Broken Bonds, page 11
If we can find an omega who shows us even a glimmer of the love Ramsey had for her alphas, then we’d be blessed.
I’ll mention it to the guys when conditions are more ideal.
“We were just discussing finding a bigger place to stay, so we’re not all cramped together for however long we’ll be here. You think Jillian, or maybe Maribel, could help us find something?” I ask him.
“I can ask. Already got us jobs, too,” he tells me with a toothy grin.
I narrow my eyes at him. How could he possibly have already gotten us jobs? The only people I’ve seen him speaking to are Jillian and…
Maribel.
I groan, rubbing a hand down my face. “Ah, come on, man. I fucking hated bartending when we first started out on our own.”
“Yeah? Well, tough shit. Maribel is going to keep running the place for Ramsey and she needs help. We want to help Ramsey? This is where we can start. Now Link just has to find something.”
Simultaneously, both of us turn our attention to him, and his expression twists into a scowl in our direction.
“You know I work remotely, you dipshits. All I need is an internet connection and a computer. Forde, see if one of them will help us find a place to rent. For now, we leave Ramsey alone. We’ll help from the sidelines, but stay out of her way. Give her space. When we need to step in, we’ll know.”
“I’ll ask Jillian if she’ll at least let us know when she’s truly concerned about Ramsey’s well-being,” Forde says softly before getting up and walking back up to the bar.
“You sure about this?” I ask Link when it’s just us, needing to make sure.
When he looks at me, his blue eyes are red and glisten with unshed tears. He swallows, his throat bobbing, as he nods in the affirmative.
“Yeah. I need to be here. I need to help her, to make sure she lives. For Lake. Besides, we’re gonna be uncles. We all know I’m gonna be the favorite, but don’t you wanna make sure you at least give yourself a fair shot at trying to beat me?”
I scoff, because like hell will he be the favorite. Kids love me. I’m a godsdamn peach.
“Yeah, all right. We’ll see about that, knothead.”
Chapter Eight
RAMSEY
Days bleed into weeks, and before I know it, an entire month has gone by. Link, Rion, and Forde didn’t leave, as I suspected they wouldn’t. They haven’t spoken to me much, but their presence is felt, regardless.
Upon learning that they had rented the cabin that’s been sitting unoccupied for several years, situated only three miles away from my home, I was uncertain of how to feel, so I’ve tried to ignore it, but it’s in the back of my mind, always. That someone who looks like the man I love is living so close to me.
Most days, I feel like a ghost, my emotions numbed and unable to connect with the world around me. I’m trying to pull myself together, but it’s so damn hard. Waking up every morning without them there. Our home, which now feels too large without them here to take up space, has gained the atmosphere of a mausoleum. A tomb.
Some days I can’t get myself to leave. Others, like today, I need to breathe and escape the box I’ve locked myself inside of for a while. Besides, I’d told Maribel I’d check in with her every month on how things are going at the bar, and today is that day.
My feet stutter and I nearly fall flat on my face when I walk through the doors and see Forde and Rion behind the bar, but no Maribel. I know I told her to hire some help, but she didn’t tell me she hired them.
Everywhere I turn when I leave the confines of my house, the three alphas seem to be in the vicinity. The grocery store. The bistro on main street. And now, they’re behind the bar at Jinx, and I truly don’t know how to feel about it.
Violet eyes glance up, catching mine, and I become trapped in them. As I gaze into the turbulent depths of Forde’s eyes, I can sense a shared anguish and grief between us, causing my wounded heart to clench painfully in my chest. It’s almost like he’s waiting for me to come to him as he stares at me, but I couldn’t tell you why.
There’s something about him that feels… inherently safe. I can’t explain it, and that scares the shit out of me, so I force myself to close my eyes and break the trance he has me in. I can feel his gaze still lingering on me, so I quickly turn away and head toward the back to find Maribel.
I find her, just as I predicted, in the rear office that Lake and Van had been sharing between them. Her glasses are perched on the end of her nose and her face is thoughtful as she examines the papers in her grasp. Even though the door is already ajar, I knock out of courtesy. Noticing it’s me, her face lights up with a smile as she takes off her glasses and puts them and the papers she was reading on the desk.
“Hey, Ma,” I say as I walk in, pushing the door closed behind me.
After spending a year getting to know Maribel, I began to affectionately refer to her as ‘Ma’. It’d just slipped out one day, but also felt so right and natural that I never corrected myself. Seeing the joy on her face when I said it was enough to reinforce my decision.
Maribel was never blessed with children of her own, which is why I think it was no surprise that she embraced our ragtag bunch the way she did. She proclaimed we were the only children that she ever needed in her life. She might have also said the guys made her happy she’d never had offspring of her own, which had made me giggle like a loon.
“Hey, sweet girl. Has it been a month already?”
As I approach, she rises from her seat and wraps me in a warm embrace. I let her hold me in her arms and close my eyes as her familiar scent of crisp apples envelops me. I’ve avoided the bar these last few weeks, which means I haven’t seen Maribel or gotten one of her comforting hugs in a while, so I soak it in.
“Yeah. I’m on my way to a doctor’s appointment, but I wanted to pop in and check on things. I noticed you hired some help…” I say, trailing off as I take a seat in one of the three chairs in the room.
She leans against the desk in front of me, her arms crossed over her chest as she audibly clears her throat and nods her head.
“I did. They wanted to help, so I put them to work. They’ve been helpful. Nothing like my boys, but I can trust them not to burn the place down if I’m not hovering over them 24/7.”
My throat gets tight when she mentions ‘her boys’ and tears threaten to spill, so I have to glance away for a minute to get myself under control. I stare intently at the wall in front of me, noting the chipped paint and forming a plan to come back and spruce it up with a new layer of paint when I have the chance.
“They’re good alphas, Ramsey. I think you guys would have been lucky to have had them in your lives much sooner than now. Lake and Van would’ve gotten along great with Forde and Rion. They just want to help and make sure you’re alright. I’m also sure Link is desperate to be in those little ones’ lives. He hasn’t said it out loud, but they’re his last link to Lake, and he wants to be around.”
Her voice is soft when she says all of this, but all I can focus on is how she said Link wants to stick around to be in my children’s lives. How will I handle that?
“You’ve been speaking to him?” I ask, flicking my gaze back to her with my heart pounding in my chest.
What a stupid question. Of course, she has. If his pack mates are working here, it stands to reason he would come in here from time to time, and Maribel is just one of those people that’s so easy to talk to. She has a way about her that makes you realize she’s actually listening and hearing the things you’re saying. She makes you feel heard and makes your feelings… well, feel valid.
She nods.
“He comes in most nights before the other two get off to have a drink. He hasn’t said it in so many words, but it’s the impression I get. I can also say he looks as shitty as you do, in case you were wondering. Seriously, baby girl, when is the last time you ate? Or slept? Gods, the boys would be horrified if they were here to see you like this.”
Her arms are firmly crossed over her chest and she’s giving me a stern look of disapproval.
“I understand it’s difficult, but you gotta keep going, baby. I hate that they’re gone more than anything, but you’re still here. And soon, those babies will be too. They’ll breathe new life into you if you can just get them here, I promise. Your alphas are gone, but they left pieces of themselves with you, so you will always see them in your children.”
I sniffle, my lips trembling.
“I know! I’m eating, I swear. I just can’t keep it down most days. And sleep comes when I’ve cried myself to exhaustion. If I haven’t cried, then I’m up for hours on end. This depression has its claws so deep in me and I don’t know how to get myself free.”
She sighs and kneels in front of me, cupping my cheek in her palm. Her soulful brown eyes stare deep into mine and it feels like she sees me. She can see every jagged, busted piece of me that’s been ripped apart at the seams despite how hard I’ve tried to push it all back together.
“You gotta talk to someone, baby. Gotta get everything off your chest that’s weighing you down and the thoughts in your head out,” she tells me gently.
“I don’t want to see a shrink, Ma.”
“So don’t. First, talk to your doctor. Then, maybe talk to Jilly. Vent to her.”
I sigh and grab her hand in mine, holding it in my lap. “I don’t want to put all of that on her when she’s grieving, too. I’ll find someone else to talk to. And I will bring up the way I’m feeling to my doctor at my appointment today as well.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Good. Come on, I’ll walk you back out.”
She stands and holds her hand out to me. I place mine in hers and let her help me up out of the chair. I’m nearly nineteen weeks now, and today is supposed to be the day I find out the genders of the babies.
I’ve decided not to.
Just doesn’t feel right without my alphas here. As badly as I’ve been dying to know this whole pregnancy, without them here, it doesn’t really seem to matter.
I know I’ll love them no matter who or what they are, anyway.
Maribel and I head out of the office and out to the bar area. I can feel Forde’s eyes on me the minute I’m back in open view, the hairs on the back of my neck standing in awareness. The urge to turn and look back at him is there, but I ignore it, keeping my eyes straight ahead.
“Don’t burn the place down while I walk Ramsey back out to her car, you two,” Ma calls out to the alphas behind the bar.
“Hey! I think I’ve more than proven that I won’t go burning shit down around here. Forde, maybe. Can’t say for sure about the big lutz sometimes, but me? I’m good, Miss Maribel,” Rion calls back, pulling my eyes to him.
He wears a toothy grin and his eyes twinkle as he eggs Maribel on while he cleans the glass in his hand. There’s a toothpick sticking out of the side of his mouth, clenched tight between his pearly whites, and his hair is tied in a knot at the base of his skull. His beard is trimmed neatly and matches the color of his hair, and I just know that copper streaks gleam beautifully in the sunlight.
“Hush, you. Don’t go acting up with the boss lady here or she might give you the boot,” Maribel snickers, nudging me with her elbow and making a tiny smile appear on my lips.
“Aw, well, I wouldn’t want that. My apologies, Omega Daniels,” Rion says, flicking his gaze towards me and looking at me softly as he dips his head.
I can feel my cheeks heat with his eyes on me and an odd warmth spreads across my chest, which makes me uncomfortable. I clear my throat awkwardly and give him a tight smile.
“I’ll let you off with a warning this time, Alpha,” I tell him softly. “If you’ll excuse me. It was nice seeing you both again.”
I quickly turn and stride towards the doors with Maribel right on my heels.
“And what have I told you about that ‘Miss’ crap? Cut that shit out before I shove my size five foot up your ass,” I hear Maribel gripe as I walk out making me shake my head.
I don’t hear what’s said after that, but Ma chuckles when she meets me outside. I huff as I lead the way to my car and throw myself into the seat once the door is open, looking up at the older beta as she leans in.
“You okay with them working here? You say the word and I kick ‘em right on out,” she says, showing me her booted foot.
I shake my head. “No, it’s fine. Honestly. You say they’re good workers, and I trust you. You love this place as much as Van and Lake did. I’m just grateful you agreed to keep running her,” I whisper, looking back at Jinx with a fond smile.
“Got that right. Go on and get out of here. Check on those babies and have that talk with your doctor, hmm?”
She shoots me a stern look with her eyebrows raised before slamming the door of my car, patting the roof once and then retreating into the bar. I pull out once she’s back inside, heading straight to my appointment with a stone sinking in my gut.
“Go ahead and lie back,” the sonographer tells me, “and lift your shirt up for me.”
I do as I’m told, tucking my shirt into the band of my bra. A wave of nervous energy courses through my body and I clench my fists tightly in an attempt to stop the trembling in my fingers. A chill runs through my body as my thoughts turn dark with worry, a voice in the back of my mind warning me that the ultrasound tech may tell me something heartbreaking, like one of my babies no longer has a heartbeat or that something is wrong with one of them.
With the loss of my alphas, my hope for good things happening has been lost, and now I have a persistent voice in my head cautioning me of all the bad things that could potentially happen any time I do anything. There’s this pit in my stomach that hasn’t left since that awful night, and it makes me feel nauseous as it threatens to consume me.
It’s a maddening feeling, having no control over your thoughts. I’m constantly faced with the same negative thoughts playing on a loop in my head, no matter how much I try to ignore them. I just want it to be quiet in there for a while, to give me just a moment of peace.
“Are you wanting to find out the genders?” the tech asks as she squirts the gel on my abdomen, giving me a kind smile.
“No. I don’t want to know,” I tell her, shaking my head and swallowing around the knot in my throat.
“That’s okay. Plenty of moms choose not to find out. They say the excitement of finding out when they get here is totally worth it.”
As soon as the wand touches my belly, the room is filled with the fast and steady rhythm of three little heartbeats. When I look at the screen, tears fill my eyes as I see the three of them, two of them tucked close together while baby C is tucked a bit further away alone. As I look on, all three of them start wriggling around, stretching their newly formed limbs, and relief fills me.
The ultrasound tech points out little things to me like their hands or when baby A is sucking on their fist. When it’s time for her to check their genders, I glance away, not wanting to accidentally see anything.
Once she’s gotten everything she needs, she puts the wand away and helps me clean my belly off. Sitting up, I adjust my shirt back into place before taking the pictures she printed off for me that has the babies labeled. As I trace my fingers over their pictures, my nose stings with the onset of the tears that I’m trying to hold back.
After putting away all her equipment, the technician offers to accompany me to my patient room. I get to my feet and move to follow her out of the room, and we silently walk down the hallway until we stop at a room. She gestures for me to go inside, and I do. Once she’s let me know my doctor will be with me shortly, she closes the door and I’m alone for the moment.
I set my things down and sit on the exam table, staring at the wall as I attempt to gather my thoughts. I’ve only been sitting for a few minutes before a knock sounds at the door and I call for them to come in.
“Hey Ramsey. I just need to get your blood pressure and all that good stuff before she comes in,” Nurse Carol says, giving me a sympathetic smile.
I hate those smiles. It’s what everyone gives me now when they see me.
They scream, poor Ramsey, the omega that lost all her mates tragically.
Giving her a nod, I lift my arm so she can wrap the blood pressure cuff around it.
“How have you been since everything? Anything you want to about talk with Doc Moreno specifically that I should bring up to her before she comes in?” Carol asks while she listens to my pulse with her stethoscope as she puffs up the cuff.
I take a deep breath and avoid her gaze.
“I’m… not doing great, Carol. I-I’m having trouble keeping my food down and sleeping, as well as a few other things,” I tell her softly, looking down at my feet.
When she releases the cuff, she pats my arm. “Okay, sweet girl. I’ll let her know. Just tell her everything and let’s see what can be done, alright?”
“Okay.”
“She’ll be right in with you.”
As the door shuts behind her, I’m once again left to my own devices, giving me the chance to drift off into my own thoughts and daydream.
Ollie and Rule had been with me for my last appointment. Since they hadn’t been able to make it to the previous ultrasound, they had taken the day off work to attend that one. Being pregnant with multiples brings its own set of advantages, one of which is the extra sonograms you get. It eases something in me to see them growing at each appointment, knowing for certain they’re okay.
I can still remember how they bombarded my doctor with endless questions, and she answered them all calmly and confidently. I had to nearly drag them out so she could get to her other patients, and by the time we made it back to the car, they had created a fresh list of questions to ask her during the next visit.
I can’t help but smile as I recall informing them that there was no chance in hell they would be returning to my next appointment. I was mortified, yet I couldn’t deny the love that had filled me that day from witnessing their care and earnest desire to be involved with everything that came with my pregnancy.
