Jesse's Wish, page 4
Alex nods. He’s in safer waters. This is something he comes across in his daily work.
‘You want a proof of concept.’
‘A what of what?’
Alex grins. ‘A proof of concept. It’s like a plan of how to build something. So, in my line of work, someone might come to me saying, “I want a game where all the possums in the world turn into zombies.”’
Jesse rolls her eyes. ‘Oh wow, another zombie game. How original.’
‘Hang on,’ Alex says. He’s enjoying chatting to this kid. ‘That’s just an example. But let’s say someone does want a game where all the possums turn into zombies. They’ll tell me what they want, including what they want it to look like, how zombies work in this world, what the aim of the game is, and then I’ll go away and think about how I could make it work. I’ll do some drawings, write up a plan – that’s the proof of concept – and if it matches with the idea they’ve got in their mind, I’ll go ahead and make it.’
Jesse nods thoughtfully. ‘So that’s what I want from you, at least at first. A proof of concept. I want to make sure you get what I want.’
‘OK then, hit me with it.’
Jesse takes a deep breath. ‘Well, here’s what I’m thinking. I want a video, like a story of my life, with all the happy things my family and I have done, something that they can be part of, then watch if . . . when . . . I’m not here. Kinda like when you take a lot of photos and make a slide show but more complex than that, I want to relive some of the photos we have and make them into a story of my family when I was in it. Something they can experience. Something so they don’t forget me.’
‘Don’t forget you,’ Alex repeats. It’s hard to think that this vibrant, intelligent girl doesn’t have much time left. It feels wrong. ‘Is there any chance that you might get better?’
‘Do you know what the word terminal means?’ Jesse says sharply.
Alex rubs his forehead. Life is so crap. And he understands now why Kelly was so prickly with him before – it would be so much worse if he promised he could help Jesse but didn’t deliver. What Jesse is asking for is amazing – beautiful even – he can see it in his mind’s eye, but it’s also incredibly ambitious and, if he’s honest, he just isn’t confident that he can do it.
‘I’m so sorry, Jesse, but I don’t know what I can do. It sounds like you want to make a movie, and while we partner with production companies, helping them make films and miniseries, this isn’t our area.’
‘But you make games, I’ve seen some with your company’s name on them.’
‘Used to. We’ve moved on from them for the most part, now we only make high-end CGI games for arcade use.’
‘But you do it, you make the same game over and over. Oh yeah, you change the characters and scenarios they play, but they are basically the same game.’
‘You know your stuff!’ Alex says with growing admiration.
This is something he’s thought for a long time – he’s even raised it with Ian, but his boss has zero interest in investing in innovation. Alex feels he’s slowly watching TriOptics lose whatever edge on the market they once had, when Frank was in charge, before he retired and handed the company over to his dead-beat son-in-law. He thinks of the project he has been working on at home.
‘I’ve been doing my research. What else am I going to do, sitting in this bed? My dream was to be a game designer. That’s not going to happen now, but with your help I’d like to design just one thing.’
‘Look, I’m sorry you’re sick, I really am, but I can’t promise that I can make what you want. It’s really ambitious. I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed.’
‘Disappointed? So, you’re not even going to try?’ Jesse’s voice is full of disbelief and anger. ‘Because I might be disappointed? Don’t you think I know about disappointment?’
Alex is at a loss for words.
‘Why would you come here if you don’t even want to try?’ She shakes her head, on the verge of tears. ‘You don’t want to be here, do you? You don’t want to help me. You never did.’
‘It’s not like that.’
‘So, what are you doing here?’
‘My boss told me—’
‘Your boss, I see. You’re not interested in helping me, you’re just here because you were told to come. Well, I don’t want to waste any more of your precious time.’
Before he can respond, Kelly rushes into the room, grabbing Alex by the arm. Forcing him to his feet, she marches him out of the room as Amy comes in and runs to Jesse. Out in the hall, staff, visitors and patients, including Ryan and Luke, stop and watch as Kelly drags Alex to one side.
Away from the observers, Kelly releases his arm. ‘What just happened in there?’
‘I don’t know. We were talking, and she told me to go.’
‘What did you say to her?’
‘I told her I thought that what she was asking for was too ambitious.’
‘So, you told her she can’t have her wish?’ Kelly folds her arms, blue eyes blazing.
‘Well, not in so many words . . .’
Kelly turns from him, shaking her head in disbelief.
‘Look, I never wanted to be here in the first place.’
‘Whether you want to be here or not is beside the point—’
‘I don’t need this,’ Alex cuts in, storming off. The last thing he hears as he punches through the double doors towards the lifts is Kelly calling after him.
‘And clearly Jesse doesn’t need you!’
Kelly turns around to see she has an audience. Ryan is staring at her with his mouth open as if he can’t quite comprehend what he has just witnessed, and Luke is looking down at the ground.
Sandy comes over to Kelly. She has helped make wishes happen for too many children. She knows the toll it takes on everyone involved. The patient, their family, the staff who work on the ward, the people who volunteer to help. ‘You were pretty hard on him. Hell, it was probably the first time the poor guy has been on a kids’ ward, let alone met a child with a terminal illness,’ she says softly.
Kelly looks away, competing emotions playing out on her face. She wants to hide from them all. ‘He can’t help her, you heard him.’
‘That may be, but did you give him a fair chance? Come on, I’m due a break, let’s go to my office.’
Kelly follows Sandy who shuts the door behind them. Kelly drops into a chair facing the desk as Sandy pops a capsule in her coffee machine, placing a cup under the spout. Hearing Kelly sniffle, Sandy takes a box of tissues from her desk and tosses them to her. Kelly takes a tissue and blows her nose loudly, feeling slightly sheepish.
‘Want to talk about it?’ Sandy asks as the steaming coffee pours into the cup, the aroma filling the room.
‘No. No, I don’t,’ replies Kelly, aware that she sounds a bit like one of her teenage patients.
Sandy hands Kelly the coffee and pulls the chair from the other side of the desk to sit beside her.
‘I should never have let him near her,’ Kelly finally blurts out.
‘What happened?’
‘He upset her.’
‘Looks to me like Jesse wasn’t the only one he upset.’
‘I should never have let him near her if he couldn’t help. Right?’
Sandy half-heartedly nods.
‘I mean, what was the point, you either want to help or you don’t. Right?’
Another small nod from Sandy gives Kelly nothing.
‘OK, maybe I could’ve prepared him better, could’ve found out what exactly she wanted, but that was his job. Right?’
A not-so convincing nod from Sandy.
‘It was his whole attitude, from the minute he arrived, he never wanted to be here.’
Sandy sighs, takes a sip of coffee, then says, ‘Kelly, you’re a brilliant social worker. Your patients, their families, the staff here, all love and admire you, but you are very attached to Jesse, we all are. This was never going to be easy for you.’
‘So, it’s my fault, is that what you’re saying?’ Kelly looks at Sandy, not sure she wants to hear her reply.
‘I’m not saying that exactly . . .’
‘You wouldn’t. Still, we’re better off without him, he’s not the right person to help Jesse.’
‘And Jesse’s wish?’ Sandy asks. ‘How are we going to make that happen?’
‘I’ll find a way.’
‘Kelly, listen to me. I’ve been on this ward for over eight years and you, what, three?’
‘Nearly four,’ Kelly mumbles.
‘Right. Not long in my book. For the record, you are the best social worker I’ve worked with. You have compassion and empathy for everyone, including the staff who I know go to you for a sympathetic ear.’
‘Only sometimes, and only when you’re not around.’
Sandy smiles in acknowledgement. ‘What I’m saying is that, unfortunately, there will be many more like Jesse who will come into your life. You will make a difference. But it’s not easy for anyone. You need to help guide them through this crazy world we work in. Do you get what I’m saying?’
Kelly can’t make eye contact and looks around Sandy’s office seeing Alex’s helmet on the floor. ‘No,’ she groans, ‘he’s left his bike gear behind.’
‘I’ll take care of it,’ Sandy says, collecting the helmet and leaving her office.
Alone in Sandy’s office, Kelly cringes at the memory of her confrontation with Alex. She knows she wasn’t fair on him. She probably owes him an apology. She thinks about Dean, and his reaction to hearing of Jesse’s wish, and how unreasonable she thought it had been at the time. She’s no better, she proved that today. But the thought of Jesse and how little time she has left . . .
Kelly balls the tissue in her hand. Whatever she has to do, even if it means swallowing her pride and apologising to that jerk, she’ll do it. She’ll do everything she can so Jesse can get her wish fulfilled.
CHAPTER 7
A
lex strides out of the hospital, his head buzzing with all the things he should have said to Kelly. He’s annoyed with her, and himself for letting things go too far. But mostly, he feels sorry for Jesse. Why didn’t anyone explain her vision to him before he met her? Possibly because Inspire a Wish, the nurses, Kelly, don’t have his knowledge of what’s needed to pull off such a huge undertaking. They don’t understand the enormity of the work; they probably thought it would only take a couple of days, tops.
The work. Alex has reached his bike now and looks at it unseeingly while his mind is lost in the intricacies of what Jesse had proposed. It’s not impossible, but it is ambitious. Too ambitious? Although he has a niggling feeling that he’s not up to the task, ideas start popping up into his mind. The possibilities are endless, exciting, even – but does he have the capacity? The skill set?
It’s only when he’s about to get back on his bike that he realises that he’s left his helmet in the hospital. In Sandy’s office. He can picture it there, on the floor where he’d dumped it. Bugger. Bugger, bugger, bugger, he thinks to himself. He visualises Kelly’s face, her blue eyes triumphant, as she silently thrusts his belongings at him, then the humiliation of slinking back outside, his tail between his legs. But there’s nothing else to be done. He turns around and reluctantly walks towards the hospital entrance once more. He’s approaching the front desk when the charge nurse, Sandy, comes bustling up to him, carrying his helmet.
‘Oh, thank goodness,’ she says, ‘we wouldn’t want you out on the road without this!’
‘Thank you,’ he says, his face reddening. ‘Erm, I’m sorry about . . .’
She bats his apology away with her hand. ‘Don’t be. I think we all could have handled that a bit differently, a bit better, don’t you?’
‘Yeah,’ he agrees quietly. ‘Well, thanks again,’ and turns to leave.
‘Just . . .’ she calls after him, and he turns to face the older woman. She sighs and gives him a warm smile. ‘Just take some time and think about it, before saying no. Jesse’s a wonderful kid, and we all care so much about her. Maybe there is a way to help her? Maybe if you just think about it a little more?’
Alex nods his head. ‘OK,’ is all he can manage.
‘Well then,’ Sandy says, ‘I hope to see you soon. And take care on that bike of yours, OK?’
Alex takes the long way back to work. Finding himself riding alongside the beach, he pulls over and sits on his bike, staring at the blue water, the breeze creating white tops on the waves. Above him, a hot air balloon glides down the coast. He envies the people inside, travelling above the world without a care.
As the balloon disappears from sight, Alex knows it is time to face the music. That said, he’s in no hurry and takes his time, ignoring the horns blasting at him for going too slow. Back at work, Alex sneaks into the office and to his cubicle. Dropping his helmet beneath his desk, he quickly fires up his screens.
‘So, they didn’t talk you into donating your body to science then?’ Steve asks, resting his arms on the cubicle wall between them.
‘I know whose body I’d like to donate to science,’ Alex mutters.
‘That would be Ian’s, I’m thinking.’
‘Followed closely by a certain social worker.’
Alex hasn’t heard Ian approach and jumps at the slap on the back Ian likes to greet everyone with.
‘Everything all right then?’
‘No, not really. Look, Ian, I met the girl and she kinda kicked me out. I wanted to manage her expectations – her wish, well, it’s amazing, but far too ambitious.’
‘So, what you’re saying is that you’re not up to the challenge. I should have known. All sizzle and no sausage.’
Steve raises his eyebrows and makes a low whistle.
‘It’s not that I can’t do it, it’s more that—’
‘If you can do it, then what’s the problem?’
‘It’s going to take time, resources, money . . .’
‘Those are just excuses. You know that Frank is backing this, right?’
Ian waits for Alex to nod, which he does with a heavy sigh. ‘So, anything to do with resources and suchlike will all be signed off by him,’ Ian says. ‘So, I ask you again: what’s the problem?’
‘Yeah, look, if it’s all right—’
‘No, it’s not bloody all right. I sent you there to do a job and you didn’t do the damn job. Get yourself back there. What part of this did I not make clear enough to you? We want the publicity from this kid, it’ll give us the edge.’ He speaks to Alex like he’s five years old. ‘God knows we need it right now.’
Alex says nothing. He looks pleadingly at Steve, who gives a tiny shrug. He can’t help. Alex is on his own with this one.
‘Now go back and see the kid. Apologise, do whatever you have to, then let me and Frank know when it’s finished so I can contact the media. And Steve, get back to work. This little show is over.’
That night, Alex and Max don’t go to his office after their run. Instead, they sit on the couch, Alex with a microwave meal in front of him, Max gnawing a chew toy. An old black-and-white movie ready to stream on the TV. Before he hits play, Alex spends several minutes rubbing Max’s tummy, scratching him behind his ears, knowing all his special spots for attention.
‘So, I’ve got this problem, buddy. I met this girl today, Jesse. She’s only fifteen and she’s really, really sick. She wants me to help her make something for her family. I don’t know if I can do it, I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve never met anyone like her before. What do you think I should do?’
Max listens intently, then he thumps his tail on the rug.
‘But that’s not all, Max, I also met this social worker. Her name is Kelly. I thought she’d just be like the social workers I met when I was a kid. But she’s not. They were just doing a job, but she’s involved, she cares, probably more than she should for this girl. I don’t know what to make of her. I think I may have been out of line the way I spoke to her. Do you think I should apologise?’
Max thumps his tail yes.
Alex watches Max to see if he wants to continue the conversation. He doesn’t, he is now focused on the television, waiting for the movie to start. Alex presses play on the remote, picks up his plate, now cold, and takes a bite before putting it back on the coffee table in front of him. The credits to Great Expectations roll.
CHAPTER 8
A
lex stares at his bike, parked in the same place as yesterday, working up the courage to go inside the hospital. He needs to have it out with Kelly before he speaks to Jesse. One fight at a time, he thinks. Although he hopes not to fight with her today, remembering Max’s advice to apologise. At the main reception, Alex asks for the social work department and is directed down the corridor with instructions to follow the signs. All signs eventually lead to social work, the exhausted receptionist tells him.
Staff, visitors, patients in wheelchairs or being pushed on beds, others trudging slowly hanging onto loose pyjama bottoms or in gowns gaping at the back, waltz around each other with varying speed and intent. Alex walks through them, dodging and weaving. Seeing Kelly, he slows his pace before stepping in front of her.
‘How can I help you, Mr Daniels?’ Kelly asks, walking on, Alex now beside her.
‘I’d like to talk to Jesse.’
‘Not going to happen.’
‘Why not?’
‘She doesn’t need to be upset by you.’
‘I promise I won’t upset her, OK? I just need to ask her some more questions about what she wants to see if I can help. I want to help.’
Kelly stops abruptly and turns towards him. Once again, those bright blue eyes seem to pierce right through him.
‘OK,’ she says, ‘I’m listening.’
Alex gestures towards the side of the corridor, stepping out of the flow of people. Beyond the glass a beautiful garden invites anyone needing the comfort mother nature provides in abundance. Dappled sunlight dances on the faces of worried and distressed patients and their loved ones, sitting beneath the trees, on the grass or on benches.
