Daughters of Jared, page 17
“You’ve been so glum,” my sister said to me one evening. We sat together in the garden with Shez, who was bundled up against the night air. With each day, he became more adorable, and I thought I could never love another being as much as my nephew.
“Is it because of Levi’s marriage?” she asked.
I covered the shock on my face, surprised she’d spoken it so directly. “Do you think his bride followed him into banishment?”
She narrowed her eyes. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
I didn’t want to discuss it anymore. At times, I wanted to rage at her and tell her it was her fault Levi was gone. If she had chosen a better-mannered husband, none of this would’ve happened. I wanted to scream at her and tell her how much I’d given up for her. Other times, I wanted to confess everything, my love for Levi, my grief at his absence, and my desire to take comfort in her arms. But I wasn’t sure if she’d offer comfort if she knew my secrets.
Shez gurgled as Ash handed him to me. I pulled the wriggling, warm body close to me, inhaling his sweet baby scent. If I could spend the rest of my life in the garden playing with my nephew and block the rest of the world out, I’d die a peaceful death. But he would grow up, and my sister still had a kingdom to run in the more and more frequent absences of Akish. And my heart couldn’t let go of Levi.
When the air cooled, we reentered the palace. Akish was gone, leaving everything in quiet peace. When he was absent, everyone’s heart was light, and everyone breathed easier. I escaped to my room and took out my latest painting. It was nearly finished. I had drawn Levi in the center of an expansive field. The sky above was dark and threatening rain, but all around Levi, I had drawn light, representing my prayers. I hoped my prayers would sustain and protect him.
I finished the outline of Levi, remembering his broad shoulders and the way I felt secure in his strong arms. My hand wavered as tears stung my eyes. I closed my eyes for a moment, regaining control of my emotions, then reopened them and completed the last strokes.
I stared at the painting as the night deepened into black, the only illumination in my room the three oil lamps I had lit. I reached out a hand and let my fingers hover over the figure of Levi, as if I could somehow connect with him, touch him, or speak to him.
“Where are you?” I whispered. “Are you safe?”
My questions soon turned into a prayer as I pled with the Lord to keep him safe and to bring us together once again. The marking he’d received would brand him in the eyes of every person he met. They would know he’d been banished by the king. Everyone would fear taking him in for worry of bringing a curse on their home.
My eyes flew open. I knew of one person who wasn’t afraid. Virai.
Would Levi have gone to her home? It was near the borders of the land, so he would have had to sneak in. But it would be a safe refuge for him.
No, I decided. The king would hear of it. It might have been possible to hide a woman but not a man like Levi. Was he living in the wilds of the jungles?
I hid the painting beneath my bed. I couldn’t risk anyone finding it. In the morning, I’d wash off the paint and start over. But tonight it would comfort me to have Levi near me in some form.
I was just drifting off to sleep when Ash burst into my room. Her eyes were wide, her hair fallen out of its usual careful style.
“He’s on a rampage,” she hissed. She shut the door, turned the locking latch, then climbed into bed with me. She huddled against me, and I wrapped my arms around her trembling body.
“Where’s Shez?”
“Sara took him as soon as she heard Akish come through the courtyard.”
I exhaled with relief, but every muscle went taut in my body at the thought of Akish bursting into my room to find his wife. I heard shouting from somewhere down the corridor. The voice was unmistakably Akish’s. My sister sniffled and burrowed even closer.
“What’s he angry about?” I whispered.
Akish’s voice boomed louder, growing closer to my room. “Where’s that harlot?”
I flinched. “What’s he talking about?”
“When he’s drunk, he mixes me up with the women at the tavern. He thinks he’s seen me among them—”
“Asherah!” Akish shouted, sounding like he was right outside my door.
This time we both jumped. I was grateful I’d doused the oil lamps before going to sleep. I prayed Akish would think I was in my room alone.
The door rattled, and Akish cursed. Then his heavy footsteps moved on.
Ash sobbed in my arms.
“Hush,” I said. “You don’t want him to hear us.”
Then the footsteps were back, and Akish rattled the door again. Panic shot through me, and I clung to my sister.
“Naiva?” His voice came out soft and plaintive, unlike his belligerent yelling just moments before.
I didn’t move, didn’t speak.
“Naiva,” his voice was louder now, pleading. “Let me in.”
If I responded, would he go away? Or would he break down the door?
“I know you’re angry with me,” Akish said through the door. I stiffened. Why was he talking like this—besides the fact that he was drunk? My heart hammered, afraid of what he might say.
My sister lifted her head to listen better.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to banish Levi, but he stood in my way. When he came to me that night so full of anger, I knew it was due to you. He thought he loved you, but he doesn’t. No one truly loves you like I do.”
I wanted to vomit. After all this time, after all that he’d put my sister through, he was still claiming affection for me.
Ash pulled away. I could practically feel the horror radiating from her. She climbed off the bed.
“No,” I whispered. “He’ll hurt you.”
She crossed the room, her hands bunched into fists. Then she yanked the door open.
Akish stumbled into the room. In the dark, his form looked massive. He staggered against the easel I had left up. The wood frame crashed to the floor.
I leapt off the bed and moved toward my dressing table. I wrapped my fingers around a comb, wishing I had a better weapon to defend myself.
Akish righted himself and reached for Ash. He pulled her into his arms and said, “Naiva, at last.”
My sister shoved him away, and he lost his balance and fell hard onto the floor.
He sat up, rubbing his head. “N-Naiva, I come in peace,” he slurred.
“I’m not Naiva,” my sister spat out. “I’m your wife!”
I couldn’t decipher Akish’s expression; it was too dark. “Where . . . is s-she?”
“Right here,” I said. The comb still in my hand, I picked up my wash basin and dumped it over his head. He scrambled to his feet, sputtering, then slipped.
I grabbed my sister’s hand, and we tore out of the room. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. We hurried to her chambers, where we bolted the door again. We waited together, listening for any shouting or banging. An hour passed, then more. Ash whispered, “What did he mean? About Levi?”
I hesitated. “Levi asked me to marry him. That day you were beaten, I was gone for longer than I should have been because I met Levi.”
“But he’s married already.”
“No,” I said, unsure now who had been lying to me. Was it possible Akish had fooled my sister as well? “There was no truth to that rumor.”
“But—”
“Levi came that night to officially ask for my hand from Akish. I intercepted Levi and told him I couldn’t leave you alone in the palace.”
Ash reached for my hand. I squeezed it. “I told him that Akish had been horrible to you.”
“And Levi confronted him?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Oh.” Her hand slipped away from mine, and I heard her sniffle.
“It’s done now,” I whispered.
“Did you want to marry Levi?”
My eyes burned with suppressed emotion. “Yes.” My voice cracked. “With all my heart.” I closed my eyes as renewed loss filled me.
She let out a breath. “You’re too good to me.”
I waited for an apology or maybe more recognition of what I’d given up. But perhaps this was as much as she could offer. Was it reasonable to expect my sister to know the grief I’d endured from loving and losing Levi? Had she had the same love for another? And then lost that love? Perhaps she had for our father.
She remained silent, and we lay together, each of us listening for any sound of a tempest. She reached for my hand again. Finally we fell asleep, our hands still clinging together across the wide expanse of the bed.
I PRAYED NIGHT AND DAY for Levi. I prayed night and day for Ash and Shez. Every moment of my life was filled with anxiety, with prayer, with longing, with renewed commitment to endure whatever challenge the Lord placed before me.
More than I had ever known or felt, I knew the Lord was with me. I felt Him in the smallest of things and received hope each day that He watched over me. For that reason, I put my trust in Him. Unlike my experience of relying on other gods and goddesses, where they were quiet to my pleas, the Lord heard my prayers. It was as if He understood what I was going through, and in that, I felt a great measure of comfort.
On the night Akish yet again declared his misguided love for me, my sister and I awoke to a corridor filled with lavish gifts. Ash opened the door cautiously then stared at the offerings delivered by her husband.
I went to find Shez, leaving Ash to sort through the merchandise.
We said nothing more about that night. She’d forgive him. Again. At least this time the bruising was only on her heart.
I saw Akish in a different light now. Since the night of his drunken escapade in my room, I no longer looked at him as a powerful and handsome man. I felt sorry for him. Sorry that he continued to stumble through life, missing out on the pure joy that could be found if only he’d learn the truth. I saw him as the Lord saw him, as a struggling soul who’d become mired in the deepest of mud.
At least my sister was willing to listen to me, though her position in the kingdom and her fear of Akish held her back from opening her heart. And I grieved over that but also saw it for what it was. When Akish was gone, we’d all be set free, in more ways than one.
I didn’t exactly admit to myself that I wished an early death on my brother-in-law but could certainly see the convenience in it. The kingdom had become more and more slovenly. A new captain of the military had been appointed—someone as reckless as the king. I feared the next military campaign and anticipated that more lives would be lost than necessary. At the various feasts, the military men seemed to delight in telling stories of horrific bloodshed.
Each day, I watched Shez grow and discover something new, and my heart cheered for his ascension to the throne. I was walking with Shez one day in the gardens when Ash found me there.
“I have news.” A smiled played on her lips.
“Well?” I had little patience for news. My mind always leapt to the worst conclusions.
She patted her flat belly. “I’m with child.”
“Oh.” I embraced her. I was happy for her, pleased that her family was growing. Numbers meant strength. Yet in my joy for my sister, I also worried that Akish might beat her again and cause her to lose the child. Tumultuous thoughts had been circulating in my mind lately about how my sister might have lost her first two babies.
I pulled away to study her features. “How are you feeling?”
“Divinely nauseated.”
I laughed then bounced Shez in my arms. “You’ll soon have a brother to terrorize you,” I told him. I stopped short, realizing what I’d said. In no way would Shez and any brother of his be like their father.
It was as if my sister knew Akish had crossed my mind. “Akish never bothers me when I’m with child.”
I nodded and kept my focus on Shez, on his round eyes and dark brown tufts of hair that seemed to grow thicker by the day. I’d never asked my sister about her intimate life with her husband. There are some things a sister never shares, but now I wondered how she felt sharing a bed with a man who spent many nights in taverns.
But I couldn’t think about that now. Ash was happy, and I wanted to be happy for her as well. “We must start sewing his clothing right away,” I said.
“Yes.” She reached for Shez, took him into her arms, and started humming.
I looked toward the bright horizon. “The afternoon is still early. I’ll go to the market and pick out new cloth.”
“Bring me some honeyed treats as well.” Ash spun with Shez, making him giggle. “And hurry back.”
I smiled at Shez’s adorable laughter. “I will.”
Akish was away for a few days, inspecting the borders with the military captain. It was the only way I felt comfortable leaving my sister at the palace.
I grabbed a scarf from my room and pulled it over my head as I crossed the courtyard. The scarf kept the heat of the sun off my face and offered me some anonymity. It was easier to make purchases when all of the merchants weren’t simultaneously vying for my attention.
Upon reaching the market, I was soon caught up in the displays of beautiful cloths. I fingered the beaded scarves and soft feathered capes. I found a miniature bow and arrow set made for children. It would be awhile before Shez could play with it, but it was too charming to pass up, so I purchased it right away. I had nearly an armful of cloth when someone tapped me on the arm. I turned, fully expecting to be plied by another merchant who’d noticed my arms full of goods. But it was a young boy with a scroll in hand. He pressed it into my already laden hand and scurried away.
Something told me I shouldn’t open it in public. My frenzy of shopping forgotten, I made a graceful exit from the current merchant and left the bustling market. I detoured onto a side road and stopped beneath a copal tree. When I opened the scroll, I gasped. It was a crude drawing of a tent on a seashore next to a large body of water. Two men stood together, one with a king’s headdress and one with broad shoulders.
Levi had sent this to me. I knew it. I looked around the path beside me. There was no one in sight except for a bleating goat tied to a reed fence. I found a safe place for my purchases and hurried back to the market square, scroll clutched in hand, my eyes searching for a tall figure among the milling crowd. Would he dare come into the city? I wondered. I had to find out. I looked for the boy who’d delivered the scroll but found him nowhere.
Taking a deep breath, I slowed my step and walked in the direction of the temple. There was a small chance—no an impossible chance—but I had to know. I stopped in the grove of trees where we had met before.
The afternoon light filtered through the branches, making the earth glow in golden orange. Memories surfaced, twisting my heart and taking my breath away as I remembered Levi’s proposal there. The proposal that eventually led to his banishment.
I stood still for a long time, listening to those memories and thinking of Levi. If I were to believe the picture on the scroll, he was with my grandfather in the land of Ablom.
Longing burst through me, and my eyes filled with tears as I stared at the image on the scroll. It looked as if Levi and Omer were walking along the seashore, deep in discussion. I longed to be on that shore, walking next to Levi, free from Akish.
The Lord had protected and guided Omer. Some might think giving up a kingdom was a sacrifice, but seeing this sketch made me understand that Omer had been greatly blessed.
The snap of a twig caught my attention. I looked up to see a hooded man standing in the shadows of the trees. My heart jolted. It had to be him.
I ran across the clearing and into Levi’s arms. I cried and laughed.
“Come with me,” he said into my hair. “I have a place for us. We can worship the Lord freely. We can raise our children in peace.”
I clung to him, hardly believing his arms were around me. I didn’t ever want to let him go again. “How did you get here?”
Levi slowly pulled back and cupped my face in his hands. “With great caution.”
I stared at him. Something was wrong with his face. I reached up and lowered the hood that kept his features shadowed. A deep, jagged scar traveled from his forehead to beneath his chin. “This is your marking?”
He nodded, his gaze steady.
I touched his face, and he closed his eyes as I trailed my fingers along the raised skin. “You’re risking your life coming here,” I whispered.
“You’re worth it.” He grasped my fingers then leaned forward, and his lips touched mine.
My hands slid around his neck as I met his kiss.
A moment later, I finally pulled away, breathless. “I can’t be the cause of your capture.”
He leaned down again, and our foreheads touched. “I’d rather be here, in danger, than in Ablom without you.”
I traced my fingers along his neck. “I know.” I leaned into his embrace and listened to my heart. Did the Lord want me to go with Levi and live among Omer’s people? Or did He want me to stay with my sister and protect her from the king? Could I be truly happy in Ablom knowing my sister was at the mercy of her husband? Could I truly be happy giving up my own chance at love with Levi? Either way, a part of my heart would be missing.
“Ash is a strong woman. She’ll learn to manage her husband.”
I nodded. It was what I hoped too. But hope and reality weren’t always the same thing.
Levi took my hand and kissed my palm. I leaned against him and allowed him to stroke my hair and whisper sweet words of promise. “Let me tell you about a beautiful village on the shores of the sea. Where there is harmony among family members. Where a righteous man leads his family. Where women don’t fear their husbands.”
The time sped by too fast, and I knew I must hurry back to the palace.
“I can only risk one more day, Naiva,” Levi said, his forest eyes holding mine. “Meet me here tomorrow at dusk. Your sister and nephew are welcome to come.”
I blinked back tears. “She’d never come.”
