Company Unknown 5, page 16
Redcaps were fairly fast and somewhat clever at first glance, but once you’d fought them a few times, their tricks became predictable. As long as we kept our lines tight and didn’t go chasing after them, we’d be fine. I didn’t even need to ask Metric if she’d trained our squad to fight them, but I did just to mess with her. As she gave her answer, I started moving toward the door with my tiny shadow hovering behind me without missing a step. Her big eyes held knowing approval as she watched Metric chatter away as the door closed.
I signaled to Viper and she pulled the whole squad over. Metric arrived from behind at the same time the rest did from the front. They formed up in a perfect line and awaited my coming genius (and Metric’s piddly part, where she explained how they would make that happen).
“We’re hunting some redcaps,” I said simply. There just wasn’t any energy left for my usual inspiring brilliance.
A few head nods and a couple of raised fists answered me. That would have made me happy if one of those fists wasn’t so tiny and beside me.
“You’re not coming, Lyre.”
“Am too,” the kid said.
“I’m your commanding officer, recruit, and as such I order you to stay in the town while we’re gone and not cause any trouble.” I turned to Metric. “Give her the list I know you’ve made about what constitutes trouble.”
The tepu nodded once and pulled a stack of papers out of her bag.
The tiny dhampir glanced at it for a second and shoved it below her crossed arms. “Doesn’t matter because I’m not staying. You said earlier I’m not an official member of your company, so I officially don’t have to listen to you. Unless I want to.”
“Then as your not-father, I order you.”
“To which I not-listen.”
Dink’s snicker caught in his mouth as all remaining heads in the squad shook vigorously at him.
Knowing that the best way to squelch their antics was to do what my mom had always done to me, I pretended not to see anything and focused my attention back on Metric. “Get the squad in order and go over our normal redcap tactics. I’ve got something quick to finish before we leave.”
Before the tepu completed her nod, I activated Swap and targeted one of our friendly labor zombies in the distance. As soon as I arrived at my new destination, I plopped a Dimensional Trip portal around a corner. The unexpected combo worked perfectly, as Lyre was no longer in sight when I entered the ceiling-less building that had been pointed out to me as the one Twinkle was using for his latest project.
Despite the explosions that greeted me, I knew I hadn’t made a mistake coming here. Though the little girl’s constant presence was annoying, the real reason I’d ditched her was that she shouldn’t hear this particular conversation.
Walking through the wreckage, I couldn’t remember what exactly I’d asked him to build, or even if I had asked him anything at all. I guessed that since he was keeping his trouble contained to one small area, it was a win for me regardless. I reassessed that assumption while tiptoeing past more metal bits, wires, and broken things than I’d seen in one of those ancient gnomish clockwork factories after teams of hunters had destroyed all the automatons and constructs. Most of his soldiers shook their heads at me as I passed, but none dared say a word. Despite the nearly ear-cracking sound of Twinkle’s giant blowtorch and the regular explosions, I could still hear his cursing thundering off the walls.
If the crusty dwarf thought that would discourage me, he really didn’t know me at all. He could obviously see my tapping foot beneath the undercarriage of whatever he was building, but still he kept working and cursing. I kept tapping because I knew how he fed on loud noises, especially yelling. Quiet and unyielding always broke his momentum. I just had to keep it up.
Five minutes later, he finally shoved off the vehicle and slid out between my legs. “What?”
The focus of his voice and shortness of the words threw me off, but only for a second. “Got a few questions I need you to answer.”
“Don’t have time. Come back later.” He slid back beneath his creation.
Though I sensed this time was a bit different, I couldn’t afford to wait for his sensitive temper to cool off. In one quick motion, I slid my arm below and yanked him back out.
“Matter of life and death,” I said.
He bit my hand and slid back. “So is this.”
Before I could reach down again, the edges of the thing dropped to cover all the exits. Banging on it only drew an earsplitting echo of laughter. I tried ordering him and then his squad members to open the thing up again, but he wasn’t listening and they didn’t know how.
Not having any more time to waste and figuring it would take at least the few hours our mission would encompass before he cooled down enough to try again, I left. Just outside the door to greet me was my familiar shadow.
“Not sorry about ditching you, but there might have been a few things said in there you wouldn’t want to hear,” I said.
“Yup. Figured, so I waited.” Her crossed arms held the packet Metric had given her, listing out what the bird thought of as trouble.
“You’re still not coming with us.” This time, I swapped a couple hundred feet away to the walkway on the wall and ducked so she couldn’t see me.
I waited a couple minutes and then peeked over. She wasn’t looking straight at me like the pit of my stomach expected. As a matter of fact, she wasn’t anywhere in sight.
“Where do you think she went?” a low voice said just over my shoulder.
As a dignified, glorious leader of men and women, I had to fight back the urge to jump up and scream like a new recruit, or the ten-year-old in front of me . . . probably. Lyre sounded a lot more mature than I did at that age—or the four years she actually was—or the nineteen years I currently was. Appearance could be deceiving, though. It usually surprised anyone new that I wasn’t a dashing, charming, genius, badass hero of the common people; I was actually an extremely awesome dashing, charming, genius, badass hero of the common and uncommon people. And sometimes the quiet ones were only that way most of the time. They were holding all their built-up anger for one massive explosion.
There was a lot to learn about this little person. Chief among them was how to get rid of her.
Again, her wide eyes read directly into my soul. “You can’t unless I let you. Like Mom.”
“What about for some candy?” I reached into my bag, though I knew Dink had stolen every sugary nugget last week.
“Does it taste like blood?” The briefest hint of a fang slid out below her upper lip.
“Please tell me you didn’t take everything from your vampire half.”
“’Course not.” The rest of her fangs popping out as she grinned did not help her case. “I can eat regular foods fine. Blood’s just more fun. Creeps people out. Makes ’em do stupid things. And I can go in the sun with no problem too. Don’t think I’ll ever get a tan, though.”
“How tough are you?” I asked. “Do you regenerate like them?”
“Plenty of both, but it don’t matter because they never hit me.” She motioned to the hammer at my waist. “Go ahead and try.”
“I am not hitting a ten-year-old girl—or any ten-year olds—or any four-year-olds who look ten, no matter what kind of superpowers they have.”
“What if I agree to stay back in the town while you go off and work away your excess testosterone, or whatever it is you’re trying to do?”
I stared at the ram’s head carved into my hammer. Just as it did the hundreds of other times I’d tried, it failed to look back. No response either. No words of wisdom. No wink or head shake. Not even a “Baaa!” It was as useful as Metric.
Staring at the expectant eyes of my not-daughter, I decided there was really only one option. I grabbed the carved piece of crystalline metal and flipped the grip into my hand.
Before anyone I knew would have been able to react, I swung. Not hard, of course. I’m only partially an animal. But it was fast. Really fast. And accurate too. The kind of accuracy that comes solely from natural ability, a ton of training, and a weapon skill. My aim was truer than ever. Right in the hip, just below the waist. She’d better hope her regeneration wasn’t as made up as her supposed speed.
. . . because if it was, she could have probably survived having her head cut off. It looked like she had been holding back before. Though she’d darted out of the way at barely the last second, she was now ten yards away.
Never one to be deterred, I tried a few more times after closing the distance. When that failed, I tried a few feints and swung where I guessed she’d go. It worked the first time in the faking-her-out part, but that just meant she was five yards away afterward. Some more advanced feints and other deceptive maneuvers fared no better. In fact, the double feint nearly ended with the hammer in my gut.
Her twinkling laughter only made my aim worse. “Already losing your touch, old man?”
“I. Am. Not. Old.” My blow took the corner off Twinkle’s workshop. I hoped one of the bricks landed in his big mouth.
“He said creakily… His joints groaned like he was a zombie waking from a centuries’ old slumber. His brain screeched like that of an ancient automaton deprived of oil for nearly its entire millennia of existence.” She dodged backward and then danced quickly forward to hover both hands above my hammer as it flew without touching it.
Things just got worse from there. Not only was she taunting me by getting close without making any contact, but our noise had drawn a crowd. The annoying halfling Flex was taking bets as usual, but very little money was changing hands—meaning no one was taking one of the sides. If I thought the little speed demon would give me a few seconds, I would have taken all the action on that side. No sane person would bet on me, so it was up to the most insane person here to even that up. Of course, no such reprieve came. Any time I tried to slow down or gather my thoughts, she darted in and made faces.
My body had had enough, and I fell to the ground. Though my fall had initially been caused by my legs getting twisted together, I found no strength left in them to rise.
“Grandpa needs a nap?” She stuck her tongue out and wiggled her hips.
“No, you do.”
Her face drooped in confusion, for about a second. “Mom said you were clever, but if that’s the best banter you’ve got left, maybe you aren’t my dad after all.”
“I’m not. Just like I’m not going to lose.”
Her confusion lasted a lot longer this time. Maybe a whole three seconds. Maybe more. I couldn’t really see her after Enter the Void sucked her up, but the look was definitely gone when it spit her back out. I couldn’t tell what debuff she got, like most of the time, but it didn’t matter. The fall had shocked her, and she wasn’t moving. Except for her face. That was all anger.
“I win,” I said, uncharacteristically not gloating. “You’re staying here and not getting into any trouble. It’ll probably take as long as I’m gone to read through all that crap Metric gave you anyway.”
“Wrong! The deal was you had to touch me. Since that portal is not a part of you, the game is still on.”
I shook my head and motioned to her left where the head of my hammer was resting against her shoulder. While the small grin was beginning to spread across her face, I slid in and tapped her other shoulder with my now naked hand.
Not staying to gloat was another of the unusual things about this encounter. You could call it growth and you’d be right, but probably not for the reason you’re thinking. I’d always laughed at the notion that “silence can often speak louder than words,” but it sure worked great here. I spun around without even looking her in the eye or saying anything. It made her angrier than any witty tirade or taunting gesture ever could.
The “Goddammit!” was music to my ears. For the first time ever, I didn’t mind the music (and only a little because it was metaphorical). It sounded good. It sounded right. Maybe being a father wouldn’t be so bad either.
23
MISSING MY MISSION
The only thing unexpected about Pits rushing up to us before we were halfway to the town’s gate was that we’d made it that far before someone stopped me. Dink’s idea to wear fake mustaches and ball gowns wasn’t sounding so bad about now. That’s how awful Pits’s interruption was; it made Dink sound sane.
“Kicks said you were going out for a mission,” the tough old gnome mostly panted out.
“No,” I replied. “I was going to go out for a mission, but you interrupted me.”
He blinked a few times before kicking me in the shin. “If your mom had said that to me, she would have expected the same.”
“Fine, let’s get this over with. What do you want?”
“Thought you might want to know—that armored fella you said to look out for is out there. So maybe be careful? Or just don’t go, like a sane person.”
“Has anything I’ve ever done struck you as sane? Rhetorical question. So, why would you expect me to start now?”
He shook his big head and grumbled a bit under his breath. “Can’t be crazier than me signing up with you lot, can it?” He glared up at me. “Also a rhetorical question, kid.”
“Sorry. Was only messing with you, Pits. Been a long day . . . week . . . couple of months? But I promise to be careful. Not even I’m dumb enough to try taking that guy on again.”
Dink snickered behind me. My glare only made him laugh louder.
“Because if he gets me, I won’t be able to give you more training. If there’s one thing you can count on me for, it’s to live just to spite you, Dink.”
He was about to ramp up to a loud chuckle when he caught Metric writing something in her notepad. The tepu raised one talon but I shook it off and held up two fingers.
With that over, Pits met me in a stare-off. I responded in kind. The gnome finally backed down.
“As long as I told you and you gave me your word, that’s good enough for me,” the gnome said. “Just be careful.”
“I will, Mom.”
That drew a wry smile, and the gnome shook his head while walking off.
A few other heads peeked out as we resumed our walk toward the gate, but one look at my eyes and they disappeared. I needed to blow off some steam and they knew it.
Once outside, the forest was eerily quiet. Either the monsters and wildlife of the forest could feel my anger too—or the soldiers who had been tramping through their home had scared or killed them all off. The only noises were coming from inside our town, and most of those were explosions and curses from Twinkle’s workshop. The armored juggernaut didn’t seem so scary after all.
I pretended to not take Pits’s warning to heart, but I had us go slow and check every direction thoroughly with Eagle Eye, Tiny Eyes, and a lot of traditional scouting before moving on. Though a big guy with lots of heavy armor should have been easy to hear, he’d had a lot of tricks up his sleeves when we’d met before. Quietness enchantments or stealth skills wouldn’t be the least bit surprising in his repertoire, not to mention having other equally powerful allies.
But despite my fear for the worst, we didn’t encounter a single living or unliving thing before we ran into our first redcap. I’d been so absorbed with the big guy and his friends, I hadn’t prepared us at all for the mission. As always, Metric very much had. The tepu maneuvered the squad in our airtight formation before the first hasty spear slammed into us. The redcap had been so focused on exploiting what it thought was an easy opening that it couldn’t stop. Metric’s Tiny Eye confirmed it was nothing but a smear on Madcap’s shield without anyone having to swing a weapon.
The rest weren’t quite so dumb or unlucky. A few soldiers found their spears more effective when thrown over our wall. Viper countered most by knocking them off course with her arrows, and Metric was able to undo the damage with heals for the rest. Considering the speed of their movements, it wasn’t wise to Swap any inside our circle, so I contented myself with Enter the Voids or helping out on heals. It was boring but “boring saves lives.” I sighed at the realization that I was agreeing with that statement more and more. At this rate, I’d be all the fun of an eighty-year-old man before my next birthday.
Praying for excitement, however, often brings it—and never in the way you want it.
The ground shuddered, and given the bag-of-flour weight of the average redcap, I knew it wasn’t because of them. In one of my most crushing defeats as a child, Hangnail had thoroughly trounced the feasibility of a bunch of redcaps contorting and balancing together to form one giant redcap. A powerful ally was somewhat possible, but the runts were so annoying it was doubtful. My gut proved right as the armored man finally pushed a huge maple out of his way to appear in our view.
Not even the normally suicidal fearlessness of the redcaps held. They were gone before my squad finished standing back up. If the juggernaut cared, the small bits of his face visible through the two slits in his helmet didn’t show it. He certainly made no effort to pursue our tiny targets. And regaining my wits made it seem like he wasn’t terribly interested in my squad either. His three-pointed helmet was glued on me.
“I’m one hundred percent sure you’re at least not an ex-girlfriend,” I said as I leisurely slid my hammer from my belt.
No reaction. Not a blink, a smirk, or even a breath. There was a strong possibility the little bits of skin I could see weren’t attached to anything alive. Could have been under a spell of control too. Could have also just been a big dude who didn’t like me.
“Or is that why you’re chasing me? Saw this handsome slice of half-demon and just had to have you some.” I wiggled my moneymaker and slapped my ass.
