Heathens Ink Box Set, page 49
I give myself a minute to tamper my anger down before I head back up front.
“Please tell me Kira isn’t back,” Dani says the second I reach the gaggle of my employees congregated around the front desk.
“I can assure you from the bottom of my heart that Kira is not back.”
“She was kind of hot,” Owen notes casually.
He’s only been at Heathens a few months and it’s been taking him longer than I’d hoped to settle in and make friends with everyone. I don’t know his whole story other than that he was in prison. He seems like a good person so I’m not worried about what he did to land himself there. I just hope he’s finding his way in life now that he’s out. I make a mental note to do a better job getting Owen involved with everyone here.
“She’s literally insane,” Dani argues.
“Crazy girls are the best in bed,” Owen points out. “Strangely, insane guys are not that great in bed. Weird dichotomy.”
A small spike of jealousy jolts through me. It must be nice for Owen to feel so comfortable with his bisexuality.
I notice Nox is quiet, still sitting in front of the computer.
“How’s it going with those pictures?” I check with him, noticing his pinched expression.
“It’s going great. Just about finished,” he glances over and forces a smile.
My hand twitches with the urge to reach over and touch him. Not in a sexual way, just to connect with him.
“Okay, cool. Do you want to come to Rainbow House with me tonight?”
Nox smiles and then frowns.
“Oh shoot, I told Madden I would tag along with him to his group thing tonight. Maybe I can come with you tonight and go with Madden another night.”
“No, go with Madden. We can go to R.H. another time, it’s not going anywhere.”
Nox
“Is this one of those things where I have to stand up and be like ‘My name is Nox and I’m a Heroin addict’?”
“No, it’s not Narcotics Anonymous. This is a support group. My therapist, Dr. Marvin, pretty much sits back and lets people share and talk amongst ourselves but he’s there to help if needed. Otherwise we are here for each other. Feel free to share if you want to, or offer insight or advice to anyone else who shares. It’s casual so don’t feel any pressure.”
“Okay.” I follow Madden into the nondescript brick building.
When we get inside it’s more or less what I expected. There are about a dozen people there, milling about and talking, chairs arranged in a circle at the center of the room, and a folding table with cookies and a carafe of coffee on it.
Madden takes me around and gives me a brief introduction to each person. Everyone seems friendly and welcoming which eases my nerves a bit.
After a few minutes of general socializing and drinking cheap coffee everyone starts to move to fill the chairs in the center of the room.
As Madden said, the doctor sits back from the group rather than actively participating. And in a seeming unspoken ritual they start to go around the circle, each person either sharing about their week, feelings, or simply waving their hand and passing to the next person.
When the progression reaches me I consider passing, and the look Madden gives me assures me it’s okay if I don’t want to speak up on my first night. But something in me wants to share.
“Hi everyone, thanks for letting me join you. I’m Nox, as Madden already told you, and I am a Heroin addict. I don’t remember much about the night I almost died. In some ways, calling it that feels a bit dishonest, because I easily could’ve died any night between the ages of fourteen, and the night my boyfriend set me on fire. The only thing I really remember was the feeling of not giving a shit. I didn’t care I was dying. I didn’t have anything to live for. No one would’ve missed me. The world would’ve been no different without me.
“When I woke up in the hospital two weeks later, I could still remember that feeling but I was determined to change everything. I didn’t want to be that person anymore with nothing to live for. I wanted to be someone who would impact the world, or at the very least someone with one person who would miss me. I haven’t touched drugs since that night and I’ve taken some very positive steps toward building a life. I’m hopeful and I’m grateful. And…that’s about it, so thanks for letting me ramble,” I conclude with an awkward laugh.
I feel Madden’s hand on my shoulder.
“Thank you for sharing that,” Madden says and a murmur of agreement goes through the group before the next person starts to share.
After the group session Madden offers to drive me home, but we’re only about a mile away and a walk sounds nice so I decline.
I breathe in the cool spring air, gazing up at the stars as I walk, and an unfamiliar sense of peace washes over me. It’s like for the first time in my life I’m on the path I’m meant to be on. Nothing else counts, I’ve left all that shit behind. This is my life and I finally have the chance to be happy.
Another more skeptical part of my brain argues that nothing is this easy. Any day now the rug will be pulled out from under me and I’ll be back on the street, with a needle in my arm. Or worse, I’ll wake up on my dirty, threadbare mattress and this will all have been a dream.
I shudder at the thought.
Then, that shudder becomes a more prominent sense of unease. I glance over my shoulder, having the distinct impression of being followed, but I don’t see anyone behind me. I laugh at myself even as my skin continues to prickle and the hair on my neck stands on end. I’m just freaking myself out, that’s the only logical explanation.
To my relief, my apartment building comes into view up ahead. I speed up my pace and laugh at myself once more when I reach the door completely out of breath.
“Hey,” I greet Gage awkwardly as I step into the apartment and see him sitting on the couch.
I get the feeling Gage doesn’t particularly want me here, in his apartment with him and Adam. Madden insisted there wasn’t romantic jealousy behind it, any maybe he’s right, but the hostility remains at a simmer between us.
“You can sit if you want,” Gage offers.
“Oh...um,” I look between the vacant spot on the couch and the hallway leading to my bedroom.
“Sit, I owe you an apology.”
I slink onto the open seat, casting a sideways glance at Gage. It’s not that I’m afraid of him, more that I know if I fuck things up and Gage completely hates me that won’t endear me to Adam.
“Relax man, I don’t bite,” Gage assures me.
I take a breath and force myself to relax my posture.
“You don’t owe me an apology. I get why you wouldn’t want some random junkie rooming with you.”
“That’s not it,” Gage argues, turning to face me. “Not exactly anyway. It’s more that Adam has this fucking complex about saving drug addicts, like it’ll somehow bring back Johnny. But Johnny is gone and no matter how many poor souls Adam rescues, Johnny will always be gone.”
“I understand.” I put a comforting hand on Gage’s shoulder. “I’m not trying to replace Johnny in your and Adam’s life. If it wasn’t for Adam I’m not sure I’d still be alive right now, I owe him everything. I know it won’t bring Johnny back but the kindness all of you guys are showing me has changed my life.”
Gage pats my hand on his shoulder and gives me a tight smile.
“I’m glad to hear that. I’ll try to be less of an asshole from here on out, I promise.”
“I appreciate it.” I laugh and then settle back on the couch to watch whatever Gage has on. “Can I ask you a question?”
Gage grunts what seems to be agreement.
“Do you have feelings for Adam?”
“What?” Gage pauses the show and turns to look at me like I’m wearing a tinfoil hat. “Like, feelings feelings?”
I shrug.
“You seem protective of him.”
“He’s my best friend and a brother to me. Feelings for Adam?” Gage wrinkles his nose at the idea and then shudders. Then he stills and his eyes go wide. “Wait, do you have a thing for him?”
“No, of course not,” I rush to lie.
“Sorry to break it to you, but you’re barking up the wrong tree. Adam is as straight as can be.”
“What if he wasn’t?”
Gage furrows his brows and then shrugs.
“I guess it would’ve been cool when we were teenagers if he was gay too, since we were best friends and all. But, he was never weird about me or Johnny being gay.”
I’m caught between relief that Gage didn’t understand my question, and irritation at myself for almost outing Adam unintentionally. I settle for a smile before turning to face the T.V. again. Gage follows suit and we fall into a comfortable silence.
Chapter 12
Adam
After leaving Rainbow House for the night I find a text from Owen.
Owen: up for grabbing a drink?
Me: sure, meet at O’Malley’s in fifteen?
Owen: cool
This is the first time Owen has reached out to me to hang out so I’m not sure what to expect. Is he finally getting comfortable and wants to make friends? Is something bothering him and he needs someone to talk to? Or does he just not like drinking alone?
I point my car in the direction of O’Malley’s so I can find out.
When I walk in I nod a greeting to the ‘hot bartender’ as Dani calls him. I believe his actual name is Beau. But with the way he always flirts with customers, both men and women, I doubt he’d object to being called hot bartender either.
Then, I spot Owen sitting on the far end of the bar nursing a beer.
Owen walked into Heathens six months ago looking for a job. I hadn’t particularly been looking for someone at the time but when I led him back to my office I could tell he was nervous. Then, he sat down in the chair I offered, looked me right in the eye, and told me he just got out of prison but the charges were trumped up. He said he was desperate for a second chance and would do anything to prove himself.
I couldn’t find it in my heart to turn him away. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to find a job with a criminal conviction on your record. And then he showed me a portfolio of the tattoos he’d done before he was locked up and I couldn’t turn him down.
Owen has remained a bit quiet and reserved, but he’s brought a raw, unique style to Heathens that sets him apart from the other artists and has a line of clients waiting months for an appointment with him.
“Hey man,” I greet him, sliding onto the stool next to his.
“Hey.”
It only takes a minute for my favorite beer to appear in front of me with a smile from Beau.
“You seeing anyone, Beau?” I ask, and then blush when he smiles at me.
“Why? Are you interested?”
“Not me, Dani. She’s the-”
“I know who she is,” Beau assures me. “She’s cute, I’ll have to keep that in mind. Things are kind of complicated with my roommate right now, we’re in a weird friends with benefits place and I’m not sure either of us knows where we want it to go from here. Or, rather, where it should go. He’s a great guy, too good for me...Oh lord, I’m rambling,” Beau puts a hand over his mouth and laughs. I hadn’t noticed the faint southern lilt to his voice before. I’ve gotta give it to Dani, she’s got good taste.
“Good luck with your roommate,” I offer.
“Thanks, darlin’.” Beau winks and then saunters away.
“He’s hot, too bad Dani’s already got dibs,” Owen laments, watching Beau’s ass as he retreats.
“Yeah,” I agree, slightly mesmerized by the sight as well.
When Owen’s eyes cut over to me with surprise I realize my mistake.
“Oh, shit.” I close my eyes and take a deep gulp of my beer.
“I suspected, but I wasn’t sure.”
“You suspected? Damn, maybe I’m worse at hiding it than I thought. First Kira, then Royal, now you. Maybe Gage already knows, too.”
“Nah, Gage is oblivious,” Owen assures me. “Why are you hiding, anyway?”
“It’s complicated. Suffice to say Gage will hate me because I kept it a secret too long so now I can’t see a way out without losing my best friend.”
“Life’s too short not to experience,” Owen says wisely.
“Believe me, I know about how short life is.”
My mind goes immediately to Johnny and all the things he’ll never get to experience. Would he and Gage have gotten married one day? Had a few kids? What career would he have chosen? What kind of a man would Johnny have grown to be?
All these unanswered questions because he chose to take his life instead of talk to one of us. A familiar anger simmers in the pit of my stomach, followed by guilt for feeling anything but love for my dead brother.
“So, not that I’m complaining, but is this just a social hang out or should I be worried about you?” I ask.
“Social,” Owen shrugs. “I’ve been stand-offish since I’ve started at Heathens and that needs to change. I like working for you, and I like everyone at the shop. I’m going to start making more of an effort.”
“That’s awesome, I’m glad to hear that.”
“Now, back to the more interesting subject at hand, are you and Nox hooking-up then or what?”
“What? Where did you even get that idea?”
“He looks at you like you’re his savior. He’s got it bad for you.”
“Wouldn’t it be skeevy for me to fool around with an employee?”
“That depends.”
“On?”
“Whether the employee wants to fool around with you,” Owen says with a laugh.
“We knew each other before,” I admit.
“You did?”
“Yeah, we used to talk online. I didn’t know it when I hired him, he told me a few days later. We always got along so well online, I felt like he really got me.”
“You’ve convinced me, you absolutely have to go for it. It’s too perfect to pass up,” Owen insists.
“You think?”
“I think,” Owen mocks. “Go for it or you might end up regretting it.”
“I’ll consider it, thanks man. So, we’ve dug into my love life, what about yours?”
“Not much going on,” Owen shrugs. “I don’t feel like it’s the right time for me right now. I need a few years to play the field. Believe it or not I’m a big believer in fate and intuition. When the time is right, the person for me will be there.”
“That is surprisingly zen for an ex-con.”
“Hey, you don’t even know what I was in prison for. Maybe I started some hippie cult,” he challenges.
“Did you?”
“No.”
We both laugh and I feel extremely glad Owen decided to reach out to me tonight. This was exactly what I needed and I think Owen is going to become a great friend.
When I get home a few hours later Nox is sitting on the couch in the dark watching something on the television.
“Hey,” I whisper in case Gage is asleep.
Nox startles and screeches, clutching his chest like an old lady having a heart attack.
“Jesus fuck, you scared the hell out of me.”
“I’m sorry,” I cover my mouth to suppress my laugh.
“I’m watching some movie on Netflix where this deaf chick doesn’t know there’s a dude in her house, then you sneak up on me like that. I nearly peed myself.”
I plop down on the couch beside him, Owen’s words ringing in my ears.
“You should’ve seen your face when I scared you,” I tease, mimicking his terrified expression for comedic effect.
Nox punches my shoulder and laughs.
“Shut up, you would’ve been scared, too.”
Nox
The air in the room seems to shift as our laughter fades. I look over at Adam and find him looking back.
His eyes flick over my face like he’s searching for something and the crease between his brows makes me wonder what he’s thinking so hard about. I wonder for the millionth time how he kisses, what his lips taste like. I’ve never been this obsessed with kissing before but my brain is like a broken record lately.
Subconsciously, I feel myself leaning forward, and to my surprise, Adam is leaning forward too.
Our mutual approach is slow and measured, like we’re both afraid to scare the other off if we move too fast.
His breath smells like chocolate as it bathes my face and my hands start to tremble. I mentally send out a prayer to every deity I can think of not to let Adam come to his senses until after I get the chance to kiss him and know what it feels like for just a few seconds.
When his lips finally ghost against mine it’s like an electric jolt to every nerve ending. Then, he lets out a defeated sound and crushes his lips against mine and my heart nearly explodes out of my chest.
The kiss is sweet and exploratory as his tongue sweeps against my lips, seeking access. I open to him without hesitation, looping my arms around the back of his neck and pulling myself flush against him.
My skin feels like it’s the only thing keeping me from bursting into a million beams of light.
Adam’s hands gently roam my body. Not harsh and demanding like I’m used to, but reverently. Each breathy sound that falls from his lips between kisses burrows into my heart to make a permanent home.
Adam pulls his lips from mine and I whimper in protest. He presses his forehead against mine as we both attempt to catch our breath.
“I’m so sorry. God that was so inappropriate,” Adam laments in a pained tone.
“No.” I clutch desperately at the front of his shirt, unwilling to let him pull away. “Please, don’t tell me that the best moment of my life was a mistake.”
“You’re my employee, and you’re going through so much,” Adam argues weakly.
“I don’t care. Please, Adam, give it a chance. Give us a chance?” I don’t know what’s making me so bold, but now that I’ve had a taste of what it can feel like to have someone care about you, I can’t let it go, not without a fight.
“Okay,” Adam breathes after a second and I nearly cry in relief before scrambling into his lap and kissing him again.
