“Sure,” Gabriel said, slowly. “Lunch sounds good. When?”

  Holden was gesturing, though Gabriel was having a hard time reading what he was meant.

  “How does tomorrow sound?”

  “Tomorrow…” Gabriel saw Holden, who was now tapping on an invisible watch on his wrist. “Tomorrow’s okay, but is there any chance you can do today? Maybe dinner?”

  Gabriel heard Sean sigh heavily. “I mean, I guess I can’t keep putting it off.”

  “Yeah,” Gabriel said. “Just, uh, text me the details. Familiar territory for you and all that.”

  “This isn’t West Side Story, Gabe,” Sean said. Gabriel gnawed on the inside of his mouth so hard that he thought he might actually draw blood. “We’re not two opposing factions in a neighborhood, but we obviously need to… clear the air.”

  Gabriel scoffed, his free hand a fist at his side. “Gabriel,” he said, maybe for the seventh millionth time. “See you then.”

  He ended the call and groaned. “And it’s Romeo and Juliet, you ignorant swine,” he said into his phone.

  He looked up at Holden. “So?”

  “Tonight,” Gabriel said. “He’ll text me the details.”

  Holden grinned at him and his eyes shimmered.

  “Holden,” Gabriel said. “Are you sure about this? I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

  “Don’t worry,” Holden replied, shaking his head. “You’re not going to be implicated.”

  Gabriel sighed deeply. “I was literally never worried about that.”

  “Well, good,” he said. Then he smiled at Gabriel, and his blue eyes shone, and Gabriel felt a little sick to his stomach. “Let’s fuck his shit up.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The little restaurant that Sean had chosen wasn’t even a restaurant.

  It had an outside seating area, but the few tables that had been installed around the trees were all standing ones, and the area was well-trafficked enough that he didn’t think they would have much time to talk.

  That was a problem, and one which Gabriel hadn’t anticipated.

  The only job that Holden had given him was to stall. That was exactly what he had intended to do.

  When he had arrived at the boardwalk, with all the tourists and the party-goers, when he had finally found parking and only looked at the gay club once despite how gorgeous the dancers outside were, when he was walking to the restaurant and checking his phone every two minutes to see if Holden was still okay.

  Holden had said that he wouldn’t text him unless something was wrong, but Gabriel couldn’t help but be incredibly anxious about this.

  He hated that he would have to confront Sean because of what Holden needed to do.

  There had been something about being at the wedding that had made it easy to call him out—but that had been visceral and it had come from somewhere so different than this.

  He just hadn’t wanted Holden to get hurt. This, he wasn’t sure what it was about.

  He didn’t want to hear Sean’s excuses. He didn’t want to hear his reasons. If it were up to him, he wouldn’t have heard anything.

  He had hoped that Sean McAvoy had disappeared, that he had ran off to Europe back to his mommy’s apartment and that neither Holden nor Gabriel ever had to deal with him again. Of course that hadn’t happened, though.

  Sean had come back and it had made everything more difficult. Sean always complicated things. When Holden had first started going out with him, then when he had walked out on Holden… he was always making things worse. Gabriel hadn’t realized how angry he was until he noticed that he was clenching his teeth together and that his hands were balled up into fists.

  He wanted to go. He wanted Holden to tell him that the entire plan was called off, but he also wanted to pin Sean against one of the stupid tree tables and beat him to a bloody pulp. How dare Sean walk out on Holden like that?

  A break-up was one thing, but literally running away at the altar… that wasn’t forgivable, Gabriel didn’t think.

  He finally arrived at the restaurant and saw Sean in the line, checking his phone. Gabriel didn’t want to disturb him, and he wanted to postpone the conversation for as long as possible, so he went to stand by one of the tree-desks and checked his phone obsessively.

  He saw Sean approaching him from the corner of his eye. “Oh hey, I didn't know you were here.”

  He put his order number on the standing stick in the tree-table and crossed his arms so that he could lean on the trunk of the tree.

  For a brief moment, Gabriel wondered how this table worked for people who were shorter than them. He didn’t have that much time to think about the logistics of that, though, because it was clear that Sean was expecting him to say something.

  He stuffed his phone in his back pocket, glancing at it once more to make sure that Holden hadn’t texted him.

  Sean stared at him.

  Bold fucker, Gabriel thought, trying his best not to smile.

  There was something slightly magnificent about Sean’s lack of shame. If Gabriel had been in Sean’s shoes, he would have left the city, maybe even the country. But Sean was just standing there, his phone in his hands, looking at Gabriel as though he was expecting him to start a completely normal conversation with him. As if anything that had happened over the past few months was normal.

  He tried for a smile, though he was sure that the best he managed to do was a grimace. “Yeah, I didn't see you either,” he replied.

  Sean nodded and took a drink from his coke bottle.

  Gabriel hoped that what he had just said didn’t sound like too much of a lie.

  He wasn't a good liar, he rarely lied, so he wouldn't have been surprised if Sean had seen right through him. Sean just finished his drink though, seemingly accepting this.

  Gabriel sighed. “I’m going to go get food.”

  “Don’t worry,” Sean said. “I already got you something.”

  Gabriel sighed. He wasn’t sure whether to thank Sean or dismiss him, so he chose to say nothing instead.

  “You didn’t have to call me to tell me that you were looking for a place,” he said. “I would have come to meet you anyway.”

  “That’s, uh, good to know,” Gabriel replied, his gaze darting away from Sean’s.

  He didn’t want to look at him if he could help it.

  At least his long pauses were extending the awkward meeting, so there was something to be said for that. Gabriel wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and continued to look pointedly away from Sean, staring instead at the bark on the tree.

  He wanted to touch the pretty patterns on the trunk and look more closely at the color. He wanted to enjoy his food, food that he had bought himself, and not be here with the man that had left his best friend at the altar. That was what he wanted, but this wasn’t about what he wanted.

  This was about Holden. Meeting up with Sean had always been about Holden.

  “I suppose Holden knows you’re here,” Sean said, as if he could read his thoughts. “I—I think I would have preferred to talk to him, but I don’t know if he would answer my calls.”

  Gabriel swallowed, taking a deep breath. “Have you tried?”

  “Have I tried what?”

  “Getting in touch with him,” Gabriel said. “Calling, texting, email? It’s not like it would be hard.”

  Sean shook his head. “I didn’t think he would want to hear from me.”

  Gabriel scoffed. “Wonder why.”

  “I guess I deserve that,” Sean said. He was going to say something else, but the food was brought out and put in front of them. Sean didn’t know Gabriel that well, but he had remembered how much he liked spicy things, because the chicken tacos in front of him smelled amazingly hot and his mouth was watering.

  The more he ate, the least he would have to talk, so that was another advantage of stuffing food in his face.

  It couldn’t be too quick, because then that would mean Holden would have less time to do whatever it was that he was doing over at Sean’s place. Holden hadn’t told him and Gabriel hadn’t wanted to ask.

  The less he knew the better it was for everyone involved.

  Gabriel started to roll up his food into tacos, watching Sean but saying nothing.

  If there was one thing he had learned from Holden in all the time that they had been friends, it was that silence was powerful. People felt like they had to start justifying themselves or filling in the gaps. It wasn’t like that with Gabriel, because Gabriel enjoyed Holden’s silences.

  Most of the time, anyway. As long as it wasn’t related to something terrible that had happened or to Holden being hugely upset about something.

  Then there was nothing to enjoy and Gabriel still—even though he knew that he shouldn’t feel like that—thought that it was his place to have to fix it.

  “So are you going to ask me questions or…”

  Gabriel sighed. “I’m trying to think of things to ask you, but the issue I’m having is that I don’t think I have any words for it,” he said. “I thought it was really important that I come meet you, but now that I'm here I have no idea what to say.”

  “Look, Gabe—” Gabriel frowned and Sean shook his head. “Um, Gabriel. I just—I know that you’re angry at me.”

  “Angry at you?” Gabriel said. He could feel heat bubbling up inside him as he tried to concentrate on his taco plate. “I'm just looking at you, and I'm trying to focus on my food because if I focus on you, I'm going to punch you in the face.”

  “Gabriel—”

  “How dare you?” Gabriel said. He was vaguely aware that he was squeezing his newly formed soft-shelled taco so hard that he could feel the hot meat on his skin. He opened his hand to let go, because it was disgusting, but anything that would have normally freaked him out didn’t seem to matter at all right then. “Do you know what you did to him? Do you know what you did to us?”

  “I know,” Sean said. “I was a coward. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  Gabriel nodded. He grabbed a wad of napkins from the middle of the table and started to wipe his fingers off, concentrating on looking at his hands instead of Sean. He was sure that if he turned his gaze on Sean, he was going to lose control.

  He had never been in a physical altercation before, because he want out of his way to avoid altercations of all sorts, but Gabriel was certain that he wasn’t above it in the slightest. Especially not when it came to fucking Sean McAvoy.

  “Are you going to apologize?” He said to his hand.

  “I don’t—I wouldn’t even know where to start,” Sean said.

  “How about a simple ‘I’m sorry I jilted you at the altar’?” Gabriel said. He made the napkins into a little ball and tried to throw it at the trash can near him, but he missed and it bounced off the lid. Gabriel thought about walking away to put it in the trash but he needed to hear Sean’s reasons. He could take care of his littering later.

  Sean shook his head, taking a bite of his food. Gabriel watched him chew as he thought of his answer.

  “He’s going to ask me why,” Sean said once he swallowed. “And I don’t think I want him to know why.”

  Gabriel licked his teeth. “Can you tell me why?”

  “Only if you promise not to tell him.”

  “Sean, c’mon.”

  Sean sighed deeply. “Fine, I’ll tell you,” he said. “But it’s mostly because I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I need to get off my chest.”

  “Hey, I never thought your motives weren’t selfish,” Gabriel said, flashing him a grin. It earned him an eyeroll, but if that was as bad as Sean got it, then he got off easy, as far as Gabriel was concerned.

  “I just couldn't go through with it,” Sean said, shaking his head. “I wanted to. I really did.”

  “If you really wanted to, then you would have done it,” Gabriel said quietly.

  “I know,” Sean replied. “I wanted to want to. Then I realized that we weren't good for each other. I mean, do you disagree?”

  “I—I don’t think my opinion on your relationship is important,” Gabriel said.

  Sean looked him up and down before he answered. “We were each other's fantasy, but we weren't really together.”

  Gabriel cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

  Sean shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. He was… we didn’t like each other that much, I don’t think. I mean, at first, sure, because he was cute, and he thought I was cute, and that was all that we needed.”

  “Right,” Gabriel said. He took a sip of his drink, which had been placed in front of him when the food was brought out and he hadn’t taken any notice of.

  “I didn’t know who he really was,” Sean said. “I thought we could work it out before we got married, but we couldn't. And then the wedding happened and it felt so real, with the venue, and our parents there, and you… The way you looked at me, like I was doing the worst thing in the world. I knew that if I went through with it, if we got married. It would just be worse.”

  “Worse than what?”

  “Worse than getting married,” Sean replied. “And I couldn't do it. And I wanted to tell him, I wanted to let him know that I wasn't going to do it, but I couldn't. I wanted him to understand that we weren’t working.”

  “Why couldn’t you?” Gabriel asked.

  He had stopped eating. He didn’t think that he was hungry anymore, though the food was burning his mouth in a satisfying way. He couldn’t eat anymore, he didn’t think.

  The very idea of putting something else in his mouth, of doing anything, was impossible, though.

  All that he could feel was a burning, throbbing anger. Somehow the fact that it had dropped in intensity made it almost more unbearable, like a niggling headache or the inability to get back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night for no reason.

  Whatever justification Sean was going to give, Gabriel hoped that it was good, because he was about to give into his feelings, and he was sure it wouldn’t be pretty.

  “You know why not,” Sean said, shaking his head. “He's so fragile.”

  “He’s not fragile,” Gabriel said. “He just processes things differently. It doesn’t make him fragile, you can talk to him like a normal person.”

  Sean cocked his head, as if he was seriously considering what Gabriel had just said. “Right, but do you?”

  “What?”

  “I mean, you’re here talking to me,” Sean said. “When really, we both know it should be Holden. But let me guess, he didn’t want to be here and you offered.”

  Gabriel blinked. “That’s not exactly what happened.”

  “But it’s close enough to be what happened that I’m not that far off, right?”

  Gabriel shook his head. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Anyway, it doesn’t matter,” Sean said. “Because it’s over now. But before the wedding, I always had a hard time talking to him about anything, because I worried that he was going to...”

  He trailed off and Gabriel watched him with growing curiosity. “Because you were worried he was going to what?”

  Sean shrugged, sighing heavily and shaking his head. “I don't know. Hurt himself or something. I mean, it wouldn't be out of character, would it?”

  “That’s not fair,” Gabriel said.

  “I actually think it’s really fair,” Sean said. “I know he’s your friend and it’s your natural instinct to want to protect him, but think about it, Gabriel. How many things do you keep from him so he won’t get upset?”

  “Shut up,” Gabriel said, clenching his teeth together, his nails making half-moon marks in the skin on his hands.

  His voice was trembling, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about the fact that people had turned to look at them, wondering what was going on.

  He hadn’t been quiet when he had told Sean to shut up, but he hadn’t realized just how much attention he would be bringing to himself. He told himself that he didn’t care. This wasn’t about what other people thought, this was about Sean. It was about Holden.

  “Please,” Sean said, rolling his eyes. “You can’t tell me you don’t see it. You’re the closest person to him in the world and you know exactly what he’s like. I mean, Gabriel, you do it too.”

  “I don’t do anything,” Gabriel said. “And you need to be quiet. Before I make you be quiet.”

  Sean scoffed. “Whatever,” he said. “You keep telling yourself that Holden is untouchable, but this is what makes it hard to be close to him. He pretends he’s this sweet innocent person, but really, he’s just a master manipulator—”

  “Stop it,” Gabriel said. “Stop talking right now if you know what’s good for you.”

  Sean shook his head. “I don’t mean anything by it, really, he’s just—well, he’s a little crazy and—”

  Gabriel had no idea what had happened between Sean speaking and Gabriel’s fist being on Sean’s cheek.

  He hadn’t intended to punch him, in fact, as far as Gabriel was concerned, he had done everything possible to stop himself from punching him.

  Except it clearly hadn’t worked, because Sean was looking at him with his eyes wide and his hand on his cheek, doubled down in pain.

  Gabriel opened his mouth to apologize, but before he could, Sean was tackling him, punching him hard in the face.

  Well, Gabriel thought it was hard, because it sent him to the ground, but he didn’t feel pain. All that he’d felt was surprise and some stinging.

  He was sure that the pain would come later, when he wasn’t in the middle of a fight, but he didn’t have time to process it, because Sean was on top of him, punching him hard.

  This time, Gabriel could feel it—he could feel it in his face, reverberating through his head and down the rest of his body.

  It made him feel a little nauseous and it took him several seconds to push Sean off him, punching him anywhere—it didn’t matter where it was as long as he hurt him.

  His fist landed somewhere on Sean’s chest and made a crunching noise. Gabriel was pretty sure that was the sound of his fingers breaking, because that was the first time he did feel pain, and it was all in his hands.

 

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