The Crane Moon Cycle Duology, page 4
Looking up at the stars, Aili could hear the soft susurrus of the water striking against the slimy stone of the wall. For some reason she hadn’t been able to hear it, all this time. It was refreshing to hear. The pain in her arm was fading.
“Chenguang?” she called out.
Tairei’s hand tightened on hers, but she didn’t respond.
“Liu Chenguang,” said the man, “you’re taking risks out here, night after night.”
“Get away,” Tairei’s voice came, hard and cold. “How dare you come near me.”
“You’re not even going to say thank you?” the man asked in mock-hurt tones. “I made the vermin leave. What was your plan to deal with them?” Coming closer, he said, “And what is–”
“GO AWAY!”
Aili felt Tairei jump to her feet.
“You don’t come near! Get away from her!” Tairei’s voice sounded raw, high-pitched, almost hysterical.
The man stopped as though surprised. Aili, moving her eyes though she couldn’t move her head yet, watched him hold his hands up, protesting. “I’m leaving, I’m leaving,” he said, placatingly. “We’ll talk another time. When you’re not so…overemotional.”
Tairei responded with something that sounded very much like a curse word, even though the language was a mystery.
The man disappeared, as the others had.
She heard the beating of wings.
Aili tried to sit up, and she did feel much better, but sitting up was all she could do. She looked at her arm. She must have imagined those terrible, pus-filled wounds; there wasn’t a mark on her.
“Tairei, where did they hurt you?”
Tairei was kneeling next to her, rocking slightly back and forth, head down almost to her knees, her arms wrapped around herself, not looking up.
“Tairei,” Aili said, concerned. She reached out, pulling her into an awkward embrace, “Show me where you’re hurt–”
“I’m not hurt,” Tairei said through her muffled sniffling. “I’m not hurt. It’s you that got hurt.” She started sobbing — big, ugly, gasping cries, as though she could barely breathe.
Alarmed, Aili pulled her closer and tried to get her to calm down, calling her name over and over, but she couldn’t stop. Moment after moment, it increased until Tairei was nearly screaming wordlessly, her body shuddering with each sob.
“Tairei!” Aili finally yelled, not wanting to hit her though they’d been trained that this kind of thing was best dealt with through a sharp slap. She shook Tairei gently, by the shoulders, trying to break the rhythm of sobbing cries and bring her back to reality. Tairei’s shining eyes were red-rimmed and unfocused in the starlight, looking past her into the dark, as though she was seeing things that weren’t really there.
“Tairei!”
Tairei put her arms around Aili in return and laid her head against Aili’s shoulder, gasping, her muscles rigid with the effort of trying to control herself.
“No, not like that. It’s all right, it’s all right.” Aili stroked her back gently, like she was a little cat.
Eventually, Tairei looked up at her; she was so very close, her eyelashes glittering with tears and her lips slightly parted as she breathed heavily.
Aili took a deep breath and closed her own eyes; she had never felt anything like this before, never touched or held anyone this way. Especially not someone that was looking at her with eyes like Tairei’s. Aili swallowed and tried to think of petting the cat again.
“Aili,” said Tairei at last, her voice soft and a little hoarse. “Aili, please don’t go. Don’t go, don’t go.” Her arms tightened around Aili’s neck and shoulders. “I will do anything, anything, anything. Don’t go to this war. Stay with me. Please stay with me, be safe with me. I can’t even keep you safe here. You can’t– you can’t go.”
Tairei’s hands softly traced along Aili’s neck, making her shiver, and then she said, “Your hairpins are all crooked. They’re sticking you.”
She pulled them out, one by one, while Aili sat there as though she were frozen. Aili stared past her as she concentrated on unbraiding Aili’s hair, running her fingers through it, and Aili started shivering, and then Tairei’s fingers stroked the edge of her ear, and she closed her eyes, and then. Then. Tairei’s breath, Tairei’s lips against her ear, so gently.
Aili gasped and blindly turned her head, finding Tairei’s mouth, kissing her uncertainly, shyly, until she felt Tairei press forward against her. Aili held Tairei’s face between her hands, then kissed down along her throat to feel the heartbeat beneath her lips, breath quick and uneven.
Body softening against her, Tairei called, yearning, eager, “Deming, Deming, please…”
Whatever had been happening inside her crashed and stuttered into coldness.
Aili broke off the kiss and opened her eyes. Tairei’s eyes met hers, panicked.
For a moment the two of them sat there, frozen, staring at one another, sitting on the cold, bloodstained pavement in the dark, with no sound but the soft, slapping waves. Aili shivered all over with the shock of what had happened — what had stopped happening.
“Who is Deming?” Aili asked, at last. A sharp stab of pain lanced through her temple, and she held her hand to her forehead.
“Deming isn’t anything. It’s just a Daxian word for– for kissing,” Tairei said quickly.
“Tairei,” Aili sighed, “that’s not even a good lie.”
Tairei looked down at the ground between them. They were still entangled with each other.
“Deming is a name,” Aili said. She didn’t know how she knew this with the utmost certainty, but she did. “Deming is a person’s name. I’m not that person.”
Tairei shook her head, shivering.
Aili stood, shaking a little bit.
“Aili,” Tairei said, pleading. She stood up too. “Aili, I…”
Aili wanted to say We’re done now, there’s no possible explanation for you calling me some stranger’s name while you kiss me, but she looked at Tairei, so small and miserable after they had just been touching one another so tenderly, and she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t even keep her own dignity and walk away as Nora would certainly have advised. Instead, seeing the tears trickling down Tairei’s cheeks where she stood with her head bowed, she carefully put her arms around her again and kissed her on the top of her head.
To her own surprise, Aili flushed again at the sensation of Tairei’s hair beneath her lips. Aili took a deep breath, another one, the scent of bitter medicine and incense overwhelming her, and then carefully set space between them.
“Tairei, you’re so upset. This isn’t– this isn’t– Look where we are,” she said, trying to be a decent person.
Tairei’s eyes settled back into consciousness from whatever frenzied world she had gone to and she took a deep breath. “Aili, I’m sorry. You don’t– you don’t– you don’t want to…”
Of course she wanted to, but they were lying in the cold muck in the worst part of Easterly and they had just been attacked by god knows what, and Tairei seemed to be near some kind of nervous breakdown, and…She almost couldn’t bring her mind to remember it, Tairei’s voice calling someone else’s name. Aili compromised by holding her protectively.
“What happened here, tonight?” Aili asked. “What were those things?”
The attackers, the dousing in the filthy estuary, the thing under the water, the man that had come. It all seemed unclear in her mind now. She had been drunk, after all; no doubt it was all just a fight. Nothing new. She had fought so many times just like this, at night, on the street. It wasn’t anything unusual — and no harm done, she didn’t even have any wounds — but something was not right. Not right at all. Her mind was as entangled and confused as her body, and that piercing pain kept coming and going behind her eyes.
Tairei swallowed. “I can explain,” she said, at last. “But it’s…very complicated. Can you let me think about how to explain it, please? Just…give me a little time.”
Her hair still had that scent to it. Aili didn’t dare come closer; something about that scent stirred her in every possible way.
“I need to get back to the base,” she said, resolving to avoid everything in favor of simple reality. “I can’t see you for a few days. We’re in our final testing.”
“I’m sorry,” Tairei said, her voice still raspy. “You’ll be tired tomorrow after…all this.”
“I’m fine,” Aili said, and physically she did feel fine aside from that headache and, sometimes, a shooting, stabbing pain in her chest. “If I pass, they’ll give us two days of leave before we go. I’ll see you then.”
Tairei nodded, and though she didn’t seem to want to let go, eventually she did and walked with her to the ferry. “I’ll be waiting,” she said. “I’ll meet you in Little Daxian.”
Chapter 3
Departure
On the day of the final watermanship test, rain poured down. Aili felt that this was really quite helpful, as they were already soaked and freezing cold before they jumped in. The water of the bay felt warm by comparison to the cold wind, though in reality, their body heat was being leached away rapidly. The wind whipped up huge waves as well. The final mile-long swim to shore left every one of the cohort — except those who had to be rescued themselves — literally dragging themselves on hands and knees onto the ramp and then lying there like dead things. Eighteen hours from crash simulation to final crawl to the deck, but it was done.
Aili and Nora both made it in. They lay there on the dock together staring at the dark afternoon sky, letting the rain crash down on them, and trying to breathe again until they were met by towels and the final evaluations from the trainers.
“I passed,” said Nora, finally. “I did it.”
“You did,” said Aili. “Congratulations. Me too, by the way.”
Giggling weakly, they collapsed onto their bunks. “What are you going to do during last leave?” asked Nora. “I’m going to spend it in Easterly.”
Aili shrugged. “I’m going to Easterly tonight, want to come?”
“Absolutely not. I’m sleeping. I’ll go nice and early tomorrow. Why are you going out again?”
“I just like Daxian food now.”
Nora groaned. “No, not her. Haven’t you learned your lesson?” she asked, and almost immediately passed out, still shivering slightly.
Aili piled another blanket on her, put on a sweater, and went to sign out. They had two and a half full days of leave. At noon on the third day, they would be given their uniforms with appropriate ranks and would embark on the ship.
It wasn’t quite dinnertime, so Aili loitered around the places she had seen Tairei before: the restaurant, the bar, the apothecary, the ferry stop. It was just as well that she hadn’t told Nora what had happened that strange night with Tairei, she thought. Nora would have tied her to the bunk before letting her go again. It was an uncomfortable feeling. She had never lied to Nora before, never even come close to lying. The only time she had ever concealed the whole truth from Nora…well, it had only been about bad things, shameful things. Did that mean that looking for Tairei — dreaming about Tairei — was a bad and shameful thing?
She stood still in the rain and stared at the painting on the wall again. The phoenix was a red bird with golden eyes, surrounded by elaborate flames. As the rain ran down it, the flames looked as though they were flickering in the last dim light.
With all the effort she’d put forth today already, and with the cold rain still coming down, her low body temperature kept cramping up her leg muscles. Just as the shops were beginning to close up for the evening, she had to sit down to catch her breath and massage her legs. She found a little bench up against a wall, probably used for someone to display their wares during the day, and leaned back against the bricks with her eyes closed, rubbing her calves rhythmically.
“Are your legs sore?”
“Tairei!”
Tairei was kneeling next to her, looking up, concerned. She reached out to continue to massage Aili’s knee; Aili jerked in surprise and nearly kicked her in the face. Luckily, Tairei had excellent balance. She laughed and sat on the bench next to her, protecting them both with the umbrella she was carrying.
“I’m so glad to see you,” Aili said, weakly.
Tairei looked like herself again — smiling, her eyes shining as usual, as though that night had never happened. Aili wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. For days now, she had been remembering Tairei’s tear-filled eyes and her sobbing gasps for air even more vividly than the impossible things that had attacked them or the strange man who had driven them away, both of which comparatively seemed unimportant.
Tairei seemed to know what she was thinking. “I’m all right,” she said. “It was just…a lot to happen in one evening.”
Aili nodded. Somehow, she didn’t want to talk about it either. Let Tairei explain in her own time and way. This was the last day they would spend together for years at best — perhaps forever, if her luck was bad — she didn’t want to ruin it with demands.
“What about your legs?” Tairei asked. “Do you want me to heal–”
“Ah no,” she said quickly, “no need. I’m not injured, just tired. We had our final test today, to see how long and far we could swim. I’m just exhausted and my muscles are complaining.”
Tairei smiled and pulled her upright toward a restaurant. “Aren’t you hungry?”
After they had begun eating the rice and braised fish, Aili took a deep breath and said, “Tairei.”
“Mmm?”
“Tairei, you know I’m leaving soon. The day after tomorrow.”
Tairei’s chopsticks stopped in midair, then continued toward the fish. “So soon,” she said. Her eyes and face became very quiet, the shine in them at its lowest ebb.
“Can you choose not to go? Please?” she asked, at last.
Aili shook her head. “I’m committed. It would be desertion. And I wouldn’t want to back out…this is…this is…”
She tried to find some words for it — to explain the ways in which she felt so unable to protect and help the people she loved in the past, how she wanted so much to be able to do it in the future. “I’ve never really accomplished anything good before,” she said at last. “I’m able to do something meaningful, something important now, something that can…help people who are hurt. I don’t mind taking risks to do that.”
Tairei nodded quietly.
“Could you choose…not to go out at night while I’m gone?” Aili asked, even knowing what the answer would be.
Tairei just smiled quietly at her.
“Never mind,” Tairei said. “Never mind it. Let’s trust that we will see each other again when you come back. Let’s…let’s send you off with happy thoughts and memories. So you’ll want to come back.”
I do, Aili thought, looking at her. I want to come back to this person. She turned that over in her mind a few times. There had never been a person that she had wanted to return to.
“How long till you need to go?”
“The day after tomorrow.”
“Then that’s two days we’ll have together, no matter what,” Tairei said firmly. “And two nights.”
Aili stared at her, chopsticks midair, mouth suddenly dry.
Tairei looked as though she was caught between laughter and tears, then put her own chopsticks to Aili’s lips with the piece of fish she had just dipped in sauce. “Eat,” she said gently. “There’s something special I want to do with you. Before you go.”
Aili choked on the fish and grabbed for the liquor again.
“Aili,” Tairei sighed as she handed it over, “please get your mind out of the gutter, it’s not that.”
Aili spat liquor all over the table.
“Although,” Tairei continued, now openly laughing at her and reaching over to wipe Aili’s lips with a napkin, “I’m also open to that option?”
Her head down on the table, Aili prayed that Nora would never learn about this conversation. When she felt like she could look Tairei in the face again, she raised her head and coughed. “It’s– it’s just that I need to make a trip to see my mother. My mother lives in my hometown. It’s not close,” she said. “That’s why I can’t spend this time all with you…”
Then, she thought that sounded very presumptuous, and felt the blush that always showed in her skin. She reached over and gulped more of the liquor, which did not help.
“I mean,” she said, after the burning went away, “I mean. If it were up to me…I would like…you’re the only person I would want to– to spend the time with…?”
Tairei’s face fell, then she said, determined, “I’ll come with you. I can see your hometown and meet your family.”
“No,” Aili said loudly. “Absolutely not.” She sat up straight, her whole body tense with the idea of Tairei in her family’s house.
Tairei stared. “You– you don’t want me to come?”
“It’s not that,” she said, tumbling down from her sudden clarity back into liquor-fueled confusion. “My home isn’t a good place. That’s why I’ve never been back. I won’t go all the way home myself, even. I’ll ask a friend to bring my mother out. She needs to know–” she stopped short, not wanting to say, She needs to know I might die, because she was fairly sure that Tairei would get upset and she didn’t want to ruin their last evening together.
Tairei said, “I could come with you anyway. There’s this thing I want to do with you, but I can’t do it yet. The time’s not right.”
“Ah,” said Aili as though she understood this completely, and ate more fish.
Tairei said, “Please, Aili. I have to come with you.” Her eyes were fixed on Aili’s, dark and sad. She added, “I’ll follow you if you don’t let me come with you.”
