Jesse's Wish, page 13
‘Thanks for coming. How are you feeling?’ Kelly asks.
Alex looks at her, shocked by her question. ‘What?’
‘After last night. How are you?’
Bluntly Alex answers, keeping his eyes fixed on the table. ‘Fine. And you?’
If he was expecting an answer to how Kelly was, he doesn’t get one.
‘Are you sure? That had to be tough on you, hearing about Jesse’s condition deteriorating.’
Before Alex can respond the waiter reappears and places two coffees on the table. ‘Can I get you anything else?’ he asks.
They both shake their heads no. Picking up their cups they drink, looking down at the table, each avoiding eye contact. It’s a busy day out on the street, but the silence between them feels deafening.
‘She doesn’t deserve this!’ Alex blurts out.
Kelly keeps her eyes lowered, uncertain how to answer.
‘She deserves to be a typical teenager, be a pain in the neck to her parents; fight with her little brother, experience her first kiss if she hasn’t already.’
He pauses, still not meeting Kelly’s eye. ‘She deserves to live,’ he says finally, his voice barely above a whisper.
Kelly turns to look at him. She reaches out and touches his arm, causing him to look at her.
‘We all deserve that, Alex,’ she says. Despite himself, Alex feels the warmth and power of her compassion and empathy for him. He allows himself to raise his eyes and gaze into her lovely face.
‘So why not Jesse? Why doesn’t she get to live?’
‘I don’t have an answer to that,’ Kelly tells him, and Alex hears the pain in her voice, senses her feeling of profound helplessness. He slumps his shoulders. This is just as hard for her – worse even. But he struggles to comprehend how she maintains her outward calm.
Alex empties his coffee cup. ‘Doesn’t she get to you?’ he asks.
‘Of course she does. They all do. But right now, I’m also worried about you . . .’
‘This is not about me,’ Alex snaps. ‘Do you get that? This is about Jesse – or is this just an everyday thing for you? You’ll shortly be moving on to the next unfortunate child who comes onto the ward?’
Alex’s words hit Kelly hard, she struggles to respond, to stay professional. She’s angry now and hurt. How could he think that about her?
‘No, it’s not. I can’t begin to tell you how devastated I am that there is nothing more we can do for Jesse . . .’
‘You wouldn’t know it, sitting here having coffee, your world going on . . .’
‘How dare you! You don’t know me or how I feel about Jesse, and what I do is not just a job to me,’ Kelly angrily replies. She flushes and her blue eyes fill with tears.
Realising he’s gone too far Alex looks at her, his shoulders dropping, his voice quivering, not wanting to say the words he feels he must. His anger is gone and now all he feels is shame at having hurt the woman sitting opposite him, and despair.
‘She’s dying.’
Kelly sits back in her chair, controlling her breathing, calming herself. Softly she looks Alex in the eyes.
‘It only takes a moment to die, Alex. The rest of the time we’re living. Do you hear me? Do you understand me? We are living. Jesse is still living. Right now. You have to get that.’
The words sink in slowly. Something shifts in his face. She sees it.
‘I should’ve told you sooner,’ she adds. ‘Most of my kids – they get better. They go through hell, but they survive. The few who don’t? I have to be strong for them.’
‘You called them your kids,’ Alex says.
‘You know what I mean,’ Kelly replies softly.
He leans forwards, their faces close now. ‘How can you do this job?’
Kelly closes the distance between them. He sees the freckles on her nose.
‘Because I believe in it. Because these kids – they give more than I ever could. Jesse, her parents, Sam . . . they’re the bravest people you’ll ever meet. And now you’ve met them. So, you must agree with me too.’
Alex sits back, avoiding her gaze. ‘How long does she have?’
‘Not long.’
‘There’s really nothing else? No surgery, no drugs?’
‘She’s had every treatment. The transplant failed. The chemo failed.’
‘What happened with the transplant?’
‘It didn’t work.’
‘I get that. But you’re saying there isn’t a match for her – anywhere?’
‘There isn’t. She’s been on the international bone marrow register for two years. No match. As you know, Jesse’s blood group is rare – a combination of her parents’ antibodies.’
‘What is it?’
‘AB positive.’
He nods. ‘So, the donor needs to be the same, or one of the universal groups?’
‘Exactly.’
‘What’s involved in getting tested?’
‘A cheek swab. And a blood test.’
‘What are they looking for?’
‘It’s called HLA or tissue typing.’
He looks at Kelly for a long moment, her words scramble in his brain – chemo, HLA, marrow, AB – reorganise and register. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out some cash, and sets it on the table.
‘I’ve got an idea. I have to call in a few favours, but I think there’s something I can do.’
Kelly looks like she’s about to say something, but he quickly puts in, ‘Just trust me, OK? I don’t want to make any promises, and I’ll need to check with Mandy first, but leave it with me. I’ll see you later.’
‘OK, see you then,’ Kelly says. She looks shocked by his swift exit.
Alex hurries away. He will explain everything to Kelly later – but there’s no time right now. Right now, he has a lot to do and not much time to do it in.
CHAPTER 21
O
nly the dim light from a lamp casts shadows around Alex’s home office. Tonight, the bank of monitors and screens which normally light the room in a kaleidoscope of colour are blank. From his bed, Max watches Alex sitting with his back to the screens, talking on his phone, making notes on a small pad. Ending his call, he turns to Max.
‘Come on, boy, time for your last trip outside tonight. I’ve got an early start tomorrow and so do you – we need to get some sleep.’
The first hint of light is visible on the horizon as Alex pulls up in his car outside the hospital’s main entrance. The dull flashing of a nearby ambulance in the emergency bay is a reminder that this building never sleeps. A security guard approaches and after a brief conversation he nods for Alex to head upstairs; he can leave his car where it is.
The swishing noise of the doors opening into the ward seems too loud and Alex is struck by the quiet: it’s usually so alive with buzz and activity. He passes two cleaners who barely glance at the intruder and makes his way to the nurses’ station. The charge nurse looks up at him, surprised.
Having explained his plans to her, the charge nurse gently wakes Jesse and waves Alex from the room. Helping Jesse from the bed she and Jesse look for clothes from the nearby cupboard. A few moments later they appear beside Alex, Jesse dressed in jeans, a jumper and jacket. A beanie on her head, shoes and socks on her feet. Together they leave the ward.
The security guard is waiting by the car and opens the door for Jesse once Alex unlocks it. He throws her a wink and a smile as if he is in on the adventure with them, and Jesse climbs in. As they leave the hospital grounds Jesse turns to Alex.
‘So, where are we going?’
‘You’ll see. It’s a surprise.’
They drive silently through the nearby suburbs, Jesse gazing out the window at the sleeping town. Alex drives through the gates of a park, making his way down tree-lined roads before pulling up in front of a small building. There is no sign of life. Parking the car, he runs around to open the passenger door, and gestures for Jesse to get out. Grabbing a camera bag from the back seat, shutting and locking the doors, he slowly walks off and Jesse follows.
‘Why are we here?’ Jesse asks, a note of anxiety in her voice.
‘I wanted to do something special for you,’ he tells her, carrying on walking – he’s in a hurry to get to their destination.
Jesse stops walking, uncertain if she wants to go on. Alex doubles back to her.
‘It’s a surprise.’
His voice is calm, and reassures her that everything will be OK.
Taking her hand, he leads her to the back of the building where a large hot air balloon, fully inflated, is waiting.
‘Alex, what have you done, why are we here?’ Jesse puts her hands over her mouth in delight.
‘Do I really need to tell you?’
‘Yes. No. Oh my gosh, is this for us? Are we going in that?’ Jesse asks pointing at the beautiful balloon in front of her.
Alex answers her by leading her to the balloon, scooping her up and placing her in with the pilot, then climbing in after her. The pilot forces a shot of helium into the balloon startling Jesse, who clings to Alex as the balloon slowly rises.
‘Where are we going?’ she squeals.
‘I know you love the ocean, and your mum said you were fascinated by balloons, sooo . . .’
The pilot hands Alex a blanket which he wraps around Jesse’s shoulders. Slowly the balloon rises. As it clears the tree line, the ocean gradually comes into view. Jesse leans out over the edge of the basket looking at the approaching water below them, lost in the moment.
The balloon sails to the coastline and follows it, out past the suburbs, until they reach a point where there is ocean on one side of them, forest on the other. Alex gestures to the spectacular panorama, his camera recording the scenery around them and focusing on Jesse looking out, laughing, oohing and aahing. Several times he tries to get Jesse to sit on the small chair in the corner of the balloon basket, but she refuses, preferring to stand, watching over the world below them.
Jesse goes quiet leaning out of the balloon.
‘Hey, how about not leaning out so much? I don’t want you falling out,’ Alex says jokingly.
‘I won’t. Look, we’re coming up to my home, it’s just a little further on. There, there, can you see it? The one with the blue roof, and look, there’s the swing Sam and I play on.’
Alex follows Jesse’s gaze and sees the home with the blue roof and the swing in the backyard leading to the beach at the end. Feeling her hand grasp his arm and the slight shuffle closer to him, he gently puts his arm around her shoulder. Silently, they watch the Morgans’ home as they slowly fly past it and it disappears from view.
‘It looks like an amazing place to grow up in,’ Alex finally speaks.
‘It was. It is.’
Their moment is broken by the pilot pointing out a lone dolphin frolicking in the sea. They take the balloon down for a closer look. The dolphin leaps in the air, delighting Jesse.
They pass over a large container ship. Jesse waves enthusiastically to the crew, too excited to care that they don’t respond. Alex watches with a satisfied smile on his face as Jesse takes off her beanie and throws it away, laughing. The two of them lean over the basket and watch it fall.
Looking ahead, Jesse laughs and points. ‘Alex, that athletic track, I’ve been there so many times.’
‘Tell me about it.’
‘This is where the regional finals are held each year. I made the finals there every year I competed.’
‘How many was that?’
‘Well, I started when I was five and stopped two years ago when I got sick. What’s that? Eight or nine years.’
‘Did you have a favourite event?’
‘Definitely middle distance running and cross country in the winter. For three years I won the 400 and 800 metres at State and went to Nationals.’
‘Wow, your parents must have been very proud.’
‘Yeah, they were. Especially Dad. He was an athlete, would probably still be if it wasn’t for work and of course what’s going on with me.’
‘Did he compete?’
‘Oh yeah, he’s got boxes of medals and trophies.’
‘So, he encouraged you?’
‘Big time. He was involved at the club, training when he could and most Saturdays he came and helped out, either timing the races, or measuring at the jumps. He was never one to sit and watch; he had to be involved. I loved it. Made me feel special that my dad was actively involved with me and the club. Not that I ever told him.’
‘Oh, I think he knows. It must be something else, having your parents involved and supporting you like that.’
‘It is. It was. For the last two years I competed, he trained and qualified to be a starter at State level. I can still see the look on his face the first time I lined up on the track. He was wearing the official shirt indicating he was part of the event, he was given his own starting pistol, in a custom-made box with room for the caps. It had a red handle, and I stood in my lane watching him lining up the caps to ensure he gave us a clean start then he flicked the pistol closed, looked over at me and winked. He was ready, he hoped I was ready too. He called us up to our mark, I got down and placed my hands right on the line, not a millimetre behind. Usually, I kept my head down and focused on the track in front of me waiting, anticipating the word “set”, knowing I needed to count to three and the gun would go off. This time I raised my head and looked over at my dad. I heard him call out “set” and raise the gun above his head. I counted to three, the gun went off and so did I. I ran a PB that day.’
‘Sorry, what’s a PB?’
‘Personal best, the best time I’d ever run the 400 metres. I felt him running up behind me, then beside me then he was in front of me calling me on.’
‘That’s amazing. Thank you. Thank you for telling me that story, so many things about your dad and your relationship with him are becoming clearer to me.’
‘He’s my dad. I love him. I know he loves me so much and our love for athletics has made our relationship something special.’
‘What about Sam?’
‘No, he tried it, but he’s more like Mum, you know, creative.’
They fall silent, watching the world below them gently pass by. Jesse feels a pang. ‘Mum hates heights. The last thing she’d want to do is come up here with me. She’d panic.’ She pauses. ‘Dad, though . . .’
‘This is more his kind of thing?’
She nods. Leaning against the edge of the basket, looking down at the coastline below her sparkling in the morning sun, she says, ‘I’m not going to be able to tell him about this, am I?’
‘Maybe later,’ Alex answers.
‘Later . . . I’m not sure how much of a later I have . . .’ Jesse replies. She hopes there will be a later, that soon there will be a time where she doesn’t feel like she has to go behind his back. She wants to talk to her mum about it, ask her advice. But the sun is shining on the waves below, the wind is a gentle breeze, ruffling her tufts of hair, the whole of the world is down there, in all its beauty and hope. From this distance, everything looks at peace; from this distance, everything looks like it will work out.
‘Thank you, Alex.’
Her voice is filled with emotion: joy and excitement and gratitude. Alex meets her eye, then looks back down below them. Jesse nudges him playfully in the ribs and leans into him. Together they watch the scenery changing slowly below them as they float back down the coast, the sun now fully overhead in the sky.
CHAPTER 22
P
arking his car once again in the main entrance to the hospital, Alex runs inside, returning with a wheel-chair. The security guard from the early morning stop approaches apologetically, telling Alex he can’t leave his car at this time. But he knows what Alex has just done for this girl, who he’s got to know over the past few years, and he wants to help. Asking for Alex’s car keys, he offers to park it for him, telling Alex to come to the security office next to the emergency department to get them when he is ready to leave.
‘Valet service. Nice. That’s never happened before,’ Jesse says, impressed.
‘Stick with me, kid, and you’ll get the VIP treatment,’ Alex tells her, giving the wheelchair a nice 360-degree spin as they head reluctantly back into the hospital and make their way to the lift.
As they arrive back at Jesse’s room, they find Amy sitting on her bed playing with a bowl of ice cream, pushing it around, showing no interest in eating it. Jesse calls out to her.
‘Amy, you’ll never guess where Alex took me!’
When Amy doesn’t reply, Jesse struggles to get out of the wheelchair, pushing away Alex’s help.
‘Hey, girl, are you OK?’ Jesse says as she shrugs off her coat, dropping it on the floor, climbing onto the bed with Amy.
‘How about I leave you two alone?’ Alex says, seeing there is no place for him in the conversation that’s about to happen.
‘Alex, wait, can you come back tomorrow morning? Before I leave,’ Jesse asks, stopping Alex in his tracks. He walks over to Amy’s bed.
‘Of course.’ He looks from Jesse to Amy and back. ‘Leave? Where are you going?’
‘Home,’ Jesse tells him.
Confused, Alex keeps looking from one girl to the other.
‘There’s no point in my being here, but I still need to see you about my wish.’
‘But Jesse, I’m not sure I can . . .’
‘Today, out there, I realised just what we have to do. Please, Alex, come back tomorrow morning.’
Alex stares at the teenage girl, with more bravery than he can imagine and barely manages a whisper. ‘OK, OK, I’ll be here. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, right now I have to find Kelly.’
For the first time since they have entered the room, Amy looks at them with a smile and in a quiet voice manages a joke. ‘Oooh, Kelly, I told you, Jesse.’
Making no attempt to hide his smile, Alex chuckles, ‘See you, girls.’
‘WE’RE NOT GIRLS!’ comes the exasperated chorus.
Still smiling, Alex waves to the nursing staff as he passes their station. The assembled staffs’ faces show surprise before exchanging looks as he strides past. They all know he is on the ward to make Jesse’s wish, have accepted his lanky and slightly gloomy presence. But seeing him bounce past with a huge grin on his face is something very new.
