Fake It 'til You Make It, page 25
It’s like there’s been a cosmic shift and the relationship Abbey and I thought we were here to perform has turned into something fundamentally different. Bigger. Real.
Yet all day long, people have been calling me Mike. And I’ve tried to tell her the truth, I have. I intend to. But every time, I get cut off or caught out.
‘But now her ex wants her back and she said there was nothing in it, but she also never told me she’d seen him and I can’t stop myself wondering, what if she wants him back, too? Or am I overthinking it? I can hardly call her out for withholding the truth.’
‘Oh man, you really are in trouble. I told you this trip was a bad idea.’
He’s right. In the main, it’s an absolute disaster. I’m a mess. Though…
‘It’s done some good. I’m sitting here looking at essentially a wedding being set up and I’m thinking I had a narrow escape. I can see how wrong Fleur and I are for each other. This could have been me getting married to the very wrong woman. So if there’s a silver lining to what she and Roman have done, it’s that she’s saved me a divorce.’
‘Well, that is good. Great that you’re finally seeing what everyone else could see,’ Mike says. He’s also outside, walking his dog, a Staffie called Ruth, after the infamous Babe.
‘How about you drop the whole “I told you so” routine and help me out here?’
‘I don’t know what you want me to tell you, little bro. The timing is godawful. Equally, I’ve never heard you talk about anyone the way you talk about this chick.’
‘Please don’t call her a chick.’
‘See? That’s what I’m saying.’
‘You’re useless. Be more big brother.’
He sighs. ‘Man, I’ve never been in love, what would I know? But are you sure this isn’t just a rebound thing? Or getting your own back on Fleur?’
‘Love? I’m not in love with her.’ Am I? I stand from the seat, unable to sit any longer, and drag a hand through my hair, staring up at the window of the room I know Abbey is getting dressed in.
Maybe, if I could just see her, everything would make more sense. ‘I’m pretty sure this isn’t a rebound thing. I literally felt like… I don’t know, like the earth shifted or something yesterday. When I kiss her, it’s like—’
‘Jesus, you are in deep shit, kid. Listen, why don’t you just— Ruuuuuuth! Ruth, get your ass back here!’
‘Mike? Mike! Why don’t I just what?’
He’s panting when he speaks next. ‘Tell her, Ted. There’s no point hypothesizing. You have to tell her your truth. Maybe she slaps you across the face and tells you to go screw yourself. Maybe she slaps you then tells you she’s still in love with her ex. Or maybe—’
‘Or maybe?’
‘She recognizes that you’ve both been lying to people up there and she agrees there’s something real amongst the pretend.’
I sigh, not knowing which of these options is most likely but worried it’s not the last one. ‘She’s right, you know, you can be pretty smart, Mike.’
‘Right back at you, Mini Mike. Oh shit— Ruuuuuuuuuth! Gotta go.’
Bleep, bleep, bleep. The call ends.
No one comes to the window where Abbey is, so I look back to where a pianist is now sitting at a white baby grand piano in front of the rows of guest seating. He starts to play a wistful melody, practicing. I suspect guests will be arriving soon, filling the seats either side of the aisle.
It’s funny how the stars align sometimes. Months from now, if Fleur hadn’t cheated on me, I’d have been standing at the front of an aisle like that, waiting for the wrong bride to walk toward me. I know I never would have chosen to end things with her.
If Fleur and Roman hadn’t gone behind my back, I never would have wound up in New York, living above Abbey. Without them breaking my heart, I wouldn’t have pounded a baseball off the wall over and over, until Abbey came upstairs to give me what for.
And if Andrew hadn’t cheated on Abbey, she might have walked down the aisle toward him one day.
Both alternate scenarios terrify me.
But when I imagine me standing at the front of an aisle like that waiting for Abbey to walk toward me, I’m not afraid at all.
She’s the mirror image of the real me – a bit of a nerd, a bit of an introvert, outwardly a pacifist, a lover of nature and the outdoors, someone who laughs at the same silly things I do.
But am I in love with her? I can’t be, surely. It’s only been weeks since I first met her and her big panties and fluffy slippers.
One thing I do know is that the very last thing in the world I want to do is hurt her.
So I’m going all in. I need to know how she’ll respond and it can’t wait.
I turn to head in the direction of Abbey and smack right into Terry.
‘I’d like a word in my office,’ he says.
At first, I miss the severity of his tone because my mind is still whirring. ‘Ah, now? I was just going to speak to Abbey.’
‘Now,’ he tells me sternly, already setting off in the direction of the house.
I glance up to Abbey’s room one more time. I’d like to see her and I’d kind of like her moral support right now. What does Terry want?
As I walk into his office, he takes a seat behind his large wood desk, framed by a floor-to-ceiling window.
‘Close the door, Theodore.’
I do as he asks, then—
Wait… Theodore?
Oh shit.
Terry opens a drawer beneath his antique style desk and takes out a magazine. Only when he places it on the desk between us do I realize it’s the latest edition of GQ. He flips it open as if the relevant page has been marked for his attention, and when he does, I see a picture of me, sitting in a chair by the window in Mike’s lounge. The opposite side of the page shows Roman standing in his office in San Francisco.
‘You look very alike, you and your brother, but not so alike I could mistake which one of you is the businessman and which is the sportsman.’ He leans back in his chair and brings his hands to rest on his stomach. ‘What I can’t work out is why you’re lying to everyone and why in hell you’re doing it in my home.’
I swallow the ginormous knot in my throat. He knows.
How the heck do I explain this? Where do I even begin?
‘Does Abbey know who you really are? Does she know that you’re engaged to be married?’
Fuck.
My voice finds me. ‘That isn’t right. I swear to you. The engagement is off; it’s just that publicly, that’s not knowledge yet and when I gave that interview, I’d just found out my fiancée and best friend, my business partner, were having an affair. It was so recent that I— I just got caught out and didn’t know what to say. I swear to you I would never do anything to intentionally hurt Abbey. You have my word on that, sir.’
Though aren’t I? Haven’t I been by letting her believe my lies?
He rubs his chin, softening, I hope, ever so slightly. ‘That’s something at least. Now I don’t have to feed you to the bears after I’ve killed you.’
I genuinely don’t know if he’s joking or not but I fear it’s the latter. He picks up the magazine and rolls it into a tube. I wonder if he’s tempted to beat me with it but he taps the end on the edge of his desk instead. ‘That still doesn’t explain why you’re pretending to be your brother. Nor does it tell me why you’re lying to my daughter. So I suggest you start talking, Theodore.’
I’m sweating. My throat feels like it’s constricting. But Terry deserves an explanation. I only wish I was giving it to Abbey first. ‘The affair is how all of this started. I never expected that what started as a case of mistaken identity would go this far.’
I tell him everything. From Abbey moving into Blake House and me winding up there after running from San Francisco. From me banging a baseball against the wall to my brother throwing me a party and Abbey turning up in her fluffy slippers.
Then I tell him about Andrew seeing another woman in the apartment block and how I pretended to be Abbey’s boyfriend the night Andrew took a date to dinner with Abbey’s siblings. I miss out the ensuing Tinder date Abbey went on and I don’t mention that Andrew is a deceitful, lying jerk and Abbey deserves better. Those are her stories to share.
When I’m finished, Terry stands from his chair and moves around the room to a bar table, where he pours himself a glass of something I suspect is whisky from a decanter and offers the same to me, which I decline.
I shift in my seat to face him, not knowing what’s coming next but feeling like I have to tell him… ‘Abbey is an incredible woman, sir; I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that. She doesn’t deserve my lies and for what it’s worth, I’ve been beating myself up about not telling her. When I bumped into you just now, I was on my way to tell her everything. I just… got so deep into this that I didn’t know how.’
I’m terrified of finding out her response.
‘And for her part, Terry, she didn’t set out to hurt anyone; she did this to protect herself, I think. She knew she would come up here, where everyone loves Andrew and the idea of them as a couple, and she thought Andrew would bring a date.’
His eyes narrow. ‘She doesn’t want him back, does she?’
‘I— I hope not. I don’t think so. I think she thinks you and Anna would like her to get back with him.’
He nods, thoughtfully. ‘Then that’s my failing.’
‘Terry, please don’t let this be something that comes between you and Abbey. She loves you so much; I see that every time she looks your way, every time she talks about your business and how she loves helping out with your work.’
He sips his drink, stoic. ‘There are some holes in your story, son. I don’t know what they are but I understand you’ve got an allegiance to my daughter and I’m grateful for that. I’m also grateful to you for looking out for her these past weeks.’
‘She’s very easy to care for, s—’
‘I don’t appreciate being lied to by either of you. I won’t tell Abbey who you are because you’re going to do your own dirty work. But this will upset my wife immensely when it comes out.’ He moves to the window, turning his back on me, but I see in his reflection that he takes another drink. ‘Given where we are with our occasion and the efforts Anna has gone to, I’d like us to keep this between ourselves. Whether you tell her today or tomorrow, you and Abbey can keep up your façade for one more day, I’m sure?’
I nod. ‘Yes, sir.’
I wait for a response, his approval, I think, but it doesn’t come and I’m left staring at his back, not knowing what to do or say next. Knowing that even if, in some universe, Abbey managed to forgive my lies, her family might never. It’s another hurdle we might not be able to leap.
Eventually, Terry speaks, dismissing me. ‘Go.’ But before I reach the door, he says, ‘Andrew was unfaithful, wasn’t he?’
I turn back into the room and find Terry looking my way.
‘I don’t feel like that’s my story to share,’ I say.
I don’t deny it. He should know. One day, everyone will know and maybe their knowing would be the only hope I have of Abbey and I being able to see each other after this trip. The alternative being something I really don’t want to have to think about.
So for now, I’d at least like to have another person on Abbey’s side, another person who loves her and can shield her from the venom of others.
Terry makes a noise somewhere between a grunt and a snarl. ‘I never did like that boy and I should have made my feelings known. Now I want to tear his head off.’
‘Join the queue,’ I say. I’m not a violent man but it’s true. For what he did to Abbey, for everything he’s still putting her through here in Canada, and for the confidence he zapped from her recently and never helped her find in herself for all the years they were together, I hate that man.
‘And the apartment she’s living in – should I be worried about where she’s found the money to rent an apartment in a building expensive enough for a professional baseball player to want to live? God knows she’s no actress, despite her ruse of the last few days.’
‘Not worried. I have a feeling Abbey will work things out just fine in the end.’
I run a thumb along my chin, pondering my next words, but I am fully aware of how astute Terry is, so I tell him, ‘It’s been a better way for her to spend her wedding fund than getting hitched to that jackass.’
Terry’s eyes widen, then he gives me one curt nod and I take it as my cue to leave him alone with his drink.
I open the door, then think I best check: ‘Are you happy for me to stay here for the weekend? It’s your home and I’d understand, what with everything I’ve told you, if you don’t want me here.’
‘I trust my daughter, Theodore, therefore I trust that she knows what she’s doing. The only part I don’t follow is why you think she’d be better off with a sportsman than a very successful and level-headed businessman who seems much more her type.’
I fight the smile that threatens to play on my face at the compliment. Now that I know she isn’t an actress, maybe… But Terry is definitely not on my side here.
‘So I can stay?’
‘You can stay. On the condition that my daughter finds out the truth in the next twenty-four hours, and I’ll be here for her when she does.’
46
ABBEY
I’ve caught glimpses of Mike from my mom’s bedroom window, wearing a three-piece suit and looking hot as heck.
He glanced my way once when I opened the window an inch to let the sound of the pianist sift into the room. I don’t know why but I darted away, as if it’s our wedding day and I’m not supposed to see him until I get down there.
If my nerves today are anything to go by, if we ever did get married, I’d be a wreck. I shake my head, shaking away the thought of him being my groom. It’s not a healthy place to be because after today, Mike will fly off into the sunset, back to his high-flying life in California. That was the plan. It still is.
But God, I’ll miss him. I miss him now and we still have days together. It’s like a countdown to the end of a vacation you wish could continue forever.
‘It doesn’t fit. Damnit.’ Dee’s panicked voice brings me out of my reverie. I dash over to where she’s struggling to pull her silk dress down over her swollen tummy.
Thankfully, Mom is in the ensuite and out of earshot because Dee, Shernette and I know exactly why the dress doesn’t fit.
‘Here, let me see,’ I say, encouraging her to hold up her arms and breathe in so Shernette and I can try to tease the dress down her waist. ‘Dee, I don’t think it’s going to work.’
‘I don’t want to squish the baby,’ Shernette says. ‘There’s no give in this material.’
‘It’s too tiny to squish yet. Feck, feck, feck,’ Dee says, bouncing on the spot like she used to as a child when she took a tantrum. ‘What am I going to do?’
We all look at each other, then Dee’s eyes narrow on me and she considers the dress I’m wearing. The floaty, stretchy and kind of frumpy number chosen for me, which is only a match for Dee’s in color. ‘We’ll have to swap,’ she says.
As she speaks, there’s a tap on the door. ‘Who is it?’ I call.
‘It’s me, Abbey. Mike. Can we talk?’
‘Mike, I’d like to but now just isn’t the time. We’re having a wardrobe crisis. I’ll see you down there, okay?’ I will, won’t I? Today is what this whole performance has been about.
‘Yeah. You will.’
Phew.
‘What crisis?’ Mom shouts from the bathroom.
Shernette has gone to take a seat next to Mike, somewhere near the front of the guests, as instructed by Mom. Mom, Dee and I are standing in the summer room, behind glass-paned French doors. I can’t see them and I can’t see Dad and Nate, who should be standing at the front, because all of the sixty or so guests have been told to be upstanding.
I’ll admit, a month ago, this ceremony seemed needless and one of Mom’s over-the-top ideas, but today, it feels like the perfect way to celebrate Mom and Dad’s anniversary.
Our mom looks exquisite in her two piece with her hair salon-styled and her make-up done by Dee, which is equivalent to professional. Dee and I are each wearing the other’s dress and Mom must be running on adrenaline because she hasn’t even seemed to notice.
The pianist starts to play something beautiful that makes my eyes well momentarily. Then Dee and I hug Mom, each under one arm and tell her, ‘We love you.’
‘I’m so pleased I get to do this again with my girls beside me,’ Mom says. ‘Now, hurry along, I don’t want to keep your dad waiting.’
Chuckling, Dee and I stand side by side and as the doors are opened for us by Mom’s party planner, we head down the aisle.
Near the back of the guests, I spot Andrew, standing next to his parents and Maisie Daisy and her parents. Seeing him startles me. It makes me feel sickly nervous. I guess because I’ve built up today and seeing him into something huge. That’s why Mike is here, after all. But right now, looking his way, I have no idea why.
I’m pleased I saw him at the hotel on Thursday. I’m pleased I got to see how manipulative he is because I know, without a shadow of doubt, that I don’t want to be with him anymore and I don’t care whether he’s with someone else. I don’t care about making him jealous anymore.
All I do care about is my family, my best friend, and—
Mike is standing at the end of the row, right near the front. I’m suddenly very aware that my hair has been styled and I’m wearing Dee’s much sexier dress than my own. And I’m extremely sensitive to the way his lips curve into a soft smile when he sees me, the way his chest visibly rises with his next breath, and the way his eyes are focused only on me.
My own breaths feel like they’ve stopped, like I’ll never be able to breathe again. My heart hammers in my chest and…
‘Oh, God, Dee, I feel sick.’
‘Urgh, me too. So sick… Wait, why do you feel sick?’
