A Pretend Betrothal, page 14
None of that provided her with experiences comparable to his. However, Michael had changed, and she feared she had little to offer him.
How could he possibly ever come to love her?
“Tibby, if you have concerns, you should share them with your Captain Shaw. I’m sure he’ll help you see things differently.” She smiled with a confidence that Tibby was far from feeling. “Now then, what you’ve told me settles it. Invite him for tea this afternoon, and I’ll be sure to give you a few minutes alone so the two of you can have a heart-to-heart conversation. Some of Society’s rules are ridiculous. A couple prepared to marry should be allowed time alone together. How else can you come to know each other better?”
Aunt Eleanor had thought Tibby had joined Michael and his mother and grandmother yesterday for the picnic, and Tibby hadn’t bothered to correct her. While Tibby agreed with her aunt’s opinion about rules for proper behavior, time alone with Michael wouldn’t solve anything. It would only complicate it further.
Her aunt patted her on the shoulder as she moved past her toward the door. “Let me know if he’s available. I look forward to meeting him.”
WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME to tea? Aunt Eleanor wants to meet you.
T
Michael studied the message, trying to guess what Tibby might be thinking. He was still stunned and hurt at the way she’d bolted yesterday.
While he’d thought they were in agreement about their relationship, that clearly wasn’t the case. Then again, what did he expect when he had yet to define what it was?
He certainly hadn’t made any sort of declaration as to how he felt but hoped his actions spoke for him. Was he ready to say more?
His mind balked at the thought. He needed more time. Time to adjust to the change in his life. To determine a career path. While he had funds from selling his commission and a small inheritance his father had left him, those wouldn’t provide enough in the coming years. Especially not if he married.
In truth, he’d been rather certain he wouldn’t take a wife. The idea of having someone underfoot all the time had been less than appealing. Yet he couldn’t deny that sharing his days with Tibby was a joy. Whether it was memories or the results of his botany experiments or ideas for the mystery, she was an excellent listener. She’d contribute to whatever plan he decided to pursue and would share her opinions along the way.
She would never be in his way. He felt more at peace when she was with him. The fact that he was becoming addicted to their kisses was another reason to start thinking about the future. He was more than ready to move forward on the physical side of their relationship.
Did his feelings amount to love?
He didn’t know. He’d never been in love before. Certainly, he’d experienced his share of lust. That alone convinced him there was more to his feelings for Tibby than anything he’d previously experienced.
If only their alliance hadn’t shifted to a pretend betrothal. Then he could consider courting her and move forward—or not—from there. Instead, the need to pretend they were further along in their relationship than they were weighed on them both, coloring their feelings.
Had she been pretending yesterday? Surely not. He would’ve known. At least, he hoped so. Besides, there hadn’t been a reason to since they’d been alone.
He pressed a hand to his temple, unsurprised at the ache developing there. What a tangled knot the situation had become.
“Is something amiss, Michael?” His grandmother entered the drawing room where he stood with the message in hand.
“Not at all.” He forced a smile and lifted the note. “I’ve been invited to tea with Lady Tabitha and her aunt this afternoon.”
“That must mean Lady Dunford is feeling better.”
“Yes, she’s on the mend. Whether she’ll be joining us for tea remains to be seen. I don’t believe she’s pleased with my betrothal to Tibby.”
His grandmother settled in her favorite chair and reached for her needlework. “Don’t take it personally. I don’t think she’d approve of anyone who might take away her daughter.”
“Perhaps, but her opinion makes the situation difficult for Tibby.”
“All the more reason she has you for support. I like Tabitha. The girl has a fine mind, something that seems to be missing among the latest crop of debutantes.”
“True,” Michael agreed. He’d overheard a conversation or two at the few events he attended and could only shake his head at the inane topics discussed by some ladies.
“If the younger generation bothered to read a book or two, they’d be better for it,” his grandmother continued as she took practiced stitches with a bright red thread.
“Tabitha belongs to a literary league. From what she said, they read a wide variety of books.”
“All the more reason to admire her. I’m pleased the two of you have found a deeper connection.”
He hoped that was true. After sending a reply that he’d be pleased to join them for tea, he went to the greenhouse to check on his experiments, something he’d failed to do of late. Very little had changed but at least the ones he’d grafted were still attached.
Then he returned to the desk in his room to look over the notes on his book. He paused to run a hand over Tibby’s gloves which sat on the edge of his desk as he had yet to return them. Perhaps he truly was becoming smitten. If that was true, he needed to determine his own future first, especially the financial aspect of it. Supporting himself was simple enough but supporting a family was much different.
More than ready to set aside his churning thoughts, he turned his attention to his notes. The pleasure of crafting a mystery continued to surprise him. He’d already created a clever, if inexperienced, protagonist and an evil villain with a motive for murder.
After a brief break for luncheon, he returned to his list of potential suspects but kept a careful eye on the clock so he wouldn’t be late for tea.
Tea with Tibby. That brought him even more pleasure than the mystery. What did that say about his feelings for her?
He knocked on the door at Dunford House promptly at four o’clock and was shown into the drawing room where Tibby and her aunt awaited him.
He studied Tibby and though she briefly met his gaze, he didn’t see any of the panic that had been so clearly written on her face when she’d left the previous day.
He wanted a moment alone with her to make certain he hadn’t offended her with his advances. After all, this was supposed to be a pretend betrothal. Yet he couldn’t seem to remember that when they were together.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Captain,” Tibby’s aunt said with a warm smile after Tibby introduced him. “I’ve heard many good things about you.”
Mrs. Cameron was a friendlier, rounder version of her sister with dark hair and a forthright manner. Her gown was simple but in good taste, her lively brown eyes suggesting she found much to enjoy in life.
“I’ve heard the same of you, Mrs. Cameron.” He glanced at Tibby then took a seat. “I’m so pleased you were able to come for a visit right when you were needed.”
“I was planning to visit soon anyway. Victor’s message prompted me to do so earlier. How nice that you live next door.”
“Indeed.” He nodded. “Quite convenient.” The pointed look Tibby shared with her aunt left him guessing at its meaning. “I’m lucky to have known Lady Tabitha and her family for years.”
“I met your mother and grandmother a few years ago during one of my previous visits. Please give them my regards.”
“I will be certain to. How is Lady Dunford faring?”
“Regaining her strength,” Tibby said as she served tea. “She has been up and about, walking in her room the past two days, thanks to Aunt Eleanor’s insistence.”
“It’s always better to keep the body moving in my experience. Don’t you agree, Captain?”
“I certainly prefer a more active lifestyle.”
“As does our Tabitha.” Mrs. Cameron smiled at her niece. “From what she’s told me, you enjoy gardening almost as much as she does.”
“Any excuse to be outside is welcome. I have been trying my hand at creating a new variety of roses, but it’s too soon to say whether it will be a success.”
The conversation continued with Mrs. Cameron guiding it. Michael felt as if he were being interviewed and hoped for Tibby’s sake that he provided the right answers.
It seemed to take some time before Tibby began to relax. Again, he wondered what was bothering her and whether it had anything to do with yesterday.
“It’s been a pleasure meeting you,” Mrs. Cameron said after they’d finished tea. “I’ll leave the two of you to enjoy a little time together while I check on my sister.”
Michael stood when she did. “The pleasure was mine. I look forward to visiting with you again soon.” He rather wished she were Tibby’s mother, though he certainly wouldn’t tell anyone that.
The moment she stepped out of the room, he turned to Tibby, hesitating whether to approach her. “Is all well?”
Tibby slowly met his gaze. “Please accept my apologies for my poor behavior yesterday.” She slowly stood, keeping her voice low.
“I’m the one who should apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He walked closer until they were no more than a hand’s width apart. Still, it seemed too far.
“You didn’t.” Her hand fluttered in the air before she allowed it to fall. “The...situation is overwhelming at times.”
If only he knew what she meant. “Do you refer to our betrothal?”
She nodded. “We’ve discussed this before but pretending is more difficult than I expected.”
Pretending you care for me? He couldn’t bring himself to ask when he wasn’t certain of the answer. Of course, she cared for him. But in what way?
“Aunt Eleanor thinks my mother will adjust to the betrothal, but I remain unconvinced.”
He nodded, wishing her mother’s state of mind—and health—wasn’t a concern. “Given that she wasn’t happy before we announced our betrothal, I think we need to give it more time. Isn’t it too soon to know whether it will work? Now that your aunt is here, perhaps she can help persuade your mother to make some changes given the circumstances.”
“Perhaps,” Tibby said, though her pensive expression suggested she wasn’t convinced. “I suppose another week or two won’t matter given that our plan is already underway. We will know more then.”
“Yes,” he readily agreed. “We both will.” Additional time would allow his confusion to clear. If his feelings for her were growing deeper than friendship, he had some planning to do.
Chapter Fourteen
“What a lovely day for a ride.” Tibby reached down to pat her mare’s dappled grey neck. She released a breath, pleased to also release her poor mood. Michael’s parting words the previous day had confused her and caused a sleepless night.
“I’m pleased you could join me,” Michael said with a smile. “Is the mare to your liking?”
“Oh, yes.” He’d been kind enough to offer her one of their horses since she and her mother didn’t have any appropriate for a jaunt like this. “I haven’t ridden for an age. I’ve missed it more than I thought.”
“I had more than my share of being on horseback while in the army, but I still enjoy it.”
Michael led the way down the street toward Hyde Park. The air was warm but not overly so. Scattered clouds kept the temperature moderate.
When he’d invited her to ride in Hyde Park before her mother had fallen ill, she assumed he’d meant in a carriage. This was even better.
Her heart had lifted at the unexpected excursion he’d suggested only an hour earlier. However, the invitation had only added to her confusion. His remark the previous day stating they would both know more if they gave their betrothal more time made no sense. He’d seemed almost relieved at her agreement to continue it. What did that mean?
Riding horses was something she’d done frequently in her youth, especially during their months in the country, often with Michael. But after her father had passed away, Victor sold some of the horses. Once he’d married, she and her mother rarely joined them in the country, not wanting to intrude on the newly wedded couple.
Tibby’s gaze lingered on the military bearing of the man who rode just ahead of her, admiring his broad shoulders in the brown jacket and the narrow hips that moved easily with his gelding.
Her riding habit was sadly out of date. She hadn’t bothered to order any new ones since she no longer rode. She ran a gloved hand along the navy blue fabric, hoping her appearance wasn’t an embarrassment to him.
He cast a glance over his shoulder, his grin catching her breath. At that moment, she realized how good he’d been for her. If nothing else, the past month had given her the gift of his friendship again. She needed to do everything in her power to make certain she didn’t lose that when they parted ways.
Refusing to allow dark thoughts of a bleak future to ruin her mood, she shoved them aside and kneed her horse to catch up to Michael so they might enter the park together.
“I’ve forgotten how well you ride,” Michael said, admiration in his eyes as his gaze swept over her.
The compliment created a warm bubble of pleasure deep inside her. “Thank you. I’ve forgotten how much I enjoy it.”
“Then we’ll plan on doing more of it.”
The suggestion that involved the future threatened to pop the bubble, but she pushed back the threat as they rode side by side along the path. The park was busy and several times they paused to allow a vehicle to pass.
At last, they reached the open meadow.
“Care for a race?” she asked Michael.
His eyes lit with her challenge. Before he could agree, she kneed her horse and loosened the reins, encouraging the mare to gallop.
The horse raced forward, seeming to thoroughly enjoy the freedom to run. Tibby glanced over her shoulder to see Michael in hot pursuit. A laugh escaped, turning the heads of several other riders. Tibby didn’t care. Let them stare.
He soon caught up to her, taking the lead once or twice before she pushed her steed a little more. His laugh caused her to do the same as he pulled back.
She slowed her horse as well, straightening her hat which had come loose in her flight across the field.
“You always were able to beat me,” Michael said as he rode alongside her.
“Only because you let me,” she countered.
“You are a fierce competitor. That’s one of the many things I’ve always admired about you.”
A competitor? She supposed she had been. But that quality had faded in the last few years. Now she considered herself more of a survivor.
“I’ve missed you so, Michael.” The words slipped out unbidden when she’d only meant to think them. She pressed her lips tight, not wanting him to think she’d been pining for him the entire time he’d been gone.
“I missed you, too, Tibby. Only in the past weeks have I recognized how much.”
Her stomach fluttered at the warmth in his expression even as desire stirred deep within her. She wanted more than a few heated kisses with this man. But doing so would risk her heart.
Would it be worth it?
If forced to decide at this moment, she would’ve said yes. The realization was terrifying.
By silent agreement, they continued on, talking little as they made their way toward the river. The view was wonderful, bringing to mind the countryside. She’d been in Hyde Park more times than she could count but never failed to be amazed that this piece of what felt like the countryside sat in the middle of London.
“How’s your mother today?” Michael asked at length.
“Continuing to improve. Aunt Eleanor was going to take her out to the garden to sit for a time while I was gone. She said the fresh air would do her good.”
“I like your aunt. She and your mother are quite different.”
“It’s amazing to think they were raised in the same household by the same parents, isn’t it?” Tibby pondered the matter further. “Though I tend to think they were more alike in their younger days. Certainly, before Father died.”
“I’m sorry how deeply his death affected her. She must’ve really loved him.”
“She did. But I think she allowed her life to revolve around his too much. Most wives do, of course. She did so at the cost of her own. I didn’t see that until he was gone.” She stared at the river, noting the currents taking leaves and sticks along in its wake. Much like life did with people. Perhaps her mother needed a new current of sorts to push her along. “I wonder if it would be possible for her to love again.”
“Take another husband?” Michael asked, his tone one of surprise.
“Not that anyone could replace Father. But...” She shrugged. “Silly to suggest it, I suppose.”
“Maybe not. I hate to think of my mother alone when my grandmother passes on. Though having a relationship while your husband’s mother lives with you could be complicated.”
Tibby laughed. “Very true. Maybe I’ll mention the idea to Aunt Eleanor to see what she thinks. It wouldn’t hurt to introduce Mother to a few gentlemen her age. That is if I’m able to persuade her to leave the house.”
“I hope her illness has made her appreciate life more. Perhaps that will provide the impetus for being more social.”
“One can hope,” Tibby said with a sigh.
“Would you care to walk for a bit?” he asked.
“Excellent idea.”
He guided them toward a grove of trees then helped her to dismount. Was it her imagination or did his hands linger on her waist after he’d lifted her down?
She couldn’t bring herself to look at him too closely. Not when she was already struggling to keep the moment light. She didn’t want him to see the longing that must be visible in her eyes. He took their reins and tied them to a low branch, leaving the horses to graze.
