We Were Inevitable, page 4
Ben shook his head. “It’s such a mess. Zeynep gave me the inside scoop since she’s involved with the leadership committee of the program.” He pulled Melody into his cubicle, out of the fray. “It seems like your Mr. Richards was the ringleader behind all of this. He approached her to try to sway her opinion about the program, get on board with this whole—” He gestured to the chaos around them. “—mess. I mean, closing down a program that’s barely even made it to the middle? I can’t even imagine the complaints he must have lodged to get them to take it seriously, but it’s appalling. Complete mismanagement of everything.”
“He must have had his reasons, though, right?” Melody looked at the room around them, the emotions and stress evident on the faces of all their colleagues. “He wouldn’t do something like this just to be a jerk. I know you don’t know him that well, but I just know that can’t be it.”
“Really?” Ben gave pointed looks at their surroundings. “Because this seems like some pretty classic jerk behavior. And that’s why we need to figure out what our next steps are going to be. You can’t keep working for this guy, Melody. You know that, right? I know you care about your job, but this…this goes against everything you believe.”
Melody crossed her arms over her chest. The one thing that did not make a stressful situation better was someone—even someone as good as Ben—telling her what she needed to do. “Does it? Because it looks to me like he may have discovered that this program was a misuse of funds…or that it wasn’t as effective as it could have been since everyone was acting like they were on spring break rather than doing their freaking jobs.”
Ben recoiled. “Are you seriously defending him right now? I know you care about EduPowerment, but this is actually ridiculous. You have to see that. No matter how ineffective a program might be, you don’t just drop it cold turkey like this. And what, are people just supposed to fly right back to their old jobs and pick up where they left off? So much work is going to be lost, so much time…“ He sighed. “And that’s saying nothing about the personal uprooting. I’m sure you and I aren’t the only ones with something personal at stake.” His eyes searched hers. “What are we going to do, Melody? I just got you into my life. I don’t want you out of it already.”
She steeled herself. It was for the best for both of them if she didn’t give him a reason to hold on to hope. It would hurt less in the long run, and it would spare them both the pain of trying to figure out a way to stay together or to try doing things long distance…none of that would work, she was sure. “I think, maybe…we need to accept this, Ben. I know it seems like the timing really stinks, but…well, maybe the timing is meant to tell us something.” Her laugh was hollow. “You can’t deny that there’s a certain dark humor to our whole world falling apart the morning after we go on our first date. Seems like maybe it’s just not meant to be, you know? Or at least that’s what the universe is trying to tell us.”
He shook his head. “You don’t mean that. And you don’t know that, either. The whole universe doesn’t conspire to keep people apart, Melody. And explaining this that way rather than explaining it with your boss’s backwards manipulation is some impressive gaslighting you’re doing to yourself.”
“I can’t believe you.” She felt her gaze harden as she stared at him. “Since I got here this morning, you’ve done nothing but tell me how I’m supposed to feel about this, what I’m supposed to think. How are you any better than Mr. Richards then, ignoring my perfectly valid feelings to get me to think and behave and act the way you want me to?”
“This…this isn’t real, is it? This thing that’s happening right now?” His arms were on her shoulders now, his eyes darting between both of hers. “We don’t have to be against each other, Melody. I’m sorry if it sounded like that, I…I’m just frankly terrified of losing you. I thought you’d feel the same way, and I thought we were going to figure this out together. Is that what you want? Or…” A horrified expression crossed his face as a realization dawned on him. “Or do you want this to be the end? To go back to your job, your boss, your old life, and never think about me again?”
It hurt to see him feeling that way, so much so that she wavered in her convictions.
To proceed with misunderstanding things between them, turn to page 124
To clarify, and actually communicate what she’s feeling rather than what she thinks is best for both of them, turn to page 306
40
“I’m sorry,” Melody blurted, jumping to her feet. “I never do this, but…” Her mind scrambled for the most innocuous invitation she could make, the thing least likely to sound the alarm to Ben that she might, in fact, be interested in him in a non-professional way. “Coffee? Er…I mean, would you like to join me for a cup of coffee? Would that be nice?” Would that be nice? What kind of question was that?
Ben didn’t seem to mind her question, though, offering her a wide smile in response. “That would be lovely. No better way to start the day, is there?”
“I agree.”
They fell into step side by side, and for the briefest of seconds, Melody had the delicious feeling that this was what it would be like. What it could be like, always, if Ben also felt the electricity zapping back and forth between them. How could he not?
“So…tell me about yourself,” she began. “Where did you grow up?”
Ben nodded. “Interesting question to start the day with. Born and raised in Germany, but my parents are from Turkey, so I kind of feel like I’m from there, too.”
“Oh wow, I had no idea.” What a dumb thing to say, she chastised herself. You barely know this man. How would you have any ideas about him at all already? Don’t forget, just because you feel like there’s some magical connection between the two of you does not, in fact, mean that he feels the same way. “Ben doesn’t sound like a Turkish name to me,” she offered instead. “Not that I know much about Turkish at all…apart from Turkish delight and that ‘aslan’ means lion. You can thank The Chronicles of Narnia for that vast knowledge of the Turkish language of mine.”
Ben laughed then, a beautiful melodic sound that came along with his head thrown back, a clear view of his neck and Adam’s apple. It was a good neck, too. Not that Melody had known she was a neck appreciator, but this one just couldn’t go unacknowledged.
“Well, first of all, I’m very grateful that C. S. Lewis awakened so many young children to the magic of Turkish delight. And aslan is a good word to know, too, although he didn’t exactly get the pronunciation right.”
Melody felt her ears turning hot—and most likely pink to match—at the difference between Ben’s “aslan” and hers. His sounded refined and powerful, a name befitting the noble beast of the lion, both the character in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and the one that roamed the savannahs of Africa. Hers, on the other hand, mostly consisted of nasal Midwestern “a” sounds and sounded more like the duck from the Aflac commercials.
But it wasn’t a language lesson Ben was offering, apparently. He continued, answering her other question. “Ben isn’t a Turkish name, you’re right. It’s actually my parents’ own little joke, I think, giving me ‘Ben’ as a middle name.” Off her quizzical expression, he continued, explaining. “In Turkish, ‘ben’ means ‘I.’ So even though they gave me a Turkish first name, which is Yunus, and naturally a Turkish surname, too— that’s Kaya…they gave me a more German middle name I could use to blend in more, if I wanted to. Of course, they just happened to pick the name that also meant something in our language, too.“ He shrugged. “I like it. It’s kind of my little secret, you know? Like I can introduce myself as Ben and people just think I’m this German guy who’s using the abbreviated version of Benjamin, but it’s actually more like ‘Ben Yunus Kaya.’ Which, of course, means ‘I am Yunus Kaya.’ I like being just Ben, though.”
“That’s really interesting,” said Melody, genuinely fascinated by every single detail Ben was sharing with her. She pushed the button to start the single-serving coffee machine. “I wish I had something unique to tell you about my name, but no. It’s just Melody. No secret meaning.”
Ben raised an eyebrow at her. “That can’t be true. A melody is a song, right? Or, like…a mixture of fruits, you know? You get one of those little cups full of peaches and pears and they call it a fruit melody?”
Now it was Melody’s turn to laugh, and Ben’s eyes sparkled with delight at the sound of it. “That’s a medley, actually. But you’re right about the song.”
“Ah, I knew I was close.” He shrugged. “You got the better end of that deal, though. You’re not ‘just Melody’ then, you know? You’re a beautiful song, like something a Disney princess would sing to call the birds to come sit on her hands.”
She knew her cheeks were coloring with heat again—how could they not be, when he said sweet things like that?—and she didn’t care. Still, a shyness came over her. What was she doing, wandering away from her workspace to spend time with this man she didn’t even know? This man who was supposed to be a mere coworker, not someone she actively sought to spend more time with?
She handed him his cup of coffee before restarting the machine to make her own. Thanks to his influence—or was it just his presence?—she was even drinking office coffee, rather than the thermos she had brought from home. That was going to cut into the money they had available for programs, something she had been lobbying against. If all nonprofit employees just brought their own drinks and snacks from home, that discretionary money could be funneled to their in-country programs, and wouldn’t that be a better use of those funds?
And yet here she was, thoroughly enjoying the smell of the coffee dripping into her cup, watching Ben as he stirred a splash of milk into his own mug. The coffee she brought from home was fine, but there was something comforting and homey about the smell of freshly brewed beans. It made her feel warm and cozy and just a little bit more comfortable taking up space in the office.
Of course, some of that warmth and coziness could be attributed to the man who was currently smiling at her with his eyes over the rim of his coffee mug. He raised his eyebrows at her in an unspoken question, and she looked away. What was even happening right now?
“So what, uh…what questions do you have for me? About work stuff, I mean?” she fumbled. She finished doctoring her own cup of coffee and then the two of them made their way back to their desks.
“Admittedly, I don’t have a lot of questions about the work,” said Ben. “I do actually have one question, but I feel like it’s not totally appropriate.”
Melody’s pulse picked up. Either he was about to say exactly what she was feeling…or she had totally misread the situation and he was about to harass her or tell her she had something hanging out of her nose. “Okay…” she prompted him, reaching up surreptitiously at the same time to wipe her nose.
“I was wondering if you were available after work and if you wouldn’t mind joining me for something then.”
Okay…that wasn’t exactly either outcome that Melody had prepared herself for, not unless ‘something’ referred to a carriage that used to be a pumpkin picking her up to squire her around the town.
She wouldn’t know unless she asked. “I may be free after work, but that is going to depend on what you mean by ‘something.’ It’s too mysterious as it is, and I don’t want to agree to it until I know what I’m committing to.”
“That’s fair,” said Ben, a brush of color appearing on the apples of his cheeks. “I didn’t mean to be mysterious, but I didn’t exactly want to be too clear about my interest in you in case it scared you away.” He shook his head in dismay. “But now I’ve gone ahead and referred to it as ‘my interest in you,’ and that has definitely escalated things to such a level that I can’t pretend I didn’t just say that.”
“Your…interest…in me?“ Melody asked, mouth agape.
“Yeah.” Ben looked sheepish. “I’m sorry about that. I know it’s totally unprofessional to say something like that in an office and to someone I just met. I swear I didn’t mean it like that, though, and also that this isn’t something I would normally—ever—do.” He ran a hand through his already messy hair. “It might sound like a line, but I promise it isn’t. I just felt this zap when I first saw you, like I had been waiting for you or something. And it made me want to spend more time with you and get to know everything about you and…I know it’s ridiculous. We’ve shared one cup of coffee.“ He looked down at the nearly full mug in his hands. “Okay, not even one full cup of coffee yet. And somehow, I still want to spend the whole afternoon with you and just walk all over the city…it’s too much, I know. I’m sorry.”
“No!” Melody protested. “Don’t be sorry. Everything you said, it does all sound like too much. Like it’s too good to be true and it can’t possibly be real. And yet, I felt the same kind of thing.” She shook her head, remembering Chloe’s words. “My friend who’s in London now, she wished something like this would happen. That there would be someone hot and fun and we would have crushes on each other or something. I don’t remember all the details of what she said. And I dismissed her, told her that would be a major human resources issue and dropped it.” She shrugged. “And yet here we are on our first day in the office and I just want to pull my chair over next to yours and ask you what your mom is like.”
Ben’s grin got impossibly wider. “I would love that, and I can tell you that my mom is actually the best. In fact, I will tell you all about her…later?“ His eyebrows climbed with hope, with a question.
Melody nodded. “Absolutely. I’m all yours after work.”
She traveled the remaining few feet back to her desk and dropped into her chair, stunned. Nothing that had just happened felt like it had happened to her…she felt like she was watching a movie or possibly dreaming. In real life, Melody Critchfield would not befriend an attractive new coworker or agree to spend time with him after work, and she certainly wouldn’t admit to feeling a spark between them. Was this all some exhaustion-induced alternate reality? Had Chloe pulled some magic trick or made a wish with a genie to add some more excitement to Melody’s life?
“Psst.” Ben caught her eye. “Are you actually able to focus on anything over there? Because I’m struggling over here, and I don’t think it’s just waiting for the caffeine to kick in.”
She shook her head, laughing softly through her nose. “Well, you’re just going to have to figure that out, mister. We can’t very well duck out of the office just to go chit chat.” Her expression sobered up then, as a thought occurred to her. “Actually, when I find it hard to focus, I always think of the important work that we’re doing in the world and how I get to play my part in that.” She shrugged. “And honestly, I sort of feel like I’m stealing from those who receive our services if I’m not totally focused on my responsibilities.”
That made Ben’s expression get serious—and quickly—too. “Ahh, yes. Good point. Okay, then.” He saluted. “I’ll leave you alone then so you can get to work. As long as I definitely will get some of your time once the work day is over?”
Melody nodded. “You certainly will. And I’ll even finish working at five today, just for you.”
A look of concern flashed across Ben’s eyes. “You don’t normally leave at five? Is that, like…normal?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s just me who does that. There’s not much excitement waiting for me outside of work, and I like seeing the difference I can make with our projects and beneficiaries.”
“Okay. Good to know.” The corners of Ben’s eyes lifted ever so slightly, suggesting that the half of his face she couldn’t see had a small smile on it. “Catch you later, then!”
Admittedly, it felt more than a little strange to shut down the chance to keep chatting with her handsome new colleague, especially when he was right there, but Melody’s loyalty to her work had to take priority. In the three years she had been working at EduPowerment, she had seen too many colleagues run out of steam, lose their drive to show up every day and do their best work. Whether it happened because they were frustrated not to receive a raise or because they had gotten bored with the repetitive nature of their job or because they had gotten distracted by a shiny object, she was determined that would not happen to her. Even if whatever was brewing between her and Ben turned out to be a relationship, she would continue to prioritize her work. Time with Ben could fill her evenings and her weekends, and she could even enjoy seeing him around the office…but she would not let herself get distracted from why she was here. Why she did the work she did in the first place.
On that note, it was time to dive in. She had plenty to keep her busy, along with whatever was waiting for her in her email inbox—Mr. Richards and his top-priority projects were the one constant in her life.
Melody slipped in her earbuds, queueing up her favorite focus playlist—classical tunes really helped her dial in to the task at hand—and lost herself in her to-do list. She was vaguely aware of Ben getting up from his desk, leaving with a wave, and she was almost sure that she had returned the pleasantry but couldn’t be positive. Such was the reality when she was in the zone.
At some point, she felt a soft touch on her shoulder and nearly shrieked. Ripping her earbuds from her ears, she spun around, shoulders dropping when she saw it was Ben, hovering in the entrance to her cubicle.
“Sorry,” he said, looking sheepish. “I didn’t want to interrupt you since you were so focused, but…” He glanced down, then back up. “You’ve been sitting there for a very long time and I thought it might be good for you to have some lunch?” He gestured with his head back towards the kitchen. “There’s a bit of a ‘getting to know each other’ lunch going on today. Do you want to come join?” He looked at what was on her screen. “I mean, can you? I don’t want to disrupt if you’ve got something important there, but I also didn’t think you would want to be left out.”
