Strings Attached, page 32
Finally, a nurse came for her and brought her into a room to meet with the doctor. She focused on her words as she reeled off a bunch of medical mumbo jumbo and then calmly explained his condition in layman’s terms.
As she absorbed the information, questions of how she was going to handle the unforeseeable future weaved their way in and out of her mind. Insurance claims and impending medical bills. Covering the store. Finding someone to take care of her cats.
How utterly alone she was.
She nodded and thanked the doctor. She became acutely aware of an empty chair beside hers. She wished so badly that Nikki was in it.
Randi reluctantly agreed to leave once Drew filled her in and explained that she was spending the night. She stepped into an empty elevator and headed to the intensive care unit. A kind-faced older woman at the nurses’ station told her they were getting him settled, and she could see him soon.
She found a vacant corner at the end of the hall by a window. Before she could change her mind, she took out her phone and tapped My Favorite Customer on the contacts screen. As it turns out, Nikki, you’re still my favorite. It took three rings before Nikki answered, sounding a bit out of breath in a noisy background.
“Drew?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Are you crying? What’s wrong?”
“I’m at the hospital. It’s my dad. They just moved him into intensive care.”
“What happened? Is he okay? Are you okay?”
She spilled out an abbreviated version of the earlier events. “I was so scared, Nikki. I thought…he grabbed his chest and just fell over. I thought I was going to lose him.” She started crying again. “They said he has walking pneumonia and serious blockages in two arteries.”
“Oh, man. Are you okay? Is Randi still there with you?”
“I sent her home. I’m staying the night. There wasn’t any reason for her to stay. He’s stable, but he needs bypass surgery as soon as possible. They have him on blood thinners and some meds to clear out his lungs. As long as he responds well, they’ll operate on Monday.”
“Damn it.”
Drew heard an overhead page and shuffling noise in the background. “Where are you?”
“O’Hare. We’re on a ninety-minute layover to LA.”
“The Grammys,” she said absently. “That’s this weekend, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Sunday. I should be there with you, Drew.”
But you’re not. That was the point, wasn’t it? Nikki should be here, but she couldn’t be. If we get together again, this is how it will always be. Nikki will be torn between me and her band’s commitments, and I’ll be torn between either accepting that or asking her to choose.
“You can’t miss the Grammys, Nikki. You’ve worked your whole life for this.”
“But…Drew, I—”
“No, Nikki. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Please, listen to me. You need to go. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I know what it means to you, and I…” I care about you too much, Nikki, but you’ll grow to resent me, and I won’t be able to handle that. “I’d never be able to live with myself if I knew you were only here because you felt obligated to be here.”
“Drew, you don’t understand—”
“I just…I just wanted you to know what was going on.” She disconnected before Nikki could weaken her defenses. She wandered back to the waiting room and shut off her phone. She needed to conserve the battery—or so she told herself. I need to let her go before this gets any harder. It had taken every ounce of strength not to stop Nikki as she’d run away from her the night she’d brought her the Ella Fitzgerald album. She still hadn’t been able to listen to it.
It was going to be a long night.
***
Nikki stared at her phone. She squeezed it so hard she feared it might shatter in her hand. Drew doesn’t want me there. She’s in crisis, and still, she doesn’t want me there. But she called. What does that mean?
“Nik, we need to go. They’re about to board.” Jaymi tugged at her sleeve. When she didn’t budge, Jaymi tipped her head and forced eye contact. “What’s wrong?”
She snapped out of her funk and looked around her. Five questioning faces stared back at her. Jaymi. Shawn. Kay. Brian. Lance. People she loved more than life itself. People who counted on her every day. For strength. For encouragement. For love. For friendship. For livelihood.
“I love each of you more than you’ll ever know.”
Jaymi rubbed her arm. The concern on her face was palpable. “Hey, tell me what’s going on.”
She looked into Jaymi’s beautiful blue eyes—eyes that used to break her heart into a million pieces every time she looked at them. Eyes that used to ignite painful longing and useless desires that she thought she’d suffer with forever. Now all she wanted to do was cry on her best friend’s shoulder.
She’d stayed away from Drew for two months because she’d had enough of wanting someone she couldn’t have. She’d learned the hard way with Jaymi that it was no way to live.
Except it was different with Drew. Drew loves me. I’m sure of it.
“Jaymi, can I talk to you a minute?”
“Yeah, of course.” Jaymi turned to the rest of the band. “Go ahead, guys. We’ll be along in a minute.”
As she filled Jaymi in on the situation back home, it became crystal clear what she needed to do.
***
Drew checked the time. Again. Whoever invented the clock was a sadistic bastard. The people working there also needed to look up the definition of “soon” because according to her dictionary, she should have been able to see her dad hours ago.
Stiff and hungry, she checked in with the nurses’ station again only to learn they still had no idea when she could see him, and she headed to the cafeteria. As she slid into a remote corner booth with food she hoped she could keep down, she stared at the empty seat across from her. As badly as she wanted Nikki here by her side, she knew she’d done the right thing by insisting she go to the Grammys.
Maybe it was selfish of me to call. She should be on cloud nine right now, and instead, I might have ruined it for her. She took a tentative bite of her sandwich. Despite her hunger, she tasted nothing, the flavors on her tongue benign and unsatisfying. She forced down the food out of sheer necessity and willpower.
Why does it have to be a competition? Randi’s words echoed through her mind.
God, Nikki must think I’m a horrible person. She sucked on her straw, but she couldn’t rid her mouth of its cottony coating fast enough. She ripped off the plastic cover and took huge gulps until the cold liquid provided a small semblance of relief.
Nikki’s never asked me for a single thing except for a chance to get to know each other and to be appreciated for who she really is.
And time and time again, Nikki had selflessly done things for her without even being asked. Every gesture had been something in Drew’s best interest. She was even willing to miss the Grammys to be with her now. What did that say about her?
Maybe she was projecting her feelings toward her mother onto Nikki. Her self-absorbed, emotionally unavailable, sorry excuse for a mother, whose only response to her message was a succinct text telling her not to worry, that her father was a strong man, and to keep her posted. Drew had asked Nikki to make an unfair and uncalled for choice. She’d selfishly made it an ultimatum when there didn’t need to be one at all. She’d ruined everything.
How was Nikki spending her weekend? Was she rubbing elbows with other music stars? Was the band rehearsing like crazy? Was she accepting invitations to after-parties?
Is she missing me?
I hope so. Her insides twisted. Because I miss you.
“If you’re having the time of your life, then I’m happy for you because you deserve it,” she whispered, surprised at her own sincerity with how much Nikki’s happiness meant to her.
All Nikki ever wanted was to love me and for me to love her. She dropped her fork onto her plate and fell back against the unforgiving plastic seat. I love her. I do. My God, I love her. Her heart beat wildly in her chest. If she loves me too…if I know she’ll always come home to me, isn’t that better than not being with her at all?
Her phone chimed. She sighed with relief at the text message and quickly scooped up her food tray. Everything else would have to wait.
She was going to see her dad.
Chapter Forty-Six
Nikki couldn’t deny the atmosphere at the Grammys was electric. There had even been a few moments so far when she hadn’t thought about Drew. Yet even when she’d gotten caught up in the thrill of meeting some of her musical idols or posing for group photos or answering questions from red carpet correspondents, there was something missing—everyone else had dates on their arms.
They’d just been ushered to their seats. Sandwiched between Jaymi and Kay, Nikki’s peripheral vision caught Shawn’s leg bouncing nervously. She fought back her jealousy. Jaymi had her lover by her side for the biggest night of their lives when the woman she loved was three thousand miles away. It hurt even worse knowing that it was Drew’s choice to not be here, although with what had happened with Jerry, it was probably a damn good thing she hadn’t come after all.
Jaymi swiveled in her seat to look behind them and then stood abruptly. “You made it!”
Nikki turned to see Jaymi hugging her father as he found his seat next to Brian’s parents—Jaymi’s aunt and uncle—in the row behind them. Sometimes, Jaymi, I wish I could be you.
After greeting Jaymi and Brian’s family, she turned to Shawn and saw sadness in her eyes. Shawn’s parents weren’t there either; she’d lost one to death and the other to estrangement. She gestured to herself and the rest of the group. “You’ve got us, Shawn.”
Shawn smiled. “I know.”
Everyone settled into their seats as the audience lights dimmed, and Sierra Sparks took the stage to perform the opening number. Nikki’s insides fluttered, and she peeked at her watch. Passion Play would be making their Grammy debut in a little over an hour, right before the commercial break prior to their first category nomination. She wanted to savor every minute of this experience, and she was itching to grab the mike again. Rehearsals yesterday had been a rush. She could only imagine how energized she was going to feel in front of an audience of her peers and heroes.
As the show continued, her feelings ebbed and flowed between enjoying the show and worrying about Drew and Jerry. If there had ever been a time in her life she needed to be in two places at once, it was now. Regardless of what Drew had told her, she couldn’t help thinking that Drew wanted her there, or she wouldn’t have called.
Drew’s right. There will be times like this when we’ll both have to make sacrifices. Time apart that couldn’t be avoided. Long distances between them that couldn’t be traveled quickly. Commitments that had to be honored. Was it all worth it?
Is Drew worth it?
Yes. Most definitely. Her stomach lurched. Does Drew think I am?
The audience suddenly rose into a standing ovation as the latest pop sensation concluded their performance. The emcee announced a commercial break, and Nikki jumped at the opportunity to escape to the restroom.
She grabbed Shawn’s arm on her way by. “Hey. Come with me. I want to ask you something.”
Shawn gave her a questioning look, then shrugged. “Okay.”
Once in the safety of the lobby, she pulled Shawn aside. “If you hadn’t joined Passion Play and you were still back home getting your own career off the ground, do you think you and Jaymi would’ve stayed together?”
Shawn looked at her as if she was nuts. “Of course we would have. Look at how happy she is in there. It’s awesome.”
“What if you couldn’t have come with her tonight?”
Shawn beamed. “Dude, so what? That would’ve sucked, but I wouldn’t’ve wanted her to miss this for anything.”
“Even if you were having a crisis?”
She studied her feet for a moment and rocked side to side as if considering her response carefully. She looked up and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, it wouldn’t matter what the hell I was going through; I’d suck it up and insist she go. I couldn’t live with myself if she missed something this important. Her happiness is everything to me.” Her expression turned more serious. “Nikki, what’s going on?”
“Jerry’s in the hospital.”
“Drew’s father? Shit. Is he okay?”
“I don’t know. But Drew told me not to come. She said roughly the same thing you just did about me not missing this.”
“Man. No wonder you’re distracted.” She nudged Nikki’s shoulder with her fist. “She must really care about you.”
An inkling of comprehension dawned on her. “You think so?”
“Well, yeah. She’s gotta know how much this means to you. Come on, I’ve seen how tight she is with her dad. If she didn’t want you to miss this…”
Theme music emitted from the theater, their cue that the break was about to end, and she still needed to use the ladies’ room. “Thanks, Shawn. You’ve been a big help. You better get back in there.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Shawn stared at her for a moment. “You coming?”
“In a minute.”
Shawn headed back inside, and Nikki fell against the wall. It was reassuring that Shawn’s feelings on the subject agreed with her own gut. Drew’s pushing me away out of fear but also, just maybe, out of love.
The next segment of the show dragged on. Nerves wiggled their way in as their turn to perform drew nearer, and she channeled all her energy into finding her focus. The band scurried behind a young man wearing a headset, and she nestled into her home behind the mike stand.
She closed her eyes and silenced her mind. She opened them to a wide black curtain rising in front of them, slowly revealing the sea of high-fashioned, designer-clad audience members. The crowd roared as Brian clacked his sticks together above his head and then banged out one measure on the drums. Jaymi, Shawn, and Kay dove into the intro, and they were off.
She stood motionless, one hand on the stand to steady herself and the other wrapped around the microphone, wishing it was Drew’s hand, and poured out her soul. They came to the chorus, and she grabbed the mike, stand and all, and took it with her back and forth across the stage as she made love to the audience with her voice. The crowd’s response ignited her further.
Jaymi launched into a guitar solo, and they grinned at each other. Shawn strummed wildly away on her acoustic. Nikki reversed direction and caught Kay’s eyes glimmering with excitement even though her expression was one of concentration. She rounded on Brian, whose face reflected pure joy. God, I love this.
The song ended much too soon. She patted her heart and blew a kiss to the crowd in thanks. Two guests about halfway back were the first to stand. Even from this distance, she recognized them. It can’t be. The surrounding spectators rose and obscured her line of sight.
“Let’s go!” The stagehand waved his hand at them frantically. There was a blur of activity as they handed off their instruments and came together to an area near the main stage to await their fate.
Amidst her mates’ chatter, she tried wrapping her mind around what she just saw. Or thought she saw.
Jaymi touched her arm. “Nik, what is it?”
“My parents are here.”
“They are?”
“How…I didn’t give them tickets.”
Jaymi chuckled quietly and smiled. “Something tells me your father could score Grammys tickets if he wanted them bad enough.”
“But—”
The theme music cut her off, and they all turned their attention to the host, who introduced the presenters for the category of Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group. After exchanging lame, scripted banter, they named off the nominees one by one.
A drum roll erupted in her chest. This is it. Winners or not, she couldn’t be prouder of the four people standing with her now.
“And the Grammy goes to…” The woman peeled open the envelope.
Nikki nearly jumped out of her skin at the excruciatingly long pause. Come on, just say it already.
“Passion Play!”
They screamed and engulfed each other in a group hug. She floated up the steps and accepted the award handed to her. It would have weighed her down had she not been so high. They walked together to the podium. Jaymi nodded to her to speak first.
She cradled the Grammy securely in one hand and adjusted the microphone. “Wow. I…I’m stunned.”
She took a moment to breathe and, without even trying, spotted her parents sporting expressions of pride and happiness that she’d never seen before. I’m stunned all right—in more ways than one.
“Whew, so many people to thank. Our fans, first and foremost, for their support from day one. My bandmates, whom I love with all my heart. Our manager, Lance, who’s a big pain in the ass, but then again, so am I.” She smiled and relaxed slightly when the audience chuckled.
She blew out a big breath. She looked directly at her parents. “But none of us would be up here right now if it weren’t for our music teachers. So, thank you, Mom and Dad, for getting me into lessons and supporting my passion to play. And lastly, to one very special teacher, the woman I love, who couldn’t be here tonight.” She held up the Grammy. “No matter what the future brings, baby, I salute you.” She stepped away as Jaymi took over.
Her entire body tingled, and her mind spun. I just told the world that I love her. She didn’t even know if Drew was watching the show. She followed the group back to their seats in a daze, but she was intercepted in the aisle by her mom and dad. They were all smiles. It was weird.
Her mom pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. “Oh, Nikki. This is so wonderful! I’m so happy for you!” She released Nikki, and her father took her place.
