An Uncertain Fate, page 10
part #3 of An Ungoverned World Series
She hoped Cosmo still was alive, and that he was happier than he was when he had been with them. That's all she wanted really, for everyone to be happy. Was that too much for her to ask?
Chapter Fourteen
Cosmo took in a deep breath of the city air. It smelled differently than he had been used to before the solar flare hit, and everything had gone crazy. It was cleaner, purer. The air was no longer filled with all the gas and chemicals being pumped into it day and night. There was no hum of electricity or churning machinery. Even the church bells were not singing at the crest of every hour. Cars were now just hunks of metal, useless as anything apart from cover from the elements. The stores were empty and decrepit. It was funny how quickly things had fallen apart.
Without people maintaining the city it had fallen into near ruin. The buildings still were standing, of course, but Cosmo was thinking about the state of everything. It also seemed so empty, the parks not being used and the schools devoid of anyone in the yard. The city used to be filled with the hustle and bustle of life, and although he was sure there were plenty of people hunkering down in the bigger buildings, such as schools and big department stores, they were keeping out of sight. Rarely was anyone ever caught wandering out and about in plain sight like Cosmo, which suited him as it meant he had the city to himself.
His mind was clear for the first time in a long time and he was able to relax. His heart was fully content and couldn't wipe the smile off his face. This was perfect. All he had to worry about was himself. A little part of him did miss Nick, and to a lesser extent Tanya, but as soon as he had been on his own for a few hours he knew he had made the right decision. Even thinking about going back with those people made his stomach twist with anxiety. He was glad he didn't have to worry about them anymore. Of course, it was annoying to him that, once again, Nick was riding into the storm seemingly unaware of any danger, but he was a grown man and could take care of himself. It wouldn't have bothered Cosmo at all if he hadn't owed Nick a life debt. Nick had released him, of course, but it wasn't as simple as that. Cosmo wasn't prepared to have the debt be forgiven so easily. Nick had saved his life and Cosmo was going to repay him at some point, he just didn't know when.
Behind him he was sure he heard a noise, a little scuttling sound. He jerked his head around but couldn't see anything. He peered long and hard into the brick and mortar scene all around him. The sun glinted off windows and there was no way to tell who was in the buildings, but the noise sounded as though it had come from somewhere near him. Yet there wasn't any sign of anything, or anyone.
It was probably just an animal, he told himself, and chuckled as he went sauntering along, kicking a stone across the sidewalk. It skittered and bounced. Cosmo dug his hands in his pockets as if he didn't have a care in the world. This was the life, he thought, this is true freedom. He was beholden to nobody but himself and the only things he had to worry about were having enough food and water to survive. Well, those were things he could take care of. He knew a lot about survival from the books he'd read over the years and he was optimistic about his chances. If anyone could make it on their own, it was him. He had no doubt about that. Still, that noise...no. He chastised himself for being paranoid.
There was a time for being worried and there was a time when it wasn't warranted. There was no need to be worried because there was nobody to be worried about. He liked being alone, even if it was a little quiet. He missed Nick's friendship, and he regretted the way he had acted toward Tanya. The dog he could have taken or left, though. He'd always been more a cat person. They required less maintenance. Thinking about Tanya, though, he wished he could make amends to her to some degree. He still felt both Tanya and Nick had acted a little ungratefully considering they all would have been better off if they just had listened to him in the first place. However, upon reflection Cosmo could admit that sometimes he let his temper get the better of him, as well as his fear.
He'd never really liked being around a lot of people. As far as he was concerned the more people there were the greater the chance there was someone who was going to hurt you. With David and the men on Nick's trail he thought it was reasonable to assume that Tanya was hiding something. Then he had been proven right about Gillian and her people as well. The thought of those men in the city still filled him with fear, but he was determined to stay away from the bridge. The memory of the beating he had suffered at their hands still was strong.
But Cosmo's dislike of crowds stemmed from further back than the post-apocalyptic world. It had originated in his youth, from his upbringing around his large family. For as long as he could remember his brothers had played pranks on him and always made him the butt of their jokes. Cosmo never could get a moment's rest. They always were trying to get him to eat some vile concoction they'd made or telling him there was some buried treasure in the yard and he'd have to dig to find it. His parents always brushed it off as sibling rivalry, but Cosmo knew there was something meaner at work. He was the runt of the litter, the youngest, and his brothers never had given him any respect at all. He was more like a pet to them than a brother...no, not a pet, a jester.
Rationally, he knew that not everyone was like his family, of course, but whenever he was around a large group of people he had the same feelings as in his youth, those feelings of uselessness and powerlessness. He was sure everyone was just waiting for the moment when they would turn on him and make him look like a fool. That's why he had spent so much of his life educating himself in so many different areas. As far as he was concerned, if he knew a lot about the world then nobody could make him look stupid. Not that it had happened. Cosmo had lived a quiet life, but nobody really turned to him as an authority on anything, and it was all down to his brothers.
There had been three of them. Peter, George, and Julian. From birth he'd always been the odd one out. He had no idea what possessed his mother to name him Cosmo, but it was the name he had been stuck with. Peter always had teased him, saying that Cosmo was the name of their mom's favorite cow that had died years before. Cosmo had been too afraid to see if that was the truth or not. It was the kind of trick his brothers loved playing on him. Yet, there was a ring of truth to it as well. Julian, the youngest of the three, had been nine when Cosmo was born, so he really was far apart from them. They were supposed to protect him and defend him, but instead they treated him like a fool, a toy for their own amusement. Bitterness still simmered in Cosmo's heart even after all these years. A deep-seated resentment had taken hold in those formative years and it was impossible to get over.
All his life he had been looked down upon by them. It hadn't helped at school. Everyone else knew of his reputation so his classmates bullied him. It was not a happy upbringing at all, so he had learned to respond to everything with anger and fear. Oddly enough, he probably could empathize with what Tanya had been through more than most, although in a different way. His brothers never had physically hurt him, only belittled him and made him feel worthless by the way they always talked down to him.
The worst time had been when they had pretended he was invisible. His parents had gone on vacation and the farm was George's to run. It was summer vacation, so Cosmo didn't even have school to break the monotony. His brothers ignored him, and to their credit, they were devoted to the act, not even breaking character when he bit them and screamed at the top of his lungs. This carried on for two weeks and by the end of it Cosmo was crying himself to sleep every night. They never even set him a place at the table, or if they did, they never actually would give him any food. They just pretended that he hadn't shown up, that he had run away from home.
That was what had given him the idea to actually do it.
For all his life he was taught that family was the most important thing in the world, that the farm had been in his family for generations and it was his duty to stay on the farm his entire life. Nothing could have been more hellish a fate for Cosmo. He plotted from a young age how to leave, and when he was of age he indeed left. He stopped for a moment and looked at the horizon, wondering if his family still was alive. They had enough to sustain them on the farm, and if people stayed out of their way they would have been fine. Part of him wondered if he had a responsibility to go back and find them to make sure they were alright, but even now he could not bring himself to face his brothers again. Knowing them, they only would ridicule him for coming back. It was a shame that he had had to turn his back on his family, but that was how he knew he could make it on his own. They never had treated him well, and he didn't owe them anything. They were dead to him as soon as he had left. On that day he had vowed he never would return and he never did. He'd forged his own path and he was going to continue in that vein.
With that in mind he strode on, whistling as he went to try distracting himself from the pain of his memories. It was funny, he thought, no matter how far away he got from his childhood it was always there in his mind. There were times when he wished he could rip out the memories and start over again.
His new plan was something that had been brewing in his mind for a little while. It was something that neither Nick nor Tanya had given any serious consideration to, but in Cosmo's mind it was the best plan in the world. He was making his way to the docks to get a boat. Then he was going to sail down the river and out to the coast where he finally would be free and able to explore the world on his own terms. He'd find a tropical island paradise somewhere. A place that he had completely to himself, where he wouldn't have to worry about anyone at all. A place with juicy fruits, where the sun shone all year round...he almost sighed as he thought of the paradise that awaited him.
The only tricky part was finding a boat that worked, of course, but he was sure there was going to be one there that was viable. After all, most people were worried about how to keep living in the city. They were tied to old notions of what home meant. Not Cosmo. He was a forward-thinker and he wasn't going to be shackled by his old life. After that he'd just have to make sure he had enough food and fresh water to last him while he was out at sea. He'd probably need to get a map from somewhere as well so that he would know where he was going, but then he'd be set.
It would just be him and the open ocean. He could almost taste the salt in the air as he walked along. He thought about the future in his mind's eye, of stepping off the boat and feeling his feet sink into the sandy shore. Lush green trees bursting with juicy yellow fruit lined the horizon. A waterfall cascaded down in the distance and there was plenty of wood for him to make a shelter. He could spend the nights looking up at the stars and... well ...the only downside was that he wouldn't be able to repay Nick the life debt. However, there was no saying that Cosmo had to stay there forever...
While he was lost in his thoughts he heard another noise. This time it jerked him from his daydream and made him stop. He tilted his head and tried listening for the noise again. It came from slightly behind him. He turned and saw a door swinging shut to what used to be a barbershop. The red and white pole was not rotating any longer. Cosmo's throat ran dry. He couldn't let himself be comfortable until he was out of the city. There were still dangers prevalent all around him. He could run, but if he was right and the source of this noise was the same as he had heard before, then he had been followed for a while. It would do him no good to show weakness now. He went into the barbershop and called out.
“Whoever you are, come show yourself!” he cried, clenching his fists into tight balls, preparing for a fight.
He wished he had taken weapons with him, maybe borrowed a knife or two from that women. The door swung open as he kicked it in. The barbershop was dark despite the sunlight outside. The chairs were dusty, and hair still rested on the floor. A cash register and a small desk stood against the opposite wall. After a cursory sweep of the room Cosmo noticed a shadow moving.
“I know you're behind there. Come out now and I'll show you some mercy. But I am prepared to defend myself.”
It took a few moments, but eventually he saw a figure moving. It came out of the shadows, and when it did Cosmo was surprised to see a boy of about ten with a smudged face standing before him.
“My name is Billy and I lost my parents,” the boy said, wiping his nose with his sleeve. Cosmo didn't know what to think. Was it a trap? He didn't know how a boy could survive on his own for this long, and yet he couldn't very well turn his back on the kid.
Chapter Fifteen
Everything hurt. Everything had been black. The last thing David remembered was feeling a sense of relief as the knife had been pulled across his throat. He'd felt the blood trickle out and run down his neck as he lost strength and fell to the floor. The sweet release of death had been a welcome one and he had been looking forward to everything Gillian had promised. The world was so confusing. It didn't make sense. It wasn't what he had expected at all. Why hadn't the authorities rebuilt the world? Why wasn't everything back to normal?
Nothing ever was going to be back to normal, he thought to himself. Gillian had promised him a new beginning, an awakening, a rebirth. It had made sense. He needed something like that. With all that had happened he had lost himself somewhere along the way. It was time that he found himself again and reclaimed his life, his destiny. He knew there was a noble purpose out there for him. When he looked back on his actions he knew that wasn't the man he was supposed to be. He was a hero. He was a respectable man. He was a bank manager for goodness' sake! He was one of the men who eventually would lead humanity out of this hellish landscape in which they had been thrust, not one to be dragged down into the muck.
In some ways he was surprised he was alive. Gillian talked passionately about her cause, but it had seemed as though murder was on her mind. In truth he wouldn't have minded. Part of him was ready to surrender to the void and let go of the pain that was in his heart. In many ways death was easier than living, but it was clear life wasn't done with him yet. He still had a role to play in this world and he was determined to be better and stronger than he was, not weak like Donny and his men. He wasn't going to succumb to his baser instincts. He had seen how power could corrupt, but there was only one man who he really needed to get even with. Once he had caught up to Nick and killed him, David could properly start his new life. Maybe he could try going to a new city. There would be lots of people in need of help and it might be good to start over somewhere new.
His throat throbbed. It didn't seem like the kind of injury he should have survived. Perhaps he really was dead, and this was heaven. What was the last thing he remembered? The blackness, yes, but something else...the noises. The scream. Something falling beside him. David struggled to open his eyes, and when he did he was shocked. The ground around him was stained with blood, and for a moment he thought it must have been his. Then he realized that anyone who lost that amount of blood would not have been able to live for long.
He craned his neck upward. Pain lanced through him. He reached up to his throat and felt some kind of sticky substance across his neck. It was a dark, brown-green mixture that smelled awful. He wiped it on his pants and then looked around to see Gillian's body lying next to him. Her eyes lolled back in her head. She was like a doll, arms splayed out across the ground, the knife that she had used to slit his throat still was in her hand. Blood had dried around the edge. He had no idea how long he had been out, but he was sad to see her dead. There had been a chance there for some kind of connection. Donny and his men had taken that away from him.
David couldn't say that he was surprised. Donny and his men were vicious. They had survived this long by being ruthless and he couldn't imagine them going down without a fight. Gillian's group seemed naive. Sure, they had survived a plane crash, but they hadn't survived in the city. They hadn't pushed themselves to the limit against these men. They probably didn't even see it happening. Their grand plan had failed, and now instead of a near-death experience they all were just dead.
David regretted getting involved with Donny. They had been a means to an end, but the price was becoming far too high. From the first moment he had felt uncomfortable with them, having to lie about his attitudes toward women just to have them accept him. He'd been disgusted by their behavior and the fact that they didn't seem to care for any higher cause. His darkest impulses had been reflected in them, and that had shattered the illusion he had had about himself. There was no way in the world he was going to end up like them.
Gillian and her group had been a possible way out. He could have seen himself joining them eventually, becoming the respected leader that he always wanted to be, but that was no more. He pushed himself up gradually, not wanting to move too much in case he disturbed the treatment that had been placed over his wound. He felt it more and realized that a bandage had been wrapped around his neck as well. The mixture, which felt like some kind of clay, was seeping through the side of the bandage.
Donny stood there, blowing out his cheeks and wiping sweat off his brow. It evidently had been a big battle.
“Ah good, you're awake. For a moment I thought you were a goner there,” Donny said, reaching out a hand to help David up.
“You missed a hell of a thing, although I see she got you. Man, we all were having a nice time and I had my eye on that hot blonde piece of ass, but then they started talking crazy shit about a new beginning and all that crap. I almost didn't see it myself, but they swarmed us. We showed them, though. I must give them credit. They were surprising, but they weren't good fighters. I guess you had a rude awakening. We all saw you go away with her,” he said as he looked down at Gillian's corpse. “Bet you thought you were going to get lucky. Well, you still can. I won't judge. The body's still a bit fresh,” Donny said, throwing back his head in a dark laugh. David grimaced and tried to forget what he had just heard.
