Dinosaur Disaster, page 3
Excuse me while I bury my head in the laundry pile and cry myself to sleep, my furless friend.
5:26 p.m.
I’m still in the laundry pile, my person-pal. I have to tell you, I’ve been lying here trying to understand why the humans of Hills Village would dig up all those delicious dino-roar bones and then not enjoy their gristly goodness, but I just can’t figure it out.
I bet even the dino-roars themselves would be confused.
6:00 p.m.
Mom-Lady was feeling a little guilty about keeping me cooped up for so long, I think, and has given me a great big bowl of Meaty-Giblet-Jumble-Chum for dinner.
It’s my absolute favorite meal, but for the first time in my licky-life, I… I… I don’t know if I can eat it, my furless friend! I’m looking down at the yum-a-lumptious globs of meat and jelly and all I can think about is that poor BRONTO-PAW-RUS. I’m seeing visions of it in my bowl again. I can practically hear it moaning…
7:01 p.m.
OH, GIMME A BREAK!!! My people-pack have all settled down in the Picture Box Room for a snuggly evening and Mom-Lady insisted on watching THE NEWS! It’s a super BORING show designed to put humans to sleep, in case you don’t know.
I was kinda hoping she’d let us watch Ninja Nannies From Outer Space or Mutant Man 7000… those are some of Ruff’s and my favorites… but nope! Mom-Lady insisted.
Anyway, I was drifting off into a dino-daydream while the man on the screen was yammering on, when…
I can’t escape it, my furless friend! I’m doomed to be reminded of all the SNACK-A-LICIOUS SNACKS I won’t be snacking on for the rest of my snackless life.
Sunday is going to be the worst. Mom-Lady told Ruff and Jawjaw she wants to go to the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? to look at the dino-roars.
LOOK AT THEM?! AAAAGGGHHHH! It’s torture!
9:27 p.m.
I can’t do it, my person-pal! The story about the dino-roar exhibition played on repeat all evening. It’s all anyone could talk about and I… well, I’ve done a lot of thinking. A LOT!
Now, I know what you’re going to say when I tell you that I’ve come up with a plan and it’s not quite what a GOOD BOY would do, but hear me out, okay?
You’re about to gasp and point one of your five-fingery-digits, yelling, “JUNIOR! When did you become such a BAD BOY?” but I have to do this… I JUST HAVE TO! I’m going to sneak into the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? tonight and sample just a few tiny bones. Teensy ones!
Believe me, I can’t bear the thought of being called a BAD BOY again by Ruff, but it’s now or never! I just can’t call myself the INTERNATIONAL MUTT OF MYSTERY if I don’t at least try.
AND… it’s not entirely selfish…
I’ve decided to tell all my pooch-pals as well and we can surprise Lola with a birthday feast of prehistoric proportions! She deserves it, the little cuddle puddle. I can picture her happy grin as she’s munching on some monstrous morsels.
Lola is one of my favorite dogs in all the world, and I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do this special treat for her. Suddenly the AMAZING sock I found for her in the junkyard just isn’t enough and will never do.
So… promise you won’t tell anyone?
Ha ha! I knew I could trust you, my furless friend. You’re shaping up to be a true HOUNDY-HERO and I couldn’t be prouder of you.
It’s nearly time for me to go out into the backyard for my last pee of the evening. It’s at the same time every night. Mom-Lady is nothing if not reliable. Ha ha!
I always go out when the long hand of the time-circle points down to the floor and the short hand points across to the cupboard where the plates are kept. That’s 9:30 p.m. to us dogs, but I don’t know what you humans call it.
Anyway… once I’m outside, I’ll put my master plan into action. Here’s what I’ve come up with…
It’s foolproof, my furless friend. I’ll keep you posted with how it goes, so wish me luck.
AGH! I can hear Mom-Lady coming to let me outside. BE STILL MY HOUNDY-HEART!!!
11:48 p.m.
Shhh! Don’t make any loud noises, my person-pal. Ruff and the rest of my Catch-A-Doggy-Bone pack are all finally asleep. It took ages for Jawjaw to get off the phone to her school friends, but even she’s dozed off now. I can hear her snoring through the wall… HA HA… and it’s time to get out of here.
You’ll be pleased to know my plan worked perfectly earlier! I’m a total pro-pooch at cooking up clever schemes after all.
While I was out in the backyard for my last pee of the evening, I faced the bushes and pretended to be yowling at RACCOONS in case Mom-Lady or Ruff were watching, while secretly calling Odin, Diego, Betty, Genghis, and Lola in our Doglish language that none of my pet humans can understand.
We’ve agreed to meet outside the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? at midnight. They’re going to be wondering why on earth I’ve called them all there. I can’t wait to surprise them!
YIKES! I haven’t got long. I’d better get across town SHARPISH, my person-pal, or I’ll be late for my own adventure!
Midnight
Phewy! I don’t think I’ve run that fast since Iona Stricker tried to blame me for her ruined flower beds just before the night of Howly Wiener!
So, here we are, my person-pal. Everything outside the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? was still and silent, and, for a moment, I thought I might be the only one of my pack who’d made it. Until…
I knew I could count on my AMAZING mutt-mates to show up for a spot of excitement. They NEVER let me down.
I told my pals all about the BRONTO-PAW-RUS skeleton and the grand exhibition in the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? I described the commercial I’d seen and how it turns out that humans only like to look at dino-delicacies and not taste them… and then I explained all about my plan to sneak in for Lola’s midnight birthday feast!
12:02 a.m.
I can hardly stop my tail from wagging, my furless friend. With every step we take toward the MMM! YOU SEE ‘EM?, the tongue-twitchingly tasty waft of all those ancient bones gets stronger.
Now we just need to get inside…
I may be an INTERNATIONAL MUTT OF MYSTERY, but breaking into a great big building like this is new to me.
I think I’ve got an idea, though.
When the two security guards… what were their names? I can picture their badges right in front of me… ummm… Albert and Gloria, I think it was. Yep! That’s it… When Albert and Gloria came out of the back doors and shooed me away, I remember Albert saying…
Because I’m probably the smartest mutt this side of… ummm… the universe… it just so happens that I know all about security cameras. IT’S TRUE!!! I learned everything there is to know about that stuff from watching Ninja Knockout Nine with Ruff. On that show, they’re always sneaking into buildings while avoiding the security cameras.
So, if I lurk around the back doors for a while, the security cameras will spot me and Albert and Gloria will come to investigate, just like they did last time. Then, once the doors are open, we just need to figure out a way to get past them…
12:04 a.m.
Here goes, my person-pal. I’ve told my pooch-pack to hide a little way off while I sit outside the back doors and wait… the guards are bound to recognize me from the other day and come out to see what I’m up to.
12:05 a.m.
Hmmmm… nothing… Maybe a little door-scratching will do the trick?
12:06 a.m.
Where are those two? They must have seen me by now. Are they snoozing?
12:07 a.m.
That does it, my furless friend, for the second time today I’m going to have to unleash the “LET ME OUT!” howl that I used on Jawjaw earlier. Only, this time it’s a “LET ME IN!” howl. Ha ha!
I’m going to have to think on my paws when they open those doors, my person-pal. My canine cunning won’t let me down. I just know it. Wish me luck…
12:13 a.m.
WOO-HOO! We’re in, my furless friend!
But it did not go to plan AT ALL… we nearly didn’t make it!
Don’t panic! I’ll explain…
After a few seriously jaw-jabbering howls, I waited for the guards to come to the door. BUT, suddenly I heard a noise behind me… The guards must have come out a different door!
My lick-tastic instincts kicked in and, as Gloria moved to grab me by the collar, I leapt up like a houndy-hero and grabbed the big ring of keys from her five-fingery-digits.
I ran off with the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? guards in hot pursuit and called to my pooch-pack to follow. I had to find the door the guards had come out from!
It didn’t take me long, my person-pal. I saw the open entrance and dived inside. The rest of my pooch pack had sprinted past Albert and Gloria and followed just behind me. Before the guards could catch up with us I slammed the door shut, locking Albert and Gloria outside.
PHEW! That was a close one… But now us mutts HAVE THE WHOLE PLACE TO OURSELVES!
I tell ya, my furless friend, my tail has gone into waggy overdrive!
This is going to be the BEST birthday Lola will ever have had and I’m prancing-paw-proud to be the dog who came up with the idea.
I’d say it’s time we go have a sniff about… C’mon…
12:24 a.m.
Ooooh, grown-up humans can be a strange bunch, I swear! If you’re anything like me, my person-pal, and you’ve never been to a MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? before, I bet you wouldn’t be able to guess the weird things locked away in here.
We snuffled our way through huge halls and long corridors filled with all kinds of strange and interesting things to taste and play with…
What can I say, my furless friend? It was pretty easy to get distracted in that place with so many new smells. But we had delicious dino-roar bones to find and no time to waste.
So we crept further and further into the museum, when suddenly… THE DELICIOUS WAFT OF DINO-ROARS caught our attention. We must be getting close to the AMAZING room I’d glimpsed through the back doors of the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM?
We turned the corner and… THERE IT WAS! THE GREAT HALL OF BONES!!!
It’s time to get ready for the BEAST OF FEASTS! We’re about to have the most SNACK-TASTIC PREHISTORIC PARTY there has ever been!
1:31 a.m.
I… I… I don’t know what happened, my furless friend. You won’t believe me when I tell you, but right now I’m back at the Catch-A-Doggy-Bone kennel hiding behind the comfy squishy thing.
I thought I’d be jabbering on to you about our incredible monstrous meal and all the birthday fun we had with Lola, but instead I’m cowering in the shadows of the Picture Box Room feeling more confused than a Rottweiler on a roller coaster.
I’ll… I’ll try to explain. Bear with me…
Y’see… We all ran excitedly into the Great Hall of Bones and were nearly swept off our paws at the sight of so many tongue-twitchingly toothsome treats.
Lola looked like she was about to burst into tears with happiness.
Everywhere we looked there were towering beasts of bone. We didn’t know where to start!
We eventually chose a little TWIG-O-SAURUS for an appetizer, and we were just about to dive in for a good gnaw, when…
Something triggered our sniff-a-licious senses and we knew we weren’t alone. The smell was a mixture of flowery perfume, lemon-scented shampoo, and smugness. For a second, I thought maybe Albert and Gloria had got back inside… but… no…
There lurking in the shadows beneath the BRONTO-PAW-RUS was a… a shape… a thing… a… I don’t know what.
The shape stepped toward us, and I saw it was dressed in black and had a dino-roar rib in its paws… PAWS?! This thing was another dog, and it was snacking on OUR FEAST!!!
With one more step, the mystery mutt stepped into the open and I saw it was…
I swear, my jaw nearly dropped off and rattled across the floor, my person-pal. Duchess! The pampered poodle princess pet of Iona Stricker, the meanest old moaner in Hills Village, had broken into the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? and was snaffling the juiciest bones BEFORE US! How had this happened?!
With that, Duchess bounded to the nearest wall and pressed the alarm button before we could even think about trying to stop her.
Suddenly, there was Cretaceous chaos everywhere. Alarms sounded, lights flashed, shutters started lowering across all the doorways! It was madness, my person-pal. I watched in BARK-WILDERMENT as Duchess leapt into an open ventilation grate in the wall, taking the BRONTO-PAW-RUS bone with her.
POOCH PRISON!!!
There was no way we were going to stick around and allow that to happen, my furless friend.
We all managed to scamper out of the Great Hall of Bones just before the gates closed, then we tore through the corridors in a complete pooch-panic. My nose was still filled with the delicious whiff of DINO-ROAR and I couldn’t find the scent to show us which way we’d come.
I tried to spot things I recognized…
Weird bandage lady? CHECK!
Rusty metal guy? CHECK!
Angry security guards? CHECK!
AGH! ANGRY SECURITY GUARDS?! As if we didn’t have enough to worry about, Albert and Gloria had managed to get back inside the building and were sprinting toward us.
All I can say is thank goodness for shiny floors and furry bellies, my person-pal. Otherwise I think we’d all be back in the Hills Village Dog Shelter by now.
And that was that, my furless friend. We managed to dart out through the open doors and hide in the bushes just before the policemen and policewomen showed up with sirens blaring.
We searched for Duchess once all the fuss had died down, but she was long gone.
Sigh… we didn’t even get a teensy taste before that pompous poodle ruined our plans. It’s official, my person-pal… I am one miserable mutt.
Duchess may have won this round, but there’s no way I’m giving up on Lola’s birthday feast. I just need to figure out a way to get back into the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? for a second attempt before Duchess does.
But, right now, I guess I’d better sneak back to bed in Ruff’s Sleep Room before he notices I’m gone.
See you in the morning, my furless friend.
Thursday
10:57 a m.
Ooh, my barky-blood could boil, my person-pal. Ruff and I have just left the dog park and you can guess who I saw there, parading about like a pampered princess. Yep. Duchess!
I was over by the jungle gym with my pooch-pack when Iona Stricker came walking across the playing field with her slippery sidekick trotting along behind.
I could hear the haughty human boasting about how delightful her dog was… HA! She has no idea her precious Duchess is a canine criminal!
Duchess pretended she hadn’t spotted me until Stricker turned her back, and then the horrible hound gave me the snobbiest, snootiest sneer I’ve ever seen!
It was a look that said, “DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT RETURNING TO THE MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? TONIGHT!”
Well, I’ve got news for that primped perpetrator… my amazing pooch-pack is ready and raring to go. We’ll stop Duchess from stealing our dino-roar dinner if it’s the last thing we do!
THE FEAST FIGHT IS ON!!
2:37 p.m.
Come on!!! Come on!!!! I swear to you, my furless friend, I might be great at lots of things, but I’m terrible at being patient. I’ve been staring at the time-circle on the Food Room wall for the past hour.
I can’t wait to get back to the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? tonight to protect our bony-bounty from Duchess’s drooling jaws.
I guess all this waiting is a good time to make a plan…
Maybe?
Agh! Maybe not. There aren’t enough laces in the Catch-A-Doggy-Bone closet for that many birds…
I’ll have to think on my paws when the time comes, my person-pal. Iona Stricker’s dastardly dog is as slippery as hot dogs fresh from the trash! But we’ll be ready for her…
10:32 p.m.
Not long now, my person-pal. I’ve been whiling away the hours counting dino-roars in my head, but it looks like Ruff, Jawjaw, and Mom-Lady are finally getting ready to head to their beds.
I can practically taste our victory over Stricker’s pompous poodle, and the WONDERFUL feast that’s going to follow it.
I’ll keep you posted…
11:09 p.m.
It’s time, my furless friend! My humans eventually dozed off after what seemed like an eternity and I snuck out the back door and through the loose board in the fence, alerting my pooch-pack on the way.
I got to the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? a few minutes ago and there’s no sign of Duchess, which means I’m here before her. Perfect!
Oh, and here comes my pooch-pack now…
11:12 p.m.
Albert and Gloria, the security guards, are outside patrolling the building. Maybe they’re not so stupid after all. So we’re hiding in the bushes until the coast is clear… Shhh! Don’t make a sound, my person pal. We could be here for a while.
