Her Forbidden Amish Child, page 1
“Bring him here.”
Caleb followed Tessa down the hallway to Sam’s room and laid the child on his narrow bed. As he stood back, Tessa quickly removed Sam’s socks and shoes. Caleb watched her motherly movements in silence. For just a moment, he could almost pretend Sam and Tessa were his and this was a natural everyday occurrence—putting their child to bed after a busy day of work. But it wasn’t reality.
In silence, they stepped out of the room and Tessa pulled the door until it was slightly ajar.
“He’s really worn out. Danke for being so kind to him,” she whispered.
“You’re willkomm,” he returned.
They stood there in silence for several moments. Caleb didn’t know what to say. It felt as if his heart was pounding in his ears. Once again, his mind was filled with questions he longed to ask her. Explanations he hoped might clarify what had happened so long ago and give him a transparent way to forgive her for what she’d done. But no answers were forthcoming and he wouldn’t ask. Not again.
Leigh Bale is a Publishers Weekly bestselling author. She is the winner of the prestigious Golden Heart® Award and was a finalist for the Gayle Wilson Award of Excellence and the Booksellers’ Best Award. The daughter of a retired US forest ranger, she holds a BA in history. Married in 1981 to the love of her life, Leigh and her professor husband have two children and two grandkids. You can reach her at leighbale.com.
Books by Leigh Bale
Love Inspired
Secret Amish Babies
The Midwife’s Christmas Wish
Her Forbidden Amish Child
Colorado Amish Courtships
Runaway Amish Bride
His Amish Choice
Her Amish Christmas Choice
Healing Their Amish Hearts
Her Amish Chaperone
Men of Wildfire
Her Firefighter Hero
Wildfire Sweethearts
Reunited by a Secret Child
Visit the Author Profile page at LoveInspired.com for more titles.
HER FORBIDDEN AMISH CHILD
Leigh Bale
Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.
—John 21:22
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Dear Reader
Excerpt from Finding Her Amish Home by Pamela Desmond Wright
Chapter One
This was a big mistake. Huge! But what other choice did she have? Tessa Miller stared at the double glass doors at Yoder’s Diner and took a deep, settling breath. If ever she’d had a bad idea, this was it. She knew it deep in her gut. But right now, she was out of options.
Standing on the front boardwalk, she trembled in spite of the warm June weather. Afternoon sunshine gleamed against the black asphalt running down Main Street. Bright marigolds and purple petunias grew in a large clay pot outside the front doors. A gentle breeze brought the pungent scent of sage. But these things were just distractions. There was no putting off the inevitable.
Turning the doorknob, she stepped inside. A gust of air-conditioning struck her in the face, cooling her hot cheeks. Though the Amish had no electricity in their homes, many of them did have it in their shops, stores and restaurants. The little bell over the door tinkled to herald her arrival. With her first inhale, she caught the pleasant aromas of fresh-baked bread and roast chicken.
“Be right with you,” a cheery voice called from the opposite side of the diner.
Doris Yoder was sliding two plates of food onto a table for an older Englisch man and woman...the only customers Tessa could see. Tourists or locals, Tessa didn’t recognize them. Not odd, since the Amish kept to themselves.
At church two days earlier, Doris had promised Tessa a waitressing job. But at three o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon, the diner wasn’t busy. Since Tessa would be working here, she filed that bit of information away in her brain. Yoder’s was one of two restaurants in the sleepy farming town of Riverton, Colorado. With a population of fewer than five thousand people, that was all the economy could support here. No doubt business would pick up as they got closer to the supper hour.
Twining her hands together to keep them from shaking, Tessa waited patiently for Doris to join her. Her heart pounded like a bass drum, and she shifted her weight, trying to remain calm as she looked around.
Though she’d been here many times years earlier, there were subtle changes. A fresh coat of gray paint adorned the walls, which held decorative wooden shelves that supported old-fashioned water pitchers, oil lamps and long-handled spoons. Quaint and homey. A nice, familye place to have breakfast, lunch or dinner.
A long barrier at the front counter had been set up to shield the mechanical cash register from easy theft. Behind that, a huge blackboard menu hung on the far wall. To one side, a glass refrigerator case gleamed with an array of homemade pies, cupcakes, breads and other treats. Though Doris made plenty of bread and rolls for the diner, Tessa knew other Amish women in their community provided some baked goods in return for a small commission.
A wide cutout showed a glimpse into the kitchen, where the cook prepared the meals. Warming lamps lined a narrow cubby where plates of food waited until Doris could shuttle them to the hungry customers.
Tessa counted twenty-five square tables, covered with red-and-white-checkered cloths and accompanying wooden chairs, where the patrons ate their meals. Yoder’s Diner was simple, clean and tidy. A charming place to work. But that wasn’t the problem. Doris had said the job was Tessa’s, but she’d be forced to work every day with Caleb Yoder, the owner, and cook for the diner. And working for the man she’d once loved—and whose heart she’d broken—wouldn’t be easy. Not for either of them.
She turned, thinking she should leave. Right now. While she still had the chance.
“Tessa! Ach, I’m so glad you came.”
Too late! She jerked her head to the side. Doris, Caleb’s mother, stood in front of the baked goods. Glancing at Tessa, the woman slid two menus into a holder by the cash register. She spoke in Deitsch, the German dialect their Amish people used among themselves.
Gathering her courage, Tessa licked her dry lips and reminded herself of her goal. She needed this job. Badly. To provide for her four-year-old son, Samuel. If not for him, she wouldn’t be here. Not ever again.
“Komm! I’ll take you back to Caleb. I told him our new waitress was coming in to meet him today. He’s happy I found a gut worker to wait tables for us.” Doris bustled over to her, wiping her hands on a black apron covering her long lavender dress.
At the age of sixty-four, Doris was rather matronly, with a jovial smile and gray-streaked hair she wore tucked beneath her starched white prayer kapp. She was the mother of nine children, and Caleb was the youngest. Wearing the standard clothes of an Amish woman, she was dressed much like Tessa, with plain black stockings and practical black shoes.
She nodded, forcing herself to smile. “Are you sure he won’t mind me working here?” Tessa tossed a skeptical glance toward the kitchen, knowing Caleb must be back there somewhere.
Doris waved a hand in the air. “Of course not. We need the help, and you need a job. Let’s go talk to him.”
Pulling on Tessa’s arm, Doris propelled her toward the kitchen. Absolute panic clawed at Tessa’s throat when she thought about talking to Caleb again. Though she saw him regularly at church on Sundays and at other gatherings hosted by their Amish community, that was different. That was from far across the room, where she was insulated by other people and never needed to speak directly with him. But today, she’d be right next to him as she asked him for a job. And though Doris had said it was hers, Tessa had doubts.
“Caleb!” Doris called. “That new waitress I told you about is here. And she’s an experienced baker, too. She’ll be perfect for us.”
That new waitress? Oh, no! A sinking feeling settled in Tessa’s stomach. Had Doris not told Caleb it was her? Oh, dear. This might not be good.
Holding an empty frying pan, Caleb stepped into the doorway, his tall frame filling the threshold. Tessa blinked and gazed up at his solemn face, forcing herself not to bolt.
He wore the simple black shoes and broadfall pants that all their Amish men wore. Beneath his pristine blue cook’s apron, his black suspenders crossed his white chambray shirt. He’d rolled the long sleeves up on his muscular arms, no doubt so he could work and wash dishes. At first sight of her, his mouth hardened and his dark eyes narrowed. His lips twitched in that unique manner she recognized so well from their childhood. He wasn’t pleased to see her. No, not at all.
His black hair was slicked back on his head in tidy perfection. Since their men normally wore it slightly long and shaggy, she figured he must keep it cut short for his profession. That would undoubtedly please any health inspectors who might pay a surprise visit to the restaurant. Without speaking, he set the pan aside with a little thump. His blunt chin looked hard as granite, and he appeared so formidable standing there as he folded his arms.
So intimidating.
“You are the new waitress?” he asked, his low voice filled with disapproval, as if he couldn’t believe her audacity in coming here.
Tessa pressed the tip of her tongue against her upper lip and nodded. “Um, your mudder said you were hiring. She...she said I could have the job.”
Okay, not too forceful, but she was desperate enough to try and push the issue. She needed this job. It wouldn’t be a huge salary, but the real blessing was the small, two-bedroom apartment sitting upstairs from the restaurant. The stairs at the side of the building offered a private entrance. According to Doris, the apartment was vacant, and Tessa and Sam could move in today. It wasn’t fancy, but was furnished and included a small kitchenette, bathroom and living area...all that Tessa and Sam needed.
Finally, she could live independently. Finally, she’d have a place of her own. If she had to return to live with her older brother and his wife and children, she’d spend the rest of her life feeling like an unwanted burden. Like an outsider in her own home. And over time, she had no doubt that would decay her heart. She couldn’t accept that the rest of her life would be spent being dependent on them. She had to make it on her own. She must!
“Who would look after Sam while you’re working?” Caleb asked about her son.
“Ach, I’ll do that,” Doris said. “He’ll stay with me in the back office while I work on our accounts. He can play and read or lie down on the cot if he gets tired. And sometimes, I’ll take him to our farm.”
Doubt filled Caleb’s eyes. But the fact that he’d even mentioned her son impressed Tessa. Now they just needed him to agree.
The bell at the front door tinkled, notifying them that someone had come inside.
“Ach, there’s another customer. I’ll leave you with Caleb. He can tell you all about your new job,” Doris said, her voice sounding firm as she tossed an insistent nod at her son. With no more than a backward glance, the woman disappeared into the outer room, leaving Tessa alone with Caleb.
He stared at her for several moments, then raked a hand through his hair. Another unique gesture she recognized that showed his frustration. She could tell he didn’t like this situation at all.
“What’s your work experience? Can you wait on customers? Have you even been a waitress before?” he asked.
“Ne, but you know I’ve worked on my bruder’s farm all my life,” she said.
“Can you cook and bake bread?” He stepped back into the kitchen before she could answer.
She followed him. “You know I can.”
Why was he asking such silly questions? He’d known her since she was twelve years old. He knew she could cook and bake and that she had an excellent work ethic.
He looked through the cutout to the diner, and she realized he was paying attention to what was going on with his customers. Doris had seated two Englisch women at a table and offered them menus and ice water. Tessa knew instinctively that Caleb had a few more minutes before Doris delivered their food order for him to prepare.
“What about waitressing? Have you ever done that?” Caleb asked.
She shook her head. “Ne, not in a formal capacity. But I’ve cooked and served food to dozens of people at our church gatherings. I know how to wait on people. You know all of this, Caleb.”
He jerked his head toward her, seeming surprised that she’d called him by name. There’d been a time when she’d said his name so tenderly, so sweetly, with love ringing in her voice. Now, she said his name with a tinge of exasperation.
His mouth pursed and his expression turned to one of begrudging acquiescence. That was when Tessa knew he would do whatever his mother wanted. Thankfully, Doris had always loved her. They’d all thought she and Caleb would marry one day. But that was before she’d messed up her life with her foolish actions. She would have been Doris’s daughter-in-law by now. Sam should have been Caleb’s son. But after what Tessa had done, she’d expected the woman to disapprove of her. Yet Doris had shown her an increase in love. She’d been so forgiving. Doris had even gone out of her way to seek Tessa out and ask if she’d like to work at the diner. It seemed they were having trouble acquiring extra help. And Tessa had jumped at the offer.
“I know you can cook and serve food, but waitressing is different. You’ll need to work the ice cream machine and coffee makers. You’ll have to make change when the customers pay their bills. Have you ever worked a cash register?” he asked.
“Ne, but I can make change. I was always gut at math. I can learn how to work the machines, too. I can do this job well, if you’ll just give me a chance,” she said.
“I don’t know...”
She caught a hint of uncertainty in his voice—as well as a healthy dose of resentment. He didn’t want her here. And she couldn’t blame him.
She’d given birth out of wedlock. By Englisch standards, that wasn’t so bad. But being Amish, it was unconscionable. Because Caleb wasn’t the father and she’d remained unmarried.
She’d been barely eighteen years old at the time, the same age as Caleb. They’d been engaged to wed. It was their rumspringa, that rite of passage during adolescence when Amish teenagers experience freedom of choice without the rules of their church Ordnung to hold them back. Against Caleb’s wishes, Tessa had gone to Denver with an Englisch girlfriend. Thinking it harmless enough, she’d attended a house party among strangers, even enjoying her first glass of wine. Soon afterward, she felt dizzy and lost consciousness. Now, she had vague memories, but after she passed out, nothing was clear in her mind. The next morning, she awoke confused, her body bruised, her clothes torn. Realizing someone had spiked her drink, she’d returned to her familye posthaste. Feeling responsible, it had been easy to hide her injuries beneath the long sleeves of her modest dresses. She’d known something bad had happened to her that night, but she was too young and naive to understand the implications.
Within three months, she discovered she was pregnant with her little son, Samuel. No one but Tessa knew she’d been violated that night. Because the Amish were pacifists and kept to themselves, they only involved the Englisch authorities as a last resort. She never went to the police. Never told another living soul.
To this day, she felt ashamed and responsible for what happened to her. But that wasn’t the worst part. No one knew the identity of her child’s father. Not even her. Tessa never told Caleb or even her own parents what had happened. Because, honestly, she didn’t know. And though she longed for a happy marriage and familye life of her own, she felt unworthy of them. She was damaged goods now. Though she was single, no one asked her out. No decent Amish man wanted her anymore.
Caleb was rightfully angry with her. Not once had they discussed what had happened. After she returned home, he’d sought her out and she’d broken off their engagement. But every time she looked at him, she saw the deep hurt and anger in his eyes. The confusion and resentment. She’d broken his heart. But telling him the truth would be too shameful, too painful for her. And so, she’d never offered an explanation. Nothing. Not even a proper reason for the breakup. But it had to be this way. Because Caleb deserved a better woman than she could ever be. He deserved a fresh start with someone who hadn’t betrayed him with her foolish notions of seeing the world.
He deserved to be happy.
For now, Tessa must focus on raising her son and try to earn a living the best way she could. Because she couldn’t return to live the rest of her life with her brother and his familye. Not even if it meant working for a man who hated her for what she’d done.
* * *
“I don’t see how this will ever work,” Caleb said.
He stared at Tessa, hardly able to look away. With prominent cheekbones, luminous skin and crystalline blue eyes, she was beyond pretty. Her blond hair was pulled back and covered by her white prayer kapp. But even in the modest, plain clothes of the Amish, she was gorgeous. Of course, he would never tell her that. The Amish shunned Hochmut, the pride of the world. Beauty wasn’t important to them. And yet, he couldn’t help staring.
