, he returned to the living room to get a better look at the fireplace. Instead of focusing on the integrity of the structure, his attention fell on a photo of the family who lived there. A man and his wife sat with two children. Even though the photo was posed, their happiness was evident in their smiles.
Reality hit Aiden then. Everything fell into place. The real reason he’d returned home; the real reason he was so desperate to gain Meg’s forgiveness. His failure to make a life in New York was so much more than the traumas he’d seen. His failure had begun the moment he left Meg standing in their apartment with tears on her cheeks and so much hurt in her eyes.
He finally understood the depth of his mistake—what he had really walked away from. He had known all along, in his arm’s length way, that he’d lost the woman he loved and the future he had wanted with her. Standing here, in this house, looking at a photo that could have been them—should have been them—reality finally hit him. Like a kick to the gut.
The air in his lungs whooshed out of him, and he had to put his hand on the mantle to steady himself. All this time, he thought he just needed Meg’s understanding and forgiveness so he could forgive himself. He needed more than that. He needed her. Their future. Their family. Their Sunday mornings reading the paper in bed, making love in the afternoon, ignoring the rest of the world until they absolutely couldn’t anymore. Her laugher. He hadn’t heard her laugh in years. He missed the musical sound that filtered in and warmed his heart. He wanted her back. He wanted their life back. A life he didn’t deserve but suddenly understood that he couldn’t continue without.
“Aiden?”
He turned his head when she called out to him. The look on her face and the tone of her voice let him know it wasn’t the first time she’d said his name. He swallowed hard to resist the urge to pull her to him and hold her as he begged for another chance, begged her to believe in him again, and promised—swore—he’d never hurt her like he had before.
“Are you okay?” She started to reach out to him but stopped. “Do you need some water?”
Aiden had to fight to look away from her, but if he didn’t, she was going to see right through him. He focused on the photo again. “Uh, no. No. I’m fine.”
“You look like you could be sick.”
“No. I’m good. I, uh, I didn’t have breakfast.”
She moved to his side and scanned his face, as though searching for signs of illness. “Oh. Well, let’s get out of here and grab something to eat.”
“Yeah, that sounds good. That sounds great, actually.”
He glanced at the photo one more time. The happy family was like a sign from the universe that this was the house he needed to buy. This was his new home. The place where he would have the life he wanted. This was the place where he would win Meg back.
“Feeling better?” Meg asked. She was unsettled by how quiet he’d been. Whenever Aiden was quiet, he was overthinking something. When he overthought things, he usually did something stupid. Like moving away without her.
He finished his hamburger and brushed his hands together. “Much.”
“Good. So what did you think about the last place? You didn’t say much.”
“I liked it.”
She smiled. She had suspected as much the moment they walked in. The house was perfect. Absolutely perfect. If Aiden didn’t snatch it up, she might. She hadn’t been looking for a home to buy, but that one was too good to let go. She had walked through the rooms and could actually imagine having a life there. “Great,” she said. “Do you want to make an offer?”
“It’s only the second place I’ve looked at. Let’s check out the other place we picked out yesterday. It had a lot of potential.”
She looked out the window, and anxiety settled in her gut. Even if she wasn’t driving, she didn’t like how the slush was starting to stick to the asphalt. The third house on their list was on the outskirts of town. “The snow is still coming down. If we are going to head out there, we should get going.”
Aiden took a few of her fries and stuffed them in his mouth and then wiped his hands. He slid out of the booth and carried their tray to the trash can. Though Meg still felt nervous around him, she had relaxed quite a bit.
“So,” he said after they climbed into his vehicle, “I haven’t bought Phil and Mal anything for the baby yet, but I want to do something big.”
She glanced at him, hating that he had surprised her once again. She wouldn’t have guessed that Aiden even knew people gave baby gifts. “We already had a baby shower.”
“But I wasn’t there.”
“Well, the baby’s too little for beer and a foosball table, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
He laughed. “I’ve outgrown that. Kind of. I mean, I’ll still play if there’s a table around, but I don’t have one anymore. Of course,” he said as he grinned, “that last basement was big enough for a foosball tourney.”
She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Oh, you were terrible at that game.”
“What? I was a champion. I bet Phil plays. I’m going to have to ask him about that.”
He laughed and got a wistful look on his face, like he was imagining battling it out with his cousin while Mallory and…whatever woman he ended up with gossiped about whatever moms gossip about. The scene flashed through Meg’s mind, and a strange pang, something far too close to envy, hit her.
“I was going to get a gift certificate to some fancy hotel with a restaurant so they can have a night off while I keep the baby,” Aiden clarified, pulling her from her strange daydream.
A few moments passed before she fully understood what he’d said. He had an idea for a baby gift. A really good idea for a baby gift. She stared at him, furrowing her brow.
His excitement seemed to dim. “Is that a terrible idea? I mean, I know they’re not going to want to leave it—him or her—right way, but a gift certificate can be used anytime.”
She frowned, disappointed she hadn’t thought of that. “Actually, that’s a really great idea. Kind of blows my portable crib out of the water, doesn’t it?”
He grinned. “Well, I bring it up because…you know…I don’t think that I should keep a baby all night by myself. Yeah, I’m a doctor, but I’ve never been a babysitter. So I was thinking maybe you could help me out with that?”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh. But you get all the credit, I suppose.”
“Well, it was my idea.”
“Mmm-hmm. Whose idea was it really?”
The shocked look on his face was as fake as his attempt to pass the idea off as his. “What? Like I can’t be creative?” He laughed when she lifted a brow at him. “Okay, I looked up baby shower ideas online. I liked that one.”
“Okay. You ante up half the money and half the babysitting. I’ll do my half, and it’s from both of us.” As soon as she said that, she stuttered. Couples gave gifts “from both of us,” not two individuals who were…whatever she and Aiden were.
“I can deal with that,” he said, saving her from her straying thoughts.
They filled the drive with a debate about hotels and restaurants before paring down to two options they agreed to check out later—but not too much later since Mallory’s due date was fast approaching. Meg practically squealed at the thought of holding the baby and confessed her plans to spoil the kid rotten. She couldn’t stop herself from laughing. She even clapped her hands and bounced a little.
“He’s going to be here before we know it. I can’t wait.” She glanced at him, and her smile fell. He was giving her the same look she figured she’d given him earlier—a complete WTF look. “What?”
“What?”
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’ve missed your laugh,” he said.
Her stomach twisted and her heart skipped. She had to turn away.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t.”
Actually, he had, but mostly because she couldn’t pinpoint why her brain was going to such forbidden places. She decided to blame Mallory. Ever since she got married and started a family, Meg had this nagging in her heart. It felt like it was time for her to do the same. She wasn’t even dating anyone! Why would she think about having a family? That was insane. But what was even crazier was that Aiden should fit in to that in any capacity.
