Reckless: The Legacy Begins, page 22
Her eyes widened. “Uh, I don’t—”
“Ain’t saw a fuckin’ dumbass lookin’ back at my motherfuckin’ ass in the goddamn mirror.”
Sighing, she accepted the cigarette and took a drag. “How did you know?”
Smoke poured through his nostrils. “I’m your old man, Rebel. It’s my fuckin’ job to know,” he answered, standing and going to one of the cabinets for an ashtray. When he returned to the stool, he sat it between them.
“You’re not upset?”
“Ain’t happy, Ellie,” he admitted. “But my ass ain’t that fuckin’ hypocritical, where I sit down and talk to CJ while that lil’ motherfucker smoke with me, but ain’t lettin’ you do it, too.”
They fell silent, enjoying their cigarettes.
“After Rule and you was born, I didn’t see your lil’ ass again, ‘til I went to the fuckin’ nursery. You was this small.” Smiling, he held his hands apart. “A fuckin’ lil’ doll.” He took another drag on his cigarette, flicked ashes into the ashtray, then glanced away. “I told Rule me and him was gonna have to keep watch over you and keep motherfuckers away.” Soft laughter rumbled from him as he glanced at her again and took his cigarette between his forefinger and middle finger, pointing at her. “My ass said somethin’ to the efuckinfect of let the dick hackin’ commence.”
Yep, that sounded like her dad.
Taking another drag on his cigarette, he sat it in the ashtray, then looked at her. “Ain’t expect the fuckin’ time to go so quick and your lil’ ass to grow the fuck up so fuckin’ fast.”
Not answering, she enjoyed her cigarette for a moment, still amazed that her dad was actually cool enough to let her smoke the way he did with her brother. “When I was little, you were like Superman to me,” she said, remembering all the times her father read her bedtime stories, helped Mom to get her and her brothers dressed for the day, fed them, played with them and so many other things. Once or twice, he even allowed Rebel and Harley to polish his fingernails just because it made her happy.
“I’m not grown yet, Daddy.”
He smiled at her. “You ain’t too sure if you wanna call me Daddy like you did when you was lil’ or if you wanna call me Dad to show you a teenager now.”
“True,” she said, accepting the ashtray her father handed to her and tamping her cigarette out as he’d done his. “I prefer Daddy,” she admitted shyly. “But I am a big girl now. I try to be like you. I want you to be proud of me. People look up to you and respect you. You don’t take any shit, er, stuff.” He might’ve surprised Rebel and allowed her to smoke, but she doubted he’d sanction her cursing. “That’s the image I try to project too. I try to make sure to tell people what I want, so they can be clear. Sometimes, when I think over conversations with my friends, it just seems I’m always angry. Like I’m not nice. I just don’t want to show any weakness.”
“First, Ellie? I know you curse like a lil’ motherfucker, so you ain’t gotta pretend you ain’t. Second? Ain’t nothin’ ever gonna make me not be proud of you. You got a sharp fuckin’ brain and a beautiful fuckin’ face.”
“If I was an ugly heiffer you’d be ashamed of me?”
He sniggered, his eyes twinkling, and she giggled.
“No, baby, you know my ass ain’t sayin’ that.”
“Then what—”
“Shut the fuck up,” he said, laughing. “You gorgeous and your lil’ ass know it, so stop fuckin’ fishin’ for compliments. Along with everyfuckingthing else, you got a lotta courage and you light up a room. A winnin’ fuckin’ combination any motherfucker’ll be proud of. You still figurin’ you out. I ain’t wantin’ you to be me. I wantcha lil’ ass to be you.” He scraped his hand through his hair. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with bein’ a gentle bitch, like your ma, Ellie.”
“Momma is like a fairytale princess. I could never be like her.”
“Your ma ain’t perfect, Rebel,” Daddy said in an unfamiliar tone. “Ain’t gonna like it if you fuckin’ look down on her.”
“Look down on Momma?” Even if Mattie had told the truth about Momma killing someone, Rebel wouldn’t think badly of her mother. “I love her to pieces! I don’t look down on her. I’m just saying, in my eyes, she’s incomparable, and I say she’s a princess because…”
Daddy lifted a brow in question.
“Because…” She drew in a deep breath as heat rose to her cheeks. “You’re her knight in shining armor. Our prince. The way you two love each other is like a fairytale to me.” She thought of Diesel. With effort, she beat her tears back. “I can go to Momma with anything, and she’ll never judge me. She always listens to me, and she always has time for me. More than anything, she champions my right to be given the same leeway you give to my brothers.”
He nodded. “Your ma know you smoke?”
“I don’t think so, but I’m not sure. It’s never come up between us since she doesn’t smoke. You let me have a cigarette, though, because of her, right?”
“Yeah, baby.” Folding his arms, he studied her before asking, “Your fuckin’ tears you was sheddin’ when I came in got anyfuckinthing to do with Diesel?”
Irritation surged in her. What didn’t her father know? She lowered her lashes.
“When you defuckincide to scheme and pull low motherfucker moves, you gotta cover all your fuckin’ bases. If you was gonna put the fuckin’ story out that you was with a fuckin’ school friend, you shoulda made sure your fuckin’ phone was at that fuckin’ place.”
She groaned, the words catching her off-guard. When Harley told Rebel about the conversation in the store, she’d expected Daddy to confront her the same day. But the closer the time came for Ryan’s birthday party and seeing Diesel, her head crammed with other shit and she’d forgotten what Daddy knew. She decided to keep calm and carry on. “I disabled the alerts.”
“The alerts, yeah. Not the trackin’ on the main panel. When I fuckin’ reviewed that night’s events, your fuckin’ phone and his was at the same fuckin’ place.” His look turned severe. “What the fuck you fuckin’ plotted to have Diesel pick you the fuck up from school?”
She pursed her lips and, before she knew it, the entire story fell from her. “He turned me down, Daddy,” she finished on a sob, covering her face with her hands, hot tears pooling in her palms. “He’ll only ever see me as his sister.”
At her father’s silence, she wrestled back her anguish, sucked up her tears and looked at him.
His eyes were narrowed. “At least the motherfucker gonna live to fuckin’ see your lil’ ass as anyfuckinthing.”
“Daddy!”
“Maybe, my fuckin’ ass ain’t the smartest motherfucker around, but I ain’t understandin’ what the fuck you expected from meetin’ up with the motherfucker, so clue me the fuck in.”
Folding her arms, she lifted her chin. “I expected him to tell me he loved me and wanted me to be his. I thought we would talk everything over and he’d promise me that he’d wait until I turned eighteen so we could marry.”
“Forfuckinget my fuckin’ ass crushing his fuckin’ bones then pulling them motherfuckers from his fuckin’ body with a tweezer.”
A cry escaped her at the gruesome description, and she dropped her arms to her sides, staring at her father in horror.
“If I ain’t got to his fuckin’ ass first, he still woulda went to fuckin’ jail. He a grown motherfucker. He ain’t able to promise you, a lil’ fuckin’ kid, that he want to spend the rest of his fuckin’ life with you.”
“But—”
“No buts, Rebel. The assfuck your brother. I brought him the fuck under our roof when you was a fuckin’ lil’ baby. When you was fuckin’ two, he was sevenfuckinteen. Motherfucker almost thirty fuckin’ years old.”
“But you were almost thirty-three and Momma was eighteen.”
Grown men trembled at the glare he gave her. “My ass ain’t fuckin’ watchin’ your Ma grow the fuck to that fuckin’ age while livin’ under the same fuckin’ roof as her. What the fuck wrong with you, girl?” Veins popped out at the side of his neck and his temples. “Not only would Diesel be a dirty motherfucker if he took up with you, even if you was eightfuckinteen, he would be a dead fuckhead. I would cut his fuckin’ cock off and stuff it the fuck in his fuckin’ mouth, then pull his ball sac through his goddamn nostrils. He better never fuckin’ touch you. I ain’t givin’ a fuck if you fuckin’ forty. He your fuckin’ brother. Case fuckin’ closed.”
“If I’m eighteen, you can’t tell me what to do, Daddy,” she challenged on a miserable sob. “If I want to be with him, and he wants me, you can’t do anything. It’s between us and it’s my body if I want him to have it.”
At any moment, her father would keel over in a stroke. Or steam would blow from his ears and nostrils. His complexion graduated from red to purple, his eyes black. “You ain’t givin’ not a motherfuckin’ thing to Diesel,” he snarled, slamming his fist against the table. “He fuckin’ family. Your fuckin’ brother.”
“He’s nothing to me,” she yelled, losing her own temper. “He’s not my family.”
“Don’t fuckin’ ever say that bullshit to him, Rebel. The motherfucker got efuckinnuff issues without you spoutin’ them fuckin’ words at him. He a fuckin’ Caldwell. You a fuckin’ Caldwell.”
“He’s not a Caldwell,” she spat. “He’s a whoever. He was old enough to know his last name. He chose not to divulge it or use it. Oh, well. That’s on him. But he’s not a Caldwell,” she reiterated.
“The fuck he ain’t.”
“Why is it okay for CJ and Harley to be so close, but it’s a problem with me and Diesel?”
“Cuz CJ and Harley ain’t fuckin’ livin’ in the same motherfuckin’ house and them two motherfuckers only eightfuckinteen months apart.”
“So it is his age?”
“It’s the entire goddamn situation, Rebel. He your fuckin’ brother and been knowin’ you since befuckinfore you was fuckin’ walkin’ and talkin’. You and that motherfucker ain’t ever bein’ together. And if you fuckin’ push it, Ima fuckin’ bury him.”
“No!” Rebel shrieked. “I’ll never forgive you if you hurt Diesel.”
“Then you just ain’t forgivin’ my fuckin’ ass cuz I’m gonna fuck that motherfucker up if he ever fuckin’ cross that line.”
“I hate you.”
“I ain’t givin’ a good fuck. My ass ain’t here to be your fuckin’ friend. My ass here to protect you and steer you right.”
“The day I turn eighteen, I’m moving. You’ll have no sayso over my life.”
“Move to the bottom of the fuckin’ ocean. If you with a motherfucker that know he ain’t got no fuckin’ business bein’ with you, Ima feed him to the fuckin’ sharks,” he snarled.
The door opened and her mother rushed in. Without hesitation, Rebel slid from the stool and barreled into Momma’s open arms. Although Rebel was already taller than her, nothing in the world compared to her quiet strength.
“Momma, talk to Daddy,” she begged around hysterical weeping.
“I was coming to tell you and your daddy breakfast is ready, but the moment I walked into the hallway, I heard the shouting.”
“Tell him, Momma. Diesel isn’t related to me. Any of us, and when I’m eighteen, I have every right to choose whoever I want as my boyfriend.”
“Rebel,” she said softly, taking Rebel’s face between her hands. “you’re underage, so Diesel couldn’t have answered in any way but how he did.”
“But tell Daddy—”
“I’m not telling your father anything. Not now when there’s no point. We’ll talk about it if the need ever arises, but for the time being, there’s no point.”
“And when the fuckin’ time come, if fuckin’ ever, you ain’t gettin’ my ass to change my fuckin’ mind, Megan.
Rebel flinched at the finality in Daddy’s tone.
“Diesel fuck around with Ellie and he fuckin’ dead to me and plain fuckin’ dead. He ain’t gonna be anything but a dirty fuckhead. That motherfucker helped Rebel with fuckin’ schoolwork. He helped her paint a fuckin’ bike. Search for exfuckinspensive comics. Talked to her about the first lil’ motherfucker she ever liked—”
“I never liked anybody but Diesel,” Rebel yelled.
“That motherfucker ever take up with you and Ima put him the fuck outta his fuckin’ misery. To my fuckin’ way of thinkin’, he woulda been fuckin’ groomin’ you to fuck.”
“Christopher!” Momma yelled in exasperation. “Calm down. Okay? You and I will talk about this in private.”
“Ain’t not a motherfuckin’, goddamn, fuckin’ thing you can fuckin’ tell me that ever gonna make me change my fuckin’ mind.”
“Oh, my god, shut up! Not only is Diesel our son, but he’s a club member, so no matter how he feels he has to follow your orders.”
“How the fuck he feel? What the fuck that mean, Megan. You soundin’ like you supportin’ our grown motherfuckin’ son havin’ a relationship with our underage daughter.”
“I am not! Calm down before you keel over!”
Daddy opened his mouth to speak and pointed a finger at Momma. “You ain’t changin’ my fuckin’ mind, Megan. Ever,” he added ominously, then stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
“Momma, you’ve got to talk to him,” Rebel cried.
Her mother guided her to the stool, then went to the garage bathroom, emerging with a wet towel a moment later. She folded the washcloth and dabbed it against Rebel’s cheeks and forehead.
“You don’t agree with Daddy, do you, Momma?” A ray of hope bloomed in her. “Diesel and me are meant for each other.”
Momma hugged her. “You put Diesel in a very bad position,” she said, not revealing whose side she was on. “First by going to him with your feelings and now by revealing them to your father.”
Panic settled into Rebel. “Will Daddy kill him?”
“No, of course not,” her mother said, settling her hands on Rebel’s arms. “Diesel’s an honorable man. Trustworthy. He proved that during his interaction with you.”
“But—”
“Shhh, little love. Today is Ryan’s birthday. CJ and Grant are already headed to Val and Zoann’s, so they can talk to Ryan about a volleyball game.”
“Yeah, um, I think we’re playing while the grills are being set up.” She tried to bolster enthusiasm, but the thought of dealing with her grouchy cousin annoyed her almost as much as Molly Harris did whenever she said something stupid. Which was on the regular. That reminded Rebel… “Momma,” she said, clearing her throat. “Um, why did you and Daddy name me Rebel?”
“I named you,” she said with a smile, gliding her fingers through Rebel’s hair. “It’s a unique and pretty name.” She laughed. “It gave your father nightmares. He said the name courted trouble.”
“It, uh, it isn’t because we’re, uh, you know… It isn’t because our family fought for the South in the Civil War?”
Pursing her lips, Momma squinted, then wrinkled her nose. “I…I…uh, where did you…umm, no.”
Fucking Molly! Rebel sounded as stupid as that dummy. No wonder Momma stammered over her response.
“What made you think that?”
Since Rebel wouldn’t see Molly until school opened again and it would be kind of hard to explain the girl to her mom, she said, “the subject came up at school and I was just curious.”
Momma nodded, then situated Rebel’s hair over one shoulder. “Why don’t we go upstairs and style each other’s hair?”
Rebel liked that idea. “Can you braid mine since we’re playing volleyball before the party?
Linking her arm with Rebel’s, Momma guided her toward the door. “Enjoy yourself today, my love. Your heart is hurting and I wish I could take that pain away, but it’ll ease. I promise you. Years from now, you’ll look back on this day with fondness.”
“But I love him,” Rebel whispered as they reached the door to the house.
Momma paused. “Love’s never easy, Rebel. Don’t allow how you feel about Diesel to define your life. We can’t predict the future. If you and he are meant to be together, nothing, other than death, can prevent that from happening.”
Her mother meant her words as comfort. For some reason, they just left Rebel apprehensive.
Chapter Nineteen
“Look at Molly’s tits bounce.” Ryan snickered as she connected with the volleyball for the fourth time. “I’m not calling four hits just so I can watch those puppies.”
“Which one’s Molly?” Grant Harrington asked. Lolly’s stepson was home for the summer but would return to Boston mid-August.
Rebel stomped to Molly and pinched her arm.
“Owwww!” Molly yelped.
“That one,” CJ said.
“Why’d you pinch me, Reb?” Molly demanded.
“Because you’re a dumb ass and you’ll get us called,” Mattie inserted.
Molly thought for a moment. “What will we be called?”
“Stupid bi—” Rebel started.
For most of the afternoon, his sister was listless and sad, so CJ was happy to see her spirit returning. Earlier, when he’d found her in her room with Mom, searching for outfits, Rebel hadn’t sent him packing, which was the first sign something was wrong with her.
Later, when she’d come downstairs, she hadn’t grilled Grant on living in Boston. She hadn’t joined in the conversation between Grant, CJ, Mom, and the other guests there for Ryan’s birthday.
Then when Outlaw arrived with Diesel, she’d glared at Dad, mumbled something to Diesel, and announced she was heading over to Ryan.
Definitely out-of-character for her since their cousin wasn’t her favorite person. CJ was worried about her and intended to talk to her after the party. Now, as she continued arguing with Molly, he decided she was fine.
“Stop!” Harley interrupted, losing her patience. “We’re here to win!”
Brynn Mason stepped beside Harley and nodded. “Harley’s right. If we start fighting, we’ll never beat them.”
