Payback, page 25
I inhale truth, and exhale lies.
“It’s over,” I say calmly. “Open the door, Caleb.”
It hurts even to say his name.
Henry releases the door. He looks at Caleb. Caleb looks at me.
I hang my head, trying to look repentant but not destroyed. That’s what they would expect of someone who just betrayed them. That’s what Dr. O would expect.
“Do not open that door,” Susan snaps, and any dream I had of publicly confronting Dr. O with the truth of her survival burns to ashes. Her voice is wobbling, as is her stance. She’s dropped the crutch on the floor, and doesn’t seem to trust herself to move without it.
Dr. O walks slowly through the threshold, jaw flexed, a vein rising on the corner of his forehead. His gaze travels across the room, narrowing on Geri—someone he clearly thought was in his pocket—then stopping on his sister. His head tilts as he stares at her, examining her as if she might not be real. As the shock gives way to acceptance, his lips part slightly, and he siphons in a quick breath.
“Susan,” he whispers, and for however much a monster he is, I can see her presence hurts him.
I hope that pain lasts the rest of his life.
Belk shoves in after him. I can’t see his gun, but I know it’s hidden somewhere in his waistband beneath his coat.
“Get out,” Susan orders, teeth bared. “Get. Out.”
Dr. O shakes his head quickly, as if waking from a daze. “You’re alive.”
“No thanks to you,” she replies.
“What’s going on?” Charlotte asks, voice low.
“What do you mean you called him?” Sam says.
Their doubt, even if it’s an act, shreds me. “It’s time to go home.”
“Home? What are you talking about?” Henry asks.
“Yeah,” says Grayson, hands clenched at his sides. “What are you talking about, Brynn?” He says my name like people curse when they’re angry.
Dr. O’s stare moves from Susan to Caleb, and his lips thin into a flat line. “Mr. Matsuki. I didn’t think we’d cross paths again.”
Caleb says nothing.
Belk waits for Dr. O’s orders.
“Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” I say. “You all had your fun with your little resistance operation, but it’s over now. It’s time to go back to the real world.”
“Am I dreaming right now? Brynn.” Henry steps closer to me, but Caleb snags his arm.
Good, I think. Make it look real.
“You’re a rat,” Grayson says, catching on to my intent. He chuckles coldly, then swipes back his hair. “I guess I should have seen that coming.”
“She’s not a rat,” snaps Charlotte. Someone’s got to side with me for this to be believable, but part of me is crushed by the thought that she doesn’t know I’m acting. I wait for Caleb to object too, but he doesn’t. He’s looking at me like we’re strangers—like last night my heart wasn’t in the palm of his hand in that hotel room.
Show or not, it hurts.
“It’s just a job,” I say. “He wanted to know what you were up to, who he could trust. I delivered. It’s not personal.”
“It’s not personal?” Geri repeats with a manic laugh.
“Easy,” I tell her. “If I recall, you were working me when I first got to school.”
She crosses her arms around her waist, like I just punched her. I wonder if she’s thinking about Baltimore. About us agreeing to be friends. About her night with Marcus, my ex.
I know I am.
“He wanted to find the lost students before the senator gig. We found them,” I say.
“And what?” asks Grayson. “You get a scholarship now? A trip to Paris?”
His anger focuses me.
I shrug. “Maybe.”
“You sold us out?” Henry’s eyes are as wide as saucers.
Dr. O’s gaze jerks to mine, challenge blending with anger.
Their futures depend on you.
“Technically Damien sold you out,” I say with a wince. “Sorry. We needed to see how far you’d take this.”
“Damien?” Geri whispers, as I watch Caleb’s shoulders hunch in defeat.
His last hope—our last hope—is gone.
“I just did my job,” I say.
“Just as all of you have,” adds Dr. O. “And she’ll be rewarded, just like I promised each of you. Regardless of what you choose to think of me, I am a man of my word.”
“You’re a murderer!” Charlotte’s voice cracks off the ceiling.
“Is that any way to talk to the man who kept you out of juvenile detention after a fit of arson?” Dr. O asks calmly.
Sam moves in front of Charlotte, blocking her from Dr. O’s gaze.
“My sister has clearly put ideas in your head,” says Dr. O with a scowl as he motions to Susan. “I hope you are not so naive as to believe a stranger over someone who has taken you in, fed you, cared for you.”
“We have different definitions of care,” says Sam.
“Says the boy whose mother went to prison for neglecting her son,” says Belk, and I almost falter when Sam hunches forward.
“I didn’t need Susan to tell me what you did,” Grayson says, diverting the focus away from Sam. “I was there, remember? I saw what you did.”
“And yet you still sent your father to prison for it,” Dr. O answers.
“To protect him from you,” Grayson says.
“Can you prove that?” Dr. O sighs. “The truth is a complicated matter. I know you all are confused. If you come back to Vale Hall, we can reach an understanding. I’m certain of it.”
“They’re not going anywhere,” Susan says.
Dr. O hums quietly, and if she says another word, I’m certain he will break the deal and kill her on the spot.
“Susan, don’t make a scene. You’re going to be fine,” I say, willing it to be so. “I already told him someone’s checking on you to make sure you’re alive—that if you go missing, there’s going to be trouble. We can’t risk that right before Dr. O becomes senator.”
Grayson flinches, questions flashing through his eyes. Susan’s chin lifts. She’s clearly believing she misjudged me.
Dr. O exhales in a hiss, like the air from a tire. You can’t kill her, I think. Not now.
But she’s on limited time.
“Let’s go,” says Belk. “Grayson, Caleb, Henry, Sam, Geri, and Charlotte, get in the SUV. The director will drive Ms. Griffin, Brynn, and Margot in the Jeep.”
They’re separating me from Caleb. Me from my friends.
“Brynn.” Charlotte takes a step toward me. “This isn’t you talking.”
“I’m sorry, Charlotte,” I say with a forced shrug. “It’s probably better you just go. Don’t want to hurt the baby, you know?”
Her cheeks go blotchy with shock. Sam’s glare is hot enough to burn through me.
I’ve gone too far.
I have to, otherwise it won’t look real.
Belk grabs Henry’s shoulder.
Grayson shoves Belk back, teeth bared. “Get your hands off of him.”
“Stop,” I warn him. “No fighting. I promised none of you would fight.”
“And if we, say, decide we don’t care what you want?” he throws back.
“Then there are consequences,” I say. Please. Do not push this. “With your dad. And your sister and your mom. I’d think of them if I were you, Grayson.”
His jaw flexes. For a moment I think he might launch himself at me, but his shoulders bunch, and then fall in defeat.
You need to find their pressure point, Brynn. That’s the way things like this are done.
Dr. O’s gaze narrows. “I don’t want more trouble. We can discuss it more when we get back to school, but now, it’s time to go.”
“You heard him.”
We all turn to Margot, now standing beside the bed. I think of what Dr. O said about Belk’s gun, about the attack in City Hall. I don’t know her half as well as I thought I did.
But then again, I never really knew her at all.
Her eyes are open now, and there’s a light of anger burning in them that scares me.
She walks straight past me. “Should have known,” she says quietly as she heads out the door.
The others take more time. More convincing. I don’t remember what else I say, but in the end it’s only Dr. O, me, and Caleb standing in the cabin. He’s still said nothing, and his silence is breaking me.
It’s the acknowledgment of defeat. It’s the uncertainty about what will happen to his family. It’s a goodbye to everything we might have had.
“At least you’re going to graduate,” I tell him.
He looks at me for a long time. Then his head lowers, and he walks to the car.
CHAPTER 24
When we return to school, Vale Hall feels like a tomb.
Twinkle lights and garlands line every arch of the roof, and inside, dozens of small Christmas trees and wreaths with gaudy gold bows fill each open space. But despite Ms. Maddox’s dedication, the house is cold and unwelcoming. Paz and Bea erupt in a flurry of whispers as Caleb enters, but barely acknowledge my presence. Joel and some of the others gathered in the kitchen avert their gazes from Margot, as if they know she’s trouble. None of them were here when she was a student before.
June’s the only one who looks at her as she trudges by. With wide eyes, she asks me what’s going on. I tell her nothing.
We go to our respective rooms, which have all been tossed in a security search, and I don’t come out to see if it gets better by dinner, because I know it can’t possibly. Susan didn’t even come back with the rest of us. I can only hope she’s all right, that I made the right decision by exposing her.
I am terrified Dr. O decided to kill her anyway.
The next morning, Belk, who’s spent at least half the night roaming the halls, summons me to final exams with a reminder of my promise to the director. But I’m not sure how I’m supposed to report any suspicious activity when everyone else at school has begun avoiding me like the plague.
Charlotte and Henry won’t look at me.
Caleb keeps a careful distance.
Paz and Bea whisper about me whenever I pass.
I feel like an outsider. And even though it hurts, I pretend I don’t care, because that’s what is expected of me.
I have one role to play now: Dr. O’s pet.
Shrew allows Caleb to sit for finals after he says he’s been keeping up with our coursework, and just like that, he’s back in the mix. When our first test is done, I have lunch with June and some of the underclassmen. I smile at the right times and eat, though I can hardly taste anything, and at the first opportunity, I excuse myself to my bedroom to have a panic attack in the shower and call Mom, for the tenth time, to check in.
The next two days get worse. June tells me Ms. Maddox has given Geri an envelope of pictures of her father at the scenes of various crimes—evidence the police could use to send him to prison. Caleb and Henry are emailed shots of their moms on their way to work. Charlotte and Sam find a copy of their last ultrasound slipped under their doors.
Margot is locked in her room, and doesn’t come out.
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, waiting for some threat about Mom, or word about another date she had with Geri’s dad, but it doesn’t happen. Somehow that’s worse.
The morning before Christmas Eve, Sam fights through a strong closing speech for Model UN and we’re formally awarded Petal the platinum pig, which Shrew has been keeping since Henry tried to give her to Grayson. Charlotte tosses it into my lap as if it’s no more than plastic and spray paint, but when her knowing gaze holds mine, I look away. It doesn’t matter how this happened, or why. It doesn’t change the outcome.
We lost.
I’m trudging back to the main house from the gym when a hand jets out from behind the pool’s stone waterfall and snags my arm. With a gulp of surprise, I find myself hidden beneath the snowy boughs of an old evergreen, pressed up against the cold brick of the house’s siding.
Caleb stands before me, so close I can feel the warmth of his breath on my face. His eyes are clear now—not distant like they’ve been all week—and his mouth is drawn in a tight, serious line.
“Finally,” he says. “It’s been impossible to get you alone. Ms. Maddox and her groupies are all over you.”
Panic rises in my throat as I recall how I caught Paz rifling through my notebooks this morning when she “accidently” mistook it for hers. Caleb and I can’t do this. We can’t be seen hiding together—it will look like we’re plotting something. Someone will see and report to Dr. O. He’ll find the pressure points. Caleb’s mom and dad. His brothers. My mom.
I shake out of his hold on my wrist, and his jaw clenches.
“Are you all right?” He takes my face in his cold hands, and maybe it’s weak, but I don’t pull away. I’ve missed his touch so much. I’ve missed his voice. I’ve missed everything.
“It’s okay,” he says quickly, pulling me close, and on a shuddering breath, I inhale the scent of his skin. “It’s going to be okay. We’re leaving tonight. All of us. We’re—”
“What?” I jerk back. He glances out between the heavy snow-laden limbs of the tree, searching for watchful eyes. “You can’t do that. You can’t go. You have to stay here.”
Pity fills his eyes. “It’s all worked out. You, me, Sam and Charlotte, Henry, even Grayson. None of us have gotten to Geri yet—Belk’s been all over her since we got back—but I’m sure she’s in. And Margot’s been in her room since Shrew put her on that independent study—”
“No!”
He flinches at my volume, eyes growing wide. “Quiet! Someone’s going to hear you.”
I put another foot between us.
“Be careful what you say right now,” I tell him.
He lifts his brows, and when I force myself to meet his gaze, his chin lifts.
“Or what?” he asks.
My heart breaks.
He can’t leave. None of them can leave. If they do, Dr. O will hurt Mom. He’ll hurt everyone.
Their futures depend on you. Your mother depends on you.
Everything I knew Dr. O was capable of is now coming to pass. He sent Mom out on a date with a hitman. He killed Raf and other students, and sent Belk to burn Margot up in a fire. I always knew what he could do, but since the cabin it feels like all our efforts to fight him have fallen on my shoulders. He’s picked me as the champion of the resistance, and if I don’t do what he wants, my friends will all suffer.
I can’t do this on my own.
I can’t watch Caleb—any of them—die. Not when I had a chance to follow Dr. O’s rule, however crushing it may be, and keep them alive.
I siphon in a frigid breath. “Or I’ll tell the director.”
Caleb’s brows pinch together as he shakes his head. “This isn’t you.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “It was stupid of me to think we could beat him. You know what he’ll do if we don’t fall in line.”
“You know what he’ll do if we do!” He steps closer again, one hand gripping my shoulder. “More people will end up missing. We won’t be the only ones threatened, or left empty-handed. We don’t even have a future here—you remember what Damien said about the money.”
That there isn’t any. It’s all a con to lure us in.
I can’t do this. I can’t think of anything beyond right now—beyond my mom going out with Frank Allen, and Caleb and Henry’s families, and Charlotte and Sam’s baby. I try to walk away, but he blocks me with a straight arm. I swipe it away.
“We can figure this out,” he says, hands open now. Pleading.
“I’ve already figured it out,” I tell him. “I’m not letting you leave, Caleb. I won’t walk into some apartment and find you, or any one else, on the floor like Raf.”
Because I love you.
Because I love all of you.
I will myself to feel nothing, but shattering hurts, and I can barely breathe.
He falls back a step, his shoulder knocking into a branch that drops snow onto his old Converse shoes. In the cabin, he knew something had happened. He was doing what I said to protect me—to protect all of us.
But now, he thinks I might actually betray him.
He’s right.
I hate him for trying to save me. I hate him for loving me. I hate his crooked glasses and his unquestioning loyalty and the perfect city on my calf I retrace in ink over and over so it won’t wash off.
I hate until I feel nothing, and finally, I’m numb.
Don’t feel, don’t fail. That’s how I save him. That’s how we all get through this alive.
“What’s going on in there?”
At Moore’s voice, I jump, and then shove out into the cold sunlight. His jaw is clenched as he peers past me to find Caleb leaning against the stone waterfall.
I try to push past him, but he grabs my arm.
“You can’t do this,” he says, pulling down his sunglasses so I can see his eyes—as if this will somehow make me realize how serious he is. “Both of you need to stop. Things have changed.”
I step away from Moore, frozen straight through. “Stop protecting me.”
One brow lifts.
“What’s going on with you?” When I don’t answer, he lowers his face to mine. “What’s Min Belk up to? I haven’t seen him since you brought Caleb and Margot back.”
Susan. He must be with her somewhere. I can’t think of what else Dr. O might be keeping secret.
If Moore’s asking me this, it means he might not know that Dr. O’s sister is still alive—or at least that she was when we left the cabin.
Why wouldn’t Dr. O tell him that?
Because he’s being watched like the rest of us.
Any relief that Moore still has my back is crushed by a sudden, drenching fatigue. I’m so tired of these games we never win.
“Ask Dr. O,” I say, just as Ms. Maddox steps outside to wave us in for lunch.
* * *
CHRISTMAS EVE, I show up at Mom’s second-floor apartment, half asleep from restless nights, half wired from finals I’m sure I barely passed, a dozen college applications in the messenger bag over my shoulder.
