Fated in Stone, page 17
And it did make her feel better, having him close again, having his heat and solid body pressed up against hers. Reassuring herself he was whole and breathing and well.
“You’re trembling,” he murmured into her hair. “Are you okay? Did something happen? Why didn’t you text?”
She smiled and shook her head, her eyes closed. “Nothing happened. I haven’t a fucking clue why I’m trembling. I’m okay.” She squeezed him tighter and sighed happily when his arms tightened around her as well, lifting her up onto her toes. “Just…don’t know. Needed this.”
“Me, too.” He sounded as confused about that as she felt.
She let out a long, slow breath, and then eased away enough to look into his face. His eyes glittered in the darkness, so close she felt like she could see deep into his soul. And for a moment, she got lost in his eyes. She had to blink herself back to the here and now.
“Okay.” She let out another slow breath. “Okay, so, this…this isn’t entirely normal. For me at least. I think we need to talk about this. Cause I have never had such a hard time being separated from someone I barely know.”
Being taken from her mother and not seeing her for years had been difficult, wrenching, terrifying, horrible, painful, and had left a lot of scars. Some of it she didn’t even remember because she’d been so young, and some of it she’d blocked because she didn’t want to remember. But she remembered the terror of not being able to see her mother. Maybe that’s why she’d reacted this way with Ben. But for someone she barely knew, feeling so lost without him was not a normal reaction.
He nodded, a frown creasing his brow and bracketing his mouth. “Yeah. Yeah. We have a lot we need to talk about. Some things I need to explain.” He shook his head. “This isn’t the way I wanted to have this conversation, though.” He looked around. “And maybe we should get somewhere more comfortable. With food for you. It’s been a busy day. You haven’t eaten since this morning.”
“Neither have you. And you got shot yesterday and nearly died.”
His mouth ticked at the corner, not quite a smile, but like he wanted to. “I can go for a while without food if I need to, but, yeah, I wouldn’t mind something to eat.”
“So we’ll start heading in the direction they’ve taken Professor Arron, and we’ll stop for a meal and you can tell me everything.”
“You’re going to need to sleep, too.”
“Can you drive?”
He nodded, his brows raised. “I was around when cars were invented.”
“That’s wild and I want to hear all about it. Eventually. First, this…weird thing happening between us. And getting to Professor Arron as quickly as we can. So we can take turns driving and sleeping. We’ll have privacy in the car to talk, too. Sound like a plan?”
“I’d rather we weren’t driving when we discuss…the things I need to tell you.”
“That bad, huh?” She sucked in a breath, and his hold on her tightened. She melted against him because it felt natural to do so. Which should have been more disturbing. “Okay, so, let’s get on the road, and we’ll find somewhere to stop along the way.”
She really couldn’t think that far out at the moment, with Ben so close and strong and her body reacting in ways that were not entirely in her control. There was a logical part of her brain trying to think, trying to deal with the situation. Then there was the larger part of her brain and body that didn’t want to think at all. And the only talking that part of her wanted to do involved dirty talk and some suggestions on where she wanted his mouth.
And those thoughts shocked her enough to give her the strength to put some space between them. Reluctantly. With a lot of whining from the part of her that was still hyper focused on his mouth.
It wasn’t that she hadn’t had instant lust with someone. Or one-night stands. It was that with Ben this didn’t feel either instant or like a one-night thing and that was terrifying.
She rubbed her palms over her cargo pants and took another step away from him so she wouldn’t reach for him again. Touching him shorted out her ability to think. They needed to think.
“We’d better get on the road.” Her voice sounded breathy and rough in the darkness.
So did his. “Let’s go.”
He stowed the large hiking backpack and the long canvas duffle bag that he’d retrieved in the trunk, next to the carefully cleaned sword and her duffle bag. In the car, she disassembled the gun and locked it back in its box, stowing it under the backseat this time. Ben didn’t comment on the plastic gun, but he did watch her as she took the thing apart and put it away.
More things they probably had to discuss. So much that she almost wanted to ignore it all. Just get the professor back and then she didn’t have to see Ben again and none of this would matter.
Except the idea of never seeing him again hurt so much she wanted to cry.
What the hell was happening to her?
CHAPTER TWENTY
Ben took over the driving a half hour after they hit the highway because he was worried about Elle. The fact that she didn’t argue with him, and just let him drive, proved how shellshocked she was. He wasn’t feeling much better.
Leaving her, even for those fifteen minutes had felt miserable. But the farther he got from her, the harder it had been to be away from her. To the point his wolf was crawling in his brain pushing him to get back to her instantly. He’d thought it was him, the fear for his Nam-tar, the worry that was probably natural. He hadn’t had this experience before and hadn’t been around to watch either of his sisters or his brother go through this. Maybe the jumpy, edgy, panicky feelings were normal?
But seeing the panic mixed with relief in Elle’s eyes when he’d returned had floored him. Feeling her tremble as she held him had been horrifying. He didn’t want her feeling like this. It wasn’t right that she felt like this.
And not just because he objected to her being unhappy or uncomfortable.
He was afraid when his wolf leapt through her, it had left something of itself in her. That was what happened when Nam-tar performed that ritual. But he hadn’t completed it, hadn’t jumped back through her. So he’d hoped he hadn’t left any of the wolf behind.
Now he was afraid he had. And because he hadn’t finished the ritual, they were both left in a kind of limbo. Without finishing, they were linked in a way that wasn’t normal for Nam-tar.
She hadn’t made her choice to stay yet, though. She didn’t even know what they were to each other yet. But if he didn’t finish the trust ritual, they stayed in this weird bond that made being apart physically painful. And if he did finish it, that bonded them permanently. She would carry a piece of his wolf with her. Forever.
They couldn’t live like this, being unable to be separated. She couldn’t be forced to live like this. But no matter what happened now, she would always be linked to him. Could she still make the choice to leave? And if not…
Maybe he was wrong. Maybe she still had the choice. Once the ritual was done, she could still leave. She could still decide she didn’t want him. They’d be linked but not in a way that she couldn’t mostly ignore. She’d live a much longer life than the humans she knew. And she’d heal faster and be stronger than any human around her. But maybe she wouldn’t mind that.
So long as she was still free to make the choice to stay or go, then they’d both be fine.
Well, if she chose to go, he’d be in the same position he was in now. Had always been in really. Meeting his Nam-tar wouldn’t have changed anything for him. Except for having had the pleasure and honor to have met her.
He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. She was staring out the window as the trees went past. This section of highway was mostly dark, with just other car lights to give much illumination. That didn’t prevent him from seeing her clearly. Her expression was pensive, the area around her eyes and mouth pinched, creases marring her brow. Her fingers picked idly at the edge of her t-shirt. She was deep in thought, and hadn’t spoken since he’d taken over the driving. And he really wanted to hear her voice. Even if just to reassure himself she was okay.
She wasn’t okay. He wasn’t either. But still, he wanted the sound of her voice in that dark car.
He pulled in a deep breath because he at least had her scent, filling her car and helping settle his fears. Somewhat. At least the delicious scent of her settled his pulse and his panic. No more panic meant he could think.
Unfortunately, the answer to their predicament was both clear and complicated.
“You ready to talk yet,” he asked, “or do you need quiet for longer?”
Her mouth tilted up in a faint smile. He caught the gesture from the corner of his eye. Her response allowed him to relax his hands on the steering wheel.
“I think we need to talk. What happened to me back there…” She shook her head. “That wasn’t good.”
“No. It wasn’t.” He let out a rough exhale. “This is a story.”
“We have time.”
He took another minute to decide how to start. In the end, he decided to just jump to the point. “The god En, who created the Seven Families, created them because his brother Ne loosed monsters on humans. Ne hated humans, considered them a plague, and wanted them wiped out. At first, he tried to do it himself. When En fought against his army and beat him, Ne angrily created the monsters with the help of the Fallen Heroes—that’s just a name. They were more like monsters themselves.”
She nodded. “Got the gist of this last night.”
“Just making sure because it’s important to what happened next. Because En continued to side with the humans, Ne’s rage knew no bounds. After En created the Seven Families, Ne cursed them. God curses are…”
“Bad?”
“Bad.” He snorted. “And impossible to just remove, even by other gods. En couldn’t remove the curse. So he gave the Seven Families a way to break it.” Ben swallowed hard and plunged on. She had to know all this. She had to understand what was happening to them both. “En promised us a partner, a mate, a true love. We call that person our Nam-tar. If we can earn our Nam-tar, if our Nam-tar chooses to stay with us, accepts the destiny of loving us, then our curse is broken.”
“How do you ‘earn’ your Nam-tar?”
“In the larger sense, we continue to do our duty and destroy the monsters, protect humans, ensure the monsters don’t overrun the planet.”
“Good plan.”
Despite himself, he let out a huff of a laugh. “In the smaller sense, on a personal level, we have to allow our Nam-tar the freedom and room to make their choice to stay or go. We have to be worthy mates to them and earn their love and trust. No coercion or force. That won’t break the curse. Our Nam-tar have to want to stay with us to break the curse.”
She nodded. “Okay. Destined love. Sounds a bit romantic for a god curse, but whatever. Old gods were weird.”
“Yeah, they were,” he muttered. And then hoped En hadn’t heard that. Neither brother had interfered in the world of humans for millennia, so Ben was pretty sure they were both sleeping now, as old gods had done through the centuries. But never hurt to stay on En’s good side. Just in case.
“So are the destined loves from other families or… How does that work?”
“They’re usually humans. Though one of my younger sister’s Nam-tar is a werewolf. So it’s possible for Nam-tar to come from non-humans.”
“So. Werewolf? They are real?”
“They’re real.”
“What else is real?”
“Lot of things you’ve probably thought were fiction.” He glanced at her briefly. She was staring at him, her brow creased. In the shadowed darkness inside the car, her skin looked a little too pale. Damn. He needed to feed her. He started hunting road signs for the nearest off ramp to restaurants.
“Monsters are real,” she said quietly.
“They are.”
“Werewolves aren’t monsters?”
“Not in this sense. My sister’s mate is a nice man. A lot of shifters are just ordinary people going about their business.”
She blew out a stream of air through her pursed lips. “Probably good thing my dad didn’t know about all this,” she muttered under her breath, so quietly Ben assumed he wasn’t meant to hear the comment. “Back to the god curse and the destined mates… So a Nam-tar stays, curse is broken, everyone lives happily ever after?”
“Essentially.”
“Still fighting monsters?”
“The hunters still fight, yes. The Nam-tar aren’t charged with that duty. They can do whatever they’ve done before or, really anything they want. Some get involved in the monster hunting. Others don’t.”
“Lot of emphasis on the Nam-tar’s choices here.”
“It’s important.”
“What about the members of the Seven Families? Do they get a choice whether to fight monsters or not?”
“Of course. If they don’t, though, they don’t find their Nam-tar, and their death will be…unpleasant. Some are willing to face that to avoid the duty of monster hunting.” He shrugged. “It’s not a choice I’d make.”
He believed in the cause of protecting humans from the monsters. His cousin Jason hadn’t, and that had resulted in his father’s murder. Not because Jason just quietly retired and accepted his fate, but because he’d sided with the monsters against humans. That, in their world, was a choice that carried real consequences. Murdering the head of the Logan family meant the consequences were death. Jason had died under his curse, and his remains were still in the Logan family statuary garden in their upstate New York home. A message to all other Wolf Family for how betrayal would be treated.
But Jason had had a choice. He’d made the decision to betray the Family. Everyone had a choice, even if the choices weren’t always great.
“I think I understand most of this,” Elle said. “And I appreciate you telling me. But… What does it have to do with what happened to us in the woods?”
He spotted a road sign for food ahead at the next exit. “This part is difficult for me to tell you. Because… I fucked up. And…” He shook his head. “We’re getting off at the next exit for food.”
“Fine. What did you fuck up? With your Nam-tar or with the monsters?”
“My Nam-tar,” he said, his voice laced with a twist of irony.
“You’ve met them?”
“I’ve met her. Last night as a matter of fact.”
The silence that followed that blunt statement was so complete, Ben’s ears actually rang with it. He wasn’t even sure Elle was still breathing. He flicked a glance at her just as they drove under a highway light at the off ramp. Her expression was unreadable, as neutral as a human could get.
Her scent, on the other hand, was a chaotic riot of emotions. Disbelief, fear, confusion. A hint of anger. That peppery spike of anger made his gut clench. Because she hadn’t even heard the actual bad part of all this yet.
He turned onto a side road that presented him with four different fast-food restaurants and a diner to choose from. “What do you want to eat?” he asked, nodding toward the choices.
“Don’t mind. Whatever you want.”
Her voice sounded strained and hollow. Not good signs. He picked one of the burger joints, going for the drive thru. He’d park, and they could talk in the car. He didn’t think either of them was up for actually going in anywhere at the moment.
He ordered enough food to feed her for days, which she raised her brows at, and paid in cash now that he had some. Once they had their food, he parked the car at the far end of the restaurant’s parking lot, just outside a pool of light from a street lamp, and waited patiently for her to start asking questions. He could smell her disbelief like smoke under the stronger smell of burgers and fries. And still that peppery anger.
She took the burger he handed her and set it on her lap without opening the wrapper. She did turn in her seat to stare at him, though.
But rather than a question, the first thing she said to him after the long silence was, “I don’t believe in destined love.”
“You don’t have to.” His hands flexed on the steering wheel. He slowly relaxed his grip and faced her more fully. “This isn’t how I wanted this to happen. None of it. From the very beginning. This isn’t how I’d have chosen to tell you, or how I’d have approached things if circumstances had been different.”
“When did you think you knew?”
“I knew the instant I was close enough to you. Your scent, but also just…a feeling. We know. My oldest brother knew when he heard his Nam-tar’s voice on the phone. A call he wouldn’t have even normally taken, but he felt compelled to answer. He knew the moment she spoke.”
“You were covering my mouth when we met.”
He wasn’t sure if she was trying to make a joke or not because her tone was still painfully neutral. “Voice. Scent. Doesn’t really matter. We know in an instant. It’s divine destiny.”
“I don’t believe in divine destiny, either,” she said.
“Most people don’t. Not really. Or they don’t understand what that phrase means.”
“I don’t believe in God.”
“Okay.”
“You’re talking about gods.”
“Old gods, yes.”
“How can I be…chosen for someone by a god I don’t believe in?”
“Belief or not really isn’t necessary. Not in the gods or the myths. Not for any of this. I have seen the results of the curse with my own eyes. And I’ve seen Nam-tar meet, get together, break the curse. I fight the monsters regularly. I live this, and know it’s true. No belief required.”
“Monsters are real,” she allowed with a shrug. “I didn’t believe in them before last night either. At least not that kind.” She finally unwrapped her burger and took a big bite.
Watching her eat relaxed something in his gut, allowing his shoulders to loosen.
She nodded at the bags of food stacked on the center console between their seats. “You’d better eat, too.”
