The Streets, page 10
17
Outside in the car, Finn was waiting. He looked surprised to see Cookie hurrying towards him with Zee and the boys, all three of them animated and chattering away.
‘How come you’ve finished so early? Not that I ain’t pleased to see you all.’ He winked at the kids as they clambered in the back seat, looking relieved.
‘Let’s just say we didn’t quite see eye to eye with Brian.’ Cookie shrugged while putting on her seat belt.
He looked at her, puzzled, then frowned, touching her chin and turning her head slowly to the side. ‘What’s that mark on your face?’
‘Like I say, me and Brian, we had a difference of opinion.’
‘I’ll fucking kill him.’ Finn reached for the car door handle, but Cookie managed to snatch hold of the bottom of his jacket, pulling him back in. ‘Finn, no, leave it.’
‘But—’
‘I said, no,’ she cut him off, then gave him a warm smile. ‘I appreciate the gesture, but I don’t want you to go wading in. You don’t need to – it’s sorted. So please, for my sake, leave it.’
The struggle within Finn showed on his face. ‘For fuck’s sake, how do you expect me to do nothing? No one should put their hands on you. No one. I can’t let him get away with it.’
‘He didn’t – I had my three musketeers.’ She swivelled around in the passenger seat and grinned at Zee and the boys. ‘Thank you for what you . . .’ Unexpectedly, her emotions began to get the better of Cookie and she found herself having to take a deep breath and start again. ‘What you did back there, being my corner like that, I don’t reckon, in fact I know I don’t deserve your support, but I’m truly grateful . . . Anyway,’ Cookie said, feeling exposed and wanting to change the subject, ‘who fancies going to McDonald’s? Finn’s treat, of course.’ She laughed.
Their faces lit up and they cheered, reminding Cookie just how young they were. How vulnerable. Shame ripped through her.
‘What about Ned, Cooks? He won’t like it. He told us we had to make sure we kept this geezer sweet,’ Matthew said, looking scared as he stared at Brian’s front door as if expecting him to appear at any minute.
She paused before answering, trying to push Ned out of her mind because she knew exactly what he would think and do. ‘Don’t you worry about Ned, OK?’ Cookie replied, trying to keep her voice chirpy. ‘I’ll sort it. I won’t let anything happen to you . . . We won’t, will we Finn?’
‘Of course not, mate. You got my word, Matt.’ Finn gave a small acknowledging nod to Matthew.
Cookie leaned over and squeezed Matthew’s hand. ‘I swear, honey, it’ll be all right. Trust me, yeah? What do you reckon?’
‘I reckon a double cheeseburger with double large fries,’ Zee giggled, lightening the mood.
Matthew playfully nudged Zee, roaring with laughter.
‘Right then, Mackie D’s here we come.’
Finn set off. As they drove out of the gates and away from Brian’s, Cookie – not wanting anyone to notice her unease – turned to gaze out of the window, watching Wimbledon go by. For once there was only one thing on her mind: Ned. What the hell was she going to say to him?
They sat in the car, parked up by Riverside Walk near Vauxhall Bridge, watching the boats go by. The rain hammered on the roof and mostly they sat in silence. ‘Were your eyes bigger than your belly, Craig?’ Cookie gestured towards Craig’s half-eaten Big Mac and chips.
He shrugged, his face flushing red under his splodge of freckles. ‘Sorry.’
Placing her Sprite in the cup holder, Cookie leaned over and tapped his knee gently. ‘I don’t care if you don’t want it . . . Look at me . . . Craig, I said look at me. What’s going on?’
Craig drew his gaze slowly up to meet Cookie’s. ‘It’s just . . .’ He gave a sideward glance at Zee, who nodded encouragement. ‘It’s just, while you and Finn were getting the food, we were talking and, well, when Ned finds out what we did to Brian, he’ll proper hurt us.’
‘I won’t let that happen, Craig.’ Cookie sounded adamant.
He pushed his ginger hair out of his eyes. ‘But you ain’t about all the time. And then after Ned’s done what he’s going to do to us, well, he won’t want us around no more . . . and . . .’ Craig’s voice broke. He swiped away the tears and began to shake, then broke down sobbing, covering his face, unable to get his words out.
‘Craig . . .’ was all Cookie could manage to whisper. She looked at Zee and Matthew and realized they were crying too.
‘The thing is, we can’t do it, Cooks. Not again. Please don’t make us,’ Zee mumbled so quietly Cookie struggled to hear.
‘Do what, Zee?’ Cookie asked, trying desperately to put that wall back up in her mind, the one that protected her from feeling, the one that other people’s pain bounced off of. But it had already crumbled away. ‘Talk to me, baby.’
‘We can’t go back to the streets. Not again. I know what we do ain’t exactly the stuff you read about in fairy tales, but at least we’ve got a roof over our head and food and stuff.’
Matthew nodded. ‘Yeah, and when it’s fucking cold we ain’t having to bang ourselves up with smack or something to keep ourselves warm, or worry about going to sleep cos our stuff’s going to be nicked, or stress about some nonce jumping us.’ He glanced at Craig, whose tears were dripping through the gaps in his fingers. ‘Craig’s scared, Cooks – we all are. But last time it did his head in, being homeless. Starting from the time he was booted out of home at fourteen until Ned took him in a couple of years later, he was proper abused out there. Ned’s place is home to us, it’s safe, and now we don’t know what we’re going to do . . .’ He trailed off.
No one said anything – the only noise was from Craig, weeping.
‘I . . . I . . . Sorry . . . Sorry . . .’ Cookie jumped out of the car and ran across to the railings. Below her she could see the dark, swirling waters of the Thames. The sound of the rain covered the noise of her vomiting.
She felt a hand on her back. ‘I ain’t going to say, are you OK? I just didn’t want you to be on your own.’ Finn handed her a McDonald’s napkin.
Wiping her mouth with it, she shook her head, chewing on the corner of her lip. ‘Safe? Did you hear what Matthew said? Jesus Christ, Finn, how desperate do you have to be to think the place which is farming you out to the likes of Brian is safe?’ She stared intently into his eyes, but it was herself she was seeing and the things she’d done. ‘It’s me who’s done this to Craig and Matthew and Zee, and to all the others. I just closed my eyes to it all.’
Pulling up the collar on his navy Cad & the Dandy overcoat, Finn watched a tug sailing under the bridge. He was quiet for a moment. ‘You ain’t to blame, Cooks. When Ned picked you up, you were a vulnerable homeless kid just like them. It’s Ned and me and Pearl who the finger should be pointed at.’
‘Don’t make excuses for me. Yeah, I have me reasons for being here, but that doesn’t excuse what I’ve done to these kids. It’s not OK and it never was.’ She took a deep breath to stop herself from crying. ‘You were right, I am a penny pimp – only worse, cos I should know better, Finn. I’ve been there. And it’s true what Matthew said: Ned will throw them out without a second thought. It’s so fucked up, cos when they want to run, he brings them back, and when they want to stay, he’s happy to force them out. The worst thing is, they would’ve known that when they went at it with Brian, but they piled in anyway. They did that for me.’
‘Cos you’ve always treated them well, Cooks.’
She felt a mixture of sadness for them and anger directed at herself. ‘I might’ve talked to them with respect, given them the time of day, but apart from that I’m no different to Ned. I’ll tell you something, though, I won’t chuck them out when they’ve got nowhere else to go. But I don’t know how to help them.’
‘Look, I’ve got an idea. They can stay in the house over in Harrow for now. My mate’s place, the one I told you about. I’m keeping an eye on it while he’s banged up. That would work.’
‘Won’t he mind?’
He gave a small smile. ‘No. He’ll be pleased it’s not standing empty. Plus, he’s still got another eight years to go, so I don’t think they’ll be outstaying their welcome anytime soon. Ned doesn’t know where the house is; he won’t even suspect. They’ll be properly safe there as long as we keep our mouths shut, and they can stay as long as they like. Zee can even have that drippy boyfriend of hers, Stuart, come and stay. It makes no odds to me, and I’ll sort them out with cash until they get a job or something. They’ll be looked after.’
‘You’d do that, even though Ned’s your cousin?’
Finn gave a half-smile. ‘I think it’s a bit late to be thinking of that now, don’t you?’
‘But why? Why do you want to help them?’
He shrugged. ‘I told you already, I ain’t got the stomach for this anymore. Truth is, I’ve never really had the stomach for it, but I still did it. Things have to change, though. And let’s not forget, putting those kids up in a house is the easy part. It ain’t a biggie. The hard part will come when we have to deal with Ned. The thing is, he may be my cousin, but the minute we ain’t brothers in arms no more, he’ll be as happy to put a knife in my back as he was to share a glass of whisky with me.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘You know that’s what he’ll want to do to me . . . Look, come on, let’s go back to the car; you’re soaking and we can tell them the good news . . . And Cooks, I told you that you had a heart.’
She smiled at him, but as she did the image of Jace came rushing into her head . . .
18
Cookie heard Ned’s breathing before she saw him in the dark hallway of their house. She switched on the light. He stood facing her.
‘Where’ve you been?’ he growled.
‘Ned. Shit. Ned, I . . . I didn’t realize you’d be in already.’ Her heart raced. Her head full of the kids. Full of Brian . . . Full of Finn.
He eyed her suspiciously. ‘That wasn’t what I asked you. I said, where have you been?’
Taking off her wet coat and walking past him, feigning confidence, she tried to ignore the knot in her stomach. ‘You know where.’
He clicked his fingers. ‘What’s with the attitude?’
Cookie swallowed. ‘I’m just saying.’
‘There it is again.’ He raised his voice and stormed over to her. ‘Are you looking to wind me up, cos you’re doing a good job of it! And after what you’ve done.’
‘I take it you’ve been speaking to Brian?’
‘Brian? Why the fuck would I want to speak to that cunt? Anyway, my phone’s been off.’
It threw her for a moment. ‘Oh . . . I . . .’ She trailed off, thinking fast. ‘I thought he might have called, because we ended up being well late . . . sorry.’
Cookie stared into Ned’s eyes, trying to work out the best way of calming him. She knew from years of painful experience that when he was like this, he was looking for one thing only: another fight. ‘Look, I’m sorry if I’ve pissed you off somehow . . . I tell you what, why don’t I get changed and we can get ready for the party, maybe have something to eat before? What do you say?’
‘You think it’s that easy? A bit of medium rare and everything’ll be OK again?’
‘I don’t even know what I’m supposed to have done.’
‘You got a short fucking memory, ain’t you? Wasn’t it the other day you were helping Zee? Is that what you’re going to try to do, run off? Run off like a little bitch?’
‘No, I ain’t going to do that to you.’
‘Well you better not, cos I’ve told you enough times what’ll happen if you try to leave me . . . No matter where you go, I’ll find you. If it takes me the rest of my life, I’ll find you. And when I do, I’ll kill you . . . But you know that already, don’t you?’ He stroked her face gently.
Her voice was small. ‘Yes.’
‘So, are you going to apologize? You made a mug of me with Zee.’
A flash of anger shot through her, and before she could stop herself she snapped, ‘I already said I’m sorry, didn’t I? You made sure of that.’
Ned sneered, his face inches away from hers. ‘What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?’
Even though Cookie knew it was not in her best interest to answer, she did. ‘I’m only saying. There’s no doubt you got an apology out of me, and then some.’ Tears pricked in her eyes.
Ned licked his lips. His green eyes blazing, he slammed her head against the wall. She squealed and he held her ponytail so tight she reached up to try to drag his hands off. ‘When is it going to sink into that thick brain of yours: getting sassy with me don’t pay. Think on, darlin.’
He let go of her hair and began to turn away but almost immediately, he spun back and grabbed hold of her throat. ‘Did you just roll your fucking eyes at me?’
Cookie gave the tiniest of head shakes.
‘Don’t fucking lie to me.’ He dropped his grip. ‘And don’t push me too far, Cooks, cos you’ll regret it if you do.’
Jace sat on the bed swinging his legs as he watched his mum go through the letters in her bag. They were the only things she ever bothered taking with her when they left the different places they stayed in. It was odd, because she was happy to leave everything else behind, even the comic books he really liked. He wondered again what the letters said. He knew they must be important because anytime he’d ever tried to look at them, she told him off, snatching them away, telling him he’d get his dirty fingers on them, even when his hands were clean.
He wasn’t a brilliant reader, though he reckoned he would be if he could still go to school, but when he’d managed to get a peek at them, he’d seen most of the letters were from a so-lic-i-tor, whatever that was. Old letters mainly, from a long time ago when he was a baby. But his mum kept them like they were treasures. She was always looking at them when she thought he was asleep, but he didn’t know why she did that because they always made her upset.
He let out a long sigh and kicked the bed with the back of his heels. Secrets, there were always secrets.
‘You OK, Jace? What you thinking?’
‘Nothing.’ He wasn’t going to tell her; she’d only get cross, so he quickly thought of something else: ‘I like it here. I like Barney. Can we stay?’
Lorni’s smile melted away. ‘We can’t, I’ve already told you that Barney won’t let us stay for nothing and I ain’t got any money to give him.’ Her tone softened. ‘Don’t worry though, it’ll be fine . . . I love you.’
As Jace opened his mouth to reply, Barney, looking rosy and sweaty, popped his head around the door with a small knock as an afterthought. ‘Only me.’
Lorni scrabbled hurriedly for the letters, shoving them into her bag. ‘Hi, Barney, everything all right?’ She was trying to sound relaxed, but her voice was too high, too fast and too breathless to come across anything like normal. It didn’t help that she felt herself blushing, as if she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t – which in a way she supposed she had.
‘I was going to ask you the same question.’ Holding a glass of champagne and looking glassy-eyed, Barney was staring at the letters, which were still sticking out of Lorni’s bag.
An awkward silence followed before Lorni, growing more paranoid by the minute, broke it. ‘How’s your birthday going? Your watch looks good, by the way. Proper classy.’ Her blue eyes twinkled.
Looking delighted, Barney shook his wrist, jangling the gold strap. ‘I love it and I’m telling you, any mugger who thinks they’re going to come within an inch of this, they better fucking think again. I’d rather they take my eyes first.’ He laughed and grinned at Jace, then gestured with his head to Lorni. ‘Can I have a quick word, sweetheart?’
‘Of course . . . Jace, I’ll be back in a moment, OK?’
Jace nodded, watching his mum walk out with Barney. He hated that his mum kept so many things a secret from him, so he tiptoed across to the door, hoping to listen to what his mum and Barney were saying . . .
On the other side of the door, Barney, dressed head to toe in white – shirt, trousers and loafers – leant against the wall. ‘I wanted to give you an update about Pete. As you know, I wasn’t going to start asking around, didn’t want to bring the devil to the door, but someone came by a minute ago, looking for him. Apparently, no one’s seen him. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the earth,’ Barney said. ‘Pete’s good at that. He’ll often go AWOL, then a few weeks later he’ll turn up selling his shit like nothing’s happened.’
‘So you reckon we’re in the clear?’ There was a tone in Lorni’s voice, as if she wanted it to be a statement rather than a question.
‘As clear as we can be, considering the guy got hit on the back of the head with a brick . . . Only joking! Look, I’ve been as worried as you have, but until there’s a knock on the door, I think we should try to get on with things, don’t you? I want to get back to how things were.’
Lorni gave a small nod. ‘I understand. Look, me and Jace, we can go right now if you like. It won’t take us long, cos we ain’t got any stuff to take with us, apart from them few bits of clothing Natalie gave us.’
Barney took a gulp of champagne. ‘You’re going?’
Lorni tilted her head to look at him. ‘Yeah, of course, we’ve already outstayed our welcome.’
He waved his hands round dramatically. ‘Sweetheart, you’ve been here all of twenty-four hours. I’ve had one-night stands who’ve lasted longer. What’s the rush?’
‘I’m not a charity case, Barney. I like to pay my way, but I don’t have the money to do that. And to tell you the truth, I’d rather leave on a good note. There’s been too many times people have chucked us out cos they think I’m taking the piss. I don’t want that, not with you.’
For a moment the only sound was the Bees Gees medley booming out from the party downstairs, while Barney gazed at Lorni, beads of sweat glistening on his forehead. ‘Look around you, Lorni. This place, the reason it works, the reason I love it, is because of the people here. Natalie, Cora, Tabby, Cooks – they’re all part of my family. Yes, we’re all messed up in our own way, but without them it’s only bricks and mortar. It means nothing.’
