I'm Fine....Thanks, page 26
I did everything as if my mother was cheering me on because I wanted to make her proud. Hearing her utter I’m so proud of you would have meant the world to me.
She never did.
It wasn’t until she got pregnant with Harlym that things became more stabler for us. She got a new job and held that down for years, which meant it was up to me to make sure the house ran smoothly until she was able to get off and come home.
While Demi was distracted with her baby brush, I quickly rushed down the hall to the bathroom to brush my teeth and call my aunt.
She always watched Demi whenever I couldn’t afford daycare or Jace was missing in action, like now. I could really use him right now, but he was nowhere to be found, and continued to click my calls to voicemail when I did call him.
My mother sat on the couch with her Pepsi watching Maury when I headed out the door. She didn’t bother to ask if I needed a ride, or reconsider watching her granddaughter. I wasn’t lost on the fact that she wanted to enjoy her day off, but why couldn’t she help me out and do this solid for me this one time?
I pushed Demi down the block to the train while dialing my aunt’s number. My aunt Shericka was my mother’s younger sister by two years. She had a city job, her own apartment and was married to her college boyfriend. In my eyes, my aunt was goals, and she had the life that I desired for me and Demi.
“Hey, Stori… what’s going on?” she answered on the fourth ring.
“Hey Ricka, are you working today?”
“Not today. I took today off to take mama to the doctor… I'm heading back home now. What’s up?”
I thanked the lucky stars that she was off today. “Everything alright with Grandma?”
“Other than being hardheaded, everything with your grandmother is fine. She hates going to get her checkups, so I went to make sure she went.”
“Good.”
“Stori, what’s going on?”
“I hate to spring this on you… can you watch Demi for me? I have an exa—”
“Bring my niece over to my house now. I’ll keep her for the night so you can get some sleep too.”
I blew a sigh of relief. “Okay. I'm heading to your house now,” I assured her and ended the call.
Demi was leaning back in her stroller eating a baby biscuit as I breezed down the block to the subway. The entire walk there I hated the fact that I would have to struggle with the stroller down the subway steps. Anytime I struggled with one stroller, I became nervous for when my second daughter got here.
How was I going to be able to do it?
I struggled to do it with one, and now I had two that were going to depend on me. Jace was around whenever it was convenient for him, which I hated. We could be good for a few months, and then he would randomly start acting weird and doing disappearing acts.
Today would have been the perfect time for him to be here to help with his daughter. Instead, I was breezing down the block while seven months pregnant with his daughter, and he couldn’t even be bothered enough to answer the phone for me.
“Ma’am, let me help you out?” The white man snapped me out of my thoughts.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. You’re pregnant and shouldn’t be lifting this stroller.” I took the diaper bag off the back of the stroller, and with one lift, he had Demi and her stroller up in the air as he carefully walked down the steps.
When we made it down into the subway, he watched me swipe my metro card and opened the exit door for me. We were going our separate ways, but that didn’t stop him from helping me down onto the platform and then jogging back up the stairs to make his train that happened to be pulling into the station.
“Have the best day!” He called from across the platform as he went to jump onto his train.
“You too, sir!” I called back and waved to him.
If he hadn’t offered, I didn’t know how I was going to manage all of this on my own. My doctor had already given me plenty of warnings about slowing down. How was I supposed to slow down when I had so much going on with little to no help?
Shericka never had a problem watching Demi for me. I always felt guilty dropping my daughter off because I didn’t have anyone else to help. You would think because I lived with my mother that she would help me out. It was like living on my own because she never helped me out with Demi. There were so many times that I needed her to change a diaper or give Demi a bath and she refused. She claimed she was teaching me a lesson by not raising my baby for me.
The train ride over to my aunt’s house wasn’t too bad. Demi loved the train, so I didn’t hear a fuss out of her. Not that she fussed much anyway. My baby was a good baby and had always been. Whenever I was studying, I would put Mickey Mouse Club House on, and she would sit and watch for hours without making a sound.
My aunt lived in a two story walk up on Atlantic Avenue. She was right in the middle of all the action in Brooklyn. When I turned onto her block, I spotted her standing out front talking to a neighbor. When she saw me, she smiled and met me halfway.
“You look tired, girl.” She noted the huge bags of luggage that had accumulated under my eyes.
“School and life are kicking my ass,” I admitted as she took control of the stroller, giving me a minute to stretch.
The subway at my aunt’s stop had an elevator that came out onto the street, so I was saved from having to hike this stroller up two flights of stairs.
“What yo’ mama was doing?”
I rolled my eyes. “Watching her shows and chugging Pepsi.”
She shook her head and pulled the stroller up the four steps in front of her building. I was thankful that she lived on the first-floor apartment because I didn’t think I could make it up any more steps.
“I don’t know why she insists on making your life harder.” She held the front door open for me.
Desmond, Shericka’s husband, was packing his work bag at the kitchen table. “Hey, Stori… you brought our girl over, so you can go on and leave now,” he joked.
“Whatever, Des. We’re a packaged deal.” I smiled and gave him a quick side hug before plopping down onto the couch.
“You need to take it easy, Stori…you what now? Six months pregnant?”
“Seven,” I corrected.
“Even more reason why you need to be sitting your ass down,” my aunt chimed in as she sat Demi in the walker I kept at her house.
“Exactly.”
“Trust me… I would sit still if I could. I don’t have that luxury right now, and I don’t want to keep putting that on you both.”
“Why do you think we’re here? We want to help you out as much as we’re able.” My aunt handed me a bottle of water.
I always felt ashamed when I had to accept the help that was offered to me. Mostly because I was the one who put myself in this situation, and now I needed the help. After I had Demi, I should have broken things off with Jace. Instead, I allowed him to sweet talk his way back into my panties and now I was pregnant for the second time with no help from him - again.
I was stupid.
“I just don’t want to take over your life with my bullshit. It’s not fair to keep dumping her on you both when she has a father.”
“Your mama got your mind so messed up, Stori.” Desmond shook his head. “This is what family does for each other, and you are family.”
Shericka looked over at her husband with love and admiration. This was the first healthy relationship I had ever witnessed in my life. It always made me crave the same thing for myself. I wanted to raise my daughters in love, not destruction.
When it came to her father, I felt like we were water and oil. No matter how much we tried to mix and get it right, it never worked out for us. We were both toxic for each other, and it didn’t matter how much we knew this, we were still attracted together like magnets.
“You’re nineteen years old with a lot on your plate. It’s not like you’re sitting around having babies with no goals.”
I wanted to become a therapist since I was a child pretending my stuffed animals were my clients. This was something that I had always dreamed of, and I was determined to make it happen. I had two daughters that were going to be looking up to me, and I couldn’t let them down.
I wanted them to know they could do whatever their hearts desired. “Thanks.” I sipped my water and leaned my head back.
“Going to college and working a part time job with a damn one year old is tough. Me and your aunt don’t even have kids and having full-time jobs is hard.” Desmond closed up his work bag. “Alright, I'm gone. I’ll call you later on, Love.”
Shericka walked over toward her husband and kissed him on the lips. “Please be safe out there… I love you, Des.”
“Love you more.” He held her around the waist and kissed her lips a few times before releasing her. “Be good, Stori.”
I smiled. “I’m never good… but I'll try.”
“As long as we try… that’s all we can ask, right?”
“Yup.”
“Later, Munchie.” He pinched Demi’s cheeks, and then headed out the door. Demi and Desmond were like one person. Whenever she saw him, her entire face lit up.
He always allowed her to have her way.
“Now, you need to call a cab to school. I’m not letting you take the subway into school today.”
“I don’t have any money for a cab,” I groaned.
“Don’t think I asked if you had money or not.”
My aunt and my mother were like night and day. They were so different that it was hard to believe that they were even sisters. My aunt Pam, their older sister had moved out of the city years ago and barely kept in touch. Me and Shericka were the closest, and I often looked at her like my big sister rather than my aunt.
“Shericka, you need to stop spending your money on me. You work hard for that, and I don’t need you blowing it all on me.”
“I can and will spend my money on whatever I want. What is going on with Jace?” she sat down at the counter and looked over at me.
I had been sitting for a little while now, and I still couldn’t catch my breath. “I don’t know. Whenever I call, he clicks the phone.”
Whenever Jace was in the mood to be a family man, that’s when he would come over and be present. It was when he wanted to do him, that’s when I never heard from him and couldn’t get him on the phone.
Despite all the shit he put me through, whenever he did called, I would be right there, ready to welcome him in with open arms. I hated how stupidly in love I was with his ass. My brain knew I deserved better, and even knowing better, my heart always won the battle with him.
“You’re going to have a second mouth to feed soon. Jace needs to get his shit together and start helping you out, Astoria,” she sternly warned me.
My aunt disliked Jace and told me that I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him. The heart wants what it wanted, so I ignored all the warnings and red flags that were being waved in my face. I desperately wanted this man to want to be a family with me and his daughters.
“We’re going to get it together, Shericka… I promise,” I told her, not knowing if we were ever truly going to get our life in order.
I prayed that we did.
I sniffled and wiped my face with the inside of my shirt. It was hard trying to do right by everyone and feeling like you’ve failed. I tried to do right by Jace, and that ended up straining the relationship I did have with my aunt. I was jealous of her and Harlym’s relationship that they had. As much as Harlym loved Cam, she never let him come between her family. Whenever I disapproved, she simply stopped talking about him around me.
I jumped when my phone started ringing. Picking my phone up, I cut my eyes at the picture of me and Jace kissing. I had set that as his contact photo years ago and here Apple went showing me how delusional I had been.
“Hey,” I sniffled.
“Where the fuck you at, and who the fuck are you with?”
“What?”
“I know I didn’t fucking stutter,” Jace snarled.
“What the hell are you talking about? You know exactly where we are.” I wasn’t in the mood for his stupid ass questions.
“With who?”
“Your girls.”
His ominous laughter sent chills down my spine. “Check your text messages.”
The message notification popped up as soon as he said it. I exited out of the phone screen and went to my messages. I paused when I saw the screenshot from Demi’s Instagram. It was a picture of her food. However, if you were a nosey person like me and peeped people’s backgrounds, you could see a little of Bray’s Rolex in the picture, and my hand was rested on top of his.
“You ain’t got shit to say, do you? Who the fuck do you have around my daughters, Astoria?”
“A friend. Why the fuck are you stalking our daughter’s social media account?”
“I don’t even have her as a fucking friend on social media. Tyler sent me this shit, and you foul as fuck. Who bought that new truck and that diamond necklace you been wearing?”
So, he had been paying attention, he just wasn’t saying anything about it. “He’s a friend.”
“Now I'm stupid,” he muttered more to himself than to me. “Why haven’t I met this friend?”
Something inside of me snapped. I didn’t care to spare his feelings and make things better for him. “He’s fucking me, Jace. Is that what you wanted to hear? I’m sucking his dick, he’s fucking me, and he’s been for a little while now.”
When the line went silent, I became scared. Did I cause this man to have a stroke?
“Fucking bitch,” he snarled.
“Oh, your chest hurting because somebody else is fucking me? How do you think I felt all these years?”
Fuck being cordial and mature. I had been that person this entire marriage, and all he had ever done was walk all over me. He didn’t respect me because I was so quick to wave the white flag and let him declare victory. I was so busy trying to keep the peace while slowly destroying my own.
Fuck that.
Jace didn’t deserve the nice side of me anymore. He had the nerve to fix his mouth to call me a bitch and had been fucking Tonya this whole time. That was his problem. He never saw an issue with the pain he inflicted on others, only what others did to him.
“I’ll be that.”
“You brought my kids around another man…showing them how to be little whores?”
“Watch your fucking mouth when it comes to my daughters, Jace. I’ve allowed whatever when it came to me, but I'll knock your head off behind Demi and Enzo.”
“What fucking example are you showing them?”
“I’m finally showing them to do whatever makes them happy. You have a lot of nerve when you’ve been fucking Tonya again.” He went quiet again, probably shocked that I knew about him and his baby mama. “You shouldn’t take your medicine and leave your phone unlocked.”
“I ain’t fucking nobody,” he continued to lie when I already knew the truth.
Tonya was usually a full headache and made her presence known. Other than the car trouble, she had been real quiet and accepting of whatever Jace did for her. That should have been the first sign that they started back messing around with each other.
“You can lie to yourself all you want. I know the truth and have known for a while.”
“You just love talking so you can hear yourself speak. If you so-called knew about me cheating, why did you continue to let me fuck?”
It was my turn to laugh, except I was laughing at myself. “I was a fool for you. Stupid behind a man that didn’t give a fuck about me. That was my fault because I accepted the bullshit you continued to bring to me. Not anymore.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m filing for divorce when we’re back home. I want you out of my house, and we can work out a schedule with the girls.”
“Get the fuck outta here. I’m not leaving my house… you gonna have to remove me yourself if you want me to leave.”
“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be, Jace.”
“I’m not making shit hard. You’re my wife, and this is our home… I'm not leaving shit!”
I could picture the spit flying from his mouth as he yelled on his phone. There was no need to sit and try to convince him why he needed to leave. He just needed to leave, and if I had to get the cops to remove him, I would.
“Bye, Jace.”
“Don’t fucking han—” I ended the call.
I leaned back on the chair and closed my eyes. The balcony door opened, and Bray came and sat beside me. “My bad. The call ran longer than I expected.
“You’re good. I know you have to work.”
He paused and examined my face. “What’s wrong?”
I let out a low chuckle. “Why are you assuming there’s something wrong?”
“Doc, your eyes are red. You don’t need to pretend to be fine around me… I'm the one person that should know that you’re not fine, so I can fix it.”
“There’s so much.” I tilted my head back because I was so tired of crying. “My aunt’s cancer came back, and Jace just called because he saw your arm on Demi’s Instagram story.”
“Damn. What kind of cancer does she have?”
“Breast cancer.”
“I’m sorry.” He took my hand into his and kissed the back of it. “I know the best oncologist. We can see if we ca—”
“Stop, please,” I pleaded.
“Doc, you can get her in to se—”
“Money can’t buy every fucking thing, Bray!” I hollered. “My aunt has fucking cancer for the second time… money didn’t save your father, did it? Everything isn’t about your money.”
Fuck.
I felt guilty as soon as the words left my mouth. If I could, I wouldn’t have said that to him. “I hear you… I'm big on giving people space, and you seem like you need that. I ordered that beet root tea that helps with blood pressure. It’s on the counter in the kitchen.”
“Bra—”
“We’re good, Doc. I’m gonna give you the space you need.” He excused himself and went back inside the suite.
I started punching the pillows before collapsing back onto the couch while crying. Why the fuck would I say such a horrible thing to him? I cried so much that I eventually fell asleep with the pillow over my head.
