Fumbled Past, page 22
Tears flow fully down my face as I feel the love this school and this town have for my father. He was like a father to so many people over the years, and they’re all cheering like I am the sister they never had.
I know he is watching down over me and the entire stadium. When the dump-truck horn blows right as the clapping calms down, I can’t help but laugh.
My dad always said he would do that as I crossed the stage, and I can’t believe someone else knew his wishes.
Aaron and I enter the grad-night festivities together since there was no reason for us to take two cars here.
The all-night event is being held in the gymnasium and is a lock-in event to protect us from any crazy things that could happen on graduation night with too much partying going on.
The gym has been transformed to a casino night environment with card tables, a dance floor, and more food than we could even imagine. Everything is free, so the kids are supposed to indulge in every way, all in an effort to keep us safe.
We’re standing and talking with friends when Beau comes strutting toward us with an expression I’ve never seen on him, but he’s ready to fight for sure.
“Hey, is everything—”
He ignores me and goes straight up to Aaron, punching him across the face without a word.
“What the fuck, man?” Aaron steps up in his face once he gets his bearings.
“You’re asking me what the fuck?” He pauses to let that really sink in. “How about you tell me why you kissed my girl today and why you’re trying to get her to go to Texas with you?”
Aaron looks at me, but I just stand there, wide-eyed, not having a clue how he knows.
“Maybe you shouldn’t go bragging to our friends because, yeah, they aren’t assholes like you and came and told me,” Beau spits out.
Aaron doesn’t back down, and instead, he gets in his face, ready to fight for what he wants—and what he wants is me. “Oh yeah? Did they also tell you that she got into Cal?”
Beau clenches his jaw as he looks at me for confirmation, his face going from pissed to confused to—dare I say—hurt in zero-point-two seconds.
“That’s right. She hasn’t told you. I wonder why that is,” Aaron says sarcastically.
Beau turns to fully face me with his head slightly tilted to the side. “Is this true? You got into Cal?”
I reach for his shirt, but he pushes me away, blinking and shaking his head.
“I was going to tell you. I just—”
“She doesn’t think you’re the one,” Aaron taunts. “If she did, there would be no question, and she’d be making plans to be by your side in California with zero hesitation.” He opens his arms out wide. “There’s nothing keeping her here, so why wouldn’t she want to go with you?”
“Fuck off, Aaron,” Beau yells, and then he turns to me with his eyebrows so pinched together that I can’t believe he can still see. “Are you really thinking about going to Texas with him?”
I curl my arms around my stomach. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to do.”
“What the fuck is stopping you then?” Beau asks, his voice wavering.
My eyes instinctively go to Aaron, and I instantly regret it.
Beau steps back. “I see you’ve made your mind up already.”
He walks away, leaving me standing here, in the middle of everyone as they stare at me, but I don’t care. All I care about is him right now, so I race after him.
“Beau!”
Aaron tries to stop me, but I push him away as I follow Beau out of the gym and toward the parking lot.
“Will you please talk to me?” I yell, not able to keep up with him.
He finally stops and turns to me. “So, all of that is true?”
I hug myself and drop my head, ashamed. “Yes.”
“If you got into Cal, then you’ve known for months. Months!” he yells, throwing his arms out to the sides. “How could you keep something like that from me? And every time I asked you to come with me, you didn’t think to tell me just how easy that would be?” His voice cracks, and my heart breaks that much more.
I grab his arm, but he pulls it away from my grip.
“I wanted to be sure I was going for the right reason.”
He narrows his eyes, and his shoulders slightly fall forward. “Right reason?” he says barely above a whisper.
It’s obvious he’s fighting back tears, and seeing his make mine come on even stronger.
“Like our love wasn’t the right reason?”
“I don’t mean it like that. I just wanted to be sure,” I plead, then realize how much of a mistake that was.
“It’s been this long, and you’re still not sure?” He pauses and looks me in the eye.
The pain he’s feeling radiates off of him so much that he might as well be holding a flashing neon sign spelling it out for everyone to see. There’s no way he can even try to hide the emotions racing through him. Emotions that I caused.
He steps back and takes a deep breath while pacing for a few seconds to gain his composure before coming back to me. “That’s the difference between me and you. I’ve been sure since that first dance at Gabe’s house. There’s been no question that you are the girl for me. Yet you can’t seem to make up your mind between me or Aaron.”
He steps back and inhales a deep breath, then gives me a firm nod, like his mind has been made up.
“The time has come. You need to decide. Is it me, or is it him? I leave in four days. If it takes you that long to decide”—he steps up closer to me—“then you’ve made up your mind, and I’m not it. If I don’t hear from you by tomorrow, then I don’t want you coming with me. This”—he motions between the two of us—“should be the easiest decision you’ve ever made. If it’s not, then we aren’t meant to be, and we need to move on with our lives. Then, maybe I’ll finally get out from under the spell you put on me four years ago when I walked into your house for the first time.”
He doesn’t wait for a response and instead just turns and leaves.
I stand there, breaking down inside because I know that every word he just said is true.
Loving someone should come naturally. It shouldn’t be a question if you do or if you don’t.
I want to get out of here, but I left my things inside.
When I turn to head back to the gym, all I see is Aaron standing there, waiting for me to make up my mind as well.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
After Graduation
I wake up with a pounding headache. My eyes almost feel swollen shut from crying so much last night. I glance to the side and see Heather still asleep next to me.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath in, thanking God for having such an amazing friend in Heather. Throughout all my high school years, she’s been my rock, and last night was no different.
I panicked when I saw Aaron standing there. I knew I couldn’t leave with him, but since I lived with him now, I didn’t have any other option. Until Heather came to my rescue. She ran out the door and came straight to me, wrapping me in her arms and walking me to her car so we could go home.
She missed her entire grad night for me, and I’ll be forever grateful for her that she stayed by my side.
Once we’re both awake, I roll to my side and look at her. “Thanks for being here with me.”
She smiles. “You know I’ll always be here for you. Which is why you should just stay here in Tennessee.”
She grins jokingly, and I fall to my back with a sigh.
“I should just stay here. It sure would make my life easier if I did.”
I feel her hand on my arm, so I look in her direction.
“But I know that’s not what you want.”
I shake my head and stare back up at the ceiling.
I feel the bed dip as she climbs off the opposite side and starts to gather her things. “I’m going to get going. My parents still think I’m at grad night and are expecting it to be over by now.” She stops and faces me. “I think some alone time to think will be good for you anyway.”
I let out a deep sigh and sit up so I’m cross-legged on my bed. “You’re probably right.”
She walks over to give me a hug. “Love you.”
“Love you too.”
She waves as she walks out the door. Before she closes it, I see Aaron’s door is closed as well.
I didn’t hear him come home last night, but I know his door was open before we went to bed so he must have at some point.
Closing my eyes, I fall back against the bed with a sigh.
How does a girl make up her mind when one of the guys she’s maybe in love with lives across the hall?
I hear a slight knock on the door and jump, terrified to say anything in case it’s Aaron.
I’m not ready to see him.
“Sadie, sweetheart, it’s Debbie. Can I come in?”
Letting out a sigh of relief, I respond, “Yeah, come on in.”
She opens the door with the most motherly expression covering her face, filled with compassion, love, and most importantly, understanding.
She doesn’t say a word as she sits on the bed and places her hand on my leg, giving me a few moments to gather myself.
“I hear you had an interesting night,” she finally says.
My eyes meet hers, and she gives me a slight grin.
“When he got home, Aaron told me what happened.”
My head spins instantly. “He did?”
Was he truthful?
She lets out a breath. “Yep, he told me everything. How he wants to get back together with you. How he wants you to go to Texas with him. How he kissed you and Beau found out …”
I sit up, more ready to have this conversation since she pretty much knows what’s going on. “He told you all of that?”
She nods. “That he did. I take it, Beau wasn’t too happy about his actions.”
A sharp laugh escapes my lips.
“Well, what about you?” She reaches out and touches her hand to my cheek. “I can tell you’ve been crying. How did you feel about Aaron’s confession?”
I bite my inner lip and shrug. “Confused, I guess.”
“Confused about what?”
I look up at the ceiling, trying to fight tears again. “About life.” I look her in the eyes. “Is it possible to love two guys at once?”
She rubs my leg. “I think it’s very possible.”
Her answer surprises me.
“But you have to figure out what each love means. There are many different types of love. I can see how your and Aaron’s relationship might be more confusing than that with Beau. You guys have known each other for so long. Does that mean one love is more than the other? No. It’s just different.”
“Then, how will I know which one to choose?”
“Oh, sweetie, if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t have been a single mom this entire time. Love is hard. You have to think about more than just your heart; you have to think with your mind too.”
“What if my mind and heart are fighting against each other?”
“Then, you wouldn’t be a female.” She lets out a laugh. “Welcome to the club.”
I laugh with her. “That doesn’t help.”
She grins. “This is a big decision for you. One thing will always be true though: no matter who you choose, let it be Aaron or Beau, or where you decide to go to college”—she levels her eyes with mine—“I will always be here for you. You will always have a place to come home to.” She squeezes my hand tight. “I mean that.”
I know she does.
I have no doubt that Debbie will support me, no matter what I choose. She is my family now, whether I choose her son or not.
Pounding on the front door catches our attention.
We both look at each other in question until we hear it again.
Debbie stands to exit my room, but as soon as she opens the door, Aaron is already there, rushing into the hallway in front of her.
A sick feeling washes over my stomach as I kick the sheets off of me and race after him.
“What the fuck do you want?” I hear Aaron yell.
“I’m here to see Sadie,” Beau bites out.
“She doesn’t want you anymore. Didn’t I make that pretty clear last night—or rather, didn’t she when she didn’t tell you she’d go with you to college?”
“Aaron!” I yell, trying to move him out of the way.
Beau holds his hand out to me. “Sadie, we need to talk.”
Aaron reaches over me and pushes Beau back. “Get out of my house.”
“Aaron!” Debbie yells, but it’s no use.
Aaron continues to push Beau all the way out to the front lawn.
“Get your hands off of me!” Beau growls.
“Or what? I’m kicking you off of my property. Something I fully have the right to do.”
“Aaron, stop!” I yell, but my voice comes out as loud as cotton falling over them instead of harsh words being said.
“She doesn’t love you!” Aaron blurts out.
Beau has had enough and finally pushes him back. “I said, get your hands off of me.”
They push each other a few more times, and I can’t even tell what’s going on or who throws the first punch, but suddenly, there’s blood flying, and they’re wrestling on the ground.
Debbie races over to them, but she’s no match for two guys, both at least six feet tall.
Something inside of me boils over, and I scream at the top of my lungs, “Stop!”
Both of them pause and turn toward me, surprised to hear something so large come out of me. Honestly, I’ve surprised myself, but I felt that feeling deep in my soul that reminded me of my dad and the way he used to yell on the football field.
They must have, too, because they are both wearing an expression of shock on their faces.
Debbie breaks them up even more, and as they both stand, I finally put my foot down.
“How could you both? Don’t you realize what’s going on in my head right now?” My voice starts to crack, but I blink and hold my head high. “You both have been such a big part of my life. My life that, as of yesterday, is officially over. That high school is all I’ve ever known, and with my dad gone too, I have nothing.”
Beau steps toward me. “That’s not true. You have me.”
Aaron starts to protest, and I hold up my hand to stop him before he can speak.
“Please. I need to make this decision for myself. Just please, give me time to do that.”
I race back to the house, tears falling down my face again as I leave both of them standing there, all three of us having no clue what our future holds.
I never left my room yesterday. Thankfully, Aaron respected my boundaries and Debbie brought me food. It wasn’t until this morning that I realized I had to get out of this house to truly think before I could make up my mind. Since I hardly slept a wink, I slipped out of the house before Aaron or Debbie were even awake.
I hiked up a hill that overlooks the lake, and as I sit here perched on a rock, with my knees curled into my chest, I stare at the sky while it changes colors with the sunrise. Like my current state of emotions, the ever-changing tones of red, orange and pink fill the morning sky just as fast as my mind races through my options.
I try to focus on why I have feelings for both of them and what those feelings truly mean. Debbie said it is possible to love two people at once, but I feel like they both can’t be my soulmates.
That’s what my parents were to each other. They were a team, meant for only one another, and it showed every day I saw them together. Their love was obvious to anyone who paid attention. It wasn’t hidden or questioned. It was natural between the two of them.
That’s what I want.
I never want to wonder if I’m enough, or if what we have is real with anyone I decide to be with.
As that thought hits me, my mind becomes a little clearer. When I envision my life, I want someone who I know will always be there. Who I never have to question.
I let out a slow breath as I squeeze my legs tighter and look up to the sky.
I feel the presence of my parents around me, looking down on me.
I close my eyes and say out loud, “Please guide me, Mom and Dad. Please help me get past what is blinding me from the choice I’m supposed to make.”
When I open my eyes, only one face pops into my head. A tear slides down my face as I squeeze them tight again and take a deep inhale.
“I love you both. Thank you for giving me the best life and still giving to me now. I know I’ll be okay because I have two guardian angels by my side.”
Opening my eyes, I nod my head, and for the first time see my future clearly, including who I want by my side.
I stand up feeling this jolt of energy I’ve been missing for so long. It’s more than a jolt of energy, it’s my parents’ love surrounding me, and I know that’s all I’ll ever need to make it through life.
As I head back down the mountain, I know exactly who I want.
As I approach the house, I see him sitting on the porch steps. He’s already up and moving toward me before I even reach the lawn. When I stare into his eyes, I see the love I saw between my parents and know right then, without a doubt, I made the right choice.
How could I have even questioned it?
I reach my hand toward him, lacing my fingers with his.
He gently tugs me closer and when our noses brush, I say, “It was always meant to be you.”
With the utmost tenderness, he leans into me placing a feather light kiss on my lips and says, “I know.”
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Present Day
The memory of the emotions I felt that day almost knocks me to my knees as we approach the field to finally face what I’ve waited all these years to do.
Here I thought it was the worst day of my life, but looking back now, it was truly the first day of what my life would be.
And I love what my life has turned out to be.
I have an amazing husband and three wonderful kids.
