The COMPLEAT Collected SFF Works, page 622
Again, Nolan shook his head.
"I do not understand you, Healer," she said, curiosity diluting her anger at his refusal. "You are not an ecclesiastic, not even a believer, so what is there to stop you? Perhaps there is no strong emotional bond between us, other than respect and gratitude on my part, but I know there is physical attraction. The majority feeling is that going on with you will lead eventually to death for all of us, but that if you were to remain with us our continued survival would be assured. I, for one, do not wish to end my days like a desiccated fly tangled in this hellish green web all around us, and this is the only inducement I can offer to ensure that you remain with us and I do not die. If the others benefit, I am pleased for them. But in this my personal feelings are not the primary concern. If you wish, you may consider it the partial discharge of a great debt, or a fee paid for your continuing practice of the healing arts on our behalf. You are not the bumbling, enthusiastic and overgrown boy I met at Tara, Healer, you are a man. I can promise that the arrangement will not be unpleasant for you and ... , and ..."
For a moment her eyes lowered until she was looking no higher than Nolan's chest, then rose again to meet his gaze. She might not be a good diplomat, he thought as she spoke, but she was most certainly a bad liar.
"... It is not," she ended in a voice that was trying to be firm, "an important matter to me."
Nolan was silent for a moment. He wanted to tell this small highborn and intensely desirable woman how unworthy he was of her, and how deeply her words had honored him. But that might have indicated a weakening in his resolve, and he was aware that his resolve was weak enough already. He had to speak quickly.
"My lady," he blurted out, "the matter might be considered important, by Ciaran."
"Ciaran?" she said. "What has ...?"
"At the reception in Tara," said Nolan, "he was greatly impressed by you and, I assume, saw himself as your lifelong protector on the New World. I gave him my promise that no harm would come to you until we reached the colony. We have not yet reached the colony, my lady."
"So that is why you would not ..." Ulechitzl began, then she shook her head and went on. "He is—was—an amusing table companion, as were you, and a personable young man. And, considering his profession, one who would not be afraid of anything on Earth or on any other world. At the time it seemed to me that he would be a good man to have as a friend in what lay ahead, but I did not realize he felt so strongly. Healer, he had no right to involve you without my knowledge or permission."
"Without my knowledge or permission," said Golden Rain, speaking for the first time, "Healer Nolan gave the same promise to my husband, Wanachtee, who awaits me at the main colony. On the ship as well as here, he has kept that promise, and glad I am of it."
"And now," said Ulechitzl, turning to her, "I understand why you will stay only if the Healer stays. Sleeping as we have within inches of each other for a year, I am disappointed that you kept this secret from me. But it changes nothing and I—"
Nolan held up his hand for silence. "The matter would also be considered important," he said firmly, "by Pilot Brenner."
Ulechitzl swung around to face him again, but when she spoke her voice sounded ashamed rather than angry as she said, "It seems that nothing misses you. The arrangement I was offering would have been, and may still be, honored for the reasons I have given, even though the pilot knows nothing of it as yet. But with respect, Healer Nolan, you would not be my first choice as a husband."
"Or even your second," said Nolan gently. "Both are fine men, my lady. But why not wait until we reach the colony before you choose between them?"
Suddenly she was angry again. "Healer," she said, "you sing the same stupid song. You are going to reach the main colony, but more likely you will die in the attempt, and why? Because of two promises made long ago and incredibly far away which, in the light of what has happened since, no sane person would blame you for breaking. This is not sensible, not realistic, not even sane. What would a Healer of the Mind think of a man who acts like some stupid, selfless saint, an unbelieving saint, for God's sake, who is seeking death before dishonor because of a few words spoken at a time when—"
"No," said Golden Rain, interrupting her again. "You must not speak thus of the Healer. Well do I understand what drives him, and it is not only his promises. He, too, has someone awaiting him at the colony."
Ulechitzl stared at Golden Rain for a moment, shook her head, and then returned her attention to Nolan.
"It seems that I am stripping away your secrets one by one," she said, then curiously, "Pray describe this ... this paragon beside whom a woman such as myself is as nothing."
Before Nolan could reply, Golden Rain said, "You do not expect a man to speak of this to anyone but the woman herself. She is tall, taller by far than I, and slender and well-formed but strong. She is a paleskin, with hair that is the color of burnished copper. She is fair of face and comely. Her eyes are blue, a changing blue like the sea. At times they had the sure, bold look of a commander of men, at others the softness of a mother. When she was helping lift me from the cold sleep casket to check it, her words and touch were gentle. In my presence he did not call her by name."
Nolan closed his eyes again, feeling close to anger at Golden Rain for bringing back to him such a clear picture of Dervla, then opened them because Ulechitzl was speaking again.
"Now I understand you better, Healer Nolan," she said in a gender voice, "but the situation has not changed."
Then I must change it, he thought fiercely, and soon.
"My lady," he said, "Pilot Brenner and myself discussed this situation, and its probable consequences, within a few days of arriving on this world. We decided that regardless of our authority as ship's officers or the respect in which we might be held by the male colonists, the situation would be inherently unstable and must, sooner rather than later, deteriorate into violence. You do not lack intelligence, my lady, and must have considered this probability as well, although our recent setbacks may have blinded you to it.
"Without false modesty," he went on before she could speak, "I know that I am no longer indispensable. You have all learned how to survive on this world and, leaving internal violence aside, will continue to do so. I will go on with whoever will follow me. But if you and Pilot Brenner and the others go back to your idyllic beach and well-stocked sea and forest, violence will not be left aside. Your sire will not be able to protect you from the other bulls and may die trying, and others may die for your favors before the situation stabilizes itself. Forgive my bluntness, but you would find yourself Royal once more, as a thumper queen with an overlarge herd is Royal, and it might not be pleasant for you. You might wish for the death you fear in the forests ahead of us. The only solution is for us all to reach the colony."
He paused so that Ulechitzl could speak, but she did not. Very seriously he said, "If you vote to go back, so also will Pilot Brenner. If you decide to come with me, he will not leave your side. My lady, please reconsider."
Still she did not speak, but Golden Rain said, "I am sorry, Healer Nolan. Even if she were to vote with you, there would still be a majority against us."
Nolan took a deep breath and tried to keep the disappointment he felt from souring his voice as he said, "Very well, it seems that I must try to change a few minds. How large or small is this majority? Who is for me and who against, and who is most likely to be swayed? And I think we should ask the pilot to return to us, since we are not likely to say anything more that might embarrass him."
He saw the sudden look of anxiety on Ulechitzl's face, and he went on, "My lady, I will not speak to him of anything that has passed between us, and neither will Golden Rain, other than that I have been trying very hard to make you change your mind."
"You have not yet succeeded, Healer Nolan," she said, "but for your discretion I am most grateful."
It transpired that the three Nubians were two-to-one in favor of going on, the five Skandians three-to-two against, and there was a similar split among the other races with the exception of the four from Cathay who were solidly against him. Even if he could sway Ulechitzl and Brenner, he would lose by a majority of two.
"Healer," said Ulechitzl, "I am sorry. You cannot win. These people have been making up their minds for many days now, and are unlikely to change them unless ... Are there any others here that you are charged to protect, and who might be grateful for that protection?"
"Not here, my lady," Nolan replied. "There is a man-child who is, presumably, safe with his friends in the colony and no longer in need of my protection ..."
... But it might be, Nolan added silently, that the child can protect me.
"Healer," said Golden Rain suddenly, "why are you smiling?"
Nolan shook his head because the answer would soon become clear. He pointed down the hill and said, "Pilot Brenner, please ask the Cathay group to meet me under those trees in a few minutes' time. Will you ladies please excuse me while I change?"
They gazed at him openmouthed when he emerged from his tent a few moments later in full ship uniform, with his cape thrown back to reveal the brassard, given to him by Hseng Hwa before riding up with that unnamed boy in the Cathay shuttle, suspended from his neck. It was plain from her expression that Ulechitzl recognized the richly decorated gold brassard for what it was and, although it had come from a dynasty distant in time and space, it was still, Nolan hoped, a potent symbol. For yellow gold was the color of the Imperial Family, and the emblem indicated to all who saw it that its wearer was engaged on the official business of the Emperor and must be offered no let or hindrance of any kind, or refused no material or assistance on his travels in the execution of his duty.
Nolan knew that his face was red, and not from the heat, as he said awkwardly, "The meeting must be private. They might lose face and react adversely if another occidental was present. To, ah, adapt the words spoken by Brendan to his men before Tall Tree so long ago, they will do as I ask because I am their Chief."
They continued to stare at him in silence until Ulechitzl said gravely, "Your tunic has become loose at the waist and much too tight across the chest and shoulders. Let me remedy that, Healer, before you wear it again. That service, at least, I may do for you."
Nolan laughed, and he was still smiling as he strode down the slope and into the trees.
That evening he delayed the count until the ship was high above the horizon, hoping that the sight would remind them of the reason why they had come to this world—to join a colony. But the voting was very close. Even though Ulechitzl and Brenner surprised him by walking to his side of the fire, accompanied by the Cathay group and his other supporters, counting his own vote there was a majority of only three. But it was a majority nonetheless, and they would all be going with him, however reluctantly.
They were dispersing silently to the tents when there came a flare of light so intense that for an instant the hillside and country all around them was bathed as in bright moonlight.
"The ship!" cried Ulechitzl, pointing to the sky where a tiny, unnatural sun was already fading into an expanding sphere of mist. "The ship has exploded!"
"No!" shouted Brenner, loudly so that the others could hear him. "No, you can still see the ship, or will when your night vision returns. It might be correcting its—"
There was another flare of artificial moonlight and, while it was still fading, another.
"It isn't making an orbit correction," Brenner shouted again, happily contradicting himself. "That was a signal, to us. It waited for a cloudless night so we would see what was happening. We lit three fire-ships and it answered with three fusion explosions. At last it is telling us that it knows we are here and alive!"
There was a celebration that night, a necessarily brief one, because there was very little to eat and everyone was telling each other that they needed as much rest as possible before starting out next day. And when Nolan slept he began dreaming of Ulechitzl and of the many pleasant ways she found to pay his fees.
But the dream changed until suddenly it was Dervla's eyes that were only inches away from his face, Dervla's warm, writhing body pressing against his, and Dervla's strong, slender limbs wrapped tightly around him. It was the dream he had had many times, so perfect in every detail that it was like a vivid and oft-recalled memory of the future, except that he could not conceive of any future that included the gravity-free interior of the ship. For they were in Dervla's medical treatment room, and Nolan had been trying with one hand to get the bunk retaining strap around them, without success. Their hastily discarded coveralls were performing a weightless adagio dance in the middle of the room and they, too, were twisting and turning, with more urgency and less grace. They were bumping lightly against the ceiling, storage cabinets, and treatment tables, laughing, sometimes swearing at the obstructions, but too intent to break contact and return to the bunk. So sharp and clear was the dream that he could have read Dervla's notes on the wall charts, although he had no wish to do so, and just before they reached their frantic, gasping climax, he awoke in his tent to the sound of Brenner snoring.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
THEY HAD been journeying for one whole year and it was becoming clearer daily that the colonists hated him to a man. Only the ladies and Brenner remained on his side and they, too, were becoming so angry that the support could no longer be described as friendly. They did not want to listen to him telling stories or trying to talk to them in their own languages or, they made it plain, saying anything at all. They knew only that a year of days had passed and there was no letup to their misery.
Every few miles, there were small deep lakes that were too sheltered from the wind or hills too thickly wooded to allow Brenner to fly, so they had no knowledge of the ground ahead or the positions of the distinctively colored clumps of trees where the wild thumpers hunted their mice. They found thumper glades only when they wandered into them by chance.
The jungle was denser and more thorny than anything they had previously experienced. Several of their thumper herd were scratched so deeply that they bled to death, and Nolan used the incidents to experiment with various leaves and plant juices in the hope of discovering one with healing properties. He discovered two, a rapid coagulant and another that seemed to be a strong analgesic, because, although fully conscious, the thumper did not cry out as the others had done while it was dying.
No longer were there any private conversations, because by then everyone had learned enough of everyone else's language to understand whatever was being said, but they seldom spoke to each other or their Healer. Psychologically it was a very dangerous situation, Nolan knew, for no longer was there any suggestion of stopping and settling where they were, because they knew that they could not survive in this hot and humid and often sunless jungle. Neither did they want to try returning to the cool, idyllic beach and well-stocked forest they had left behind, because of an equal certainty that they could not survive the journey back. So they went on, hating every step of the way, because they could not be as certain of what lay ahead.
Later they were to realize how fortunate they had been in their ignorance.
On the fifteenth day of their second year of travel they encountered something very strange indeed, a track in the hitherto trackless jungle. It ran in an east-westerly direction, curving only to avoid the thicker tree trunks, and it seemed that some large and heavy animals had eaten, broken, or trampled a waist-high tunnel through the dense undergrowth. Underfoot the ground was disturbed, but not recently, because new growth had sprung up to hide any tracks that the animals might have left behind. The air felt cooler than it had been under the trees and there was a faint breeze blowing from west to east, indicating that a lake lay in that direction. Their thumpers, the queen and three well-grown cubs that were all that was left of the original herd, became very agitated and tried to run back into the trees.
"Move west," said Nolan softly. "Be very careful, go quietly, and have your weapons ready. This track was probably made by animals going to drink, animals large enough to prey on the thumpers and, possibly, us. Until we know more about them, their natural weapons and how difficult or easy they are to kill, observe but do not attack them unless they attack you."
"Healer," said Brenner, moving up beside him, "if thumpers eat mice, and these creatures and ourselves eat thumpers, theoretically we should be able to eat them. I'm thinking about the size of my next steak."
"You are not the only one," said Nolan. "But a large wounded animal can cause you damage I cannot repair. Remember that, Pilot, and save your hunger for a while."
Moving on hands and knees where the track ran like a green tunnel through the undergrowth, or walking erect where the branches overhead gave sufficient clearance, they followed the trail until it spread out and disappeared at the edge of a lake.
It was the largest body of water they had encountered in many months, with a steep, sharply defined shoreline rather than a gradual merging into swamp. The wind blowing off it was cool and steady, and the look on the pilot's face told Nolan that the assembly and flight of a new glider was high on Brenner's list of priorities. While that was being done, Nolan suggested, they could rest there for a few days, fish the lake, and hunt for thumpers, but, considering the limited medical facilities available to them, run from anything larger.
"For obvious reasons," he went on, "we will not camp on or too close to this trail, but further along the shore where it can be kept under observation. A brushwood barricade will not stop the trail-makers, so we will camp close to the water's edge and protect ourselves on the landward side within a semicircle of small fires which will be replenished throughout the night. On Earth animals fear fire, and there is no reason to believe that they are different here."
During the three days and nights that followed, none of the strange large animals appeared at the end of their trail. Neither were there any wild thumpers to be found, but the lake was full of edible fish. The colonists began talking to Nolan again, some of them in a fashion that might even be described as friendly.
