Remembering Him, page 18
“And why the hell not? It’s stuff for the trip. I want to see.”
“Well, you don’t get to.” She picked up a box in each arm, and though she was evidently struggling to balance both boxes at the same time, she marched them back to her bedroom. I watched, stunned, while she deposited them there, then made her way back down the hall to pick up another pair of boxes.
There was only one left. When she made it halfway down the hall, I ripped it open.
The two boxes she carried teetered while she debated. She looked between her room and me, midway between the two.
“Damn.” She dropped the boxes and ran toward me.
But I was already pulling stuff out of the box. “What’s the big deal? It’s just our packs.”
The panic dropped from her face and she eased into a cool smile. “Yeah, that’s right. It’s just our packs.” She giggled and the sound was way off. “No big deal.”
Looking from her to the internal frame backpack in my hand and back again, I couldn’t figure it out. “Then why are you acting so sketchy?”
Again, the manic giggle. “I’m not. I’m totally not. I just want you to be surprised is all.”
“I thought you wanted me to get excited about this trip. It’s going to be so amazing. I’m going to reconnect with my wild and all that.”
She fiddled with the hem of her sleeve. “It’s not going to be that amazing. It might actually turn out to be boring in the end.”
I sat on the floor, crossed my legs, and inspected the pack, searching for clues. When I didn’t find a single one, I narrowed my eyes at my sister. “Are you on crack or something? Is that the big secret? You lost your mind? You’ve been talking up this trip like it’s the best thing since sex, and now you say it might be boring? You expect me to believe that exploring untouched wilderness will be boring? In the company of a dozen people who hire you to be wild with them? There’s even going to be a fun gay couple and you expect me to think it’s going to bore the dickens out of me?”
Sam looked between the bag and me, biting her lip.
“Your eye just twitched!” I accused.
She threw her hands in the air. “So what if it did? This is stressing me the hell out. I’m not made for keeping secrets, not when you’re going to be like a hound dog about it. I can’t anymore.”
I smiled clinically. “Then just tell me. Problem solved.”
“No.”
But I knew my sister. She’d cave if I kept it up.
And what was it with the damn bag? “Is this my bag? Can I start packing?”
“No,” she squeaked. “Don’t pack.”
“What?” I sighed heavily. “Why on earth not? No harm in being extra prepared. I’d make Mom proud.”
“It’s not … no, don’t pack. Just … don’t.”
The doorbell rang another time and I groaned.
Sam bolted for the door, slid in her socks across the hardwood floor, and yanked it open.
On a whoosh, she exclaimed, “Thank fuck, Jace. Rae’s been hounding me. I was about to spill the beans.”
I stood up in slow motion, blinking stupidly at the door. “Jace?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
~ Jace ~
There was no good reason to be nervous, I understood that. I was more comfortable with Rae than I was with anyone else. Even after all we’d been through, that remained the case. And though Sam had been hesitant about my marriage idea at first, I’d won her over to Team Reconciliation. At the end of the day, Sam just wanted Rae and me to be happy.
But seeing Rae standing at the door, looking at me with those big, whiskey eyes, knowing I was about to ask her to marry me, was enough to make my stomach churn.
I cleared my throat. “Hey.” It was the kind of memorable greeting I was going for on the day of my proposal. The kind of greeting our kids and our kids’ kids would talk about.
Cringing inside, I plastered a smile on my face. “Rae, do you want to go on a ride with me?”
Rae looked between me and Sam a few times before finally nodding. “Uh, yeah, sure. Of course. Let me just grab a jacket.”
She gave me and Sam a final glance before disappearing down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. I knew the house well enough. I’d helped Sam move in a few years ago.
“Don’t say a word about how well I’m handling this,” I said the moment Rae disappeared into one of the back rooms.
“Don’t worry. I won’t,” Sam said. “You should’ve seen me before you got here. I was two seconds from telling her everything. She was grilling me like she was a real-life Nancy Drew and I was the bumbling idiot she cornered.”
“You didn’t tell her anything though, right? She doesn’t know why I’m here?”
“Nope. Though it was a close one. She unpacked some of the gear for my upcoming trip to the Amazon. I swore she was about to notice there was only gear for one person, not two, but then she didn’t. You showed up just in time so she couldn’t ask any more questions.”
“You don’t think she’ll mind missing the trip?”
“For your honeymoon? Are you kidding me? Hell no, she won’t mind. Amazing sex over camping out where there are huge bugs and snakes and all sorts of scary shit is kind of a no-brainer.”
I grinned. “She said the sex was amazing?”
“She didn’t have to. She’s been walking around in a daze for weeks thinking about you.”
“Oh yeah?” My grin grew wider.
“Definitely. She—” Sam abruptly cut off.
“Oh, that’s not suspicious at all,” Rae called out as she walked down the hallway back toward us. “Don’t let me interrupt you. Please do go on.”
Sam and I blinked at her like deer caught in the proverbial headlights.
When she reached us, she flipped the long part of her hair over her shoulder. “Fine. Be that way. Leave me out of the joke.”
“It’s not a joke,” I said. “I promise.”
“It’s the furthest thing from a joke there is.” Sam grimaced at me. “You’ll see. You’ll love the surprise.” She clapped a hand to her mouth, eyes wide. “Get her out of here, Jace. I’ve lost control of what’s spewing out of my mouth.”
She didn’t have to tell me twice. The sooner I proposed, the sooner I could get over these nerves … and start planning our life together.
As teenagers, Rae and I loved escaping to the beach, where we’d spend hours making out to the sound of the pounding surf. It was the perfect way to propose. It was outside of town, which meant we’d be away from prying nosy neighbors, and it was a place special to us.
Though Rae was clearly suspicious, she hopped on the back of my bike without question. When she wrapped her arms around me and leaned her face into my back, the tension making my body vibrate eased some. When I opened up the Chief on the highway that led to the ocean, I relaxed entirely. I was on my bike with the woman I loved behind me.
And we were going to get married.
We came up on the signs for Soft Dune Beach. I slowed my bike down, pondering. We could also drive out to the next beach over. It’d give me more time to enjoy the ride, and more time for my nerves to agree to behave.
At the last possible moment, I swerved to take the exit. I couldn’t wait to see the surprise on her face. She’d be thrilled that I was able to put the past behind us to share the life we both wanted—together.
Rae squeezed her arms around my torso reassuringly. I smiled into the faceplate of my helmet. Mom was going to freak when she found out we were getting married. Aunt Vina wouldn’t be far behind. But eventually, they’d both get over it, as would the rest of the town. Mom, Aunt Vina, and the rest of my family had adored Rae before she moved away. They’d learn to adore her again; I’d make sure of it.
We’d have to buy, or maybe even build, our own house. An apartment above a garage was no place to raise a family.
I slowed the bike to a stop and cut the engine.
“Soft Dune Beach, huh?” she said, close to my ear. Heat ran through me at her whisper. I couldn’t wait to get her naked again. I was about to guarantee a lifetime of Rae nakedness. I took off my helmet, stashing it before receiving hers and placing it on the seat.
“And what are you grinning at, mister?” she asked.
I grinned some more. “You’ll see.”
“That’s the answer of the hour, isn’t it?”
I didn’t say anything, taking her hand instead, leading her down toward the beach. The sound of the break lulled us toward the ocean; the air was thick with brine. We stopped to remove our boots, then the fine white sand Soft Dune Beach was famous for massaged our feet.
Squeezing her hand, I drew her to a stop and took her in.
A breeze whipped up, curling the long strands of her hair around her face. She wrestled them into line with her free hand—until I took it too, holding it in mine.
“What?” She smiled. “You’re looking at me funny.”
Shit. Funny was not the vibe I was going for. For a few seconds, I debated how to ameliorate the scene…
“Oh, fuck it.”
She arched her brows at me. “Fuck it? Kind of how you said ‘fuck it’ at your place that night? And then you proceeded to, well, you know, prove you mean what you say.” She winked at me.
“Yeah, kind of like that.”
“You brought me to the beach to have sex?” she asked.
“No, no I didn’t. Though we could once I’m finished asking you … what I want to ask you.”
She laughed, bouncing her head back. “I always did love getting it on with you on this beach. It was always worth the price of finding sand where the sun don’t shine later.”
I chuckled. “That’s why I brought you here. I want a lifetime of that.”
“Of finding sand where the sun don’t shine?”
I laughed freely. The way her eyes twinkled with mischief, she was playing with me. “If it means getting it on with you on the beach, hell yeah. I want to get it on with you all over the place.”
She took her hands from mine, leaning into my chest. “You say the sweetest things.” Her voice was suddenly husky.
Heat seared through my body. I had to hurry this up. I wanted to get to the celebrating part of things—and pronto. My body was already responding to her.
With difficulty, I nudged her away. Before her puzzled look could take flight, I lowered to one knee.
Her mouth dropped open as she stared at me.
I withdrew a blue velvet ring box from the inside pocket of my leather jacket.
She gasped. “Jace.” My name was no more than a whisper skimming past her lips.
She was the one for me. The only one for me.
“Rae, I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I never stopped loving you, no matter how hard I tried, and I tried hard, trust me on that. I know there’s a lot of shit in our past.” I swallowed a grimace. Probably shouldn’t use cuss words in my proposal. I barreled on, anxious to spit it out. I wasn’t one for mushiness, but Rae had shared how she felt about me, and fair was fair.
“What I’m trying to say here is, let’s leave the past in the past. I want to build my now and my future with you. I love you, Rae. Will you marry me?”
Tears shimmered in her eyes. She bit her bottom lip while she darted her attention between me and the ring.
“Do you like the ring?” I asked. “I picked it out myself, even though Sam wanted to come with me to see Mandy and Will at their jewelry shop.”
“I-I love it. It’s beautiful.”
I withdrew the ring from the box and went to slip it on her finger, pausing to ask: “So … are you gonna be my wife or what?” I chuckled, thinking she’d join in laughing about how much I was botching up this proposal. But what counted was my heart and all the love I held for her in it, right? Rae would be the first one to say that.
“Jace,” she said, and something about the way she said my name made me freeze. You couldn’t have moved me if a tsunami were barreling toward us.
“You know I love you,” she continued, “so incredibly much. There’s nothing I’d rather do than marry you.”
I sighed loudly. “Damn. You had me worried there for a second, babe.” But as I moved to slide the ring on her hand, she closed her fingers around mine.
“That’s why I can’t marry you.”
The whooshing of my pulse thundered through my head, louder than the surf. “What?” I said, hoping beyond hope that I’d misheard her.
“I love you with all my heart, I truly do. But that’s why I can’t marry you. I have no idea why I transformed into some bitch before. What if it happens again? I can’t do that to you.”
I stood, withdrawing my hands from hers but not bothering to wipe the sand from the knee of my pants. The sounds, sights, and feelings surrounding me muted, and all I could sense was the distance Rae was carving out between us.
Speaking to the ground, I asked: “So you’re saying no to me? You’re saying you won’t marry me?” At the end, I flicked my gaze up to meet hers.
“What I’m saying is that there’s nothing I want more than to marry you. But you heard Sam … she thinks I’ll end up hurting you all over again. I-I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.”
Breathing heavily, I asked: “So you’d rather live your life without me than take a risk to be with me?”
“I’d risk myself a thousand times over to be with you. But I can’t risk you. You’re the most important person to me in the whole world. How could I risk you, after what I already did to you?”
“So that’s it? You’re just going to do what Sam tells you to do? You’re going to dump me all over again?”
“No! Of course not. I’ll do anything not to hurt you. I love you.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
“Jace…” She reached for me.
I yanked my arm out of the way, shoving the blasted ring back into my jacket pocket.
“Come on, Jace,” she implored. “You know it’s not like that. I want to marry you. I want to marry you more than anything else in the world. But…”
I didn’t stick around to listen to whatever other excuse she wanted to lob my way for turning me down. I spun on my bare heel and all but ran back up the beach.
She called my name as I hastily shoved my feet back in my boots. I didn’t bother with my socks, shoving them into a pocket.
I could feel her running up the beach toward me, just as I probably would always be able to feel her, but I refused to turn.
I’d forgiven her. I was willing to look past everything she did to me to have a future with her.
But she didn’t want to marry me.
I swung onto my bike and turned her over until she roared to life, drowning out the sounds of Rae and my breaking heart.
It squeezed in my chest so painfully that I wondered if I might actually be having a heart attack. If so, let it claim me.
I could barely focus on the road as I pulled out into it.
Rae’s beautiful lips forming the word no played out half the way home without ceasing.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
~ Jace ~
I was half an hour away before I was able to process beyond the shock of her refusal. Then I realized that I’d effectively abandoned her on the beach. It was fall; the shore was desolate, and I’d stranded her without a way back home. I wasn’t even sure if she had her phone with her; I hadn’t seen her grab it when we left Sam’s house.
I beat myself up for my thoughtlessness all the way back to Soft Dune Beach. But when I spotted the black Corvette Stingray parked at the curb where my bike had been, thoughts jumbled until all I could focus on was getting to Rae.
Surely she’s fine, I told myself as I began to stalk toward the shore. Little happened in these parts, which was why idle gossip was such a big pastime. Not much took place around here. We certainly didn’t have kidnappings or—I gulped—attacks or … murders.
My heart thumped erratically just the same as I tore across the sand.
And stopped in my tracks for a few beats until I processed what I was seeing.
Todd was yelling at Rae, and she was struggling to keep distance between them.
“Hey!” I shouted, sprinting toward them.
My warning only served to make Todd lunge for Rae, latching on to her arms.
It was the scene in Nick’s all over again. Except that Todd’s eyes were wild enough that I could read his desperation from fifty feet away.
Rae fought to free herself from his hold but didn’t manage to shake him.
“Hey,” I yelled again. “Get your hands off her!”
Todd half turned toward me, and Rae kneed him in the balls.
Or, rather, she tried to. As if Todd had eyes on all sides of his head, he jumped back just in time. Rae’s knee missed, but he yanked his arms off hers in order to get out of the way.
The squeezing sensation that wrapped around my lungs eased by a fraction.
Sprinting at Todd, I launched myself at him with the full force of my weight and momentum. I was a strong, muscled fucker, and he was certain to feel the magnitude of my fury as I pulled him down with me.
But once I was airborne, I registered Todd whip around and sink his claws back into Rae.
There was nothing I could do.
When I slammed into him, he slammed into Rae—and pulled her down with us.
The air rushed out of my lungs with an audible oomph, but half a second later I was climbing off of Todd. We’d both landed on top of Rae.
The woman I loved.
The woman who’d only recently recovered from a devastating head injury—who couldn’t withstand another hit to the head.
Rae’s blond hair fanned out around her head on one side. Her eyes were closed, her mouth slightly parted, and she was unmoving.
The breath clogged in my lungs as I yanked Todd up and off of her by the collar, tossing him to the side like the trash he was.
“Hey!” he roared. “You don’t get to manhandle me.”
I ignored him and bent over Rae.
