The Uprights, page 27
Then there’s nothing. Nothing at all. No thorns to keep from her eyes. No branches to push out of the way. No tree trunks to force her to swerve. No bracken and grass to scratch her skin. No ground to bear her weight. No stones to cut her feet. No roots to stub her toes. She’s just tumbling. Falling. Spinning. Her hair fluttering. Limbs flailing. Colours and shapes going over and over. Her scream disturbing the peace. Offending the forest. Louder. More shrill. Until, with a crash, she becomes silent. And once again, the trees can hear each others’ rustling song.
*****
Luhla lies where she has fallen. She’s not dead, but nor is she alive. She certainly has no awareness of the males arguing around her. Young ones coming over, touching her face and weeping. Or her mate-sisters cradling her head and calling her name. Alive, but soon to be dead. It seems so, for what leaf, what potion can heal such an injury? But then there is a change: a cough, a movement, a cry. Yet as soon as she might know herself again, the blackness takes it away. For how long? She cannot know. Doesn’t want to know, for when she is finally released, she only has pain. Pain and vomiting. Pain and vomiting and the intrusion of a dreadful memory.
Later, it seems so much later, Luhla is strong enough to sit up. Accept a bowl of water. Hear what has happened while she has been away. She could lie down again. Give herself time to recover from the blow, but she can do neither. Tahk has died. She knows Tahk has died and that means she has things to do. Bahnor’s cowardly stone and her pounding wound aren’t going to stop her. So unsteadily – weakly – determinedly she goes back into the cave, kneels down and reaches into Tahk’s private place in the rock-wall. Feels the softness of the leader’s cape. The hard edges of his punishment axe. The smoothness of the lion’s teeth on their tendon necklace. They have to be moved. Wrapped up carefully. Given to Gouhpat for safe keeping. To await the elders’ decision.
If only it wasn’t all true. If only she could cry.
Only now can she and her mate-sisters attend to the body. Close the eyes. Straighten the head. Push the bulging tongue back into the mouth. Try and cover the terrible gash in the neck. Wipe the blood from everywhere. All that they can do without help. They want to be alone with Tahk. With the male who meant everything to them. Was prepared to die for them. Has died for them. But now he has to be lifted onto the skin that is to take him to the resting place. He is so thin. She has never seen him so thin. Even so, she and the females can barely move his shoulders.
Where are her tears?
“Dahrun.”
It’s the turn of Tahk’s sons. They have been keeping their distance, not wanting to interfere, waiting for the sign they are needed. Now it has come, there is much for them to do. Dahrun has grown well, but he isn’t tall and powerful like most of his age. His brothers are all younger and smaller, yet between them, and without the help of their mothers and sisters, they have to put their father’s beast-skin around his waist. His hunting cape over his shoulders. Lift him bodily onto the skin and then carry it out of the cave. Onto the ledge. Along the path. Up the hill. To the resting place. Not a long journey, but not an easy one either. Especially as it’s customary not to stop on the way. The safety of Tahk’s nature depends on that.
The males go first. The females and young ones follow. In a long line. With Luhla in front of all the others. Nearest the body. The place in the procession of the dead she has always dreaded.
Yet now there is nothing. Seemingly nothing. What has happened to her feelings?
They reach the circle of stones and, without speaking, move to their positions.
Luhla looks at Dahrun, nods and then sits down.
He has worried about this from the moment he heard the scuffles in the night. And did nothing. But how could he know for sure the noises, the heavy breathing, the strangled cries were not those of mating? Of young ones fighting. Of infants being fed. He couldn’t know for sure, but even so, he worried for his father. Worried for himself. He worried even more, when his mother called upon him to challenge Bahnor. And now there’s another challenge. To talk to the rest of the family. Say the right things so that Tahk’s nature will survive and come back when it’s ready. To stand in front of them all and not cry like the infant he feels.
His mother nods again and Tahk is dropped into the deep hole in the rock; the covering stone replaced; the moment has come. It is better if he stands on a stone when he speaks. Then he won’t look so small.
“I am Dahrun. Son of Tahk.”
He looks at Luhla for encouragement, but her face is as empty as the opening in the ground had been only breaths before.
“Tahk had sons. Many died. Dhi is away. I am the oldest one here.”
What can he say? That his father was the strongest male he knew. The most knowing male. And in spite of that, was able to care for us all like a female. Tahk was the best of the males. The best of the females.
“It is my duty to talk about my father.”
Surely Bahnor and Ohp won’t have come to the ceremony. How can he speak of his father, when his killers are listening? Perhaps smiling. Enjoying their triumph. But he can’t see them. For that at least, he is glad.
“Tahk was good. Considerate. Respected others. He didn’t want to be leader because of the power. He wanted to be leader so that he could do things for the family.”
What else should he say? That he hadn’t fed the family. Been wrong about hunting in the valley. Thoughtless to send Dhi to the far hills. No. That wouldn’t be good.
“He was always kind to me. To all his children. If we did well, he praised us. If we were bad, he punished us. But not to hurt. Only to teach.”
Maybe he didn’t make a mistake about the valley and the hills. Dhi didn’t think so. Most of the other leaders didn’t think so.
“All admired his knowledge of everything in our life. His memories of our past. His awareness of how things – the rain, the grass, the herds – change. And how that means we – as uprights – have to change as well. Even so, many thought he was wrong.”
He can’t leave it there, because if he does, it might seem as if he is criticising his father. And if he criticises his father, he shows support for Bahnor.
“Tahk could do many things the rest of us couldn’t. He spoke to the sun and the moon and they spoke to him. He put sticks in the ground and they told him where our fathers’ fathers had lived in the past. And where our infants might grow big and fat in the future.”
The more Dahrun says, the more he seems to comprehend his father’s ideas. Why hadn’t he asked Tahk about these things when he was alive.
“Tahk was tough, but he also worried. Not just about food and water for now. But about food and water tomorrow. And many days after that. Next year. And many years after that.”
He has hardly thought of Dhi. Is he dead like Bahnor said? Or will he come back? If he does, he is sure to follow the path of Tahk. What can he say to help his brother?
“I don’t know everything that went on in Tahk’s mind. Maybe only Dhi does. But I do know that our father understood many things.”
It’s funny. The closeness of his father’s memory is making Dahrun feel more confident. Somehow bigger.
“Did he not say when he took the leaders to the summit that our fathers’ fathers came to our caves from the south? Because the leaves and grass where they lived went yellow and many of the beasts died. And did he not add that we are now faced with the same problems? And like those that came before us, we have to travel north. Where the sun says. Where his stick points.”
Dahrun is pleased he can remember the arguments. Pleased to see many of the elders – and not a few of the hunters – nodding in agreement.
“My father knew so much. Cared so much. That’s why when Dhi comes back – as I know he will – he must be allowed to continue with Tahk’s plans. And save the rest of the family. But that’s not all. Soon Tahk’s nature will leave his body. Escape from the resting place. Need to find an infant to live in. And what better infant could there be than Dhi and Wuhn’s first? Surely, she has one in her belly by now. And knowing that, how can Dhi and Wuhn not be safe? It is destined for Tahk to live again in their infant.”
Dahrun steps down from the stone. His words have flowed well and he wants to shout with joy. Except he hears the sound of his mother and the other females weeping and is now old enough to know he mustn’t.
*****
A day passes. A night passes. And Wuhn doesn’t move.
*****
“Why did you … leave the cave?”
Ohp and Bahnor are sitting on a fallen tree in the clearing by the lake, gazing at the water in front of them, and the birds dipping and soaring over their heads. They are looking at all this but thinking of other things.
“I’m not sure, father.”
“We could have … won. There were more … males on our side.”
“I know. But killing Luhla made me think. I didn’t want to do that.”
“She was just an … old female. It didn’t matter.”
“She shouldn’t have died. Males never kill females.”
“Sometimes … you have to kill to do what is … right.”
“Yes. I know that. We had to kill Tahk.”
“We killed … him well, didn’t we?”
“We did kill him well. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“I was p-pleased to do it. I’ve wanted to do it for a … long time.”
“At first, I hoped you would be leader, father. Then, when you lost your other ear, I knew my chance had come. But I didn’t want to wait. Not like you.”
“I never had the … chance with Tahk.”
“You never took your chance, father. You never really wanted to take over. Not like me.”
“P-Perhaps you’re right. I was b-brave. Strong. Knew where to hunt. B-but my stutter. Somehow that always got in the … way. I’m p-pleased you’re … leader now.”
“I’m not leader yet. But I will be. But I want to be leader of a big family. With many females. Many infants. Fighting with the others in the cave would have been bad for me. And don’t think being leader of our family is all I want.”
“Oh.”
“There are many other families. Why can’t I become leader of the whole clan? Then I would have everything I want.”
“Are you going to kill all the other … leaders, B-Bahnor?”
“If I have to. But it may not be necessary. Don’t say anything. I’ll think of ways of making them give way to me. Why kill those who can be talked into being loyal?”
“You’re not like me B-Bahnor. You are much … stronger. More cunning.”
“I know. Will you help?”
“Of course. B-but you have forgotten … Dhi. He might come b-back. He won’t let you do these … things. He will fight you.”
“Yes. Gouhpat was speaking like a female. Dhi and I will never argue our case in front of the elders. Well he might, but I won’t. Nor will he when he finds out about Tahk.”
“You will have to … fight then, B-Bahnor?”
“No.”
“What do you … mean?”
“I – we – will kill him in his bed. Just like his father.”
“Not give him a chance to … fight. That’s good.”
“It may not come to that. I still think the fire destroyed him.”
*****
Wuhn comes round with a start and it isn’t just pain that stops her sinking back into the comfort of the blackness. It’s a weight. A pressure. A creature hopping and cawing all over her body. Gripping her flesh with its claws. Exploring her vulnerable parts with its vicious beak.
Instinct rather than reason tell her to keep her eyes tightly shut. Otherwise they will be plucked from their sockets. Her mouth too, if she wants to keep her tongue. But she has to do more than that. Not just protect herself. She has to move. Show she’s alive. Disturb the others’ perch. Roll over. Scream. Ignore the waves of agony. The spasms. Flail her arms. Kick her legs. Climb to her feet. Somehow get away from the vulture.
She can’t have broken anything. That’s what her brothers would have said. Pain is pain and nothing more, but a broken bone – particularly a broken bone in the leg – will kill. And before it does that, it stops uprights from standing up, bearing weight and walking around. Which is what she must try and do. Does do. And with her effort, the big bird takes to the air.
Now, for the first time she sees she has landed on a ledge, several body lengths wide and halfway down a sheer rock-face. Above, she can make out the path turning sharply to one side, and below the whole panorama of the lake and surrounding forest. So, in spite of everything, she has come home.
As she climbs, she thinks of Dhi and Tahk and Jehkmin, and wonders if she has, at long last, come under their protective influence. Why else is the surface of the rock traversed by so many fissures? All large enough – and in the right position – for her unshod feet. And to make it even safer for her, small saplings have taken root and offer their overhanging branches to her grateful hands. Within a few breaths she will be back on the path.
Above, the vulture circles, not knowing whether to fly off and search for another carcass. Or bide his time. He bides his time.
*****
Luhla and Dahrun watch the pack rounding the hill and making for the ring of stones. They get up and run towards the ones they feared were lost.
“Dhi. Dhi. You’ve come back.”
“Yes, mother. But what are you doing here? And why is Dahrun with you?”
“We heard rocks falling. The sound of hunters’ feet.”
“I’m pleased to greet you.”
“No. We are pleased to greet you. We were so worried.”
“What could you know of what happened to us?”
But before Luhla can explain, Dhi turns to what is left of his hunters and tells them to return to their own caves. Then he reaches out to his mother. Puts a hand on a shoulder. He has forgotten how thin her body and wrinkled her skin has become. Maybe a touch from him – no, now he is back, many touches – will give her more time in this world.
“We saw the sky go black. The sun disappear from sight. We knew something was wrong. Then Tahk climbed the summit and saw the far hills on fire. That’s what he told us.”
“Yes. That’s what happened. It was very bad.”
“What’s the matter with your face, Dhi? Your hair. It’s black. Burnt. Were you in the fire?”
“Not quite. We were using Tahk’s stick. Following the short shadow. Marching towards the hills. Then there was a lot of noise. Fire. Smoke. Some of the hill went up in the sky and landed near my pack. We were thrown to the ground. Burnt by the rock. I was nearly killed. Zohka saved my life.”
“That was good of him. You should have asked him to stay. I would have thanked him for what he did.”
“He isn’t with us now. He died.”
“That’s bad. Very bad. I will thank his mother then. Is there something wrong with your eyes, Dhi? You keep rubbing them with your hand.”
“It’s nothing. I must have banged my head. I went into the blackness for a while. When I came back to the light, I couldn’t see properly. Everything was shaky. It’s getting better. I’ll be all right. Tell me about the family. How’s Tahk? Wuhn. Everybody.”
“Dhi. I’m sorry. Things haven’t been good since you went away. Did you manage to go as far as Tahk wanted? Was your trip a success?”
“What’s the matter with Tahk and Wuhn? Where are they?”
“Sit down, Dhi. Sit next to me.”
“Why? What are you going to tell me?”
“Let me get you some water first, Dhi. Something to eat. You must be so tired.”
“Tell me, mother. What are you keeping from me?”
“Nothing. I will tell you everything. You need to know everything.”
“Well.”
“I don’t know what has happened to Wuhn. I gave her orders to look after the infants. Help her mate-sisters. One breath she was in the cave. And then the next, she was gone.”
“Where did she go? Has anyone been to find her? When did this happen?”
“I don’t know. She didn’t tell anybody what she was going to do. She didn’t like looking after the infants. She told me that. But that was no reason to leave the settlement on her own.”
