Dinosaur Disaster, page 2
FLAT!!!
That’s when I realized it wasn’t something to be scared of, my furless friend. How could I have been so stupid? The bronto-paw-rus racing around the edge of the dog park was painted on the side of GIANT moving people-box… What’s the Peoplish word for it? Oh yeah… A TRUCK! It wasn’t a real dino-roar, but the delicious smell coming from it certainly was real.
My paws sprang into action and, before I even knew what I was doing, I was sprinting toward the truck as it continued on its journey along the edge of the bushes.
I reached the gates at the entrance of the park, stumbled out onto the sidewalk, and…
I knew it. I just knew I recognized that smell. It wasn’t the scent of BRONTO-PAW-RUS. It wasn’t a living, breathing creature… It was a great big pile of delicious, crunchy, chew-a-riffic, mouthwatering, belly-bungling BONES!!!
My houndy-head was suddenly swirling with a squillion questions, my furless friend, and I simply had to find out more about this strange feast inside the truck. Why was it here? Where was it going? WHAT DOES IT TASTE LIKE?!
I could hear Ruff yelling and shouting as he ran to catch up with me. Any minute now he’d come dashing through the park gates and clip the leash to my collar, and that would be the end of it. My adventure would be over before it started!
Now, I’m not proud to tell you this, my person-pal, and I knew I was risking being called the worst two words in the whole universe… BAD BO… BAD B… AGH! I don’t think I can even bring myself to say it… but I’d never smelled anything so completely BARKTASTIC in my life, and I just had to find out more. Plus, my poor pooch-pack had all dived behind the trash cans and would never know what they were missing if I didn’t do a spot of investigation on their behalf. It’s only polite, y’know.
So… I RAN!
11:07 a.m.
The truck chugged and screeched its way across Hills Village, with me galloping along behind. I followed it around past the grocery store and up the hill to where all the big whiffly kennels are on the far side of town.
For a second, I thought it was going to keep on going and head straight off into the sunset, until it turned with a squeal of brakes onto a road I’d never ventured along before.
Ruff and Mom-Lady don’t head this way when we’re out on our morning walks together, and I could feel the fur on the back of my neck bristling with excitement. There, standing at the end of the short boulevard, was the biggest building I’d EVER seen! It was huge! Twice as big as the Hills Village town hall and FIVE TIMES bigger than the Dandy-Dog store.
A crowd of humans had already gathered outside it and they all started to clap and cheer as the truck approached.
What in the world was going on?
Doing my best to look as innocent as possible, I carefully snuck into the group of people, weaving in and out of their hopping and shuffling feet, until I managed to peek out through the front of the gathering.
I swear, I’d never been more exhilarated in my life, my furless friend. The truck had stopped in front of a strange new building that looked scary and fun all at the same time. There were huge windows and pillars, and the smells wafting from the open front doors were even more tantalizing and tummy-twisting than the truck full of bones that had just thundered through town.
I was about to sneak a little closer when my own paw touched something crinkled and rustly on the sidewalk. It was a flyer of some sort and I stared down at it, trying to use my slightly crummy understanding of the Peoplish language to read what was written on it.
I recognized the word for “dino-roar” straight away, but the big letters at the top of the flyer were much trickier.
I tried it out in my head…
MMM-UUU-SEE-UM
No, that wasn’t quite right.
MMM! YOU-SEE-MMM
Nearly, but not perfect.
MMM! YOU SEE ’EM?
Yes! That’s it! It was a question! The flyer was making yummy sounds and then asking if I’d seen the delicious pile of treats being delivered.
What could this incredible building be?
Whatever it was, the exotic whiffs drifting out through the front door told me it was filled with mouthwatering snacks.
With my tongue hanging out and my jaws drooling, I took another step closer to the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? and…
Ruff grabbed me from behind, clipped the leash to my collar, and yanked me away.
Except for the night of Howly Wiener… and Iona Stricker’s obedience classes… and the attack of the TERROR-TURKEY at Fangs Giving… Oh, and being made to eat vegetables at a houndy health retreat… being dragged away by my angry pet human while the truck drove under an archway and disappeared around the back of the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? might have been one of the most distressing moments of my life.
Ruff was hopping mad! I can’t say I blame him… I know I would have been fuming if he’d run off across town without me, but there was no way I could have done things any differently.
As we walked home to the Catch-A-Doggy-Bone kennel in perfect silence, my mind was racing. How could I call myself the INTERNATIONAL MUTT OF MYSTERY if I didn’t find a way to get back to the giant building and get a peek at the BRONTO-PAW-RUS bones again?
I’d be the laughingstock of Hills Village if everyone knew I got so close to tasting that HUMONGOUS chew toy and then got yanked away by my pet.
One thing was for sure… I was going to have be SUPER sneaky.
Wednesday
10:17 a.m.
So, here we are, my person-pal. You’ve caught up with all the craziness that happened last Sunday.
It’s been three days since I saw the BRONTO-PAW-RUS bones and it’s all I’ve been able to think about. I see it in my dreams! I smell it in the laundry pile! I can taste it in my water bowl!!!
I can sense the cogs turning in your person-brain as you’re reading this, my furless friend. “DID YOU MAKE IT BACK TO THE MMM! YOU SEE ’EM?” I hear you ask.
Well, the answer to your question is very simple… NO!
Ruff was so upset that I ran away from him across busy streets, he told Mom-Lady and Jawjaw when we got home and now, I’m in a great big heap of trouble.
It seems that when I wrecked the Catch-A-Doggy-Bone kennel to save the family from Saint Lick… or when I stole Iona Stricker’s hot tub and used it as a slippery getaway vehicle for my old friend Mama Mange… or just when I helpfully howl for hours to let the mailman know I’m ready to eat today’s mail… Mom-Lady has mistaken all those things for naughtiness!
I didn’t even have time to run and hide under the bed before she pointed her finger in my face and yelled…
Can you imagine the horror, my person-pal? I haven’t been out on the leash for a trot about town, or to see my pooch-pack for THREE WHOLE DAYS!!! This is torture! I’ve had nothing to do except peeing and pooping in the backyard and sniffing around the hallway closet to make sure my archnemesis, the vacuum cleaner, is behaving itself.
At mealtimes, I’ve been presented with a bowlful of kibble! Just dry, BORING kibble! No Meaty-Giblet-Jumble-Chum! No Crunchy-Lumps or Doggo-Drops!
AND… Mom-Lady insisted that Ruff gave me a bath after we arrived home!
It’s been pretty miserable, my furless friend. No dog should be cooped up in their kennel like a big old cluck-hen when they’ve been such a GOOD BOY!
To make matters worse, that night the whole of the town was clamoring with dogs barking in their backyards about the delicious-smelling monster that reared its ugly head near the Hills Village dog park. From what I could hear, most of the neighborhood pooches were pretty scared and worried, especially after the case of the MYSTERY MUTT who terrier-ized the locals, stealing treats and toys alike.
I can’t place my paw on why, but something stopped me from putting everyone’s mind at rest that evening. I didn’t even tell my dearest pooch-pack! With a few informative howls I could have let everyone know there was no monster and it just a picture on the side of a truck with a big pile of DELICIOUS bones inside, but I didn’t. I guess I was a little scared that if I told everyone, the whole feast would be crunched and slobbered-down by the time Mom-Lady let me out of punishment-prison.
10:39 a.m.
BORED! Ruff has gone off to the shops with Mom-Lady and I’m stuck indoors with Jawjaw. She’s such a sour-faced complainypants and has NEVER liked me. How could anyone not like ME?! I took her my favorite ball, I chewed one of her shoes with love, and I even did a Happy Dance for her, using my best puppy-dog eyes! Nothing moves that girl!
10:59 a.m.
This is THE WORST! I dozed in a patch of sunlight on the Food Room floor and was dreaming about the BRONTO-PAW-RUS in no time at all.
Huh… that was a weird one, but it’s made me hungry just the same. If I don’t get out of here soon, I’m going to die from dino-deprivation!
11:01 a.m.
If there’s one thing I know that Jawjaw can’t stand, it’s whining… which is funny because she does so much of it herself. HA HA!
All I need is a few well-placed scratches and whimpers at the backyard door and she’s sure to let me out, even though Mom-Lady told her not to until she got back from the grocery store.
Here goes…
Hmmm… I may need to ramp this up a gear or two…
Worry not, my person-pal… I’ve only just begun to exercise my howly talents. Watch this!
Ha ha! What did I tell you, my furless friend? You didn’t think I’d be stuck indoors for ever, did you?
Now that I’ve made it as far as the backyard, all I have to do is wait until Jawjaw has gone back to her room and can’t see me, and…
GO! GO!
GOOOOO!
11:04 a.m.
Quick! Follow me, my person-pal. We just need to wriggle under the loose board in the fence to FREEDOM!
11:05 a.m.
If I keep my snout to the ground, I can get all the way to the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM?, have a good snuffle about to check out what WONDROUS treats they’re keeping inside, and be back home before Mom-Lady and Ruff have even finished shopping.
11:17 a.m.
Check! Check! This is Special Agent Junior Catch-A-Doggy-Bone ready for action!
Here we go, my person-pal. I’ve reached the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? and I sure am ready to SEE ’EM!
Last time I was here, just before Ruff grabbed me and dragged me away, I saw the truck driving though an archway and vanishing around the back of the building. If I follow where it went, I just know my supersensitive nose will pick up that delicious whiff and lead me to the BRONTO-PAW-RUS bones.
The MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? looks different from how it looked on Sunday, my furless friend. There are HUGE banners hanging outside with pictures of dino-roars on them…
If that banner is telling the truth, there could be more than one pile of dino-bones just waiting to be savored by a pooch like me. I’m going to take a closer look, my furless friend. The coast is clear…
11:20 a.m.
I can barely stop myself from drooling all over my front paws!
I followed the scent of the BRONTO-PAW-RUS bones around the back of the great big building, my person-pal, and was hit by the most enormous gust of dusty, moldy, oldy, dirt-lectable smells.
It seems to be coming from a great big door in the back wall of the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM?…
11:22 a.m.
AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I… I… I DON’T KNOW… I’VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO SPEAK, MY FURLESS FRIEND. THERE… THERE ARE… SO… SO… SO MANY… I FEEL DIZZY… MIGHT FAINT…
Get a grip, Junior!
Just give me a moment…
Just one more moment…
One more…
Okay… I’m okay… You’d better make sure you’re ready for what I’m about to show you, my furless friend. I have some pants-pooping news for you and you’re going to squeal like a Dalmatian with a new pack of Doggo-Drops when you see it.
Are you ready? GOOD!
I just crept up to the big doors, peeked inside through the crack, and saw THIS!!!
Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined there would be a treasure-trove like this in Hills Village! I can’t believe the humans have gathered together such a feast for us pooches. They’re SO kind sometimes!
It just has to be a special surprise for us… I’m sure of it! AGH! WHAT AM I SAYING?! IT MUST BE FOR LOLA’S BIRTHDAY!!!
Lola’s pet human MUST have arranged this whole thing for his pooch and her mutt-mates. That’s got to be what it’s for. Why else would anyone collect so many TERRIFIC-smelling bones to be gnawed on???
People don’t even eat bones, right?! It’s something I’ve wondered at all my life. Why on earth do you human-types not enjoy gnawing on a juicy bone that’s been buried in the dirt for safekeeping? It’s brain-boggling! But enough of that for now… something’s happening…
Through the crack in the door I can see two humans walking this way. They must be the official feast organizers. They’re probably coming to congratulate me for being the first dog in Hills Village to discover the surprise!
11:27 a.m.
WHA?!?! I… I… I don’t understand, my furless friend. When I saw the two humans coming to greet me, I sat there in front of the big double doors in my best GOOD BOY pose.
What human (besides Jawjaw) could resist it?
Well, it turns out, these two brutes could!
The door swung open and they marched out with angry faces.
No dogs allowed? What was that lady talking about? How are we supposed to have a giant feast for Lola’s birthday if we can’t go inside? It’s madness! It’s stupid! It’s…
I just thought of something, my person-pal. What if… what if this isn’t a feast for dogs at all? What if it’s a feast for humans? Maybe I was wrong about people not eating bones? Maybe my Catch-A-Doggy-Bone pack is just broken? Maybe Ruff, Jawjaw, and Mom-Lady are bonkers non-bone-eaters and I had no idea. AGH! I’ll never live it down if after all this time it turns out my pet humans are the only anti-gnawers in the whole town.
It’s too heartbreaking to think about. Us poor deserving dogs will have to watch through the crack in the door as hungry humans crunch and munch their way through this prehistoric picnic!
11:56 p.m.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more miserable in all my life, my furless friend. My jowls are droopy, my tail is tucked under, and my paws are ploddy.
I’m amazed I managed to make it back to the Catch-A-Doggy-Bone kennel before Ruff and Mom-Lady arrived home with the groceries.
When they both walked in, I couldn’t even bring myself to perform the Happy Dance.
I suppose that’s one good thing to come out of this unhappy news. Mom-Lady thought I was a melancholy mutt because I’d been stuck at home for too long and ungrounded me right there and then.
Little does she know…
4:33 p.m.
I’m trying so hard to look on the bright side of things, my person-pal. I really am. I don’t want to be a down-in-the-dumps dog for Ruff. Especially after I made him mad by running away.
C’mon, Junior… All I need is to think of a few positive things about not being invited to the big, bony bonanza at the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM?
Right… umm… well… there’s…
Ooh, at least I hadn’t told Lola about the feast yet. This way she never has to know and won’t be disappointed on her birthday.
Then there’s… umm… I guess all the humans will be very happy, which is a reason to make me happy, right? Who knows… maybe Ruff will have a go at gnawing on his first juicy rib and learn to love it?
And… and… I won’t get extra full-up and explode from all the amazing food I’m going to miss out on. And I suppose it is possible for a dog to be too happy…
Yep! I’m so lucky not to be allowed at the feast I could almost jump for joy…
Who am I kidding?! I can’t do it, my person-pal! I can’t pretend this is good news.
I need some serious tummy-rubs and cuddles, that’s for sure. I’ll go find Ruff. He’ll be in the Picture Box Room right about now, watching his favorite action adventure series, Ninja Knockout Nine… Maybe he can cheer up this mopey mutt.
4:57 p.m.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH! I was wrong again, my furless friend! Things are so much worse than I imagined!
There we were, Ruff and I, snuggling on the comfy squishy thing watching an episode of Ninja Knockout Nine, when a commercial break came on.
Low and behold, right there on the picture box was an ad for the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? and their room filled with dino-roar bones.
It turns out… it turns out… IT TURNS OUT THE HUMANS AREN’T GOING TO EAT THEM AT ALL!
That was the final straw, my personal-pal. If the human-types were planning to eat the skeletons like they’re supposed to, then at least someone would be having a tasty treat-a-licious time.
BUT!!! They’re not planning that at all! I just discovered from the picture box that you humans put the dino-bones in a big room and then you… you… LOOK AT THEM! THAT’S IT?! YOU DON’T EVEN GIVE THEM A SNIFF OR A LICK? IT’S A CRIMINAL ACT OF EXTREME WASTEFULNESS! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU ALL?!
