Dust + Ashes, page 14
“Good night, sleep tight,” Eddie crooned to her from the vanity mirror. “Don’t let the poison kill you.”
But his voice, though bitter, sounded distant and warbly. When Tia glanced at the reflection, he seemed transparent, ghostly. His mouth moved, but she didn’t hear him. He faded and then was gone, completely, and the mirror showed only her own reflection.
It was a good sign. She turned off all her alarms, save for the 7 AM one. Then, she closed her eyes and let herself drift off into blessed, much-needed sleep.
3rd of April 1851
MY HEART ACROSS THE land and sea Susan,
It was with much trepidation that we returned to camp—trepidation and relief, for Reggie and the men left behind are thankfully in good health and have constructed a sizable living quarter, just in time for our arrival. I’m also pleased to see Archibald Tillman has joined our ranks and is in far better health than when we encountered him last year at Fort Waters. He and Reggie have struck quite the friendship, and their teamwork has already blasted into the mountain and discovered a series of caves all richly veined with gold. They’ve wasted no time organizing shifts and getting the men right to work.
There’s plenty for me to do, as well: weighing and tallying up the profits the mine has accrued while I wintered in Portland. My heart is alight with possibility. My darling, we’ll be free soon, out from under the shadow of my grandfather’s debts, and I will be able to return to you a proper gentleman of quality and good standing and one worth his salt. Maybe your family will even, finally, approve of me.
All is well, save for the fact that I am not with you. I miss you, and our child, more than I can bear with every waking thought and breath and beat of my heart. I promise to return to you soon.
Love ever onward,
Ned
Chapter Nine
Cracks
AFTER HER FIRST WEEK taking valerian, Tia felt better. She got several full nights of sleep and began truly enjoying her life for the first time in what seemed like years. She went to school, played with her friends, had sleepovers, did her homework, and was even overjoyed to spend time with RJ. So much of this had been lost to her in the other reality and, now that she didn’t have a monster lurking in her nightmares, she didn’t intend to miss out on a minute of it.
Sure, Eddie still haunted reflections during the day, but that was easier to deal with. She’d catch glimpses of him here and there, and he’d chastise her for staying in the “wrong” world. But he was no longer a threat, and she ignored him. The longer she ignored him, the sulkier he became until he finally just watched, a silent observer. He even began disappearing from daytime reflections, seeming to wander off for hours at a time, though he had a habit of popping back abruptly and startling her.
“This isn’t right,” he’d grumble whenever he did catch her attention. “You don’t understand what’s really going on and you can’t stay here.”
The girl wondered where he was getting off to in his absences. But then she’d remember not to think about him. He was part of her illness. She was sick, delusional, but she wanted to be better, and she was getting treatment. You can’t change unless you want to change, she reminded herself.
After the first month, she only acknowledged Eddie once. It happened one night after dinner, while she was finishing the last problem of her math homework. She glanced up and saw the viel’s face leaning close from the window glass.
“You’re not sick, Tia,” he said, seriously. “That’s the delusion. This place is the delusion. You need to get us out of here. You staying here is wrong.”
“Go away,” she said. She held his gaze as she popped the cap off the valerian bottle, making her point as she dry-swallowed a pill.
He was gone for an entire week after that.
Halloween came and went. So did her birthday and Thanksgiving. Nothing unusual happened, and Tia relished her dull, normal life. But during the first week of December, an accident just outside their subdivision caused her and RJ’s bus to jerk to a halt on their way home from school, and Tia began feeling prickles in her mind that things were starting to go pear-shaped.
“Sorry, kids,” the driver called. “Looks like there’s a delay. We’re going to have to wait a few minutes.”
Cars jam-packed the blocked road, being diverted from the main entrance of the subdivision. Tia saw emergency lights flashing somewhere ahead. A moment later, the door opened, and a police officer stepped in. All the kids standing to get a better view immediately dropped back into their seats, like prairie dogs sensing danger.
“All right, settle down,” the officer said. “We’re going to move things around to reroute your bus and get you all home as quickly as possible. I need to talk to your driver for a moment, so please stay in your seats and behave.”
The driver followed the cop outside. As soon as she was gone, giddy chatter erupted from the seats along with the bobbing heads of kids once more trying to catch a morbid glimpse of whatever was causing the hold up.
“There’s a dead body up there they don’t want us to see.”
“Tommy says it’s been decapitated.”
“—guts everywhere, bodies all over—”
Tia pulled RJ down. He’d been craning his neck out the window, pressing his head through the opening. “You’re gonna get stuck and then you’ll be the one decapitated,” she hissed.
“I wanna see,” he said.
“No, you don’t,” Tia replied. “Or you’re gonna end up in therapy like me.”
Her brother blinked. With a huff, he settled back down and crossed his arms stubbornly, but didn’t argue. A moment later their driver returned, and the police helped maneuver the bus out of traffic and into the subdivision. As they passed, Tia caught sight of paramedics lifting a gurney with a body bag strapped to it onto the back of the flashing ambulance. The icy prickle tightened around her neck, and she swallowed, feeling sick.
Once they were home, RJ couldn’t wait to tell Marcus about what they’d seen, but Tia just trudged to her room, not wanting to discuss the matter with anyone. She still felt choked by chilly unease. She swallowed repeatedly, trying to clear the lump that had formed in her throat. A sense of dread and guilt, as if the accident were somehow her fault, clung to the underbelly of her thoughts and wouldn’t shake loose. It wasn’t until after dinner, when the doorbell rang and her father stepped outside to speak with a police officer, that she was certain that it was.
A few minutes later, Marcus came back looking ashen.
“What’s going on?” Lilian asked.
“Don’t freak out, Lil,” he said. “I gotta go over to the station to answer a few questions.” Before she could respond, he shook his head and went on. “Don’t worry. I’m not a suspect or anything. It’s that accident earlier. They think I might be able to identify the body. The, uh, deceased had my business card and our address, and was carrying some documents for—for us.” He glanced toward the kitchen, where Tia and RJ had paused to listen, mid-washing dishes. “They think she might have been a courier from Andrew.”
“You father?” Lilian’s eyes widened.
Marcus nodded and slipped into his jacket. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back in a bit”
He left. Tia and RJ finished their chores and joined their mother to watch TV before bed. Despite Lilian laughing through the sitcom they had on, Tia noticed a tightness around her eyes and the way she kept checking the clock. An hour passed, and then another.
“Okay,” Lilian said finally. “It’s time for bed.”
So Tia and RJ went upstairs, brushed their teeth and changed into pajamas. As Tia entered her room, she jumped. Eddie was sitting on her bed in the window reflection. He looked up at her, almost disinterested, and stood.
“She was coming for you, you know,” he said.
Tia glared at him, then snatched up the valerian bottle and swallowed one of the supplements. Eddie watched her, expressionless. Did he expect her to acknowledge him? This time, he’d been gone for nearly three weeks. She’d been sure he’d finally disappeared for good. How dare he come back now and threaten her?
As the medicine took hold, the viel faded without further comment. Tia settled into bed, feeling more outraged at his reappearance than curious about his warning. She stewed over it, feeling too awake as disappointment at her relapse coupled with the inexplicable guilt already weighing on her mind.
Eventually, the sound of the front door opening dredged her attention out of her churning thoughts, and she held her breath as she listened.
“What happened?” she heard Lilian ask softly.
“It’s the strangest thing,” Marcus replied. He sounded dazed. “She had letters for each of us from Andrew and Daniel. Christmas cards.”
“Who?”
“A woman named Brizo Darling. Apparently, she was my grandfather’s PA. I had to call him. You know it’s like 3 AM over there, and he’s so old. He wasn’t happy, but when I told him what happened, he was completely shocked and—”
“Marc, maybe you should sit down. You look...”
“I’m fine. Just... it was horrible. I’ve never seen a dead body like that before, not in real life.” He lowered his voice, and Tia strained to hear what he said next. “Are the kids asleep?”
“Yes,” Lilian said. “We were all worried.”
“The poor girl was just crossing the street when she was hit. The craziest part was that the guy driving wasn’t going fast or anything. He was pulling over to get out of traffic because a freakin’ raven smacked into his windshield and got stuck. He couldn’t see anything—a raven! Here in Miami! Anyway, he pulls over into the subdivision, hit the curb and bumped the poor girl standing there. She fell under the wheel. Crushed her neck.” He heaved a breath. “A freak accident, they said.”
There was a long pause before Lilian replied. “She was coming here?”
“I guess. Danny said she’s been on a well-needed vacation the past couple weeks. She usually handles the Christmas cards, so he thought maybe she was trying to hand-deliver them while she was stateside. He said she’d asked after us a few months ago; thought maybe she and Ray were conspiring for a reunion,” he said and gave a grim snort. “Anyway, Ray’s going to come claim the body and escort it back to England. I offered him a room if he needs it, but it didn’t sound like he planned on staying. I hope you don’t mind.”
Again, the house fell silent as her parents moved from the front hall and out of earshot. Tia stared at the ceiling of her room, feeling cold. Briz was dead? She’d nearly forgotten about Briz after waking up in this new world and with everything that had happened since. She thought back to the last time she’d seen the poor woman. They’d been together after Tia had run out of the conference room, upset by the false report of Marcus’s death. Briz had comforted her and then tried to protect her when the spiders attacked. And when Tia had gotten stuck in the spiders’ web, Briz had tried to free her. It hadn’t worked. They’d both fallen through, and Briz had unraveled before Tia’s eyes, disappearing from the hall and, seemingly, existence itself. The next moment, Tia had been drawn into the battle in the conference room, and the Blackwing PA had been pushed completely from her thoughts.
And now she was dead.
Or, at least, this version of her was, and Tia was certain it was somehow her fault. The guilt of it nagged her, chewing at her conscience until her next appointment with Dr. Lane and she spoke about it.
“And you knew her?” the psychiatrist asked. “She was a friend of yours?”
Tia nodded. “She was a good person. She protected us.”
“Describe her for me.”
“She was tall. And pretty. Beautiful, even. Like a model. When I first met her, she had her head shaved, but she could work it. She always looked put-together, all business, but also fun, and she had the brightest, most amazing smile. She was always confident and in charge. The first time I met her I thought she was exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up.”
“So, she was an inspiration to you?”
Tia nodded again. “I think it’s my fault she died.”
“Why?”
“Because before I went to bed, I saw Eddie again. He said, ‘She was coming for you,’” Tia explained. “And then Dad came home, and I overheard him telling Mom about the accident.”
“It’s been a couple weeks since you last saw Eddie, hasn’t it?”
Tia sighed. “I thought he was gone. I thought I was getting better.”
“You said he appeared to you before your dad came home? Before you knew the details of what had happened?”
“Yeah.”
“Even if you didn’t witness it directly, you were aware of and in close proximity to a horrific accident. The brain can latch onto things like that and respond in strange ways.” Dr. Lane tapped his lip as he did whenever he grew pensive. “Is the valerian still working?”
“Mmhmm. I sleep okay now.”
“Good. Anything else on your mind that you’d like to talk about?”
“Not really.” Tia dropped her gaze and shrugged. “Just feeling guilty.”
“Don’t dwell on that feeling, Tia. It was, as the police said, a freak accident.”
“There was a raven, though. Why was a raven in Miami?”
“To that I can’t say. Some people keep them as pets. Maybe it got loose from a zoo or private home. There’s been bad weather up north. Maybe the poor thing got blown down here by a blizzard. Either way, it was not your fault, and you should not feel guilty.”
Tia’s gut gave an unpleasant turn and she looked at the doctor, trying to discern the lie in his words. But he looked sincere when he smiled at her. Maybe just by daring to think she wasn’t guilty was making her feel guilty and compounding her nausea. How messed up was that? “Yeah. I guess.”
“Shall we discuss something lighter?” he asked. “School’s almost out for winter break, isn’t it?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I bet you’re excited about it.”
“Sure.” Tia’s tone belied her ambivalence.
Dr. Lane peered at her over the top of his glasses. “I want you to focus on your family this holiday, Tia. Enjoy the time together. I, unfortunately, will be out-of-state, so, if it’s all right with you, may I postpone our next meeting until after the new year?”
He was asking for her permission to put off their next session? She shrugged. “I mean, I guess.”
“I’ll give you my contact information. If you feel like something’s wrong, please call me at any time. In fact, I insist that you do.”
“Sure. Okay,” Tia said. “Are you going to visit family? I’d hate to interrupt if you are.”
Dr. Lane shook his head, still smiling pleasantly. “No family, unfortunately. It’s a business matter, though I suppose some of my professional colleagues are more family than my real family.”
“Working over Christmas break? That’s lame. Sorry.”
“If it wasn’t important, I wouldn’t be going,” Dr. Lane replied, unperturbed. He handed her his business card, two numbers written on the back. One looked longer than usual, an international number. “The numbers you can reach me at if you need to talk. Don’t feel guilty about doing so. I mean it.” He smiled, his eyes crinkling with warmth.
“Thanks,” Tia said. “Where are you going, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“To England,” he replied.
15th of April 1851
MY ONE TRUE LOVE SUSAN,
I have never seen workers with more enthusiasm for such difficult work. They are happy, proud gents, and we feed and pay them well and equally. I listen to them boast of what accomplishments our prosperity will eventually grant them: helping existing or starting new families, capital for innovation, or even traveling the world and seeing new vistas. Not all the workers share such estimable dreams, however. I have heard complaints from Graves’ camp over the equal pay for the Chinese and black workers, but I can attest they work as hard, if not harder than his men. I’ve tallied each shift’s productivity and made notes on individuals’ idleness as well as their morale. Yet, several times Graves has gone straight to Reggie, demanding greater pay for his “God-fearing Christians” despite my handling of the accounts. Thankfully, Reggie trusts me to manage the workers’ affairs and welfare. I suspect Graves thinks he can exploit Reggie’s faith, but, if so, I’m afraid the man will be sorely disappointed. Reggie is and remains a good and fair man to all under his God’s flock.
I do worry for him, though. Our mutual friend is distracted of late, and I often hear him muttering fearful prayers. In these moments, I know he aches for his Lizzie, and I make sure to share a warm drink with him in the evenings of his worst days. We reminisce on our shared matriculation in Edinburgh and rejuvenate some of our livelier old debates, of science and religion, and the true origin of mankind. At least we agree, from both perspectives, that all of mankind came from a shared genesis, Adam or otherwise, and therefore, should be treated equally under Earthly law and only be judged by the quality of their person, and, as Reggie insists, ultimately by God.
A note on our production—we’ve already mined more than the invested costs of our journey here. I have prepared an estimate of further costs for the next venture south, to properly outfit and expand the operation, however Reggie insists on self-reliance for the time being and does not wish to return to civilization and risk our fortuitous location’s possible exposure quite yet. Therefore, we are easing back on hard-labor shifts in the mine in favor of developing and expanding the camp’s security. He believes that before next winter I may be on my way back to you and our child, free of debt and eager for our future, together.
Your dearest one,
Ned
Chapter Ten
