Reckless: The Legacy Begins, page 32
He scowled and glanced around, as if his thoughts hung like a banner in the sky. But who gave a good fuck if he could identify opaque tights?
Harley stared at him, gazing at him through her lashes, silently asking for his attention.
“What do you want?” The words were sharp.
“To talk to you,” she responded in a tone CJ couldn’t read. “This is hard, so please sit next to me.”
“On that swing?”
Harley nodded.
“Absolutely not. I’m not six.” Neither was she! Since his birthday party, her tits had grown even rounder.
She moved the swing again, slow enough to skim her heels over the ground. Bowing her head, she stared at her feet. “I-I…” she started, heaved in a breath, and tried again. “There’s things…I mean I’m not.” Another inhale and a glance at him. “I’m not. Other girls have theirs. But I don’t…Mine…It doesn’t.” She met his gaze. “Anyway…yeah…that’s the reason. I-I think you need it for you know. And, you know, children. And, well, you know—”
“Actually, I don’t know,” CJ interrupted. “I can’t make heads or tails of what you’re saying.”
“Because I don’t know how to say it, CJ!” She jumped off the swing and walked to him. “This is really, really hard for me. And embarrassing.”
CJ lifted his cap and ran his fingers through his hair, then settled the cap back on his head bill-forward. “What the fuck, Harls? We’ve talked about everything.”
“Not exactly everything,” she mumbled.
“There’s nothing so bad that you can’t tell me. We’re best friends.”
“Are we?”
He didn’t answer because he didn’t know how to. Were they? Calling her his best friend was like breathing. It just happened. But best friends understood each other and didn’t take feelings for granted.
Betrayal rose in his gut again and he glared at her.
Tears rushed to her eyes and he thought she might cry, then she blinked and shifted her weight. “I miss you so much. I can’t take that you’re mad at me or that I hurt you. I’m so sorry that I did. Don’t hate me.”
“This is so fucking annoying, Harley. You’re trying to tell me something and I can’t figure out what that is.” CJ pulled her into a hug, then kissed the top of her head, instead of on the cheek, like normal. “I can’t ever hate you, even though you fucked up my ego pretty bad.” Something only she—and his father—had the power to do. “But I’ll live. I’m sorry for acting like a fucking jerk.”
She wrapped her arms around him, and CJ smiled into her hair, pressing closer to her. Immediately, desire pummeled him, and his body reacted.
Awkwardly, they stepped away from each other. The red tinge in her face made him sigh.
“I’m sorry, Harley.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s…you can’t control that stuff.”
Despite her words, she was embarrassed. Shocking, when the club had the Bobs and was the club. Sex was part of their everyday lives. So…
“Harley!” CJ grabbed her hands and held them, drawing her closer. He pressed his forehead to hers. “Harley, listen to me. I just want to say you’re my girlfriend. That doesn’t mean I expect you to have sex with me right now.”
“But you want to kiss me.”
He wanted to do more than that…nope. Nope. Scratch that thought right the hell out of his head. He nodded. “Yeah.”
She pursed her mouth. CJ would jerk off all night to the memory of her pretty lips, made for him to worship.
“Really kiss me,” she clarified, like he was stupid.
“Uh huh,” he confirmed, staring at her mouth.
“We’re so good as best friends. I don’t want to mess that up.”
He took in every inch of her face and combed his fingers through her hair. “I’m being unfair, putting all this pressure on you. You will always be my best friend, Harley. Nothing in the world will ever change that.”
Instead of the relief he expected, sadness marred her face. When she didn’t respond, he smiled at her, then tugged her forward.
“Come on. Let’s swing a little while.”
“I can swing higher than you!”
The familiarity of her boast felt good. He smirked. His legs were longer than hers and she wore a short little skirt. “We’ll see about that.”
They kicked off at the same time, though he didn’t put the full weight of his body into maneuvering the swing until she had a good momentum going. Just as he’d suspected, she didn’t exert herself and go full force; she must’ve remembered her short skirt, when he couldn’t forget it.
Her hair fluttered about her when she swung forward and whooshed away during her backward motions.
“I’m swinging higher than you,” she crowed.
Yes, she was.
CJ stopped swinging, got to his feet and then climbed onto the seat. When he was a kid, he loved to swing while standing. Now, he was far too tall.
Harley jumped mid-swing, landing on her feet like a little cat. She stood on the seat and set it in motion.
“How many hours did we spend perfecting this?”
“Too many to count,” he said, walking behind her, far enough where she wouldn’t hit him, but still so close he smelled the sweetness of her body spray.
“Are you going to push me?”
He wanted to. Then, things might feel completely normal again. However, no matter how he tried, he noticed things about her that never registered before. The swing of her hips were she walked; the softness of her voice when she talked.
“Can we just talk?”
She jumped off the swing and came to him. They stared at each other for a moment before she looked away and shifted her weight.
“I want to kiss you too, CJ,” she blurted. Resuming their earlier conversation would make things even more awkward.
“Then what—”
“I can’t be your girlfriend,” she said in frustration.
He scowled at her. “Listen up, Harley. I don’t know what I’ve done to you that has you so adamant—”
“Nothing, CJ. You’re beautiful and perfect and I can’t imagine my life without you. This has nothing to do with you.”
The incredulity at her lame-ass line must’ve shown on his face because she flushed. Anger suffused him, and he glowered at her.
Her chest heaved, rising and falling in agitation. She stepped closer, met and held his gaze, unintimidated by his look.
“You could’ve said anything except the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line, Harley,” he snarled, bitter. “Fuck, you could’ve said I’m fucking hideous and it would’ve hit better than that tired excuse.”
“You know me. If it was about you, I would tell you.”
He stepped back, scrubbed a hand down his jaw, and sighed, regretting his temper. He came to mend their fences, not tear them down any further. “You said you wanted to talk to me when you invited me here. I have to go in a minute, so let’s discuss whatever.”
Turning away, she went to one of the tunnels and reached inside, pulling out her cellphone, before returning to him. She opened her browser and typed in a word. The fall of her hair blocked him from reading exactly what she searched for.
“I have Amenorrhea,” she said softly, holding her phone out to him. “Once you read about it, you’ll understand why I can’t be your girlfriend.”
Snapping his brows together, CJ grabbed the device from her, telling himself not to panic until he followed her instructions and read what the fuck kind of disease she had. It took a moment for Harley’s exact issue to register in his worried brain.
“Oh,” he said, handing the phone back to her. “Uhhh…”
This was Harley. Hadn’t he just told her they discussed everything? The two of them discussing girl and guy stuff was one thing. This right here, though? This was a female issue on another fucking level.
“What does you getting your…er…that…um…have to do with being my girlfriend?”
“I’m not normal. And you deserve someone who is.”
“If you’re not normal, then exactly what the fuck do you consider abnormal, Harls?”
She chewed on her lower lip and bowed her head.
“Awww, Harley.” CJ drew her into his arms and hugged her. “You’re not abnormal. You’re just a late bloomer. Your tits are popping out, so everything else will fall into place.”
Her arms tightened around his waist and she groaned. “Oh my god, you’ve noticed they’ve grown?”
“Fuck, yeah! I have eyes in my fucking head.”
Still holding onto him, she leaned back and gave him a disapproving look.
He grinned at her. “Would you prefer if I didn’t notice?”
She lowered her long lashes. They were thick and enticing. “Yes,” she said finally, then met his gaze and shook her head. “No,” she amended. “I’m so confused, CJ. I wish we could go back.”
His heart sank and his gut tightened. “To before my birthday?”
“No, of course not. To…to…to weeks ago. When you were still just my friend and I didn’t yet notice how tall you’ve gotten or, um, or all your muscles.”
He pondered her confession, fascinated at how red she was turning. His disappointment and pain disintegrated, and peace settled into him. Harley was his. She always had been and always would be. Perhaps, her body’s physiology needed to catch up. If it took the next twenty years to happen, he’d wait.
She stood on her tiptoes, and he leaned down, allowing her to brush her lips over his.
Immediately, his heart began pounding. She kissed him again and stared into his eyes.
As CJ took in Harley’s lovely face, he wanted another kiss from her. The touch of her mouth against his set his blood to boiling.
Taking her face between his hands, he took over. Pressed a little deeper. Yet, this new side of Harley was slightly more delicate, like a little flower on the verge of blooming. This Harley wasn’t his bro. She was the girl he wanted.
He slid the pads of his thumbs over her cheekbones, before tipping her chin up. “Open your mouth, Harley,” he murmured.
Without hesitation, she did as he asked, not protesting when he covered her mouth with his and tentatively pushed his tongue into her warm recesses. Her taste exploded in his brain, and he grunted, reminding himself to take things slowly. If he slobbered on her, he would die of mortification.
She pulled back. “Stop thinking so much,” she told him. “I don’t know what I’m doing either.”
He nodded. This time when he kissed her, their tongues met, the tips touching. He focused on her, on the one tiny noise she made. On how sweet and minty she tasted, blocking out the closeness of their bodies and how much more he wanted from her.
The kiss went on so long, he felt completely drugged by the time they broke apart. Not ready to let her go, he explored the contours of her face, and allowed her to do the same to his, melting at her touch. His body felt weightless, his head light and giddy. Everything about Harley was suddenly new. She was his little angel, just dropped into his life from heaven, and he was the luckiest guy on earth.
He bent and kissed her again. “Harley,” he whispered.
“CJ,” she said, leaning her head against his chest. “I want to be your girlfriend so much. I just—”
“You’re not ready.”
Her eyes watered and she sniffled. “No.”
He closed his eyes, unable to bear her tears. It was the one thing he hated most in the world. “Shhhh,” he soothed. “When you’re ready, I’ll be here,” he promised. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’ve been so sad and angry,” she muttered.
“Me, too,” he admitted.
She tugged out of his embrace. “Is it bad that I want us to kiss again?”
“I want to kiss you for the rest of my life. I don’t think we should risk it, though.” She’d shared very personal things with him, so he wouldn’t hide from her. “The more we steal kisses, the more we risk doing other things, love. And, if you aren’t ready to be my girlfriend, you’re not ready for us to be lovers.”
She pursed her mouth. “Maybe, on my sixteenth birthday, things will be different, and we can—”
“Stop!” he ordered, his cock hardening. “Let’s just take it a step at a time.”
“Okay,” she agreed, then swallowed. “CJ, if you meet another girl, don’t let me stand in your way of finding happiness.”
“Harley—”
“No,” she interrupted. “We’re meant to be together, so no matter what we face, we will eventually find our way to each other.”
He didn’t know what to say. Her words triggered a deep sense of loss within him. Somehow, he knew ill winds were blowing in to sweep her out of his life forever.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Mr. Caldwell and Miss Harris will be partners for the year,” Mr. Billson, the chemistry teacher, announced. He waited until CJ moved to Molly’s lab station before returning to his seating chart.
“Hey, CJ,” Molly greeted with a giggle.
“S’up,” CJ said lazily, smiling at the pretty girl.
Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed Ryan craning his neck in their direction. As far as CJ knew, Molly still fucked Ryan on occasion. He didn’t intend to compete with his cousin for her attention because he had no interest in her. Still, she was fucking cute and like Uncle Mort had told him in the diner, there was no harm in looking.
“I can’t believe you’re my partner,” she gushed, a blush creeping up her neck. “If Mrs. Campo hadn’t passed me after my dad visited her last semester, this wouldn’t be possible.”
Clearing his throat, CJ shifted in his seat. Molly believing platypuses were frogs still alarmed him. Either Campo was bribed into promoting Molly or the woman was threatened.
“Mr. Byrd move to Miss Davis’s station please,” Mr. Billson instructed. “Mr. Taylor—”
“I’m not moving nowhere—” Willard interrupted. Over the summer, he’d gone from wild pig to feral hog, growing taller and more muscular. His close-cropped hair widened his square face and narrowed his beady eyes. “Especially next to her.”
“I’m crushed,” Jaleena sniffed, shooting daggers at the dickhead.
“Man-bitch, respect your betters,” Willard snarled, “before you’re sorry.”
CJ snapped his brows together, his hatred for Willard slashing his better judgment. “Fuck off, pig bastard. I have no fucking place in my life for your hogshit.”
“Mr. Caldwell?”
Sighing, CJ clenched his jaw at Mr. Billson calling his name. He had enough happening without being on the radar of another teacher. Mom’s pregnancy kept her sick a lot, so she usually stayed close to home. Dad was a nervous wreck because of Mom’s pregnancy. Rebel had turned into hell child. Harley and CJ’s friendship limped along, still not recovered from his miscalculations. For the first time in memory, CJ hadn’t seen Harley on their first day back to school nor had they talked or texted. He’d waited as long as possible before leaving this morning. Once he realized she wouldn’t contact him and he’d waited too long to contact her, he’d hopped on his bike and headed to school, believing he’d see her at lunch.
It hadn’t happened.
Somewhere, during the course of the day, CJ resolved to mind his business if Willard wasn’t fucking with him, Harley, Rebel, or Mattie. Yet, the motherfucker couldn’t shut the fuck up, which meant neither could CJ.
“Mr. Caldwell?”
“Sir?” he said mildly, thinking of football practice in an hour and a half. Unfortunately, the next class, his last of the day, was Language Arts III – Lumbly.
“Let’s talk in the hallway.” Mr. Billson glared at Willard. “Mr. Byrd, gather your things and report to the principal’s office.”
“Fuck you—”
Nodding at CJ, Mr. Billson stalked into the hallway.
“Get your shit, CJ,” Willard taunted. “Billson will be eating out of my hand just like Lumbly, and you’ll fucking suffer, bitch.”
“Shut up, stupid,” Molly huffed to Willard. “You’re so mean. CJ isn’t a girl, so he can’t be a bitch. He can be the son of a bitch, so ha ha, joke’s on you.”
“You’re insulting my mom, Molly,” CJ gritted, holding onto his temper since she tried to defend him. “Don’t call her a bitch. Ever.”
“He’s right.” Willard made no move to follow the teacher’s orders to go to the principal’s office. “Your momma isn’t a bitch. She’s a fucking cunt.”
“Motherfuck you, Willard.” CJ jumped to his feet and barreled to Willard’s station, fist already raised.
Willard stood and swung. CJ ducked and punched the asshole’s jaw. Yells and curses flew around him, but he blocked the distraction. ‘Law always warned him to never lose sight of an opponent.
“The bell’s ringing,” Ryan said, physically pulling Willard out of CJ’s reach.
“What is…are you fighting, Mr. Caldwell?” Mr. Billson’s outrage broke through CJ’s anger.
“He punched me for no reason, sir!” Willard whined.
“Bitch, please,” Ryan snorted. “You mistook Aunt Meggie for yourself and called her a cunt.”
“Shut your fucking mouth, Banks!”
Ryan smirked. “Make me, motherfucker.”
“I call Zoann a cunt and you don’t hit me.”
“She is,” Ryan said with a shrug.
CJ stared at his cousin, appalled.
Appalled.
“All those bitches are,” Ryan continued.
“Get to your next class, son,” Mr. Billson warned before CJ moved on Ryan. The sympathy in his dark eyes shocked CJ, so used to Lumbly blaming him for everything. A teacher seeing his point-of-view was a novel experience. “Keep your cool, Mr. Caldwell,” he warned under his breath. “Let administration handle this.”
That wouldn’t happen without his parents.
Dejected, CJ gathered his two pencils and his phone, and walked into the hallway. It was only the first day of school, so his chemistry and math textbooks hadn’t been assigned yet. For his other classes, he’d opted for digital textbooks. It just made life easier.
“CJ!”
