An Amish Christmas Wish, page 15
She moved away as she labeled and closed up Seth’s vial. As she had done with Miriam’s test sample, she placed it in the sealed box.
Julie turned to face them. “That’s it. I’ve got what I need and you’re free to go.”
“When will you know the results?” Seth asked.
Julie lifted one shoulder and showed a half smile of compassion. Surely she had no knowledge about their situation. She was merely a nurse facilitating the tests. But she seemed to understand the angst they were all feeling.
“The lab will probably have the results in three to five days. But I’m afraid you won’t hear the results until your next court date. That’s usually how it’s done,” she said.
Seth nodded and breathed out a quick exhale. “I see. Thank you.”
Turning toward Susanna, he reached for the diaper bag and opened the door as she carried the baby out into the hallway. As she headed toward the front lobby, she walked fast, feeling a sense of freedom. They had the testing behind them but must wait for Seth’s court date just before Christmas to find out the results. Right now, though, her new realization was troubling her even more.
She loved Seth. She loved his little daughter. But even if the paternity results came back in Seth’s favor, it didn’t help Susanna one iota. Her mind would be at ease knowing Miriam was with a father who loved her. But where did that leave Susanna and Seth?
Nowhere!
She had loved Thomas once, too. And look how that turned out. Even if Seth was interested in her, loving him didn’t mean she wanted to marry him. She realized many Amish couples worked as a team, honoring and respecting one another. But not all marriages turned out that way. Susanna knew that firsthand. For the Amish, loving a man usually meant marriage and loss of freedom for a woman. And right now, love was not a strong enough inducement for her to cast aside her independence and tie herself to another man. She must be content with her life as it was. Never could she tell Seth how she felt about him. Not in a million years. Because once she did, there would be no turning back.
* * *
Stepping outside into the parking lot, Seth took a deep, cleansing breath and let it go. Looking up at the gray, sullen sky, he was more than ready to go home.
As they all loaded into Bob’s car, Seth noticed a man standing on a tall ladder as he hung a string of lights along the pillars outside. Another man hung green bows laden with large red and gold Christmas balls and ribbon along the edge of the portico leading to the front doors of the testing center. He was whistling a happy Christmas carol as he worked. Everything looked so cheerful, a stark contrast to Seth’s mood. Seth reminded himself that this was the season of the Christ child’s birth and he tried to have faith. But deep inside, he felt nothing but a hollow ache in his heart.
The ride home to Riverton was solemn and quiet. Even Bob seemed to know the occupants of his car weren’t interested in his incessant chatter.
“Did everything go okay with the testing?” Bob asked in a kind voice as they headed out of town.
Conscious of Susanna and Miriam riding quietly in the back seat, Seth nodded. “Yes, as well as could be expected.”
Bob inclined his head. “Well, don’t worry, then. You’ve done the best you can do. It’s in God’s hands now. He’ll take care of you.”
Seth jerked and looked at the man, feeling surprised. He hadn’t told Bob about their situation, but driving to a DNA clinic, the man must know there was a problem. Seth had been raised to think the Englischers were hedonists who didn’t really believe in God. Now, he realized that wasn’t accurate. He hoped what Bob said was true and Gott was looking out for them. But when he had received his cheek swab, he hadn’t held out much hope. He wasn’t Miriam’s biological father. He couldn’t be. Could he? Fearing he was about to lose his precious daughter, his heart was breaking in two.
He glanced over his shoulder at Miriam and turned his body so he could watch her for a few moments. She was strapped securely into her seat and wore a warm padded black snowsuit. To protect her from the cold air, Susanna had pulled the hood up over the baby’s head and folded a soft blanket around the child for good measure. Susanna always took such great care of Miriam.
All Seth could see was the child’s little face as she snuggled against Susanna’s side. The woman was leaning into the tiny girl and had one arm draped over the top of the safety seat, as if she didn’t want to take her hands off the little tot. When Miriam saw him looking her way, she smiled wide and shot out a little hand toward him.
“Dat!” she cried.
Seth’s heart went all soft and mushy inside. Surely this was his child, wasn’t she? It took more than one of the Englischer’s biological tests to determine the best parent for Miriam, but he feared the imminent outcome would not be in his favor. And in the end, he knew the court would take away his little girl. Despite Rob Thompson’s criminal record, he could still be Miriam’s father, and the judge couldn’t arbitrarily give a man’s daughter away. Rob was innocent of being an unfit father until proved otherwise after he had custody, and it knifed Seth’s heart as he thought of what that meant for Miriam. And there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening.
When Miriam had received her cheek swab, he’d watched Susanna comfort her. Susanna was more of a mother to his daughter than Eve had ever been. She took excellent care of the baby. And he realized, since Susanna had come into his life, an orderly structure had taken hold of his world. Everything was tidy and in its place, his laundry washed, his apartment cleaned, with regular, nourishing meals on the table. Susanna would make some man an excellent wife one day. So, why did the thought of Susanna marrying someone else bother him so much?
He met Susanna’s gaze and saw the sad uncertainty in her eyes. She seemed to mirror his own emotions.
He’d been so firm in his conviction that he would never marry again. Now, he wasn’t so sure. But once the court took Miriam from him, he’d have no need of a wife. And losing both Eve and Miriam, he’d be of no use to anyone.
He’d be well and truly alone.
That thought caused him to turn around and face forward.
And just like that, he realized he’d fallen in love with Susanna. She’d become more than a nanny for his daughter. More than just a friendly business partner. She’d become a close friend and confidante. Someone he trusted more than anyone else besides the Lord. She’d comforted him and he’d pushed her away. Too hurt to let another woman into his heart.
In that moment, he felt so lonely. Like he was losing everything he ever cared about. First, he’d lost his wife. Now, he was losing his daughter. And once they took Miriam away, he’d lose any possible future with Susanna, too. Except for her to pay rent on the store, he wouldn’t even see her very often. He felt so broken inside that he didn’t think he could ever offer her the love and devotion she was entitled to. Even if he was inclined to offer marriage, he was too battered and scarred inside to be any kind of good husband to her. She deserved so much more than he could offer.
Chapter Twelve
Seth scooped another forkful of hay and tossed it into the horse stall. Mack and Zelda, his two Percheron draft horses, ducked their heads over the trough and starting munching away.
Leaning against the handle of his pitchfork, he watched them for several moments. It was late afternoon and time for evening chores. Usually, there was something calm and soothing about working in his barn. Normally, he loved it here. But today, it did nothing to soothe his riotous feelings.
It had been two weeks since he and Miriam had received their tests at the DNA clinic in Pueblo. He wondered if the lab had the results yet. It didn’t matter. They’d never divulge the findings to him. Not until their court date in a couple more weeks. Though he’d tried to stop thinking about it, he couldn’t seem to get his mind off the issue. Was he Miriam’s father? Or would they take her away from him?
He hefted another forkful of hay to the horses, trying to take his mind off his fears. He’d been spending longer and longer hours out in the fields. The extra work showed. Both his and Susanna’s farms looked great. The houses had been painted, fences standing tall, and everything tidy and in its place. He even had their machinery ready and waiting for spring plowing and planting. But that was several months away. He needed something else to occupy his mind now.
Glancing to the side, he noticed through the crack in the doorway that dusk was settling over the valley. They’d received two inches of snow several days earlier and an inch of rain yesterday. The slushy earth had frozen and melted and was nice and damp. He’d filled each of his and Susanna’s water barrels. The moisture was a tremendous blessing. It would deteriorate the compost he’d spread so it would nourish the soil. Their summer crops should be better than ever. If only his private life could be as prosperous, he’d be a happy man. With Miriam staying over at Susanna’s house all the time, he had no need to hurry home to his deserted apartment. There was nothing for him there. The place was way too quiet. Too lonely.
He’d continued taking his meals with the women and had come to cherish that time because he could hold and play with the baby. He hated that he couldn’t be alone with his own child and felt like he was some heinous monster who couldn’t be trusted with his daughter.
Susanna and Dorothy were always so kind but there was a subdued darkness overshadowing them now. He knew the women felt it, too. He could see it in their eyes. They were all worried about Miriam and uncertain about the future. Even the baby seemed fussier than usual, though Susanna claimed she was just teething. Earlier that evening, Seth had sat quietly at the table as Susanna handed the baby a raw carrot to chew on. Watching his daughter chomp down on the vegetable, he couldn’t help wondering who would look after her sore gums once the court took her away from him. He couldn’t imagine Rob treating Miriam with such kindness. Instead, Seth fretted over the baby’s care. Who would give her a bath and prepare her bottles? Who would show her compassion and love? Who would teach her about Gott and her place in the world? The thought that she might be mistreated or abused in any way made him crazy with worry.
Ah! He had to get his mind off this topic. He’d check the water trough, to make sure the livestock had plenty to drink. Then, he’d go home and rest. Sleep was what he needed right now. Sleep and some answers.
Turning, he froze. A man stood in the doorway. Both of the barn doors had been pushed open wide, letting drafts of cold, winter air flood through the room. With the fading sunlight at the man’s back, his face was shrouded in shadow and Seth couldn’t make out his features. He wore a black knit cap pulled low across his forehead.
“Who are you?” Seth asked, taking a step closer.
“You don’t recognize me?” The man chuckled and Seth saw the flash of his smile.
Rob Thompson!
Seth gripped the handle of the pitchfork tightly. His heart thudded in his chest and every vein in his body pulsed with angry energy. Why had Rob come here? As far as Seth was concerned, they had nothing to say to each other. Rob had caused a lot of trouble in Seth’s life and the man didn’t even want Miriam.
Rob pushed the barn doors closed, then stepped out of the shadows. His nose was red from the cold and he wore a tattered coat and muddy boots. Seth wondered if he’d walked here to his farm. Seth hadn’t heard a car pull up outside, but he’d been rather lost in his own thoughts and may have missed the sound.
Rob’s face was unshaven, with splotches of dirt on one cheek, as if he’d been lying on the ground. He eyed Seth’s pitchfork and an expression of fear crossed his face. But there was no need. Seth was a pacifist and would never use force against anyone. Instead, Seth stabbed the pitchfork into a bundle of hay, then turned to face the man.
“Miriam’s not here. What do you want?” Seth asked, forcing himself to remain calm.
“Really? You don’t know?” Rob said, his lips curling in a heartless smile.
“You can’t have Miriam. Not until the court proves paternity,” Seth said.
Rob waved a hand in the air, as if he were tossing away rubbish. “I don’t want your little brat. She means nothing to me.”
Seth’s heart felt as if it sank to the ground. A sick feeling overwhelmed his stomach. Looking at Rob, Seth felt a moment of pity for the man. His coat and blue jeans had holes in them and looked ragged and filthy. Like he’d been sleeping in the dirt. Eve had come home looking like this a time or two and Seth knew Rob must have been living rough on the street since he’d seen him last. If Rob proved to be Miriam’s father, Seth could just imagine what would happen to the little girl. She’d be abandoned for who knew how long. Nothing to eat. No one to help her, until someone found her. Hopefully that would be in time to get her the care she needed. And Seth couldn’t stand the thought of Miriam going through that.
“Do you need food? I can give you something to eat but nothing else,” Seth said.
“I don’t want food,” Rob yelled.
Seth flinched at the anger in the man’s voice. “Then, you’d better leave now.”
“I’m not going anywhere, until I’m good and ready,” Rob said.
Seth went very still, grateful that Miriam was safely over at Susanna’s place. But he had a choice to make. He could force Rob to leave or endure this unwanted visit. Hopefully, it didn’t turn ugly. In Rob’s eyes, Seth saw desperation. And when the man lifted a trembling hand to rub against his bearded face, Seth realized Rob needed a fix. Right now. Seth had seen these symptoms many times before, when Eve came home, desperate for some drugs to ease the pains of withdrawal. But the last thing Seth wanted now was to get involved in Rob’s drug habit.
“I’ve got nothing for you here. No drugs. Nothing. You should go.” Seth reached for the grain bucket, trying to show a heavy modicum of disinterest. Hopefully Rob would take the hint and leave. No matter what, Seth was not going to be pulled into Rob’s world.
Rob stepped closer. “Have you got some money? I know you Amish. You’re all wealthy, stashing wads of cash underneath your mattresses. Give me some and I’ll go away.”
Seth blinked and looked at the man. How dare Rob come to his home and ask such a thing?
“As a matter of fact, I don’t keep my money here. It’s in the bank, which would be closed at this time of night. No matter what, I have no money for you. I’m not a wealthy man. Not at all,” Seth said.
“Liar!”
Before Seth could react, Rob lashed out and struck Seth in the face. Seth was knocked backward into the straw, his black felt hat flying off his head. He grunted and sat up, his nose and left cheek aching. He tasted blood as he rubbed the wound, trying to gather his thoughts. He didn’t have the chance to speak before Rob clasped handfuls of his shirt front and hauled him to his feet. Seth hung there, trying to get his footing. When he did, his hands tightened into fists.
Oh, how badly he wanted to fight back. He really did. But he knew that reaction was of the natural man. Jesus Christ had taught that all men should be peacemakers, no matter what. Seth knew he must love his enemies and anyone who would spitefully use him, which included Rob Thompson. And if Seth would belong to Christ, then he must not take upon himself the natural man and become an enemy to Gott. No matter what, he must not use force.
Relaxing his hands, Seth stared at Rob with absolute composure. He believed in Gott the Eternal Father. He believed in Jesus Christ and His teachings. But now was a moment of truth. Seth had to put his money where his mouth was and prove what he’d always said he believed.
“I have no money and no drugs here, Rob. I have only food and warmth that I can offer you. Why don’t you komm to my home and I’ll offer you some supper,” Seth said, forcing himself to speak in a calm, even tone.
Rob’s expression changed to one of incredulity. “Supper? Are you crazy? I don’t want food.”
“That’s all I have. Or I can drive you to the hospital in town. They can offer you some medical care. It’d only take a moment to hitch up my buggy. Why don’t you let me help you?”
“Help me? Why, you...”
Rob drew back his fist and Seth prepared himself to see stars. He hated the thought of taking a beating. He had work in the morning and didn’t want to be laid up or worse. But if that’s what he must endure, then so be it.
A sound and a blast of wintery wind came from the doorway. Rob turned.
“What is going on here?”
Bishop Yoder stood in the open doorway with Susanna. They were both dressed in their winter clothes. Beyond them, Seth could see the bishop’s horse and buggy standing in the yard. In a rush, all Seth could think was how grateful he was that Miriam wasn’t with them. But what were they doing here at this hour of the evening?
Rob let go of Seth, who fell back into the straw. As Rob turned to face them, Seth regained his balance and stood up, brushing straw off his clothes. Without another word, Rob hurried around the bishop and scuttled out the door and off into the night. Joining the bishop, Seth heard an engine starting up along the street in front of the noodle shop. As he peered out into the dark, he saw Rob driving away in a battered car that looked like it had seen many better days.
“Seth! You’re bleeding.” Reaching inside her plain brown purse, Susanna pulled out a clean tissue and hurried over to him, where she dabbed it against his lip.
“What’s going on here?” Bishop Yoder asked again, looking rather stern.
Seth took the tissue from Susanna’s hand and smiled. “Am I ever glad to see you two.”
What an understatement! He thought Rob was going to beat him into a pulp. Never had Seth been so happy to see someone in his life. And once more, he realized how much of a blessing Susanna had been to him. She’d saved him many times over. But this time, she and the bishop had kept him from getting the stuffing knocked out of him. Literally. Because even if it meant he would lose Miriam, he was not going to fight back. A man’s honor was who he was inside and how he acted when no one else was watching. And when Rob had attacked him, Seth had been determined not to lose his dignity, no matter what. If he wanted the Lord’s help to keep Miriam with him, then he must exercise faith. Even if it meant he might lose his little girl. But boy! Was he ever happy to see Susanna right now.
