It's a Wonderful Life, page 10
‘Oh,’ Beth looked shocked. It was the most open he’d ever been with her about Reggie. ‘I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry, I hadn’t realised it was so bad.’
Daniel sighed. This wasn’t Beth’s problem, it was his. ‘I know. It’s my fault for not telling you. That’s why I hate talking about it. I decided long ago Reggie had done enough damage to me, and I wasn’t going to let it affect the rest of my life. And I’ve succeeded. Beth, I’m proud of the fact that I’m nothing like him. I don’t want him anywhere near me, or my family. He’s poison.’
‘Oh Daniel,’ said Beth, coming over to him and giving him a hug. ‘If that’s really how you feel …’
‘It is,’ said Daniel. He held her tight, blinking back tears from his eyes. His family was so precious to him. It was his greatest fear that something would happen to change that. He couldn’t let Reggie in, however much he might have changed. It was a relief that Beth finally seemed to understand.
‘We’ll say no more about it, then,’ said Beth, kissing him.
As Daniel kissed her back, it felt as if a burden had been taken from his shoulders. His own family was what counted. No one else.
Lou
The taxi deposits us outside the front door at 9 p.m. Mum and I are both shattered and a bit bad-tempered after a rather drawn-out flight home and a long wait at the airport. I think Mum’s a bit anxious about going back to a house which doesn’t contain Dad, and she’s very quiet. We didn’t see James on the flight back; I think Mum is relieved. She hasn’t referred to what happened at all, and has been avoiding James. She spent the rest of the holiday being very self-restrained. Shame. I rather liked wild Mum. It also meant that I didn’t get out much again either. Although I did manage a farewell drink with Maria, in which we promised to keep in touch. Probably just as well we didn’t see each other again. I’ve got enough of a track record for boomeranging from one unsuitable relationship to the next, and though it was fun flirting with Maria, I didn’t really want a sleazy 3 a.m. encounter that wouldn’t amount to anything and would only have made me feel worse about myself.
‘Oh lovely, Beth’s been in,’ says Mum as she goes into the kitchen and discovers a bunch of flowers on the table, and a ready meal in the fridge.
‘Actually, I don’t think it is Beth,’ I say in surprise. There’s a note from Ged, saying Welcome Home, Mum. Hmm. Ged is not known for such thoughtful gestures. I detect the hand of the new woman. Well, good for her. It’s about time Ged started taking more responsibility, even if he has to be pushed into it. Perhaps now that he’s going to be a dad he finally gets it.
Mum is obviously touched beyond belief and starts rhapsodising about how wonderful Ged is, going on and on until I want to scream at her. He’s done one little thing, and probably not off his own bat. I never hear Mum singing mine or Beth’s praises. It’s always been like that. She doesn’t even know she does it, but Ged definitely gets an easier ride from her than we do.
She’s on the phone to him immediately, inviting him and Rachel to come round, while I start to sort out some food and unpack. The house seems strange without Dad in it. Wrong. I keep expecting to trip over his slippers in the hall, or find him pottering about in the garden. This is going to take some getting used to.
‘We’ll get Beth and Daniel over too, make a family day of it,’ Mum is saying. Oh God, she’s talking about her birthday. It’s her seventieth and Beth and I have been agonising about what to do for her. And now she wants a family celebration? We haven’t been together as a family since Christmas Day. It’s going to be so weird doing this without Dad.
‘Yes, and I shall invite your father too,’ she continues. ‘Time to put this unpleasantness behind us, and go back to being a proper family.’
I blink in surprise. Unpleasantness? She’s talking as if they’ve had a little tiff. I didn’t quite have this in mind when I told her to show Dad what he was missing.
‘Mum,’ I say as gently as I can when she gets off the phone, ‘I’m not sure it’s such a good idea getting Dad to come over for your birthday. It’s not going to fix anything.’
‘That’s where you’re wrong,’ says Mum with a fierce determination. ‘We’ve been together for over forty years. I am not going to give him up without a fight. We’re a family, and families should stick together.’
Ouch.
This is a really, really bad idea.
Chapter Nine
Lou
I’m sitting in Beth and Daniel’s kitchen regaling them with tales of our holiday. Megan is sitting there too, open-mouthed.
‘Nana got drunk?’ she says. ‘I can’t believe it.’
‘Neither could I,’ I say. ‘I thought it might do her some good, but now she’s fixated on this seventieth birthday thing and somehow getting your grandpa back. I can’t imagine how that will work out.’
‘Me neither,’ says Beth, looking sad. ‘When we dropped him off, he seemed pretty sure he wasn’t coming home. He’s still on about being in love.’
‘Oh God,’ I say, ‘it’s worse than having a teenager.’
Megan gets the giggles.
‘Do you think Grandpa and that woman actually do it?’
‘Megan!’ says Beth, ‘I don’t want to think about it.’
Daniel laughs.
‘It’s not funny,’ says Beth crossly, even though we’ve laughed about it too. Is it my imagination or does she seem a bit tetchy with Daniel?
‘I know,’ says Daniel. ‘It’s just … your dad. I can’t get my head around it.’
‘None of us can,’ I say.
‘So is Ged going to turn up for this famous party?’ says Beth.
Apart from the flowers, Ged still hadn’t been round. He doesn’t ‘do’ awkward situations or emotions, and Mum’s house is bang full of both.
‘I might give Rachel a ring,’ I say. ‘I’m pretty sure she was behind the flowers, and it does look like she could be our future sister-in-law.’
Ged’s girlfriends are usually of the fleeting kind, so Beth and I have given up trying to befriend them. But he actually seems devoted to Rachel, and of course she’s pregnant, which makes her family as far as I am concerned.
‘What about your dad?’ says Daniel. ‘Does he know anything about the party? Maybe someone should talk to him.’
Beth sighs. ‘I’ll go and see him,’ she says, ‘I’ve been avoiding it for too long.’
Poor Beth. She’s always been Dad’s blue-eyed girl. I think she’s taken his fall from grace a lot harder than the rest of us. She’s certainly not in any mood to forgive him just yet.
‘I can’t see him agreeing to come to the party,’ she says, ‘but I can try.’
Beth
‘Hi Dad.’ I give him a brief hug as I walk through the door. He looks tired, and thin. I bet he’s not eating properly. The flat is even more dismal than I remember, and he hasn’t done anything to make it better. The sink is full of dirty cups, and the lounge has papers and magazines and empty takeaway dishes scattered all over it.
‘So, solo living going well?’ I ask, glancing at the chaos. I am both horrified and sad that he seems to be living in such squalor.
Dad grimaces.
‘I have to say I hadn’t quite appreciated how much your mum does around the house.’
How have I never noticed before what a Neanderthal my dad is? I suppose I put it down to a generational thing and blamed Mum for running around after him. For the first time I wonder if I’ve been fair. What if Mum felt she had to do that to keep him? For all I know Dad’s strayed before. His behaviour seems uncharacteristic, but what if it isn’t? Mum has had jobs in the past, but never what you might call a career. She always said we were her career. And then we left, and she made Dad her focus. What does that leave her with now? They always had a very traditional marriage: Dad was in charge of the garden, DIY and the bills, Mum the domestic stuff and the cooking, but I thought it suited them. Suddenly I see that Dad really took it all for granted.
I sigh with exasperation.
‘Dad! It’s not hard. You need to clean up as you go.’
‘I’ll get used to it,’ he says. ‘I suppose I’ll have to get used to a lot of different things now.’
I look at him sharply. Does he think he’s made a mistake?
‘She misses you, you know.’
Dad looks a bit shamefaced.
‘Well, I miss her too,’ he says, ‘but that doesn’t change anything. Lilian and I want to be together.’
Where is she now? I feel like asking. It’s Saturday night, but Dad is here on his own. Maybe he’s having second thoughts. And maybe pigs will fly. I know I’m kidding myself, but he’s clearly feeling guilty, so I press home my advantage.
‘You know it’s Mum’s birthday coming up.’
Dad looks distinctly panicky.
‘Her seventieth birthday. Which she never imagined spending on her own.’
Dad’s look of panic disintegrates into guilt.
‘Yes,’ he mutters. ‘She did mention something about a party.’
‘She wants you to come. Would you?’
Dad fiddles unnecessarily with the kettle.
‘Would I be welcome? I know what I’ve done has been very hard on you. Please believe me, Beth. I don’t want to upset your mum, but Lilian’s the best thing that’s happened to me in years. I wish no one had to get hurt, but sadly that doesn’t seem possible.’
He looks so forlorn, and even though I’m still cross, I can’t help but want to give him a hug.
‘You’re still our dad,’ I say. ‘It won’t be the same without you. Please come.’
Dad looks pleased I’ve said this.
‘OK,’ he says, ‘I’d like to come. But it doesn’t change anything. You have to understand, it’s over between me and your mum. It has been for a while.’
‘I know,’ I say.
I’m not sure Mum will see it like that, but still …
Daniel
‘Where are you off to?’ Sam was heading for the door looking shifty. Since the debacle with Reggie, he had been even more uncommunicative than ever. Daniel had no idea what he was doing any more. He came and went as he pleased, despite Beth shouting at him. Their constant screaming matches were giving Daniel a headache and achieving nothing as far as he could see. He’d tried to keep out of it for fear of making things worse, but he was fed up with Sam taking Beth for granted.
‘What’s it to you?’ Sam’s belligerence came over Daniel in waves.
‘Despite your near-adult status, you do live under my roof,’ said Daniel. ‘And it’s polite to let other people know what you’re up to.’
‘I’m going out,’ said Sam.
‘Where?’
‘Out.’
‘When will you be back?’
‘Later.’
‘How much later?’
‘Don’t know,’ said Sam. ‘I’m taking the car.’
‘No, you’re not,’ said Daniel, ‘I might need it.’
He didn’t need it, and knew he was being petty, but Sam’s assumption had him riled.
‘OK, can I take the car, please?’
‘Why do you need it?’
‘Because I’m going out.’
‘Perhaps if you told me where you’re going I might say yes.’
‘Oh for fuck’s sake, Dad, I’m nearly eighteen. I don’t have to tell you everything I do.’
Suddenly Daniel felt very tired. He didn’t want to argue with Sam, and he didn’t want a situation where Sam decided to take the car without asking.
‘Fine, then,’ said Daniel. ‘Take the sodding car. But don’t be back late.’
Sam muttered his thanks, grabbed the car keys and was gone, leaving Daniel feeling an utter failure.
Megan appeared ten minutes later.
‘Can I have some money?’
‘What for?’
‘I’m going out with the girls to Nando’s,’ said Megan.
‘What about dinner?’
‘It’s OK, I told Mum,’ said Megan airily.
‘Fine,’ said Daniel, giving her twenty quid and feeling like he’d been stitched up.
‘When will you be back, and how are you getting home?’
‘Text you later,’ said Megan. ‘And Ali’s mum’s bringing us back.’
‘OK, keep in touch,’ said Daniel.
He watched his daughter disappear in a whirl of make-up and perfume and went and sat down in front of the TV with a heavy heart. His children were growing up and away from him. As difficult as it had been when they were small, he missed the simplicity of those days.
Once, he and Beth would have relished a Saturday night without their offspring, but now he felt as if they were slipping through his fingers, running away from them both into a future that didn’t include them. And instead of enjoying some downtime with her, Beth was still at her dad’s and he was suddenly all alone. It made him feel bereft. He decided to ring Josh, see if he fancied a pint. He was his best friend from his college days, and they hadn’t seen each other in a while.
Daniel picked up his phone and glanced at his Facebook feed.
The first status that came up was a picture of Sam, posted just a few seconds ago … He was with Reggie.
Meeting my grandad at last, Sam had written. Awesome.
Daniel sat back in horror. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Sam had lied to him again. Or, if not lied outright, he certainly hadn’t been straight with him. There it was in black and white, Sam with his arm round Reggie’s shoulder. The shock of the betrayal was like a punch in the gut. Sam looked happy and relaxed in a way he never was with Daniel.
Daniel sat back on his chair, feeling sick as he stared at his son’s happy face. It felt as though he was losing his son to Reggie. And there was nothing at all he could do.
The Littlest Angel
The Littlest Angel flew and flew, as fast as her wings could take her. She was such a very long way from home.
Eventually she arrived on the tower of a large cathedral. She stopped to pause for breath. She was still following the star, but it was so far away.
‘Bonjour! Who are you?’ A rat poked its head up from the rafters.
‘I’m an angel and I’ve got lost,’ said the Littlest Angel. ‘I’m trying to get home to find the new baby and announce his birth.’
‘You ’av to keep going zat way,’ said her new friend. ‘Good luck!’
Vanessa Marlow: I’m not sure we want to include actual French. This is for small children.
Vanessa Marlow: Also isn’t this a bit stereotypical??
Beth King: Um, it was a joke?
Vanessa Marlow: Not quite sure this is right yet. Do we need to have a rat? Wouldn’t a mouse be cuter?
Beth King: OK, Vanessa. I’ll let you have a mouse.
Part Two
A Long Way Home
April–June
The Littlest Angel
The Littlest Angel set off with renewed purpose. She flew and flew, and kept flying east until she came to the land of the pyramids that the pigeon at St Mark’s had told her about.
There, she met a grumpy-looking camel.
‘Hello,’ she said. ‘I’m the Littlest Angel, and I’m looking for the new baby.’
‘You need to go that way,’ said the camel. ‘The star will take you.’
‘Oh, thank you,’ said the littlest angel, and she set off on her way.
Vanessa Marlow: Does the camel have to be grumpy?
Beth King: What’s wrong with a grumpy camel? I quite like my grumpy camel.
Vanessa Marlow: Can’t it be cute?
Beth King: Does it have to be?
Vanessa Marlow: Yes.
Chapter Ten
Daniel
‘Are you ready, guys?’ Daniel was waiting by the front door, wondering not for the first time why it took his family so long to get out of the house.
Beth was fussing over last-minute alterations to the cake; Megan was redoing her hair for the umpteenth time, and Sam was nowhere to be seen. He’d moaned so much about having to go, Beth had threatened to cut off his allowance, resulting in a huge row. She had a tendency to go in all guns blazing, which Daniel always found difficult, particularly at the moment. He’d spent the last two weeks stewing on the fact that Sam had seen Reggie behind his back, and not managed to find the words to articulate how he was feeling. When Sam had been rude to Beth, Daniel had nearly snapped, but just managed to restrain himself. Shouting never solved anything in Daniel’s book. Although in this case, after he’d calmed down a bit, Sam had actually apologised to Beth and agreed to show up, which was better than they could have hoped for.
Daniel was in two minds about the party. What had started off with a few family members seemed to have escalated into something much bigger. He couldn’t help thinking it might have been better for Mary to keep it low-key, and wondering if inviting Fred was a good idea after all.
‘But she should be able to celebrate her milestone birthday,’ Beth had argued, ‘and Dad owes her, he has to come. Besides, Mum wants to show Rachel she’s not getting involved in a totally dysfunctional family.’
‘Inviting your dad to the party isn’t going to change anything though, is it?’ Daniel said. ‘I shouldn’t think Rachel will be unaware of what’s going on.’
‘Maybe not,’ said Beth. ‘But you know what Mum’s like. She’s adamant that she wants Dad there.’
‘I hope it doesn’t end in tears,’ said Daniel, and then left it. In the last few weeks it felt as though he and Beth seemed to have been quite snippy with one another. It was partly her preoccupation with the new book, which still wasn’t going well, and partly the situation with Reggie. Although Beth had been supportive about Daniel’s stance with Reggie, she still felt it wasn’t fair to stop Sam and Megan from meeting him.
‘Fine if you don’t want to see him,’ she’d said, ‘but I really don’t see why it’s such a problem for the kids. They should have the chance to find out about their family history.’
