Billie noticed that Cat had become emotionally distant shortly after their discussion with the children at dinner. Knowing that Cat sometimes needed her own space, she didn't press the issue during the evening, but now, at nearly midnight, and with the children out of hearing range, she called the red haired woman to task on her remote behavior.

  "Cat, are you all right?"

  Cat spared a glance at Billie. "I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

  Billie unlocked her hands and rolled onto her side. She propped herself up on one elbow, and with her free hand, traced a path from Cat's shoulder to wrist with her fingertips.

  "You seem distracted," Billie stated. "Especially after our discussion with the kids at dinner. Are you sure everything is all right?"

  Cat returned her gaze to the ceiling and avoided Billie's eyes. She remained silent for longer than Billie could bear.

  Billie placed her palm on Cat's cheek and gently turned her face toward her. "Kitten," she said softly. "Please tell me what's bothering you."

  Billie's piercing blue-eyed gaze held Cat captive and compelled her to speak her heart. "Billie, I'm worried about Tara," she admitted.

  "Tara? I don't understand."

  "Didn't you hear what Seth said to her tonight?" Deep concern tinged her voice.

  "Seth said a lot of things to her tonight," Billie answered. "I'm not really sure which part of the dinner conversation has upset you."

  Cat scrambled to her knees on the bed and faced Billie. "I can't believe you missed it."

  Billie frowned. "Cat, I caught everything that was said. What I don't know, is which part has upset you." Billie was starting to become irritated.

  Cat covered her face with her hands and inhaled deeply, then slowly exhaled to regain her composure. Finally, she dropped her hands from her face and looked at Billie once more. "I'm talking about the comment Seth made concerning Kelly," Cat explained. "Didn't you think that was kind of odd?"

  Billie maneuvered herself into a cross-legged seated position in front of Cat and rested her elbows on her knees. She looked directly at Cat. "I found the comment enlightening, but not odd." Billie watched a look of disbelief flood Cat's features.

  Before Cat could speak again, Billie continued. "Cat, if the comment truly meant what we think it did, you shouldn't be surprised. Shannon and Julie speculated as much several weeks ago after meeting Tara just once," Billie reminded Cat of the comments her clients Shannon and Julie Nash had made during a cookout. They had basically assumed Tara was gay, and also assumed that Billie and Cat were aware of that fact.

  Cat's demeanor deflated visibly at Billie's words.

  Billie lifted Cat's chin so that their eyes met. "Cat, honey, talk to me."

  Billie watched a collage of emotions cross Cat's face as she obviously struggled to voice what she was feeling.

  "Billie, I don't know how to deal with this. I mean, it's such a paradox to not want for our daughter, the very thing that has made me—has made us—so happy all these years."

  Billie remained silent in the hopes that Cat would say more. Instead, Cat spent the next few minutes avoiding her gaze and fidgeting excessively. Finally, Cat climbed off the bed and paced back and forth across the room with one hand on her hip, and the other worrying the bangs on her forehead.

  Billie needed to get to the root of Cat's behavior. She scurried off the bed and stood directly in Cat's path…effectively stopping her in her tracks. She took Cat firmly by the shoulders. "Cat, you're about to explode. Now talk to me."

  Tears filled Cat's eyes and her body visibly shook. "Billie, I don't want Tara to be gay."

  Billie took Cat into her arms and held her close until the trembling subsided. Finally, Billie held out her hand to Cat and led her to the bed where she once again took her into her arms. After several moments of silently communicating through their closeness, Billie broke the spell.

  "Cat, we need to talk about this. Please tell me why you don't want our daughter to enjoy the kind of love you and I share."

  "Billie, I love you with everything that I am. I would never change one thing about our lives together. And I would give my life to guarantee all three of our children enjoy the depth of love and devotion we share. Honey, it has nothing to do with the potential happiness Tara could experience in a relationship such as ours," Cat replied.

  "I don't understand, Cat. On one hand you say you don't want Tara to be gay, yet on the other, you want her to be as happy as we are. She can have both."

  Cat removed herself from Billie's embrace and sat up. She swung her legs to the side of the bed and sat with her back to Billie. Billie propped herself up on one elbow and waited for Cat to speak. After several moments of contemplative silence, Billie placed her hand on Cat's shoulder. Cat jumped at the unexpected contact.

  "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to startle you," Billie apologized.

  Cat rose to her feet and turned to face Billie. She folded her arms around her middle and hugged herself to ward off the anxious feelings that were rising within her chest. "No, that's all right. I'm okay." Cat paced across the room once more.

  This time, instead of stopping her, Billie remained where she was on the bed. She sensed Cat had something important to get off her chest.

  Cat paced back and forth and rubbed her hands nervously up and down her own arms as she cast uneasy glances at Billie.

  "Billie, I have told you before that growing up gay wasn't easy for me," Cat began. "Sure, my family embraced me with open arms. Mom and Dad, and all three of my sisters accepted me unconditionally. And of course, Grandmas Jo and Alex…well, I guess their relationship states the obvious. But beyond my family circle, things weren't as nice. I was ridiculed at school, and made to feel dirty and broken by our church. Yes, believe it or not, at one point, my whole family was church goers, but when it became obvious that I was being cast out because of the church's narrow minded view of what is normal, my family chose to stand by me."

  Billie repositioned herself on the bed so that she sat upright with her back against the headboard as she watched Cat pace.

  "High school had its rough moments. Twenty years ago, there was no such thing as gay/straight alliances at school. There was no protection from the students or the administration. As horrible as it sounds, I was actually ridiculed by teachers," Cat continued.

  "But Cat, that was twenty years ago. Things have changed. Society overall is more accepting now," Billie argued.

  Cat stopped pacing and looked at Billie. "Yes, things have changed over the past twenty years; however, homosexuals will never be totally accepted in society. It may look like things are getting better, but the haters are still out there, lurking under rocks, just waiting to emerge. So many communities maintain a strong sense of insiders and outsiders. People who are different in some way from the rest of the community are marginalized and discriminated against by everyone. Hell—look at what happened when we moved into this neighborhood. The kids suffered that discrimination right along with us. I don't want that for Tara ever again. I don't want that for any of our children ever again."

  "Tara doesn't strike me as someone who will accept second-class citizen status, Cat. She is strong enough not to allow herself to be discriminated against," Billie pointed out.

  "You are right. Tara is strong; however there will always be individuals who live in the Stone Age who will strike without warning. There will always be a Gerald Manning lurking nearby to torture, maim and punish those he feels don't fit his warped sense of morality." Cat's voice rose to near hysteria by the time she finished her speech.

  Billie was confused by the name Gerald Manning, but she knew instinctively that he was connected to some traumatic event in Cat's life. Billie scrambled off the bed and took Cat into her arms. "It's all right, Cat. I've got you, baby. Let it go," she purred into Cat's ear.

  Cat wrapped her arms around Billie's waist and squeezed tightly. "Billie, there is something I've never told you. Something that happened to me in college."

  "Shhh, it's all right. You don't have to tell me," Billie placed a kiss on the side of Cat's head.

  "No, Billie. The memories have been haunting me for years. It's time to let them go." Cat broke free of Billie's embrace and walked a few steps away. She wiped the tears from her face and inhaled deeply before continuing. "A man named Gerald Manning attacked me when I was in college," she began. "And I wasn't his first victim."

  Billie felt the beginnings of confusion and rage swell in the pit of her stomach and she had to force herself to remain calm. She walked to the bed, sat down and placed her hands on the comforter on either side of her. "Go on," she encouraged Cat.

  Cat retrieved the chair from the vanity and pulled it over so she could sit directly in front of Billie. She sat, folded her hands in her lap and looked at the floor. She tried desperately to compose her thoughts before beginning. A few moments later, she looked into Billie's eyes and almost lost her resolve as she saw fear and anger in the sky blue depths.

  Cat took a deep breath and began. "Gerald Manning was a Neo-Nazi." Cat paused slightly when an audible gasp escaped Billie's lips. She composed herself once more before she continued. "He was actively involved in a group on campus that among other things, believed gays and lesbians were subhuman. Their convictions included beliefs that homosexuals were trying to destroy the moral fiber of the American family, that they are child molesters, immoral, and intent on spreading diseases such as STD's and AIDS. They ranked us on the same level as prostitutes and murderers. Their minds and hearts were black with hate, Billie, and in their warped way of thinking, they felt morally responsible for eradicating our kind from the face of the earth."

  Billie rose to her feet and walked to the opposite side of the room. She stood with her back to Cat for several long moments before she turned round to face her. "Cat, how can an educational institution allow such a group to exist on campus?"

  "Billie, part of what makes America so great is our right of free speech. If the university banned them, then they'd also have to ban other groups…even the good ones. The college had no recourse but to allow them to exist as long as they did nothing to harm other students. Most of what they did was hold rallies and post proclamations of hatred. Gerald Manning was a renegade. He pushed the limits. He acted with the full support of the group, but when push came to shove, they denied all knowledge and responsibility for his actions," Cat explained.

  Billie leaned against the wall and slid her backside down until she sat on the floor in front of it with her knees bent and her forearms resting on top of them. "Cat, you said you weren't Manning's first victim," Billie prompted.

  "His first victim was a gay man named Josh. Manning charged that Josh made a pass at him and that he was defending himself. He nearly killed Josh," Cat explained.

  "Why wasn't his hate group expelled from campus after that first incident?" Billie asked.

  "Because his victim's family chose not to press charges and the police dropped the investigation. It was never proven that their group was responsible for the attack," Cat said bluntly.

  "What? He beats the shit out of someone and they don't press charges?" Billie asked. Disbelief was evident in her voice.

  "Josh's family was ashamed of their son's sexuality and chose not to press charges in order to keep the incident out of the news. Apparently his family was also pretty wealthy and influential with the administration because the incident was pretty much hushed up. The gay/lesbian community knew about it because of the victim's ties with us, and of course, I had firsthand knowledge of Manning's potential danger through my personal encounters with the bastard," Cat explained.

  "You said you had more than one encounter with Manning?" Billie asked.

  "Yes I did. Just before he nearly beat Josh to death, he started pursuing me. It started out with him making a pass at me, and of course, I wasn't interested, and I told him as much. Finally after the fourth time I turned him down, he pinned me against a wall and asked if I was a lezbo, or something along those lines. He just couldn't understand why I didn't want to have sex with him. That's when I finally admitted to him that he had the wrong equipment, and that yes, I preferred women. It was at that point that the serious harassment began," Cat recalled.

  "Serious harassment?" Billie asked from her position on the floor.

  "After the incident with Josh, the school quietly expelled Gerald, but that didn't keep him away. He felt invincible. He had literally gotten way with nearly killing Josh, so he continually violated the restraining order the university had placed on him to keep him off campus. He began stalking me. He followed me from class to class. He left nasty, homophobic sexual notes taped to my dorm room door. I reported him to campus security, but he always seemed to carry out his harassment undetected. Finally, the university assigned a security guard to escort me from class to class and after a while the harassment seemed to stop…that is, until one night he caught me alone, while walking from the library to my dorm at dusk." Cat paused and a shiver ran through her as the horrific memories of that night returned.

  Cat's emotional state was obviously fragile. Billie crawled over to Cat and placed her head in Cat's lap. Cat bent at the waist and lowered her own head to rest on Billie's as they held each other for several moments. Finally, Cat sat erect again, which caused Billie to raise her head and to sit back on her knees.

  Cat once again wiped the tears from her face before continuing. "That night, I called campus security when I was ready to leave the library and then waited in the doorway for the guard to arrive. I waited for nearly an hour, and when he didn't show, I decided to chance the short distance between the library, and my dorm. It was no further than Jen's house is from ours, so I thought I could make it safely. Unfortunately, the shortest route called for me to pass through a narrow gap between two buildings. It was in this tight, secluded space that Manning caught me. He had apparently been watching as I waited for the guard, and then followed me when I attempted to make it home safely on my own. He beat me to within an inch of my life—especially after I kicked him in the groin. I was lucky enough to escape rape—that well-placed kick assured as much—but the beating was enough to put me in the hospital for a week. Security finally showed up and arrested him, but not before the damage was done."

  Cat sat back in her seat and closed her eyes. She only opened them again when she felt Billie's hand on her thigh.

  "Cat, you don't need to say any more. I understand your feelings about Tara now," Billie said.

  Cat began to cry as Billie's comment instantly reminded her of how this discussion had begun.

  Billie stood, bodily lifted Cat from the chair and then carried her to the bed where they laid together in a tight embrace while sobs wracked Cat's slight frame.

  "Billie, I can't bear the thought of Tara living through that nightmare," Cat cried. "No one should have to experience that. As much as society has changed, there are still sick people out there that believe all homosexuals should be exterminated. There are still zealots who hide behind the guise of their religion to justify the brutal torture and murder of someone simply because they differ from the norm. Billie, I don't want our daughter to become one of their victims. I don't want her to become the next Matthew Shepard." Overcome with emotion, Cat buried her head in Billie's shoulder and cried.

  Billie kissed Cat on the forehead. "Neither do I, Kitten. Neither do I, but we can't do anything about Tara's sexual orientation. Only Tara knows where her heart lies, and we both know if she denies her true nature, she will never be happy. Do you understand?" she asked.

  Cat nodded reluctantly. "I do understand, Billie, but I'm still terrified that some day she may have to live through the pain and humiliation brought on by a society filled with fear of our kind. Make no mistake—fear is what drives that type of behavior—fear and ignorance," Cat exclaimed.

  "Sweetheart, we don't even know for sure that Tara is gay. In fact, she may not even know for sure. But in the event that she is, we should probably start by educating her on how to protect herself. Let's talk to Tara about this while we're on vacation, okay?" Billie suggested.

  Cat nodded silently and snuggled in closer to Billie.

  Billie kissed Cat's forehead and then turned off the light on the nightstand. "I love you, Cat," Billie said.

  "I love you too, Billie."

  CHAPTER 5

  Billie loved Sunday mornings. She normally rose before the rest of the family and typically completed a five-mile run through the park with Jen followed by a stop at the local coffee shop for a beverage and pleasant conversation with their best friend before returning home. On this morning, she was somewhat preoccupied while she and Jen sat in the coffee shop to enjoy their beverages.

  "Are you okay, Big Guy?" Jen asked.

  "What do you mean?" Billie replied.

  "You seem a little distant this morning. What's on your mind?"

  "Am I that transparent, Jen?"

  "Clear as glass. Now, spill it," Jen demanded.

  "Cat and I think Tara might be gay."

  Jen sat back abruptly in her seat. "Whoa! I didn't see that coming! Not that I'm surprised, mind you, but what makes you think Tara is gay?"

  "Well…lots of things. She's a major tomboy. For as long as I remember, she's preferred to dress like a boy. It's like pulling teeth to get her into a dress."

  "A lot of young girls don't like dresses. That doesn't make them gay."

  "True. But there are other clues. She's always been one tough cookie. I can remember when she was only four and Seth was six, she bloodied the nose of a boy at the daycare they went to because he made fun of Seth being in a wheelchair after he came out of his coma. And then there's Kelly…"

  "I've heard about Kelly," Jen said.

  Billie frowned. "You say that like it's a bad thing," she said.

  "Not necessarily a bad thing. Look, Karissa has said a few things about her, but I think she's just jealous that she doesn't have all of Tara's attention for herself anymore."

 

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