The Uprights, page 41
“No. No. He’s lower than that.”
“How low?”
“Not the highest. And not the lowest. In between. You can tell that is right if you look at the leaves. Listen to the birds. See the shadows on the ground.”
“What about your body? Your arms.”
“If he was at his highest, he would be above my nose. If he was at his lowest – just before dusk. He would be by my throwing arm.”
“So now?”
“He must be in between. Between my nose and my throwing arm.”
“Above your ear? Your eye? Your shoulder?”
“Yes.”
“Are they pointing at the track we take, Dhi?”
“No. You don’t understand.”
“What then?”
“It’s not like that. I have to stand so that my eye – yes, lets say the eye on the side of my throwing arm – is pointing towards the sun. Then, if I look straight ahead. Where my nose points. That’s the way we want to go. The way to the lake.”
“You can’t see the lake. But you can say where the lake is. No upright can do that.”
“No, but the sun can.”
“You are just like Tahk.”
“Maybe I am.”
“That will be good for the family.”
“I hope so.”
“What about Wuhn? Can the sun tell you where she is? If she will come back with us.”
18
And onto the Water
As he has been doing for more days than he can remember, Mahr follows Dhi, this time out of the clearing and back into the forest. Now, on a better-marked track, they barely have to guard their faces from overhanging branches. The walking is easy and quick. Even so, Dhi stops long before either of them is tired.
“What’s the matter, Dhi?”
“Something’s wrong.”
“We are going well. We don’t have to crawl now.”
“It’s not that.”
“Should we be on another path?”
“No. I think this one is right.”
“Can you make sure?”
“When I see the sun.”
“Why have you stopped then?”
“I’m worried.”
“What about?”
“The path. It’s going uphill.”
“I know.”
“It’s going uphill. But it should be going downhill.”
“Maybe it goes uphill for a while. And then downhill.”
“Yes, you must be right. We’ll stay on this track. But as soon as I can, I will look at the sun again.”
The track remains clear, but apart from occasional short stretches when it becomes level or briefly dips and turns, it goes relentlessly upwards. Heads down, backs bent, legs and arms powering them onwards, they make good progress. And would feel content, if only they were sure they were walking towards the lake. And the further they go, the more Dhi becomes concerned. He even thinks about going all the way back to the clearing, but can’t bear to give up the ground they have so wearily gained. Nor does he think of stopping again and talking to Mahr, because however eager he is to understand, he can’t help. And talking to himself to try and remember how he positioned his body in relation to the sun on the summit, won’t put them on another path. They will just have to carry on until he can see the lake. Or if not that, the sky.
It comes sooner than he expected. The path continues to climb, more steeply if anything, although the undergrowth all round them and occasionally blocking their way, is now less dense. And the trees. They are just as tall as they were lower down, but are now more widely spaced. Dhi decides he will ask the sun for help when they reach the brow of the hill and with that, the expected gap in the canopy.
Then they are there.
Glad of another rest, Mahr watches his companion turning this way and that, only this time not offering any explanation for what he is doing. Maybe that is why Mahr is more puzzled than ever. How can Dhi, by gazing at the sky, glancing at the sun, holding out his throwing arm, touching his shoulder, ear and nose, muttering under his breath and then repeating the whole process several times, confirm the correct way to the lake? In any case, how can looking up above their heads be of any help when what they seek must be far below their feet?
“Mahr, I didn’t make a mistake. The lake is just ahead. Just as I thought it was.”
“Why is the track going uphill then?”
“I don’t know. But the sun is telling me the same thing here as it did in the clearing.”
“Good. We keep walking on this path.”
“Yes, we will reach the lake before it gets dark. I’m sure of that now.”
Mahr isn’t going to doubt Dhi again. After all, he is only an unknowing worker and not the hunter son of Tahk. All the same, it does seem strange that Dhi uses his nose and ear and shoulder to communicate with the sun.
Given a choice, Dhi trusts what the sun says more than the slope of the path. Which is not the way Mahr feels, but the fact is that neither of them has an explanation for the disagreement of their senses.
The track continues to wend its way upward, but at the same time, as Dhi had earlier suspected it would, the forest noticeably thins out. And for the first time they can see where they are going. And it’s not towards anything they recognise as a lake. Dhi glances at the sun again, now red and low in the sky and almost in line with the shoulder of his throwing arm, but he doesn’t stop. After so much effort, it’s not possible to stop. They must just keep going, until --. Until what? Until the next brow. Or maybe the brow after that.
Dhi reaches the crest first and is disappointed he can see nothing that wasn’t evident lower down. How much further do they have to go? How much higher will the path take them? Only their legs will give them the answer. So they say nothing and continue to march on.
It’s the same terrain the whole time. Small ridges alternating with shallow dips, the ground getting rockier and the trees sparser. But always upwards. It might go on to the lake. Or, the way they are beginning to feel, the end of the world. Except when it does end, it isn’t anything like either expected.
“There! There!”
Mahr struggles to catch up with his leader and join in the other’s excitement. After all the worry about them losing their way, Dhi must now be looking at the lake. Where his female is bound to be waiting. And that means they will then be able to turn for home. But as soon as he comes up to the other’s shoulder and sees what’s in front, Mahr’s emotion is not one of joy. Or relief. It’s more of fear. Panic even, because the path they have been following for so long comes to an abrupt, crumbling end. Without warning or protection from tree or rock. Over this brow there are no further brows, no continuation of what they have been climbing, no crevice in which to wedge their feet, no hold for their hands. Nothing. Only a vertical drop to the lake below. And in front and above is a sky so deep and blue and vast it mocks the impudent uprights very right to exist. Certainly their desire to move from place to place with understanding and in safety. Somehow they have found themselves on top of another summit, only this one rises sheer and craggy and high out of the water. Mahr dislikes most heights. He certainly dislikes this height. He pulls back from the brink, drops to his belly and grips the ground. He is sure that will stop him going over. And from that rapidly claimed position of security, his thoughts are for Dhi.
“Be careful, Dhi. Step back. You might fall.”
“No. No. I’m all right. It’s good. You must come back and see for yourself.”
“I don’t like it where you are.”
“Just crawl forward a little. You’ll see the lake.”
“I know. I’ve seen it.”
“You must look again. It’s what we saw from the other summit.”
Mahr is frightened of what is ahead – or more accurately the overwhelming emptiness of what isn’t there – but he is more frightened Dhi will laugh at him. Besides, he wants to see the lake properly for himself. Perhaps if he wriggles forward slowly, keeping his body low and his arms and legs spread-eagled outwards, he will be safe. Yes, that’s what he will do. If he moves like this, he can manage quite well, especially as he now trusts Dhi not to push him off the top. No, that’s not what he feared would happen. Dhi would never do that. What he feared was that he would throw himself off. Throw himself off, even though that is what he fears the most. He can’t understand that. But if he keeps the full weight of his body behind the edge, he can allow his head to protrude. Then he can see.
“It’s a very big lake, Dhi. It didn’t look so big from the summit.”
“No, it didn’t. Perhaps we only saw part of it.”
“Do you think this where Wuhn came?”
“To the lake, yes. But not up here.”
“Can you see her?”
“No, I can’t see any upright. But I’m sure she is near here. In the trees. By the edge of the lake.”
“You know that?”
“Yes. No. I feel that.”
“Just a breath. There is something down there, Dhi. Can you see?”
“Where? Where?”
“By the trees. Away from the lake. A long way away.”
“Yes. It’s above the trees. I can see now. It’s white. Grey.”
“What do you think it is?
“I don’t know. It’s moving in a line towards the lake.”
“It looks like smoke.”
“No, it’s not that. There are no flames. The trees aren’t on fire.”
“You must be right.”
“I am.”
“Shall we go down there and look for Wuhn?”
“Yes. That’s why we are here.”
Having answered Mahr, he knows in a rather curt manner, Dhi’s eyes instinctively search for the sun again, although when he finds it, he is surprised just how red and big it has become. Can it be the same one that hovers above them, small and yellow, in the full light of the day? It must be, but he doesn’t know now, anymore than he has ever known, why the sun changes size and colour. And why it allows him to look at it sometimes and not others. And, since he is asking himself all these questions, why it is often too hot to bear, while at other times, like now, it seems to have no heat at all?
“Look at the sun, Mahr. He’s dropping into the lake over there. The far end of the lake. No. I’m wrong. If you look carefully, he’s going behind a range of hills. That’s where he usually goes.”
“It’ll be night-fall soon. Too dark for us to move from here.”
“Yes, too dark.”
“Do we stay here until tomorrow?
“Yes. Then we search for Wuhn.”
“Dhi.”
“Yes.”
“I want to ask you something else.”
“Ask me then.”
“Is this our lake? Where we rest. Catch fish.”
Dhi smiles, pulls back from the edge a little and rests on his haunches. Because he isn’t so exposed now, Mahr is able to join him. They sit side by side, comforted by each other’s presence and do what they increasingly like doing – talking to each other.
“I think it is.”
“Why do you say that, Dhi?”
“I can’t see the far end of the lake properly with my eyes. But I can see that and lots of other things in my head. And they are quite clear.”
“In your head?”
“Can you do that?”
“Do what?”
“See things in your head. As if you were there.”
“I’m not sure. I’ve never tried.”
“I think Tahk could. I seem to be able to do it as well.”
“What can you see? Explain what you are doing. Maybe then I can see it as well.”
“It’s not easy. I don’t really know what words to use. Maybe if I talk about it they will come to me.”
“You puzzle me, Dhi. Usually, you see things in front of your face with your eyes. Yet what you are trying to see now is in your head. Behind your eyes. Where you can’t look.”
“I can’t understand how I do it. But I can.”
“What can you see now?”
But before saying anything else, Dhi lies back on the hard rock, cradling his head in his hands as if to look at the sky – not the lake – and then shuts his eyes. If he was confused before, Mahr is now utterly bewildered. Dhi is not just trying to see behind his eyes. He is now shutting his eyes so that he cannot see anything at all.
“Mahr, do you remember what I said? When we talked before. About coming down our path from the caves to the lake.”
“I think so.”
“I will tell you again. Just to be sure. When I walk down that path just after dawn, the sun is in line with my cleaning hand. When I stand on the path just before dusk, the sun is in line with my throwing arm. And each time, the path – and the lake – is straight ahead, in line with my nose.”
“Yes, I remember you telling me that.”
“Now in my head, I can see something else. What we both saw from the first summit we climbed.”
“I can’t remember that.”
“It was the same thing. The sun was in line with my cleaning hand. And the path – and the lake – at least the bit we could see, was in line with my nose.”
“Does that mean it’s the same path, Dhi?”
“No. No. This path and the one we usually climb are different. You must know that.”
“I do. But why are both paths in line with your nose?”
“Can’t you see it in your head? How our hill with the caves and the summit, back there, are side by side.”
“They’re not side by side. You can’t see one from the other.”
“This is no good, Mahr.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I can see it so clearly. But I can’t explain it to you.”
“Keep trying. I want to know what you are thinking. I want to know if this is our lake.”
Dhi sits up and opens his eyes. He is exasperated and doesn’t know what to say or do. At least at first. But then, with a smile, he reaches out and picks up four pebbles.
“Look at this, Mahr. I will put these stones on the ground. They will show you what I mean.”
“Good.”
“This stone is the hill with our caves.”
“Dhi, it’s a stone, not a hill.”
“I know it’s a stone. Try and understand. I am using it so show the position of our hill. Not how big it is. Or what it looks like.”
“I’m looking at it, Dhi.”
“You don’t have to look like that. Just watch where I put the others.”
“All right.”
“Let’s pretend we are back in our cave. Here, this stone is where we are. Now we walk to our lake. I put this stone in front of it. In front of me. Where my nose points. This stone is our lake.”
“I can see that. But you’ve only put the other stone the length of a hunter’s body in front of the other. It’s not like that really. It’s much further.”
“I know. I said the stones are not about size or shape. They’re not about distance either. Just to do with their position.”
“I’ll look again.”
“Good. Now, when we went to our clearing to look for Wuhn, we couldn’t find her. Could we?”
“No.”
“What did we do then?”
“We went into the forest.”
To begin with, he tried to explain with words and stones. Then, by accident, he discovered the technique of asking questions. And this seems so much better.
“Yes, we found a path that went into the forest. Did we go straight on at the clearing? Did I follow my nose?”
“No.”
“What would have happened if we had gone straight on?”
“We would have walked into the lake.”
“Yes, that’s right. If we didn’t go straight on, where did we go?”
Without thinking, Mahr looks to his side and touches his cleaning hand. Then he speaks up.
“We went this way. Let me put another stone where we walked.”
“I’ll do it. But you are right.”
“What are you going to do with that stone, Dhi?”
“I want to save it for the summit. That was a long way from our clearing. We went through a lot of the forest.”
