Broken, page 10
Then that smile that made me higher than any drug appeared. Just calling it a smile seemed wrong when it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
I never dreamed I would be totally consumed by one person. But Annie consumed everything, and I loved it.
“Do you have more songs on that thing?” she asked and pointed to my phone.
I nodded and pushed the phone in her direction. She held my gaze as I stroked my hand over hers. Her skin was soft, but her touch burned as if she doused my skin with an accelerant. I removed my hand from hers and started to smear some chicken salad on a slice of bread.
She flipped through the music on my phone. “How many songs do you have on here?”
I shrugged. “It’s only 32 gigabytes. Most of my songs are on my iPod.”
“You have more?” she asked, and dodged her head until I couldn’t see her face. “O-M-G, you have this song.” She bounced in her seat.
She started to play Dion’s “The Wanderer.” It was a song that my granny played for me when I was small. I couldn’t understand why another person my age would be that excited to hear it.
“Mimi and Pawpaw used to play this for me. Mimi said it was her best friend in high school’s favorite song. They would have sleepovers and stay up all night singing it. I haven’t heard it since she died.”
“Mimi? Your first foster mom?”
Annie nodded, smiled, and had that same wide-eyed stare she had the first day I met her. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to put that wonder in her eyes every day. I clutched my sandwich, realizing I finally found a girl worth having, and she was too damn good for me.
I placed the sandwich down on a paper plate and patted my lips with a napkin. “Do you ever think about the future? What will it be like? What you will be like?” I asked, throwing her with the questions.
“No.” Annie looked away and got a far-off expression in her eyes. “I’ve learned it is better to live in the moment. That is the only time you have any control over.”
Wow. My whole life I’d been told that the only thing that mattered was the future. Not once had I ever heard someone put into words, the exact way I’d always viewed it. But Annie did.
“When you were little, there was nothing you dreamed about?” I asked, wanting to know every small detail about her.
She twisted her lip, and by the gleam in her eyes, I could see she was thinking. “I dreamed about finding my dad. I dreamed that when I found him, he would hold me, tell me that he loved me, and always would. When I envisioned my wedding, he would walk me down the aisle, and he would cry because he could share that moment with me.”
I thought about it for a second, but the idea of her father was not what I focused on. It was that when she thought about a wedding, she was planning a happily ever after. Happily, ever after wasn’t part of any future I had.
Needing to focus on something other than Annie with any bastard, I tossed an endless line of questions her way. I learned that her favorite song ever was Anna Kendrick’s “Cups,” but she hated the movie Pitch Perfect. She hated steak but would eat it if they covered it in bacon. Actually, she admitted she would try anything wrapped in bacon. Her favorite childhood memory was getting a dozen roses after every one of her dance recitals. She pretended they were from her dad. Her biggest fear was that a nude picture of her would end up on the internet. I had to confess that had become my greatest fear, too.
The conversation turned into a comfortable silence as Annie lay her head on my shoulder.
The orange and red tones were low down in the sky, and the top was a burst of pink as if the heavens were blushing at the beauty lying against my arm.
Annie was easy, and she seemed to feel the same way about me. I would be happy I had those memories with her and would focus on the fact she accepted our friendship.
Her knee accidentally brushed against my leg. Hyper-awareness of her movement and her very smell sizzled through my body.
Undone. Completely and happily undone.
Repeat, Annie and I are just friends. Annie and I are just friends. If I say it enough, I might believe it.
That’s what I wanted too; I lied to myself only to keep from getting my heart broken.
Chapter 14
Annie López
Clay: Do you like me? Do you want to be my best friend? If you do, then don’t be afraid to say so. I think this is a crazy attempt to say, hey. Tell me you want to see me tomorrow? P.S. I know you have the day off. (Will has a big mouth.)
I hated to admit it, but I more than liked him. And I wanted to spend every day with him. Even if he spent his nights with others.
Me: Already have a date in the morning but would love to hang after that.
Clay: I promise to show you a better time than any other so-called date. Now get back out here. I enjoy watching you. You’re kind of hot when you work.
You just don’t enjoy me as much as you do your real dates.
Me: Have fun with your friends.
Clay: The only friend that matters is working. You’re my best friend, precious.
We ended every night with a phone call, and our days were so often spent sparring through text messages that I had to ditch my prepaid phone for a contract with Sprint.
He never talked about his family nor did he question me anymore. We just discussed our everyday life. Well, almost every aspect of our lives.
Which only made our situation confusing. Like the other night, he showed up at the Downtown Cafe and acted as if he barely knew me. Then one of his friends started flirting with me, and he flipped a switch and became unhinged. Or, there were the times he told me we were only friends but held onto my hand like I was some lifeline. He showed up every night after work to drive me home, and most of all, he kissed me goodbye on the cheek every time he left me.
I swore we were becoming a couple. Then I would see him with Kate, and I realized I was only a girl to have fun with. Just not as much fun as he was having with Kate. In the restroom earlier, I overheard Kate tell some ginger about sucking Clay off. It disgusted me.
I was wrong. Clay was no better than my foster brother. I just wanted to see something good in him so bad I overlooked the obvious.
I pushed open the kitchen door and walked into the arms of Clay. His bright blue eyes shimmered with such a fierce force my body hummed in awareness. Was it a look reserved just for me, or was he aware it got him whatever he wanted? Like a quickie with Kate in the back of his Jeep.
“Whoa, precious, you look like you could punch somebody.”
Yeah, you. “I’m fine. I need to work. See you after you take your friends home. Maybe, you’ll even have time to work in another blowjob.” I lowered my eyes and focused on the giant silver belt buckle Clay was wearing.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
A shake shimmered down my spine as I tore my focus off his body and onto his eyes that were watching me in complete reverence. “Do you have any idea what you are doing to me?” he asked in a deep and raspy voice. His eyes went dark, causing my heart to pound in my chest.
“Hey, Clay, new pussy? I thought Kate was the girl of the month again?”
Pushed forward, I fell onto Clay’s chest. Clay banded his arms around me and pinned me against him. I twisted my head enough to see that whoever shoved me; it was on purpose.
“Troy, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll go back over to your table and leave us alone,” Clay said, squeezing my waist tighter.
Troy was tall, but not near as tall as Clay. He was clean-shaven, had piercing dark eyes, and wore a pressed pinstripe polo shirt and khaki shorts. His wavy, dark-brown hair was spiked on his head as if one of those girls at their table had had her hands in it. I imagined punching him square in the mouth and knocking a few of those perfectly straight teeth down his damn throat.
I focused my attention back on Clay; the vein on his forehead was bulging. We stared into each other’s eyes. The air sizzled, and Clay seemed to want to jump my bones and run away all at the same time. “Shit,” he whispered, then started to usher me to the back of the building. Troy followed us, but Clay ignored him as if he was some unwanted pest.
“Kate is waiting on you. Haven’t you hurt her enough?” Troy said behind us.
Clay stalled. His hand formed into a tight fist at my side. “Troy, walk away. This, Kate, none of it is your damn business.” Clay started walking, pulling me with him, but never once looked back at Troy.
Before the door to the office even slammed shut, Clay was staring at me with a look that sent a chill down my spine.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“Remember when I told you I snapped last Halloween?” he answered, in a long and drawn out way as if he dreaded what was coming.
I nodded and bit down on the inside of my cheek.
“The person I was the hardest on was Kate. Now, she and her clique are trying to make me pay for what I said.”
“Is that why you let her suck your dick earlier? Surely you didn’t enjoy it; you were just atoning for your sins. Right?” I crossed my arms and stepped away from him.
Why was I pissed? Clay had never promised me anything. Had he?
Clay’s hand fidgeted with his baseball cap, something I’d already figured out was one of his nervous quirks, and his cheeks turned the guiltiest shade of red.
“You look more shameful than a whore in church.” I rolled my eyes to avoid Clay’s, not because of what I said but because of the way it seemed to hurt him.
It was apparent Clay was hanging on by a thread. He kneaded his fingers deeper into his neck. It was then that I noticed how he trembled.
“Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to make everyone happy? Especially, when all I care about is making you happy.” He was trying to calm himself, and then, he caught hold of my wrist so tight, I screeched. He eyed my lip as he worked his own between his teeth. I waited for a kiss as he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine.
“Please, Annie,” he breathed.
I worked my hand from his grip, mulling over the word “please” and his face when he said it.
I’d become a junkie, waiting on my next fix. Not even a drag of the purest marijuana, compared to the way he smelled.
Showered, high-priced cologne, him.
I caught myself inhaling, not only to take in more of his scent but also to see if I could smell a trace of someone else. Luckily, I didn’t.
None of it mattered. I had to fight for my life and not try to hold on to something not even there.
“I’ve already wasted enough calories talking to you today.” I waved my hand as I turned around, scrambling to get away. I hesitated at the set of swinging doors before pushing them open into the back, making sure the door slammed behind me.
Will was sitting behind Bob’s desk and looked up with a huff. “I don’t mean to get into your business, Annie, but solve whatever is going on between Clay and you.”
“What are you talking about? Clay and I are just friends, nothing more. He has ... Kate.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. I’ve seen y’all together. I tried for weeks to get you to go out to eat with me, and all I got was a no. Clay drives up on that damn Harley, and you hop on the back of it with the most beautiful smile in the world on your face.”
“I cherish our friendship more than that, and as far as Clay goes, it will never be anything other than a friendship. I refuse to become one of his whores. Kate can suck him off all day for all I care.”
****
Clay Carter
The fake smile was a mask to hide my true feelings. Damn, Annie even thinking about what I’d done with Kate turned my insides to Jell-O. I was just hoping to get Annie out of my head, even if it was briefly. However, not even post-orgasm could I escape her memory.
No girl should have that much power over me. However, Annie did. She caused me to forget everything. I informed Kate, after she sucked me off in her mother’s bathroom, whatever she thought we had was over. Sex wasn’t enough to ease the burn in me anymore. Getting off between some girl’s legs or even in her mouth only numbed me for an instant. Then all the shit came back. When I was near Annie, it all seemed to vanish into a million small pieces.
Then I heard Annie say, “As far as Clay goes, it will never be anything other than friendship. I refuse to become one of his whores.”
Shit, could it get any worse?
I should have just given myself over to Kate and the demands of my family. It was becoming clearer every day I would never get to hold on to what I cherished in life.
The bleak outlook slipped into my consciousness with each of her words. The disappointment was crushing.
I stood watching the door Annie was behind when Kate came up behind me and wrapped her hand around the base of my arm. “Clay, I thought I lost you.”
I shrugged her off my arm. “Go back over to your friends. I’m leaving.”
The disappointment was slowly morphing into anger. Anger was the one emotion I could understand.
“What the hell?” Kate said, and swung on my arm hard enough that it forced me to look at her. “I have stood by you and all your shit. Now you want to throw it away. You know no one will satisfy you like I do.”
I slid on my sunglasses, hiding the hurt in my eyes.
“There has never been any satisfaction between us. Just money and sex.”
Annie came out, slipping an apron over her head when she caught the sight of Kate holding onto my forearm. There was a deep sadness in her eyes. Kate sensed the emotions passing between us.
“A damn Mexican, Clay? You know your family will never allow their son to bring a damn wetback home.”
Please, God, don’t let Annie hear this crap. I wanted away from there and to punch someone. I wasn’t a violent person. I’d never hit anyone in my life, but right then, I was damn close. The weight on my chest felt like someone had parked a Buick on it. I stood firm; even if Annie didn’t want me, I would never allow anyone to hurt her.
“It’s none of your business what I do. I will ask you to leave me one more time, and if you don’t, I won’t be so nice the next time,” I said.
No wonder I had enough and flipped out on her once before.
“Go play with your new play toy, but be sure to tell her that when you are through with her, you’ll come back to me. Like you always do.” Kate had her full lips puckered out as if she was about to bust out in tears. She looked ridiculous.
Annie plastered on a smile so big and beautiful that if I weren’t looking, I would have missed how fake it was.
“Hey, I’m Annie, the wetback. I’m sorry, but I don’t have a clue who you are.” Annie held out her hand to shake Kate’s then turned to me. “Clay, you should have told me you were seeing someone,” Annie giggled. I loved that sound more than anything in the world. It was pure intoxication. “Oh, she’s the who,” Annie whispered, pretending as if she didn’t want Kate to hear. “At least she's a pretty but poor girl.”
Kate let out one of her annoyed huffs. My least favorite sound in the world. “Whatever,” she said and flipped around, letting her hair fly across my shoulders.
Annie wasn’t fussy like most girls I’d been around. She was tough and didn’t take shit from anyone, including me. “Has anybody ever told you, you are unbelievable?” I asked Annie, as Kate walked away.
“I’ve got to get back to work. Just go enjoy your real friends,” Annie said, and dismissed me with a wave of her hand.
Annie didn’t want me. Her smug expression spoke louder than any words. I was no better than an infantile jackass with self-control of a three-year-old. I was on the verge of a public tantrum. A tantrum would display weakness, and Carters didn’t show any weakness. I walked away.
I roared the engine of my bike to life and drove to Fast Jack’s slower than I’d ever driven before. Annie had me regretting every questionable decision I’d ever made. I was close to hell ... closer than I ever dreamed going in my lifetime.
My vision had grown blurry. My limbs were past the point of numbness, and I was aware they were entering the state of mechanically uncooperative as I pulled into the parking lot.
Thank heaven for hand brakes.
I walked past the bouncer, daring him to stop me, and ignored every waitress who looked in my direction.
With one glance, Rae figured out that I wasn’t in the greatest of spirits. She didn’t let me get one beer drained before another one appeared on the table. Neither the beer, the music pumping throughout the room, nor the fact my blood had turned 80 proof could drown out my thoughts.
I tossed an empty pack of Salem cigarettes across the table. A few girls, even a set of twins, had come and gone, trying to strike some spark in me, but I couldn’t shift my focus from the bench across from me. The seat Annie had last sat on.
As the crowd finally started to thin, the only people left were me and four other drunks. I sat and watched the half-burnt cigarette dangling between two of my fingers. I wasn’t a smoker, never had been. It was a distraction to keep my mind from sinking back into the deep black hole it went to when life got too hard.
Rae came over and set two shot glasses on the table and then filled them to the brim with Jack Daniels. She handed me one and tipped the other back, letting the golden liquid slide down her throat. I followed her lead and rejoiced at the burn that slipped all the way to the pit of my stomach.
“Okay, are you ready to talk?” she asked.
“I have nothing to say.” I slammed the shot glass down and pointed to it, signaling I wanted another one.
Rae shook her head. “It’s that girl you’ve been bringing in here, isn’t it?”
“Annie is none of your business. She’s nobody’s business. She’s different.”
Rae sat down on the bench reserved for Annie. “No girl is different; some just know how to weasel into your heart a little more.”
