Your Knife, My Heart, page 12
I shouldn’t have said anything. My hand darts to the back of my neck where Cameron had kissed me.
“His main task is not killing me. So don’t worry about him. Worry about all the other cadets out there.” I offer her a mild grin. Reed always chided me for trying to cheer others up. Sometimes I’d even try to make people smile right before I sawed their heads off. One last dose of endorphins before lights-out.
Bree’s brown hair is pulled back into tight braids, she twirls one as she assesses me. “Why tell me that?” she asks warily.
I shrug. “Because if you’re this freaked out about Mori, you might let your guard down around someone else who’s after you…and I’d rather you survive than half of the jerks down here with us.”
Bree takes a deep breath and lets her arms fall to her sides. “Thanks, Emery…and good luck out there.” She walks up to me and sets her palm on my shoulder. “My advice for Mori? Make him fall in love with you. Use your body. Use anything you can to survive.” I nod at her and she smiles before leaving and disappearing into the dark hallway.
I sit in the corner of the infirmary and let my head fall back against the medical drawers, a smile pulling at the corner of my lips. She doesn’t know that Cameron basically just told me he only sees me as his next killable toy.
I’m so fucked.
The lights come on with a loud buzz, and the drill sergeant blows his whistle as he stomps up and down the aisles of beds. I quickly sit up, surprised by the different routine than the one I’ve grown used to.
“Everyone in your uniforms in five. We’re loading up in exactly twenty minutes and I want you in line and ready to board the train,” he shouts.
We’re all scrambling to our feet. I throw on my hoodie and try to make a beeline for the bathroom before it gets swarmed with other cadets, but Adams grabs my forearm. My heart is in my throat as I stare up at the huge soldier. He’s absolutely horrifying this close, partly because he’s always yelling.
“Cadet Maves, correct?” he inquires, and surprisingly his voice isn’t as harsh as it usually is. I stare into his cold gray eyes and nod. “You and Mori are to get showered and prepared, then meet me up front in the arena. The two of you have special arrangements.” I don’t miss the glint of pity in his eyes before he looks at Cameron beside me.
“Yes, Drill Sergeant,” I reply. I don’t acknowledge Cameron as I head straight to the showers. The last thing I want to do right now is think about what happened between us last night and my dumb question.
It’s chaos in the bathroom as everyone is trying to quickly rinse off and get mentally prepared to likely die today.
There are a handful of eager cadets with murder painted on their grins. They carefully look over everyone as if they’re trying to remember the people on their mental lists. The only two staring at me with hunger in their eyes are Wraith and Arnold. I hold their gazes for a beat before looking sharply away. Goose bumps spread up my arms, and I have to take a deep breath before my anxiety gets out of hand.
Today is the first trial. I can do this.
I bump into Cameron, our naked bodies slick with soap. It’s the first time seeing him in the shower at the same time as the rest of us. My eyes widen, but he only smirks. I don’t know how to look at him. Anything can happen after today. He could try to kill me, and he’ll have the weapons to do it. We’ll be out in the wilderness, and no one will be there to save me except me. Nolan never said I couldn’t kill Mori. The idea plants a thread of guilt inside me for even thinking it.
It’s not like we wouldn’t kill each other if the opportunity arose, right? If my hand is forced, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I give him a compelling smile.
“Don’t kill me today,” I joke, doing the final rinse on my hair and wringing it out.
“Don’t tempt me.” He winks back at me.
By the time I’m dressed, hair braided, and entering the arena, half of the other cadets are already lined up and waiting. I follow the drill sergeant’s orders and walk to the front where he’s waiting for us.
Cameron is already standing beside him. He’s dressed in matte black tactical gear from head to toe. His bulletproof vest has a patch over his chest that reads Mori. This is the first time I’ve seen him dressed in anything other than a hoodie and athletic pants. I can already see a shift in his mentality, being clothed to kill.
Cameron’s eyes remain impassive when he spots me walking up to him. He’s smoking a cigarette and has dark war paint on his face. It’s smeared and makes him look more rugged than his usual presence. I look through the cadets and realize most of them have it too. I must’ve missed the memo. Cameron has a thin can in his pocket of the paint and offers me some, but I decline.
“I’ll probably get it in my eyes and blind myself out there,” I grumble.
He chuckles with his lips pressed over the cigarette. “At least remember to tuck your pink hair away then. You’re like a beacon.” I nod, even though he’s using his sassy voice again.
“Why are our arrangements different?” I whisper as I stand beside him. Cameron extinguishes his cigarette with his fingertips and drops it into one of his many pockets.
“Because I’m dangerous, and leaving the Under without my squad or lieutenant present is only permitted if I’m complying with Nolan’s regulations,” he says nonchalantly. His scarred eye is more noticeable with his attire.
“Great, and I’m stuck with those regulations why?” I retort, though I really don’t mind being with him. I’ll take my chances alone with Cameron than with the rest of the cadets.
Cameron smirks. “Baggage.”
I roll my eyes but can’t not smile at his comment.
Everyone is staring at us as we stand beside the drill sergeant. It only sets their hatred more. They think we’re getting treated better with transport. Maybe we are. We get to ride separately while they’re all forced to be together with all the meatheads. I’d rather walk than be forced to ride in a train car with Wraith and Arnold.
Adams addresses the rest of the cadets to prepare to board the train and has soldiers start leading them out toward a door in the back of the facility.
I make eye contact with Damian and Bree as they follow the line leading out. Wraith isn’t too far behind them. His eyes shift distrustfully to Cameron before a hardened look falls over his features. His broken arm is his own fault, but he doesn’t seem like the type of person to own up to that. Somehow, I doubt it’s going to give him much trouble in the trials.
“Where does that back door go?” I ask, thinking that there must be a stairwell back there that leads up.
Cameron steps in front of me so I’m forced to look at him. “That door leads to the transport subway. It will take us out of the base and to the trucks waiting on the other side. We can’t have a hundred or so criminals walking through the military base upstairs without raising flags.” He chuckles and plants a hand on top of my head. I shrink under the weight of it and glance up at him as he messes up my hair.
I swat his hand off my head, but before I can move away from him, he snags his arm around my shoulder. My face only reaches his chest, so that’s where I’m sandwiched for now.
Adams watches us closely, then he waves us over as the last of the cadets funnel out of the arena.
“Alright you two, since Mori is considered a high-risk soldier, you will be riding in the back compartment with the doors locked. It’s going to be around a ten-hour trip. Once you reach the vehicle checkpoint, you’ll be moved in an armored transport vehicle the remainder of the way.”
Cameron taps his fingers over my arm carelessly like he’s already bored of this, but my heart is thundering in my chest. That’s a long time to be alone together.
“Where exactly are the trials being held, sir?” My voice is surprisingly steady.
Adams looks at me like I’m daft. “Obviously, I won’t tell you the precise location, Cadet Maves. But we have land in the northern Rocky Mountains here in Alaska. Heavily wooded and easily contained. There is only one road going through that entire area. This time of year the entire mountainside gets shut down due to bad weather, so we get the go-ahead to use it,” he explains as he nudges us along.
Cameron glares at him, but moves with me, finally dropping his arm from my shoulder. The weather up here is far more extreme than what I’m used to in Montana. It’s November and the boat getting here was awful enough. Now we have to go outside and fight in it.
“You know, you two actually might make a good fit.”
We both snap at him, “What?” Our eyes meet, Cameron’s annoyed, mine surprised.
Adams lets out a belly laugh. “Well, you both just have an ominous air about you, but when you’re together, you almost seem like two normal people, bickering and annoying the shit out of each other.”
Cameron grimaces and glances down at me like he hates the idea of it. Would it really be so bad to be normal? Jesus.
I turn away from both of them and walk steadily ahead, choosing to ignore that comment and Cameron’s expression.
The second we step through the doorway we’re met with a train, as promised. The walls in this room are dark gray and absorb the light from the warm-light bulbs that hang from the ceiling, leaving the space particularly grim. The train is slick black and built aerodynamically for high speeds. Everyone else has already boarded; we’re the last ones.
“Here’s to hoping you’re right about us getting along,” Cameron says as we walk up to the side of the last compartment.
Adams nods in farewell. “I’ll see you both at the trials. Oh, and one more thing Emery.” He extends his hand, holding a blindfold. “You’ll need to wear this until you reach the outside of the base. Your compartment is the only one without a functioning blackout window. We don’t want you seeing some of our secrets down here as you pass through.” He winks and it’s the most human I’ve seen him.
Great.
I’m blindfolded and locked in the last compartment with Cameron. As we wait for the train to start moving, the reality that after today half of the cadets in the Under will be dead sets in.
They only have to survive each other.
I’ll have to survive both them and Mori.
13
CAMERON
The compartment we’re thrown into is actually pretty nice. There’s a window on the side of the train that’s adjacent to the sofa. A coffee table is nailed down in the center of the space and blankets are stacked near the rear. The lighting consists of two small lamps on each side of the couch.
I try to rein in my grin as I watch Emery nervously twist one of her long pink braids between her fingers. The blindfold is really bothering her, and I can tell she’s tempted to take it off. She seems more anxious now than she did when she was thrown into a cell with me.
“Why don’t you sit down? You’re just going to fall standing like that,” I mutter as I lean back on the couch and spread my legs to relax.
Emery stumbles as she tries to find her way through the compartment. I bite my lower lip to keep from laughing. Her frustrated expression is adorable. Much like her dreaming one is. I’ve watched this woman for countless hours already—all the time she spent with her nose buried in books, the frustration when she couldn’t ward off my training strikes, the weariness when she rolled in her sleep.
She won’t ever know it either—how well I’ve come to know her by expression alone. Her floral scent has all but consumed my mind.
“Where are you?” she whispers, with a hint of fear in her tone. It centers me and pulls me from my thoughts.
I tilt my head back, closing my eyes and smiling. She’s way too much fun to tease, so I don’t say anything to help her.
She lets out a small whimper as I hear her knee smack into the side of a small desk beside me. What I don’t expect is for her to accidentally fall into my lap when the train rattles.
Her braids fall over my shoulder. Emery’s small frame fits so nicely on my chest. I can’t believe how much broader my torso is than hers. Not that I haven’t noticed every night, but it’s different when we aren’t in bed in the dark.
Emery gasps and tries to sit up as fast as she can, jutting her ass into my crotch in the process. I suppress a groan at the pressure on my dick and hook an arm around her waist so she doesn’t fall to the ground.
“Slow down and chill the fuck out.” I laugh and her breathing evens out as she forces herself to take a few long, deep breaths. Emery’s muscles are stiff and her lower lip quivers. God, I want to bury my teeth into it.
“You have a habit of falling on my cock,” I say slowly, brushing my thumb over her lower back.
“You think I’m doing it on purpose?” she snaps. Her voice gets higher when I get on her nerves. So cute.
“Hard not to,” I tease, admiring the way her lips firm with frustration.
I pull her close until her chest is against mine. She’s so small that her head only reaches my pec. Her legs straddle my hips, creating heat between us. I wrap my arms around her back gently and rest my head to the side so I can watch her.
“I’m not sure I can wait much longer, love. Tell me one thing about you. It’s starting to bother me that I don’t even have a scrap.” I sound desperate for her to give me something, anything. I’m beginning to regret telling her to keep her mouth shut about her past.
“You don’t get to know personal things about me,” she says rigidly.
I chuckle and twist her braid between my fingertips. It’s cute that she thinks she could withhold information from the best interrogator on the Fury Squad. But I’ll play along. There are ways to get people to talk besides torture.
“Do you want to know one thing about me first?” I offer. She doesn’t reply, but the way her hands curl into themselves at my ribs tells me that I have her interest. “I hate the thought of being disposable. Being useless. And this fallout I seem to be having with the new strain of drug? It’s the scariest shit I’ve ever had to go through. I don’t want to be useless to them.” My heart beats faster with the admission.
Will she think less of me? Do I care? I’m actually not sure, and that thought is very unsettling.
She hesitates before murmuring, “I had to give up my dream to be an artist because of my family’s business.” Her heartbeat quickens as if she’s nervous to share this part of her. “I didn’t have a choice in the matter, and preparing for the job that I was assigned started at a young age.”
My brow lifts. If she was a lawyer or some stuck-up stockbroker I wouldn’t ask, but she’s in the Under, so clearly this “job” was sketch.
“A shady job?”
She nods slowly against my chest. It’s evident she doesn’t want to go deeper, so I shift gears.
“Well, I know a soldier upstairs that does tattoos under the table. You can apprentice with her if you want. You could put ink on my back if I don’t kill you before then. I’m sure the squad would let you do theirs too. Partial dream achieved?”
She giggles. “What the fuck? Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
I’m glad she can’t see my grin. “Yes.”
Emery shakes her head against my chest, laughing. “You’re so fucking weird, Cameron.”
My eyes close. I like hearing my name on her lips. She’s the only one who actually uses it. “Says the woman who plugged my bloody nose under a showerhead while she sat on my dick,” I tease.
She laughs against my vest, pressing her cheek over my heart, and I wonder if she can hear the erratic beats through it. Wouldn’t that be something? I muse. If the vest could stop a bullet, but not the sound of something as tender as a heart.
“You can take off the blindfold now. I won’t tell,” I mumble, closing my eyes and feeling the itch to take more pills rising up. The insatiable hunger consumes me from the inside out. My leg starts bouncing anxiously. The bottle is in my bag across the room, but I really don’t want to move. I like holding her.
Emery removes the blindfold and pushes herself up so she can look at me. Our eyes meet, and I can see her as clearly as I did the moment I first laid eyes on her. But the fierceness I once saw in her gaze has faded. Now she looks somber, like a wilted petal that will soon be dead. She’s so lovely. No matter how much I try to dispute the thought, it returns with an ache. With ire.
I wonder what a pretty little thing like her thinks of a soldier like me.
What does she see? I wonder.
Emery sits back on her haunches, right over the boner I’ve been ignoring for the past few minutes. Her eyes widen, flicking down like she’s just now processing the thick, pulsing need in my pants.
I think of last night and how stupid I was to break and give in to the draw I have to her. All I’ve wanted since then is to touch her again. I’m afraid if I do, it will never be enough.
And that scares the shit out of me.
She gives me a weak, apologetic smile before shifting over my leg to stand. I grab her wrist. Fuck. I don’t know why I did that. Her eyes find mine, and there’s surprise blooming through them.
I swallow the knot in my throat at the odd, warm sensation that spreads through my chest. My cock throbs painfully beneath her. My breaths grow labored and I falter. I shouldn’t do this. What if I lose control and kill her? I’m about to tell her to go sit across the compartment, but her gaze is filled with torment as she wiggles her hips over me.
Electricity shoots through my veins, and a hunger sets deep inside.
I don’t care anymore. Whatever happens, happens.
I lean forward and my lips crash into hers.
The pills become an afterthought. All I know as my lips spread her soft ones apart is her scent. Her fucking floral scent that drives me crazy.
I want more. I want everything.
14
EMERY
Cameron lets out a deep groan that borders on growling. His fingers dig into my hips, and he pulls me closer as our kisses become more fervent. His lips are everything I thought they’d be, giving me nothing short of euphoria as he consumes me like he’s never tasted something like me before. A soft moan flutters off my lips, and he devours it greedily as he works his palms over my thighs.
