Pack Poisoned, page 12
part #2 of Thrown to the Wolves Series
“Happy-” a gasp “- medium, babe,” Bo manages, and my grin splits my face as he clutches his ribs, wheezing. “But if I had to pick, I vote nocturnal.”
“Work or gangbangs, not exactly much of a choice if you ask us.” Cin tumbles out of his chair with a red face, but I can’t bring myself to be embarrassed, even if they’re laughing at my expense. Seeing them like this? So lighthearted? It’s amazing, and I make a mental note promising myself that I’ll have this again, if only once, because it feels pretty damn amazing.
“Keep laughing, but as soon as Reid and I are done with this project, you’ll understand. Without a sleep schedule, we’re going to become such bitchy pains in your asses that you’re going to wish you enforced our bedtime.”
They lose it, howling with laughter, and I follow right behind them. It’s cathartic in the best of ways; laughing away all of the unknowns, the pain and anxiety, until the only things left are aching sides and cheeks. As our chuckles taper off, it helps put things into a better perspective.
We don’t have to have all of the answers, only the desire to find them.
Between our dying laughter, Slade asks, “Anyone else have anything they want to bring to the table for consideration?”
We look between one another, but nobody raises their hand or speaks up. Sucking down air, I get to my feet, seeking out my bag, but Bo already has it slung over his shoulder. Shooting him a grateful smile, we file out of the room. Come home, we’ll deal with one problem at a time. Whoever ends up shifting, who’s overtired as fuck and on the point of collapse, and anything else. We’ll handle it together, one step at a time.
“Yeah, actually.” Reid’s voice is barely audible, and we all shut the hell up in the face of it, catching onto his anxiety instantly. He meets my eye with determination before rushing out, “I don’t want you to claim me, even accidentally, so I don’t think we should put ourselves in that position anymore.”
If he slapped me in the face it would have hurt less. Instead, I swallow down the knee-jerk reaction to flinch, looking at things from not only his point of view, but also mine. This isn’t a surprise by any means, and I shouldn’t treat it as such. He’s made no effort to hide his objections and worries, and I’m completely on board with them. I don’t want Reid to go through what the rest of them have, and neither does my other half. We love and respect him too much for that.
Yet I can’t stop the feeling of rejection that steals the air from my lungs, even if I know that it’s not what this actually is.
“Deal,” I croak, my voice rough. “I’d never want to do that to you.”
I can feel Slade’s eyes on me, but can’t bring myself to meet them, Reid’s either. It’s not really a breakup, but it sure as hell feels like one. After all, Damian’s proof that I don’t need to bite someone to claim them. It’s safer this way, to cut ties before I sink any deeper.
Doesn’t make it hurt any less no matter how much I try to rationalize it away, though.
“Sabrina,” Reid starts, and I steel my spine, facing him head on; no shrugging him off or running away. We’re adults, so whatever he has to say, he can say it to my face, and I can endure it. I’m not going to guilt him into reconsidering, but I’m not about to let him out of this completely scott-free when I’m hurting so much, either. “I just need some time to come to terms with things and reassess. I was already struggling when I thought it was only a wolf, not a... whatever those things are.”
Plastering a smile on my face that’s transparent as hell, I shoot him a thumbs up. “I get it. You didn’t see me shifting last night either, so I genuinely mean that. This entire situation is pretty fucked up, so no hard feelings.” At the risk of sounding pathetic, I hike up my big girl panties and ask, “Does that mean severing ties completely, or keeping things platonic, only eliminating the sexual aspect? Because I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t miss simply sleeping together or spending time as close friends.”
The distraught look on his face would make you think I’d punched him in the gut. “Sabrina, I don’t think I could give you up if I tried, and I don’t want to. I’m just... not there yet, and I don’t know if I ever will be. You deserve to know that upfront.”
I release a pent-up breath, yet don’t feel any of the tension leave my shoulders with the exhale. “Not sure I’ll ever be ready for any of this either, yet here we are. But as long as you’re not giving up on me, I’m happy. I don’t need to make out with you to enjoy your company, Reid. I like being around you; in whatever capacity that happens to be in.”
A strangled sound comes out of him, yet neither of us move. No one in the room does for that matter, attempting to give us the illusion of privacy. But they heard, saw it all play out blow by blow in full technicolor and surround sound. They watch as their brother takes a step back from me, and in turn, they finally break their paralyzed stasis, crowding my space like they’re worried I’ll fall apart if they don’t hold me together.
I hate that they’re sort of right.
One deep breath turns into three, yet all the while, I keep my body languid, a reassuring smile on my face. I’m not about to guilt Reid into being with me, because that’s depressingly pathetic, and I respect myself far too much for that. Honestly, I can’t even blame him for making the responsible decision. It’s abundantly clear that all it takes is one slip of my control while I’m lost in the heat of the moment and I could mark him. One slash, one unintended bite, and he could be writhing on the ground in agony as his demonically possessed wolf attempts to claw its way out of his flesh, the very thing he’s feared his entire life, yet was semi-confident would never come to pass.
I’m everything they wished for as well as their biggest curse, all in one mentally unstable package. Yay for that self-esteem boost.
“Sabrina,” he croaks, voice a strangled rasp as his gaze flits over me with regret marring his features.
I give him a watery smile. “Don’t, okay? I don’t blame you, and if I were in your position, I’d do the exact same thing. This isn’t a break up because we’re still going to crash in the same bed on occasion, stay up too late watching movies, and finish this operating system even if it makes our eyes bleed out of their sockets. So I don’t need any apologies, because there’s nothing to apologize for. I’m one ill-timed puncture wound away from irrevocably changing your life, and I don’t fault you for being cautious of that. Hell, I’m proud that you’re actually thinking things through enough to be afraid; I know I am. Let’s just carry on and see what happens, because really, our lives seem to change every few days with some new revelation anyway, right? Who knows where we’ll stand a few weeks from now?”
Beneath his glasses, his eyes become glassy, but he quickly clears his throat and conceals it from his brothers. “Right.”
Nodding to him, I close my eyes and sink into Boden’s embrace, inhaling his scent and using it to ground me. It mingles with Slade’s, Cin’s, and even Reid’s, but I try not to concentrate on that last part. Instead, I take deep breaths, and by the time I’m walking towards the door again, I’ve packed everything away so that I can put one foot in front of the other without breaking down.
I want to, but I can’t afford to if I want a hope of surviving the Hawthorne’s unique brand of love that feels a bit like torture right now.
“We should probably get going, shouldn’t we? Sunset is fast approaching, and I might even make it a whole two hours tonight before I collapse and pass out, leaving you guys to maul the villagers while I get some much-needed sleep.”
Chapter 8
Slade
My brother is a goddamn idiot. It’s the only thing that makes any sense.
I tried to do right by him, saving Reid from the darkest parts of our lives. Sure, he launders our money, but he very rarely has had to get his hands dirty like the rest of us. Sabrina trusts him the most, is closer to him than any of us, even when he doesn’t wear her mark like we do. So the only explanation why he’d push the best thing to ever happen in his life away is because for all of those brains, he’s fucking stupid.
Yet she loves him enough to accept it without a fight, trying to put him at ease, as if she thinks she’s some plague that no one could love and can’t fault him for abandoning her. I love my little brother, but I’m two seconds away from pushing him in front of a car so that he can get a reality check and reassess his priorities. I know he’s scared of the loss of control that shifting would bring, that he thinks his very existence is a curse, but he loves that woman. He knows he can’t live without her, knows that he’s hurting her, but is still letting his fear dictate his actions.
I sheltered him too much. In my desire to protect him, it not only hurt him, but all of us, especially Sabrina. She doesn’t let people get close to her for a reason, and Reid got under her skin deeper than anyone’s ever made it thus far, only to rip her fucking heart out. How the fuck she’s going to ever trust any of us after this is beyond me, and I don’t have the first fucking clue how to go about repairing the damage.
Bo’s a wreck, more desperate than I am to fix this. Yet even with my hand on the small of her back, guiding our mate through the building and towards the parking garage, I don’t siphon any of her pain away. Instinctually, I know it’d be the worst move I can make right now. She has enough misplaced guilt on her shoulders without me adding to it. Using my abilities to soothe her would only result in her feeling like she was burdening me with her pain after our conversation.
Sabrina doesn’t want me to fight her battles for her, she wants support while she figures out how to deal with them herself. She wants help, not people taking over and making her feel small.
“So.” My sweet mate’s voice has a self-assured edge to it that has the fine hairs on the back of my neck bristling.
I glance down at my watch. We’re about an hour out from sunset, so I’m not surprised that her wolf is gaining more of a foothold, but I’m worried about what this means for her when Sabrina’s already holding on by a thread. What I’m more concerned about, though, is that mine’s strangely quiet; far more so than most days, let alone after the events of last night. If hers is stirring, mine definitely should be, yet all is suspiciously silent on that front. I don’t think I can even remember a time that I felt so... whole, the stress from Reid the only thing making me irritable.
I don’t trust it.
“Think we can pick up something to eat on the way home?” Sabrina’s tone is cool and collected, but it’s not quite the dramatic shift as it was yesterday, more natural. After that shit with Reid, I’m not surprised that she gave her other half full rein without even attempting to fight for control, but my unease only grows in the face of how seemingly relaxed her wolf is when rationally, she should be pissed.
“Of course, love.”
She tosses me a smile, and I momentarily falter. Her eyes are fully coral now, but there’s a hard glint to them that there wasn’t even half an hour ago, like she’s closing herself off and is putting on a face for show. She’s never looked more like one of us, and it hurts more than I ever considered back when I was secretly wishing for it. Her not being a human makes things easier in some respects, but so much more complicated than we could have imagined in others. Our wolves are all instinct and feral energy, whereas hers is just... cold. Calculating.
If we aren’t careful, it could completely devour the woman we fell in love with.
“Sabrina.” She turns towards Cinjin, raising an eyebrow. He looks... awful, honestly. Torn between his love for his twin and wanting to protect him, yet pissed at him for the pain he caused both himself and our mate. “Can I ask a favor?”
Warily she scans his face as we continue towards the car. “Always. Might not bite, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.”
Taking a deep breath, he blurts, “I know you said my other half was being a shady motherfucker, but I promise that’s not the case. I’d really like you to help me shift tonight so I can prove it.” Before she can get a word in edgewise, he rushes to justify, “We saw how protective the others were over you last night. Between them and your own abilities, I’ve no doubt you could take me out of commission in a heartbeat if necessary. And whatever motive it might have, I can swear there’s no way it would attempt to hurt you, and maybe it’d be better to know anyway, lay all our cards on the table so we can see what we’re dealing with.”
Barely two seconds pass by before she replies, “No.” One word, yet it echoes around the parking garage like a gunshot.
“What do you mean, no?” he snaps, and at that, Bo settles a firm hand on his shoulder, glaring down at him in warning. If he’s going to be this pissy over a denial, it only adds weight to the argument against him being able to keep himself in check when he’s a hell of a lot more lethal.
Without slowing her step, she shrugs a single shoulder. “I mean no. The only reason you’re so pressed to shift right now is because you want hands on experience to try and talk Reid through it in an effort to convince him that it isn’t as bad as he’s making it out to be in his head. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but it’s a shitty reason nonetheless. I like to pretend I’m not so pathetic that someone needs to be convinced to be with me, and I don’t particularly enjoy feeling like you’re using me as a means to an end, either.”
Nobody knows what to say, so we simply walk in increasingly tense silence until we reach the SUV where we can at least use the radio as a buffer. Unlocking it, a sense of foreboding travels down my spine, and with it, my other half finally makes himself known. Hackles raised, a low warning sound rumbles in my chest while I reposition myself so that I’m covering Sabrina’s back as she opens her door. Bo picks up on the same thing I did, scanning our surroundings in the parking garage with a calculated eye.
Sabrina pauses with one foot on the sidestep, cocking her head to the side. Naturally, she doesn’t do the sensible thing of locking herself in the SUV, removing herself from the equation so that we can fight freely without worrying about her getting caught in the crossfire. As wariness builds in my veins, I’m tempted to risk her wrath by shoving her in and slamming the door behind her to ensure she’s safe when we aren’t even sure what the threat is.
She isn’t foolish though, simply holding her position and flaring her nostrils, attempting to get a read on the situation like she’s been utilizing her new abilities her entire life. I’m not sure how long it’ll take me to adjust to having heightened senses as a constant part of my arsenal, but for someone that was human up until a little over a week ago, she’s adapting in spades, far quicker than we are.
As agitated as her wolf seems right now, the only reason she’d back down from a fight is if she thought it would give her an opening to strike. So I’m not surprised when she leaves her door open, but steps down to scan her cool gaze around the garage, yet I still don’t budge to act as a buffer between her and whatever has us on edge.
We can all hear the rapid heartbeat that nearly drowns out the sound of footsteps, so we’re already waiting for the person that rounds the corner behind the cement beam. I’ll admit, I was expecting some nervous idiot to attempt to mug us, not the sight of a massive man, appearing as calm as can be, pressing a gun to Jonathan’s temple. Eyes wide with terror, a strip of duct tape over his mouth and around his wrists, Jonathan’s heart skips a beat when he sees us; a spike of hope that he’ll walk away from this with his brains intact.
It’s a weak grasp at manipulation against Sabrina or Reid, since the rest of us couldn’t give a shit about the mouthy little asshole, but by the way the tattooed, bald asshole’s eyes immediately settle upon my mate, it answers that question. Placing a hand on her shoulder, my wolf all but rolls his eyes, unconcerned with the danger. We could shove our mate out of the way long before that human could turn the gun in her direction, and the threat of Jonathan being killed doesn’t even register on our radar as worth losing any sleep over.
I can hear the evil villain monologue in my head already, so as he starts speaking, I mentally mouth along. It’s hardly the first time any of us have been extorted or threatened.
“If you don’t want me to put a bullet through his brain, you’ll listen closely.” It’s a snarled demand, and the only thing keeping any of us from drawing our weapons is curiosity.
We know all of the families in this area, and they’re the only ones that would have an interest in Sabrina unless this is something to do with her fathers. Yet this guy is simply a street thug, so I’m sure I’m not the only one wanting to understand what any of them are hoping to accomplish by sending a human sacrifice into the heart of a pack of wolves.
“You’ll let the girl go,” he continues, gaze flitting between all of us before settling on my face and narrowing his eyes, “or his brains will be painting the pavement. A trade; your brother lives, the girl goes free. Everybody wins.”
Cinjin raises an eyebrow and tilts his head in confusion, as taken off guard as the rest of us, but not as talented at hiding his reactions. He is well versed in spinning them to his advantage, though. “Well, shit, you’ve got us.” Looking at Sabrina, he sticks out his bottom lip. “It was fun while it lasted. Sorry, beautiful. Guess we better let him take you back to-” he holds up a finger, turning back to the guy that seems to think he’s coming to her rescue “- who again? I’m terrible at keeping track of where we picked up our current flavor of the month from.”
If she doesn’t kill him for that quip first, I will.
The man snarls, digging the muzzle of his handgun harder against Jonathan’s temple, who shuts his eyes with a wince. “No games. That girl’s walking out of here one way or another, the only thing you get to decide is how many of your brothers you’re hauling out of here in body bags.”
He thinks he grabbed Reid. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed such a botched job in my life. This is actually hilarious... in a terribly pathetic sort of way.
