Strings Attached, page 25
“Why?”
“Because all of a sudden, she started taking me with her everywhere she went. It was the happiest I’d ever felt. She took me to the zoo. She took me to Disneyland. She made a big deal of going out for ice cream or to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal. I remember people kept taking pictures of us no matter what we were doing or where we were. She showed me off and bragged about how beautiful and talented I was and that I was the light of her life.” Drew’s smile faded, as did the light in her eyes.
They sipped their drinks, and she waited for Drew to continue.
“I’ll never forget the day she got the news that she didn’t get the part. It was as if someone had flipped a switch. Just like that, our ‘special time’ ended. She never came right out and said so, but she made me feel as though it was my fault. I was crushed. It was all for show. She was just getting ready for a role, one she didn’t want in real life.”
“Oh, Drew.” She took Drew’s cup from her and set it on the coffee table with her own. “She never should have done that to you. Using you to further her career…I can’t imagine how painful that must have been for you.”
“Do you see why I snap the way I do? It’s like an emotional reflex—things are out of my mouth before I can stop myself. Then I hate myself for it because I’m taking it out on other people. I don’t mean to, Nikki. Honestly, I don’t.” She began crying.
Nikki put an arm around Drew’s shoulder and pulled them together. “I know you don’t. I guess we’re alike in that way. My temper gets the best of me and my filter goes—” She made a Frisbee-toss gesture with her hand and whistled. “Right out the window.”
Drew snuggled her head between Nikki’s chin and collarbone. “When you’re hurt, it can be hard to control your feelings.”
“Yeah.” She played with Drew’s hair. “Maybe that’s what we’re doing wrong. We need to let our feelings out rather than hold in our pain.”
“It helps to have someone to share them with.” Drew pulled back and held her gaze. “I’ve never told anyone about that before.”
Her eyes shone, and Nikki swiped a thumb beneath each one before cupping her jaw. Nikki touched her lips to hers, tasting the salt from their shared tears. “I’m glad you told me.” She kissed her again, softly and then lifted her chin. “You can tell me anything, okay? I want you to know that. I want you to feel safe with me.”
“I can’t believe you’d feel that way after the way I’ve treated you. I keep passing judgment on you, and still, you forgive me.”
“I see a lot of myself in you. I can relate to that bitterness because of my dad.” She took Drew’s hand in her own. “You think she’ll ever come around?”
“It’d be a miracle if she did. Everything was always all about her. ‘Does my hair look all right? Is my makeup okay? How does this dress look on me? Do I look thin enough? Should I get a nose job?’ She never paid any attention to what I was wearing—unless I was going to be seen in public with her, which was almost never.
“When I came out to her, she was okay with it. She’d figured it out before I did. She said, ‘Oh, darling, everyone’s gay in this town. Don’t sweat it.’ She acted like it was no big deal. Well, maybe it wasn’t a big deal for her, but I’d just done the most terrifying thing I’d ever had to do. Maybe it was old news for a Hollywood celebrity to come out of the closet, but middle school is a whole different world. Don’t get me wrong—I was relieved she and Dad didn’t reject me, but I was terrified when it came to my peers. I thought telling her first might make it easier to tell other people. I wanted her emotional support. I wanted her advice. Instead of acknowledging the magnitude of what I’d just done, within minutes she was saying, ‘Well, that explains why you never wanted to play dress-up with me or had any fashion sense whatsoever.’ And just like that, she had something else to do or somewhere to go.”
Nikki squeezed Drew’s hand. “I had the opposite problem. My father was afraid my being gay would cost him votes. My mom didn’t reject me outright, but she pressured me to hide who I was for my father’s sake.” She stroked Drew’s thigh and toyed with the hem of Drew’s shirttail. “This might sound twisted, but your mother makes me feel better about myself. I guess I’m not as self-absorbed and obsessed with my career as I thought I was.”
She chuckled lightly, and Drew did the same.
“We’re both lucky we’re not more screwed up than we are.”
Nikki leaned back and cocked an eyebrow. “Speak for yourself, McNally.”
Drew laughed. “Shut up. You know it’s true. For the record, I don’t think you’re self-absorbed. Vain, maybe, and a bit overconfident at times, but from what I’ve seen, you’re quite the opposite of self-absorbed.”
“You think so?”
Drew’s eyes twinkled as her lips twitched upward. She kissed Nikki’s cheek. “I know so.”
“Thank you for saying that. It always feels like people only look at the outside. I guess I’m so used to it that I assume I have to play the part to keep everyone happy.”
“Says the child of a politician.” Drew tapped Nikki on the nose. “It’s no surprise you’d feel that way. You don’t have to do that with me. I like you better when you’re like this. Warm. Open. Caring.”
Nikki could actually feel herself blush. “I don’t think there are many people who would describe me that way.”
Drew furrowed her brow. “Then they don’t know the real you. You run to Jaymi’s rescue when she’s upset. You support your bandmates. You drop everything to put gas in Melissa’s car. And you offer me advice on my mom.”
She shrugged. “Yeah. So?”
“You’re always there for people you care about, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know about always, but I try.”
“So, who’s there for you, Nikki?”
She rested her cheek on the top of Drew’s head. She loved the silky feel of Drew’s hair. “My parents gave me everything I needed to succeed, but when it comes to my emotional well-being, the band is my extended family. They’re the ones who keep me going.”
“You’ve already told me about all that.” Drew traced a light pattern with her fingertip on Nikki’s stomach. “What I want to know is, who sees you cry? Who do you open up to when you’re upset or need a friend to talk to?”
“Jaymi, most of the time. Or Randi. They’re my closest friends.”
Drew pushed herself up and looked at her. “I met Randi today.”
“You did?”
“She came by the store to introduce herself, and she offered to escort us to the bank.” Drew studied her for a second. “I thought you were going to visit her?”
Shit. Did Drew think she’d lied to her? How would she feel about her seeing Jaymi instead? Stupid guilty conscience. That’s all this is. It wasn’t as though Drew would have a reason to distrust her. Calm down and just tell her the truth.
“Yeah, I planned to, but she was working. I hung out with Jaymi instead.”
“Oh.” Drew settled back onto her shoulder and resumed her finger doodles on her belly. If not for the tension she sensed, she’d be getting aroused by the touch. “So, how’d you and Randi meet?”
Fuck. She let out a long breath. How could she possibly answer that question without making both herself and Randi look bad?
“Did you used to date her?”
“Ay-ay-ay, Drew. Are you sure you want to know?”
“Is it really that bad? Is she one of the fans that you slept with?”
“No. I mean, yes, she’s a fan now. We met before anyone knew who Passion Play was.”
Drew’s body stiffened. “So…I’m confused. Did you sleep with her or not?”
What would Drew think of her if she knew the truth? After looking like a saint compared to Drew’s mother a few minutes ago, now she was going to come off as a total whore. On the flip side, it felt good to think that Drew might be a wee bit jealous.
“Nikki? Oh God, you’re not involved with her, are you?”
She is jealous. “No. Not anymore.”
“Oh.” Drew pulled her knees into her chest and hugged herself. “So, she’s an ex.”
“No, she’s not an ex but…shit, Drew. If you must know, yes, we’ve slept together. More than once. Randi’s a good friend, to both me and Shawn. I don’t want you to think badly of her. She’s got a heart of gold, and she’s very happily in a relationship with a wonderful woman now.”
“And how many other ‘friends’ have you slept with, Nikki?”
“Nobody! Geez, Drew, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were jealous.” She nudged her and flashed her a big smile. She didn’t want to fight again.
Drew pursed her lips. “I am not jealous.”
“You are, too!” She tickled Drew’s stomach.
Drew shrieked and wiggled away, but she was already wedged up against the end of the sofa and couldn’t get far.
Nikki persisted despite Drew’s attempts to push her away. “Admit it!”
She gasped.
“And now you’re turning green!”
“That’s because you’re making me nauseous, you jerk! Stop tickling me!”
“You are such a liar.” She eased off. She pulled off the blanket and let it drop to the floor.
Drew pounced toward her. Surprised, Nikki slid off the couch on her butt, taking Drew with her.
“Ow!” said Nikki.
“Hey, I’m not that heavy.”
“No, but the floor is hard. At least you had me to cushion your landing.”
Drew straddled her lap and hooked her hands behind Nikki’s neck. “How gracious of you.”
Nikki grinned and waggled her eyebrows. “There is a fee, however.”
Drew leaned closer. “I don’t have any money.” She shifted her body and their centers met. “Will you take other forms of payment?”
“I can think of several.”
“Such as?” Drew’s lip quirked upward.
“Admit you’re jealous first. Then we’ll negotiate.” She ground into her.
Drew’s breath hitched. “Oh. No fair.”
She slid one arm around Drew’s waist and pulled them together. “Admit it.” She moved her hand higher beneath Drew’s shirt. She caressed the soft skin along Drew’s side and teased a finger beneath the bottom band of her bra.
Drew dropped her head onto Nikki’s shoulder. “You’re such a jerk,” she whispered.
She nuzzled Drew’s ear. “Ready to confess yet?” She ran her tongue along the lobe and exhaled.
“No.” Drew shivered.
She ran her fingers across Drew’s breast and circled the hard nipple. “Now?”
“Oh God.” Drew moaned. “Yes.”
“Yes, you like what I’m doing, or yes, you’re jealous?”
Drew sandwiched her face between her hands. “Yes, I love what you’re doing, and yes, I’m jealous. You win, all right?” She caught Nikki’s lips in a hard, demanding kiss.
Nikki started to lie back, but rather than join her, Drew backed away, stood, and pulled Nikki into her arms, locking them into another scorching kiss. “Now take me to bed and give all those other women reasons to be jealous of me.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Drew took Nikki’s hand and chased her up the carpeted stairs. Nikki stopped on the landing halfway up and crushed her mouth to hers. They fell against the wall, hands grabbing at clothing, gasping for breath between kisses. Nikki started backward up the next flight, their lips still locked as she fingered the button of Drew’s jeans. As turned on as she was, Drew knew that if they continued disrobing here, her two left feet might send them tumbling to the bottom—and to the emergency room.
Drew pried herself away. “To bed, baby. Please.”
Nikki gave her an understanding look. Without a word, she led her to the bedroom. More light-colored walls, scantily decorated, and a king-sized bed with a black and burgundy comforter awaited them. Drew didn’t bother taking in the rest of her surroundings. That could wait. She removed what clothing remained on her body as Nikki did the same. Nikki yanked down the covers, and they fell into each other.
She kissed Nikki with a hunger she’d never felt before. She wanted her so badly it scared her. She knew she was falling hard for her. Fame or no fame, she wanted her as much as she wanted to breathe. She kissed her way down Nikki’s neck. An hour ago, they were freezing on the deck. Now the heat between them was undeniable. She tasted the salty sheen of sweat on Nikki’s collarbone and then sucked in her nipple, already hard and ready for her.
Nikki moaned and moved beneath her. “Drew…oh baby…touch me. Please, touch me.” She squeezed Drew’s breast and pinched her taut nub, nearly making her scream in pleasure. “I need…fuck, Drew, please. I want you inside me.”
She slid two fingers within her. Nikki raised her hips to meet her, and they rocked and moved as one. She grew acutely aware of every sound Nikki made, to every movement and response to her touches, and she soaked it all in as if each fulfilled sense had come together in a perfectly composed symphony. Nikki closed around her and cried out. She continued light strokes as she rode out the waves and then became still.
Nikki caressed her back. “Drew. Come up here and let me hold you, but…stay inside me. I need you, baby. I need this connection.”
She had no intention of withdrawing. She kissed Nikki’s stomach, between her breasts, her neck, and then tenderly touched her lips to hers. “Me too.” She looked into Nikki’s eyes. The vulnerability and love she saw in them took her breath away. She wondered if her own eyes were as revealing.
Did she dare admit how strong her feelings were? She nestled into Nikki’s shoulder. Nikki’s arms came around her, emanating warmth that was both physical and emotional. She wanted to stay there forever.
Forever? For real? Could Nikki be feeling the same way?
“I feel so close to you right now it scares me,” Nikki whispered.
Drew kissed her. “I feel it, too.”
She wanted her again. She captured Nikki’s lips and removed her hand from Nikki’s warmth. Nikki whimpered in protest. Drew continued kissing her, savoring the combined sweetness of Nikki’s lips and tongue. She hovered over her for a moment and then slowly grazed her breasts across Nikki’s several times. Nikki’s skin was as soft as the silk sheets beneath them. Their combined wetness sent tingles through her veins. She sat back on her heels and ground into her, arching back, reveling in the feel of her own hair tickling her back, amazed that she could ever feel this free and unbridled while making love.
“Oh, Drew, baby, you’re gonna make me come again.”
She increased her tempo and pressed harder with each thrust. They crested within seconds of each other and screamed in unison as they went over the edge together. She collapsed into Nikki’s arms, writhing and shaking as the high slowly subsided.
They fell silent. She wrapped herself into the length of Nikki’s beautiful body, their limbs entangled and misty. She was still throbbing with desire. She wanted her again. God, how could she still be this aroused? It had been years since she’d been with another woman, but she’d never wanted anyone so much in her life.
“How about dessert?” Nikki asked.
She wanted dessert, all right. And it came in the form of Nikki’s wet—
“I want some pie.” Nikki propped up on one elbow. She gave Drew a mischievous smile and ran her tongue along her jawline. “And I want to eat it off your body.”
Holy shit. “That’s the sexiest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
Nikki walked out of the room in all her glorious nakedness. Drew’s clit pulsed in anticipation. She closed her eyes and lay spread-eagle on the crimson sheet. She heard Nikki come back in, but she remained as she was.
“Perfect. You’re perfect, Drew. God you’re beautiful.”
Drew smiled and opened her eyes when she felt Nikki’s weight beside her. “You’re the one who’s beautiful. I could drink in the sight of you all night and never get enough.”
“And you, baby, are delicious.” She held up the pie and scooped a generous dollop of whipped cream onto her finger. She smeared it onto each of Drew’s nipples, which responded immediately to the cold. “And I’m going to devour you.” She flicked at the cream with her tongue, varying the length and pressure of the strokes in between swallows until it was gone. She then sucked in the nipple and massaged it with a sensuous kiss before repeating the process on the other side.
The sensations were beyond anything Drew had experienced before. They were soon taking turns as they took full advantage of the spacious bed to play and touch and taste. She lapped a line of chocolate down Nikki’s stomach and stopped at her neatly trimmed mound.
“Don’t stop, baby. Take me, all of me, and I want you at the same time.”
Drew swung one leg over her body and took Nikki into her mouth. Her knees almost buckled when Nikki pulled her down by the hips. Nikki spread her tongue over her aching labia and worked her lips, sending her into such oblivion that she nearly stopped her own lavishing of Nikki’s soft folds.
In a matter of minutes, she came so hard she almost stopped breathing. She moaned loudly, exhaling heavily, wanting desperately to send Nikki over the edge. She slipped a finger inside her and stroked frantically. Nikki released a deep, guttural scream. Drew pulled the covers over them as she kissed a trail to Nikki’s face.
“Nikki, baby. That was…”
“I think the term you’re looking for is un-fucking-believable.”
She smiled into Nikki’s hair. “You have such a way with words.” She kissed her. “But I have to agree.”
“From now on, when we go out to eat, we’re ordering dessert to go.”
“I like the way you think.”
“I like the way I think, too.” Nikki lightly ran her fingers down Drew’s arm and then kissed her sweetly.
“I like the way you do…everything.”
She slid her hand around Drew’s waist, drawing their hips together. “Oh yeah?”
She kissed her long and slow. “You know what I like the most?” She stroked Nikki’s cheek and looked her in the eye.
