Stonehill Series Collection, page 20
He rolled his head back. “Jesus Christ, Kara. One day. That’s all I wanted. One fucking day of not dealing with this pity party that you refuse to give up.”
Kara straightened her back as she widened her eyes at him. “What did you just say?”
He shook his head. “Nothing. I didn’t mean it.”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Harry. For once in your life just stand by what comes out of your mouth. If you said it, you meant it. You think I’m living some kind of pity party? Me? Why would I be having a pity party? I lived my life, Harrison. I did something with my life. I gave birth to our son. I raised him. I provided for him. I did it all on my own, and I even managed to see and do some amazing things. I’ve had a pretty great life, as a matter of fact. What about you? Huh? What did you do with yourself all these years? Besides buy a cookie-cutter house and sit behind a desk every goddamned day.”
“At least my life wasn’t selfish, Kara. You were so busy running, you never stopped long enough to think about anyone else. You could have come home. You could have made sure I knew I had a son.”
“Your mother—”
“Sent you away. Yes, I know. You’ve made that clear.”
“Fuck you,” she screamed as she started around him.
Harry grabbed her arm. She struggled against his hold, but he pushed her to the door and put his hands to her face.
“Stop,” he whispered when she tried to pull away. “Please stop.”
She held herself rigid but quit fighting him.
“What are we doing?” he breathed. “Jesus, what are we doing?”
She blinked, but she couldn’t stop herself from sobbing. “We…We shouldn’t have gotten married.”
“Don’t.”
She shook her head. “It’s not too late. We can call the priest and ask him not to mail in the signed license. This won’t be legal. We won’t be married.”
“Stop. We’re going to fight. We’re going to push each other’s buttons. It’s what couples do. But we’re never giving up on each other and definitely not on the first day.”
She swallowed hard as the world closed in on her. “I don’t want you to hate me.”
He sighed as he pulled her from the door and wrapped his arms around her. “I could never hate you. I just wanted today to be perfect. I overreacted when it went to hell. I wanted us to look back on today and remember it as the day we brought our families together.”
She laughed through her tears. “Well, we’ll remember something.”
He pulled her with him to the bed and snagged several tissues from the nightstand to wipe her face.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “What I said about your life. I didn’t mean it. You’ve built something amazing. Something Phil always wanted and needed. What you’ve done is important.”
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her head. “And I understand why you never came home. I honestly do. I don’t blame you. I could never blame you.”
“I didn’t mean to start a fight.”
“You didn’t. I did.”
She sighed and looked at him. “Don’t do that, Harry.”
“Do what?”
“Take the blame for what I did. Elaine hit a nerve, and I responded. I knew I was picking at wounds, and I did it anyway. That’s what I tried to tell you. I can’t stop myself. Not with my parents, and apparently not with yours. I guess I’m just not ready for this happy family façade I’m trying to pull off. And it’s not a pity party.”
“I know.” He ran his hand over her back. “This is a hell of a situation.”
She fell back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. “I ruined our wedding day.”
He dropped back beside her. “No. You just made it more memorable.”
Kara exhaled a shaky breath. “You know how I like to run away from my problems?”
“Yeah?”
“You want to run away with me?”
His lip curved. “Now?”
“Right now.”
“What about our cake?”
Kara grinned. “I’d rather have ice cream. Just so happens, I know this great place.”
“Let’s go.” He pulled her to her feet but stopped her when she headed for the door.
Putting his palm to her face, he brushed his thumb over her lips and smiled slowly. He dipped down and kissed her tenderly. When passion started to slip into the kiss, she leaned back and shook her head at him.
“You’re just going to have to wait for that.”
“Damn,” he whispered. Draping his arm over her shoulder, he guided her from the room.
They’d just reached the first floor when Charles stepped out of the living room. The sorrow on his face immediately dampened Kara’s spirits.
“Leaving?” he asked.
She nodded.
“May I have just a minute? Please?”
She drew a deep breath as Harry kissed her temple and headed toward the kitchen.
Charles gestured toward the living room. “Sit with me. Please.”
She eased down onto the sofa, and he sat next to her.
“You remind me so much of my mother. Have I ever told you that?”
“Yeah. When I was younger.”
“Right.” He smiled. “She was so strong and brave.”
Kara scoffed. “I’m not brave.”
“You are. You couldn’t have done everything you had to do if you weren’t. I know we’ve said this already—I’ve apologized and you’ve accepted—but maybe…maybe you need to hear it again.”
“Dad—”
“I never knew how to be a father to you, Kara. From the day you were born, you were so strong-willed.”
“Stubborn.”
“Determined. You were determined to be independent. To be your own person. To color outside the lines every chance you got. I didn’t know how to handle that. You were never a bad child. You were just so strong. How could I be a father to you when you didn’t need me?”
“I needed you.”
“No, you didn’t. You allowed me to be there, but you never needed me. You never needed anyone. And you’ve proven that in the way you raised Phil. You had that same grit growing up. You could take on anything, and you did it alone. Honestly, Kara, I don’t see how you could have raised him any other way. You’ve always been on your own, even when you were a kid. I guess, maybe that’s why I reacted the way I did when you told us you were pregnant. If I’d known how to parent you better, maybe I could have prevented that. Maybe I could have kept you on the right track.”
She lowered her face and sighed. “Dad, I was a hormonal teenager infatuated by a very handsome boy. Nothing you could have done would have prevented me from being with him. The fact that I was so independent, as you call it, is probably the only reason I didn’t get pregnant sooner. I was terrified to talk to him, let alone do anything else. But graduation night, you know, I suddenly thought I was a grown-up. You didn’t raise me wrong. You didn’t fail me. You were a great dad.”
“No, honey, I wasn’t. After you disappeared, we hired someone to find you. He came to the house with a list of questions. Where did you like to hang out? Who were your friends? Who was the father of the baby? Was there someplace that you always wanted to live? Did you know people in other areas of the state or the country that you would turn to? We couldn’t answer any of that. Because we didn’t know. Because we never bothered to know you. We just tried to…keep you coloring in the lines, and you just kept pushing back, and we didn’t try harder.” He smiled sadly. “Which leads us to me apologizing again.”
“I don’t need any more apologies.”
“We’re still on shaky ground, Kara.”
“Apologies aren’t going to fix that.”
“What will?”
She inhaled deeply. “I don’t know. I don’t want to be angry. I want to just forgive and move on. But there are parts of me that are still very angry. I think I’m better, and then something sets me off. I try to control it, but—”
“That never was your strong suit.” He chuckled. “You do tend to say what you feel.”
She closed her eyes and attempted to push away the urge to cry. “I’m trying, Dad. I am. I’m sure sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.”
“You’ve had a long time to stew over things.”
“Yeah. And believe me, I did. Whenever life settled down and things got quiet, the past replayed over and over in my mind. That’s why I never stopped moving. Because I didn’t want to have to think and feel. But I’ve stopped. My life is settled, and things are quiet. And all the things I’ve been running from are catching up to me, and sometimes I feel like they are tearing me apart inside. I wish I could make it stop. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” She lowered her face as tears filled her eyes. “Harry is giving me this brand-new start. And I don’t want it tainted by the past. But I can’t pretend I’m over the hurt, because denying it only seems to make it worse.”
“So how do we move forward?”
She swallowed down the urge to cry. “Harry and I are going to take some time. We’re going to stop worrying about you and Mom and Elaine, and we’re going to focus on us now.”
“Kara—”
“I know. You’re sick.” She couldn’t stop the sob this time. “I don’t want—” Wiping her cheeks, she took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. “Daddy, I’m afraid of ruining what little time we have left.”
He gripped her hand and nodded. “I understand. I do. You think I’m not terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing? I missed so much of your life. I just don’t want to miss a minute more.”
“I don’t want that either.”
“You were about to walk out on your wedding.”
She lifted her finger and grinned. “Yes, but I was taking my groom with me.”
Charles chuckled.
“Harry has this calming effect on me. I don’t know what it is, but he’s always had it. Being with him makes all this feel less overwhelming. I don’t do well with feeling overwhelmed.”
“You never did.” Leaning over, he kissed her temple and slid his arm around her shoulders. “I need you to know that even though I didn’t always make the right choices, I was always proud of you.”
“Dad,” she whispered as the emotion in her chest bubbled up again.
“And I’ve always, always loved you.” He kissed her head one more time. “Go find your husband. Let him bring back that sense of peace we stole during your dinner.”
She sighed heavily. “I love you, Dad.” She was slipping her feet into a pair of sandals when Harry poked his head from the kitchen.
“We going?”
She smiled. “Yes. We’re going.” She held her hand out to him and tugged him closer when he slid his palm against hers.
“You okay?”
“I’ll be better when my husband gets me some ice cream.”
He smiled about as wide as she’d ever seen. “Then I’d better get my wife some ice cream.”
18
Harry smiled as Kara pulled her hair back and used the elastic band she’d been holding between her teeth to secure the mass in place. He couldn’t think of a time she’d looked more nervous—not even on their wedding day.
“I can’t believe you are making me do this,” she said.
Harry kissed the back of her freshly exposed neck. The way a shiver always rolled through her when he pressed his lips there had made it his favorite spot. “It’s just dinner.”
“With that prick Mitch Friedman.”
“He actually just goes by Mitch Friedman now.”
She stopped fixing her hair and smirked at him in the mirror. “I think you’re developing a Kara Martinson-approved sense of sarcasm.”
“Canton. Kara Canton-approved sense of sarcasm.” He swatted her behind. “Hurry up. I don’t want to be late.” He left her to finish getting ready, whistling as he walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed to put his shoes on.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she called a few minutes later.
He’d lost count of how many times she’d said that since he informed her of their plans. “Consider it part of our plan to let go of the past.”
She crossed the room and pushed him back on the bed. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather stay home?”
He ran his hands up her thighs as she straddled his hips. “Don’t tempt me.”
“Oh, I am tempting you.” She reached for his belt buckle, but he grabbed her hand.
“Dianna wants to meet you. Apparently she got quite a kick out of the story about how you squirted paint on her husband.”
“I’m not sure I want to meet her. What kind of woman marries a man who treats his girl like an ornament?”
“That was almost thirty years ago, Kara. He’s grown up since then. And please don’t call Dianna his girl. I don’t think she’d appreciate it. He’d likely be amused, though.”
She pushed herself off him. “I’m sure.”
He leaned up, watching as she shrugged into a sweater. “He invited us to dinner to celebrate our marriage. Quite frankly, I’m glad someone besides our son is excited for us. And Dianna is a very sweet woman. Give her a chance. You may actually make a friend.”
“I can’t imagine that I could possibly have anything in common with Mitch’s wife.”
“She’s from Oregon.” He smiled when Kara stopped reaching for her earrings and looked at him. “Born and raised in the northwest according to Mitch.”
“Well,” Kara said, “maybe she won’t be so bad after all.”
Kara hated that her old high school nemesis could still raise her blood pressure. This time, however, it wasn’t his commentary on Frieda Kahlo’s eyebrows that had Kara riled up. Damn near every time a woman walked by, his gaze was wandering. Dianna, who turned out to be far too sweet for the rat, was oblivious to her husband’s interest in every female around but her. Kara, on the other hand, was ready to rip his head off.
“I would love to take a class,” Dianna said.
Kara blinked a few times and refocused. “I’m sorry?”
“A class. With you. Painting. I never could get the hang of art.”
Dianna smiled, and Kara felt her frustration grow. She wanted to scoop this woman up and rescue her from the vulture who couldn’t stop looking at their server’s breasts.
“Mitch says you play piano,” Harry offered.
Mitch returned his attention to the conversation. “Oh. She used to. Not much anymore.” He reached over and patted Dianna’s shoulder like she were a dog. “All she cares about these days are what the kids are into.”
Dianna’s smile faltered a bit at his dismissal.
“I love the piano,” Kara said. “How long have you played?” She saw a guarded light in Dianna’s eyes. She’d been there—in that place where everyone treated her art as a hobby. Hell, she’d grown up there. Her parents still seemed to think she’d eventually outgrow her craft. Leaning closer, Kara pushed Mitch from her mind and focused on subtly rebuilding the woman he probably didn’t even know he was tearing down.
They talked about art, music, theater, anything that brought a spark to Dianna’s face. By the time their meal ended, they had established a long list of shared interests, and Kara genuinely liked her. She wanted to spend more time getting to know her, but when Mitch suggested drinks, Kara insisted she was ready to go home.
She was moments from being free of Mitch when he nabbed her into a hug. It wasn’t overly friendly, but it made her skin crawl.
“It was good to see you again, Kara,” he said in her ear.
She leaned back and held his gaze. She wanted to tell him she was on to him and his sleazy ways, but she forced a smile instead. Turning to Dianna, she took the woman’s hand and squeezed it. “It was wonderful to meet you.”
“You, too. It’s not often I get to talk about music.”
“Me neither. Let’s get together for lunch soon and do it again.” She put her arm through Harry’s and walked with him out of the restaurant.
“That wasn’t so bad,” he announced.
She pulled him to a stop and looked directly into his eyes. “Are you kidding me?”
His brow creased with confusion. “You looked like you were having fun.”
She exhaled and her frown deepened. “Don’t pretend that you didn’t notice him looking at every woman in that place like she was on the menu while his wife was sitting right there.”
Harry sagged a bit. “Yeah. He does that.”
“It was horrible. She doesn’t deserve that. I don’t even know her, and I know she doesn’t deserve that. I’m not a fool, Harry, and I’m certainly not a prude. I know men look, but don’t you ever act like that when I’m right there.”
“I wouldn’t.”
She exhaled and looked back at the restaurant. “She puts on a good front, but she’s so sad. I could see it in her eyes.” She pulled from him and started for the car.
They were buckling their seat belts before he asked, “What’s going on in that mind of yours, Kara?”
“Nothing.”
“It’s something.”
“All my adult life, I’ve been around women with that same look in their eyes. Women who’d had their spirits trampled in one way or another. They never saw it coming. They were all so blind. We were all so blind. I won’t be again.”
Harry frowned. “Don’t lump me in with those people who hurt you, Kara.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You think I don’t hear what you’re saying? You’re warning me not to hurt you, as if I’ve done it before. But I haven’t. I was betrayed, too. I just didn’t realize it until much later.”
She put her hand on his. “I know. I’m sorry. I can’t help but feel solidarity with women like that.”
“Like what?”
“Broken. She’s broken, Harry. And it hurts my soul because I was broken, too. I want to help her. She needs someone.”
He looked down for a moment before meeting her gaze. “Just make sure you are doing it for her.”
She creased her brow. “Why else would I do it?”
“Because fixing her problems is just another way to avoid yours.” He reached for the ignition. “Don’t even try to deny it.”
