An Amish Christmas Wish, page 12
He lifted one shoulder, as if he didn’t understand it, either. “The petition says it’s been expedited. I’m guessing because it involves a child, they want to hurry up the process.”
“But how can this be? Miriam’s your boppli. You’re her daed. I don’t understand.”
Seth set the papers next to the cash register, then braced both of his hands against the counter and lowered his head, as if to keep himself from falling down. He looked so forlorn standing there. So alone.
She touched his shoulder. “Seth, are you allrecht? Do you need to sit down?”
He shook his head. “Ne, I... I need...”
He didn’t finish his thought and she realized he didn’t know what he needed right then.
“It’s not right. You’re Miriam’s vadder. This couldn’t be true, Seth. Could it?” she asked.
He looked at her, his hazel eyes filled with fear and doubt. “I... I’m afraid it could very well be true. For some time, I’ve feared I wasn’t Miriam’s true vadder. Eve claimed I was and I’m on the birth certificate, but the dates never lined up right. Still, in my heart, I’ll always be Miriam’s daedi.”
Oh, no. In a rush, Susanna understood the implications. Eve had been shunned for adultery but it never occurred to Susanna that Seth might not be Miriam’s father. She pressed a hand over her mouth, feeling stunned.
“I just never thought this would come to light in such a public manner,” Seth said. “When Eve came home and said she was expecting a boppli, she mentioned a man named Rob. He gave her the drugs she was taking. He was also her...handler.”
Susanna didn’t understand. “Handler?”
“He sent her to other men to sell drugs and pay her for services.”
Services? Susanna dropped her mouth open in absolute shock. She could just imagine what all that entailed and it wasn’t good. And the thought of Miriam living in such a sordid world made Susanna recoil with outrage.
“Ne! It’s too horrible to consider,” she said.
“Ja, you’re right. Eve told me she’d been staying with this man named Rob for a couple of months. I’m guessing he’s the one who has filed the paternity suit,” Seth said.
Susanna’s mind whirled. Seth was not Miriam’s daddy? The thought was too awful, too monstrous to consider. And yet, here it was. Right smack in front of them. Seth had been ordered to appear before a judge. There was no way around it. The Amish hated being under the control of Englisch law but they had to live in this society. They didn’t want trouble.
“Will they try to take Miriam away from you?” Susanna asked, her heart sick with the thought of losing such a dear, sweet baby to someone who didn’t even know her.
Seth met her gaze. His eyes glistened with moisture and she thought finally, this strong man might break down and cry.
“They might. If they can prove Miriam isn’t mine, they could take her from me,” he said, his voice a hoarse whisper.
“Oh, ne!” she cried.
The ramifications of Eve’s thoughtless actions came into sharp focus. Seth could lose his daughter. Susanna didn’t know who this Rob person was but she was almost certain he was Englisch. And if he was truly Miriam’s father, Susanna had no doubt he would pull the girl into a world that wasn’t good for any child to be living in. How could any judge allow an innocent baby to be placed in such a home? It was unthinkable. To take Miriam and give her to a man who didn’t know and love her, it was unreal. Surely no thinking human being would agree to such a thing. And Susanna realized that, just because a person could have a baby, it didn’t mean they should be parents and that they would take good care of that child.
An urgency built within her and she understood Seth’s anxiousness only too well. She voiced her thoughts out loud, desperate for him to do something to stop this tragedy from happening.
“Believe me, I’m heartsick by the possibility of losing my boppli, too,” he said.
“Think what would happen to Miriam if she was raised by such a man. You’ve got to fight it, Seth.”
“I intend to. But first, I’ve got to pay a visit to Bishop Yoder. Will you accompany me, Susanna? I... I need some clarity. Someone else’s perspective. And you’re about the only person I can trust right now.”
She blinked in surprise. He trusted her? How could that be? After everything he’d been through with Eve, he had as much reason to distrust her as she had to distrust him. But his declaration softened something inside her. If he could trust her, maybe she could trust him, too. Maybe they weren’t so far apart in the world as she first thought. It was more to think about.
He wanted her to go with him. Against her will, she was being drawn into his troubles. But maybe that had already happened the day she’d agreed to provide childcare for Miriam. Susanna loved Seth’s baby. Very much. And because she cared about Miriam, she cared about Seth, too. Whether she liked it or not, she was neck-deep involved in their welfare.
She took a deep inhale of resignation and released it. “Give me a moment to tell Mammi where I’m going. She can mind the store and look after Miriam while I’m gone.”
She turned toward the stairs leading up to his apartment.
“I’ll get the buggy ready and meet you out front,” he called after her.
As she walked upstairs, she gripped the handrail so hard that her knuckles whitened. This wasn’t really happening. Was it? And yet, Seth confirmed it could be true. He might not be Miriam’s father.
Susanna had tried so hard to remain distant from Seth and his sweet little girl. But now, her heart was breaking at the thought of losing Miriam. She longed to tell Seth to settle his own affairs. That she didn’t want to be drawn into this debacle. After everything she’d gone through with Thomas, she didn’t need any more drama in her life. And yet, what kind of daughter of Gott would she be if she turned her back on Seth and Miriam now? They needed her help, whether she was prepared to offer it or not. Yes, she had a choice. She could refuse to go with Seth. Refuse to be any kind of support in his time of need...
No! She couldn’t do that. Turning her back on him went against everything she believed in. Her love for Gott and belief in service to others wouldn’t allow her to walk away. But as she went into the apartment and told Mammi what was going on, she felt as though she were drowning. Mammi was understandably upset, too. Together, they silently stood in Miriam’s bedroom and gazed down at the baby. Such a beautiful, sleeping child. She looked so innocent. So sweet and precious, with no idea her future was in grave jeopardy.
Back in the living room, Susanna gripped her grandmother’s hands as the truth of this baby’s predicament washed over her in horrifying waves. To help alleviate their fears, the two women took a few minutes to kneel in front of the sofa where Susanna uttered a quick prayer for comfort and aid. Then, she helped her grandmother to her feet.
“We have to fight for her, Mammi. We can’t let her go,” Susanna said.
“Ja, we’ve got to do everything in our power to keep this boppli safe. And we must have faith. Go now. Go help Seth. And remember to have faith and the Lord will provide a way,” Mammi said.
As Susanna hurried downstairs, she was filled with misgivings. Snatching up her warm woolen cloak, she longed to believe what Mammi said. Surely Gott wouldn’t abandon them now, when they needed Him most. But Susanna saw no way out of this predicament. They were going to lose Miriam forever. Unless they could prove Seth was the father. And he’d said that wasn’t likely.
Susanna stepped out onto the front porch, knowing trust was difficult for her. It required courage, something she wasn’t sure she had anymore. But trust was what she needed the most right now. She hadn’t believed in any man for a very long time. But now, she believed in Seth. As she walked toward the waiting buggy, she forced herself to exercise faith. She owed that much to the Lord. And to Seth, who needed her now more than ever.
* * *
Seth couldn’t believe this was happening. After everything he and Miriam had gone through, this was his worst nightmare come true. He was going to lose his sweet little daughter forever. And there wasn’t a single thing he could do to stop it from happening.
Sitting in the buggy, he gripped the leather lead lines tighter as he urged the horse into a faster trot. They turned down the dirt lane leading to Bishop Yoder’s farm. The carriage bounced and dipped as it struck the numerous mud puddles lining the road. No doubt, as the day gave way to night, the temperature would drop and the water would freeze to ice. Another storm was on its way and he was eager to get Susanna home before it struck. But first, he must meet with the bishop. He needed his advice. Badly.
“Maybe I could take Miriam and leave town. We could go somewhere far away where they can’t find us,” he said, speaking mostly to himself.
Susanna sat beside him on the front seat, her hands clasped tightly together in her lap. She stared straight ahead, her stubborn chin locked hard with purpose. For some reason, her presence brought him a great deal of comfort. He was glad she was here and he wasn’t alone.
“You can’t run away from this, Seth,” she said. “What kind of life would that be for you and Miriam? Always on the run. How would you live? They’d find you and take Miriam away for sure. You might even end up in jail. And then, what would become of your dochder?”
She was right, of course. But what would become of his Miriam if she went to live with this stranger? Seth couldn’t lose her. He just couldn’t! And in his heart, he carried a prayer, asking Gott for help.
“Let’s wait and see what the bishop suggests. He’ll know what you should do,” she said.
He nodded, keeping his eyes on the narrow road. Her advice was sound. Just having Susanna here with him now gave him the faith and confidence he needed to deal with this problem. Without a father of his own, Bishop Yoder was the next best thing. He would know what Seth should do.
“Ja, you’re right,” Seth said, hoping it was true.
But in his heart, he was more than worried. The bishop was just a man, after all. He had no control over the law of the land. And the last thing Seth wanted was to get crosswise with the Englisch authorities.
They pulled up in front of the bishop’s log farmhouse. Like many of their people, Seth knew Bishop Yoder had built the home with his own two hands from a kit he had ordered locally. Ominous gray clouds filled the sky overhead. They must get back into town soon.
Seth hopped out of the buggy and went around to help Susanna down. Chickens scattered in a flurry, squawking their disapproval. Bishop Yoder came from the barn carrying a metal bucket. Seeing them, he set the container on top of a water barrel and greeted them. He was dressed in his warm winter garb, and his breath appeared like puffs of smoke on the frigid air.
“Guder daag! What brings you out to my place on such a cold afternoon?” the bishop called in his deep, cheerful voice.
With a long, graying beard, the man had eyes that were usually filled with kindness. The bishop had been elected to his office by the members of their congregation because of his wisdom and compassion. As he came near, he must have seen the morose expressions on Seth’s and Susanna’s faces. He frowned, his bushy eyebrows drawing together over his gentle brown eyes.
“What is it? What has happened?” he asked.
“Bishop, I received this no more than an hour ago.” Seth handed him the envelope and waited as he opened it and read the contents.
With a deep sigh, the bishop returned the papers to Seth, then reached up to squeeze his shoulder in an act of comfort. “Komm into the house. First, we will get you both something warm to drink. Then, we will sit down and talk.”
Seth waited respectfully for Susanna to precede him up the narrow path leading to the bishop’s front door. Though his mind was churning with doubts, Seth felt grateful to be among friends. But hope almost failed him. Neither Susanna nor the bishop could save Miriam for him.
Half an hour later, Bishop Yoder accompanied them back outside to Seth’s waiting buggy. They’d had a good discussion, and the bishop had provided counsel and a reference.
“Try not to worry about this, Seth,” the bishop said as he shook Seth’s hand.
“I’ll try. And I’ll do as you advise and pay a visit to Carl Nelson first thing when I get back into town,” Seth said.
Carl was one of two attorneys in Riverton. He was also Amish-friendly. Several of their people had sought his legal services over the years. The Amish trusted Carl, as much as they could trust any Englisch man.
Bishop Yoder nodded. “Don’t worry about the cost. The Gmay will help you pay your fees, whatever they might be. The most important thing is to ensure Miriam stays with the Amish, where she can grow up feeling loved and cared for. We are her people and will do everything in our power to help you keep her.”
Opening the passenger door to the buggy, Seth took Susanna’s arm and helped her climb inside. Once she was settled, he closed the door and faced the bishop again. Susanna lowered her window, able to hear their parting words.
“Danke, bishop. I appreciate your help. More than I can say,” Seth said.
The bishop smiled. “Keep me apprised. I’m happy to see you two getting along so well. You’ve been through a lot, losing your respective spouses. You both can use a gut friend right now. I’m glad you have each other to depend on.”
Susanna’s face flushed a pretty shade of pink that had nothing to do with the chilly breeze. Likewise, Seth wasn’t sure what to make of the bishop’s words. There seemed to be a veiled suggestion in his statement. But Seth had brought Susanna along for moral support and nothing else. They would never be a couple. They weren’t even friends, just friendly business partners. That was all.
Or were people seeing them as more?
Seth walked around to the driver’s side of the buggy. The bishop followed, reaching out to touch Seth’s arm before he could open the door.
“Seth, just one more thing.” The bishop leaned close and spoke low, so Susanna couldn’t overhear his words. “I know you believe you are not Miriam’s biological vadder. But remember the Lord can work miracles in our lives. Every day, I see amazing things come to pass that I never thought feasible. But with Gott, nothing is impossible. Don’t forget prayer and to have faith. In the end, I have no doubt the Lord will make everything turn out for the best. But no matter what, you must have the strength of heart to accept His will in your life.”
Gazing into this kind man’s eyes, Seth nodded. He felt a softening inside his heart. For so long, he’d felt abandoned by Gott. Like he didn’t matter and no one cared about him and Miriam. But now, as he joined Susanna inside the buggy, he felt stronger somehow. A warmth filled his chest and he felt comforted. He no longer felt alone.
As they rode into town, he vocalized a thought that occurred to him out of nowhere. “Maybe it would be best for Miriam to live with her real daed.”
Even as he said the words, he knew it wasn’t true. No one could love Miriam more than he did. Not even her real father. Especially if Rob raised Miriam in a life of drugs and crime.
“You are Miriam’s true vadder. That is what we must believe. That is what we must fight for. We can’t accept anything less,” Susanna said, her voice filled with firm conviction.
How he hoped it was true. But ultimately, he was the one who must fight. Susanna wasn’t his wife. She wasn’t Miriam’s mommy. And she never would be. Maybe he was more alone than he thought.
“I tried to keep the possibility of Miriam’s paternity a secret from everyone,” he said. “Now that secret is out there, and the whole town will know. There’s nothing I can do to stop gossip from spreading. But I can deal with that, as long as I know Miriam is safe.”
“She will be. Gott will see to that,” Susanna said with a nod of assurance.
He breathed out a big sigh. “I wish I had your and Bishop Yoder’s faith. I don’t know how you can be so strong.”
She was quiet for a moment, staring straight ahead. Then, she spoke in a low voice that was roughened by emotion.
“You have let me know your secret, so I will tell you mine,” she said slowly, not looking at him. Her hands knotted in tight fists in her lap.
“Thomas used to get angry with me.” She paused, and he wondered if she’d go on.
“Did he have a temper?” Seth asked.
“Ja, and he used it on me. He would...”
She couldn’t seem to say it, so he added softly, “Beat you?”
Even as the words left his mouth, he hoped they weren’t true.
“Ja, and more,” she said, so softly he almost didn’t hear her over the clop of the horse’s hooves.
To his surprise, she told him all about Thomas. How he used to beat her and curse at her. How he drank himself into oblivion most nights and let their farm fall into disrepair. She couldn’t go or do anything without his approval. Thomas had even attacked her in the chicken house, once. No wonder she’d been afraid of Seth that day when she’d been gathering eggs with little Miriam.
Seth was absolutely appalled. Now he understood the dilapidated condition of Susanna’s farm and why she had never remarried. She wanted to retain her independence. Never again did she want any man to dominate, hurt or control her.
“I’m certain Thomas even caused his own death,” she said. “He had consumed a lot of alcohol the day he died. I begged him not to go out into the fields in that condition but he wouldn’t listen to me. I found him a couple of hours later. He was dead.”
“What happened? How did he die?” he asked.
She shrugged as a solitary tear slid down her pale cheek. He almost reached over to wipe it away but stopped himself just in time.
“I’m not sure. I doubt I will ever know. All I can figure is he fell off the combine. The doctor said he struck his head very hard. He was just lying out in the field, his head bleeding. Luna and Billy, our two draft horses, were standing there, still harnessed to the machinery. I ran for help but it was too late.”
