The Sins of Our Fathers, page 16
How can I hear you inside my head?
I don’t know.
Has this ever happened with anyone else? I asked, partially afraid of his answer.
No.
My daughter can hear her boyfriend in her head. Gisel’s son. She’s always thought it was because he was a son of a witch.
He is that.
The quilt and mattress next to me dipped down, and I realized he’d sat on my bed. Next to me. He touched my hand, and I disappeared, too. Xavier threaded his fingers in mine and pulled me in front of him. I closed my eyes in the safety of invisibility and enjoyed the sensation of his touch. I took a deep breath and let the heat from his hand sink into every inch of me.
His breath caressed my ear as he said, “Blue.”
I opened my eyes and tried to focus. “Blue?”
He kissed me. Laying me back on the mattress and climbing on top of me. “Blue is my favorite color.” He kissed me again. My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to my body. It didn’t make sense, but I felt safe with Xavier in my bed. I forgot about everything but the heat that coursed through my body with him on top of me. I tightened my arms around his neck and let it restore me. “Happy new year,” he said as his lips dragged down the side of my neck.
Someone banged on the door, and Xavier was gone. My arms dropped to my bed, and I reappeared.
“We are not letting Ike crash in Ever’s room, right?” Gisel practically yelled as she swung open the door without being invited in. She titled her head into the air as her eyes darted around the room, and she inhaled deeply. There was only a hint of honeysuckle left. I knew he was gone. “Are you alone?”
I sighed. “Yes.”
Gisel’s gaze raked over the room and finally landed on the open window. “Are you okay?” Her voice had an odd tone. She examined me, knowing I wasn’t sharing everything with her, but to know I was hiding something meant that she wasn’t sharing everything, either.
“We’re not letting them in the same bedroom.”
“You know she stays in his dorm.”
Gisel covered her ears. “No. I don’t. I’m telling them no. Just because a coven won’t be born, does not mean a baby won’t come.”
“She’s on birth control.”
“I swear I was just teaching him how to brush his teeth. How did this happen?”
Gisel brought me back to the chaos of her. “I don’t know.” The tree outside my window caught my eye. I closed and locked the window.
“Let’s get a drink,” she said.
“I should just go to sleep.”
“You can sleep next year.” She pulled me toward the door. Right before I turned off the light, I realized the lip balm was nowhere to be found.
I KNEW IT was still dark out before I opened my eyes. It would be gray and cold and the sun would be slow to rise because this was a morning to stay in bed. My mother made every January tenth the most magical day of the year. She’d wake me with kisses and chocolate chip pancakes, and somehow the sun seemed bright like summer even if it was snowing. I’d had sixteen years of that, and every January tenth since her death seemed a little dimmer.
I brushed my teeth, found my robe hooked to the back of my door, and tiptoed down the stairs, hoping they wouldn’t creak and wake everyone. I needed a few moments alone to settle into the day.
“Happy birthday,” Maya said. She was beaming with pride through tired eyes as she tied a balloon’s ribbon to the bottom of the banister.
“You guys shouldn’t have.” My eyes couldn’t take in the whole first floor and everyone in it. Helium filled balloons with “Happy Birthday” and “We Love You” printed on them lay on their sides against the ceiling. A large four balloon was twisted through a zero one.
“How could we not?” Lovie said and stepped forward from the crowd of our coven and our daughters. “You only turn forty once.”
Most days in this house, I still felt eighteen. I looked around and was pleasantly surprised not to find Isaiah lurking in the background.
“Happy birthday, Mom.”
I gave Ever a big hug. “Thank you.”
“We made your favorite. French toast.”
The eight of us ate in perfect harmony. Not one mention of the Virago. It was a small glimpse of peace in the middle of a war. I carried the calm with me throughout the day. The clerk at the dollar store who checked my license when I paid with a credit card wished me a happy birthday as well. This one tiny ritual that depended on nothing but the date on the calendar made everything else seem less. We could have a broken leg, a divorce hearing tomorrow, and a terrorist attack the day before, but still someone would wish you a happy birthday.
By the time I ran out the back door with a peanut butter bagel in my hand to make it to the Project Graduation meeting on time, I’d been celebrated over and over again on my special day. Even sitting in the high school library, as I searched for a pen and piece of paper in my tote, someone wished me a happy birthday. I soaked in the walls and books surrounding me. It could have been my sixteenth birthday.
We were going to bus all the kids to the Funplex the night of graduation and keep them there until the wee hours of the morning to avoid any tragedies hitting our small town. They’d play games and ride go-carts and celebrate with the other one hundred and sixty-nine kids from their class before they left each other for the next stages of their lives. May their transitions be smother than ours had been.
“How was the Project Graduation meeting?” Lovie asked.
“Donna’s in the hospital.”
“Donna Holmes? The one who . . .”
“Yes. Apparently, she was walking along the side of the road and was hit by a car.”
“They didn’t kill her.”
“But they tried.” I tipped my head toward her. “And from what I heard tonight, she’s so freaked out she wants to move back to the city. Mr. Frank made the announcement and passed around a sign-up sheet to take meals to her house. Only three people signed up.”
“How was the Project Graduation meeting?” Sloane asked as she walked into the room with the girls following her.
“Good. I marked you all down as in attendance,” I teased them.
“I think one representative per household is plenty,” Sloane countered. “Besides, I took the girls and Carl to the vet.”
“How is he?”
“The dog or the vet?” Sloane asked. I turned to her confused.
“She hasn’t been to the vet yet,” Lovie said, and everyone else in the room nodded in understanding.
“What?”
“They think he’s hot,” Ever finally explained.
“Not hot.” Sloane corrected her. “He’s handsome and . . . refreshing.”
“Yeah.” Ruby rolled her eyes. “That’s what we’re calling it.”
“I went to the grocery store,” Lovie said.
“You know I’d go there for you. You don’t have to do all the cooking,” Gisel said.
“I like it, and the meat manager is handsome, too.”
“Good,” Gisel responded without hesitation. She’d told me she hated to cook. At least for her family, who all liked different things.
We discussed school visitations and the idea of Sloane taking them to Vegas, me showing off Vermont, and all of us going to Hawaii. Gisel sat quietly throughout the discussion. The girls weren’t interested in West Chester where she and Isaiah had graduated from, and the subject of them all leaving rendered her timid.
A day was coming where there would be no subjects that silenced one of us. Things would become “normal” with Isaiah. The girls would be settled into their campuses without any discourse to worry about. We just weren’t there yet. These next few months would bring up every mistake we’d made before we were their mothers.
Helene, I heard in my head in the moment I was alone at the table while the dishes were cleared and the wineglasses were refilled. Are you free?
“Why are you smiling like that?” Sloane asked, having caught me wondering if Xavier was asking me on a date.
“I was just thinking how great this cake looks.”
“No you weren’t.” She shook her head with complete certainty that she knew I was lying.
I went to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. The lines around my eyes were the most telling hint of my forty years. The stories they told when I wasn’t laughing.
Not right now, I thought back. Maybe later.
I waited to hear from him again, but there was nothing. Not a word during cake or presents. Ever gave me a hand-drawn picture of three women. It was my mother, her, and I all standing in front of the ocean. She was incredibly talented. Our faces were perfect, even my mother’s, which Ever had drawn from the photograph that was framed in the living room. The three of us never had a chance to stand next to each other. My mother would have been almost sixty.
“Did you have a good birthday?”
“The best. Thank you.” I stared at the picture again and realized we looked a lot more alike than I’d thought. Our chins, the shape of our lips, there were several things that looked familial if not the same. “I love it. You’re gifted.”
“Thanks. I’m still not taking art as a major.”
“I know. Art doesn’t have to be major to impact the world. Just keeping creating.”
“You are such a hippie.”
“Well, birthday girl,” Lovie said. “I’m going to bed. Everyone has another early morning tomorrow.”
“All birthdays should take place on the weekend,” Gisel added. “Sleep in tomorrow. I’ll drive the girls and take care of Carl. You deserve some rest.”
“Are you sure? I’m fine. Really.”
“Take it while you can get it,” Sloane said and followed them up the stairs.
I double-checked the freezer door was closed and turned out the lights under the cabinets. I twirled around, making sure everything else was neatly put away when I saw the card propped up against the empty cake plate in the center of the table. The envelope was purple. My name was written on the front in Isaiah’s handwriting. There was a Post-it note stuck to it with “He made me give this to you since we wouldn’t let him come” written on it in Gisel’s handwriting.
Of course he did. I opened the envelope and pulled out the card that had a black and white picture of a young woman riding a bike into the ocean on the front of it. The inside read:
Sloane and Gisel said I couldn’t come over tonight. I thought they were just being hateful. Then Lovie said it wasn’t a good idea, and I knew she only had your best interest in mind.
I won’t push. Nothing creepy. No proclamations of love or pleas for forgiveness.
Just know it could happen. I believe anything can. You used to. You’d ride your bike into the ocean if you felt like it. Do what you feel now. If you want to go fishing naked for your birthday, I’ll take you. It will be a tremendous sacrifice, but the last time we did it, we caught some good fish. We might want to wait until spring, though.
I’ll still be here, and the offer will still stand.
Isaiah
I giggled a little. It was the first card he’d sent me in decades, and as always, he knew just what to say. I walked over to the trashcan to throw it away. I swung open the door under the sink, but before I dropped the card in the can, something stopped me.
The silence surrounding me gave way to a feeling that someone was near me in the kitchen. I stayed still until the back door opened and air rushed in. I ran to the door and said, “Xavier,” into the night air. “Don’t go.”
There was nothing but darkness in our backyard. I closed and locked the door, shut off the lights in the kitchen, and climbed the stairs to my room. There should be a way I could get ahold of him. Some signal I could send that I wanted to talk to him. This was no way to begin a relationship.
The door to my room opened before I touched it. I only hesitated for a second before stepping inside.
“Surprise,” he whispered and shut the door behind me. I walked over to my dresser in the darkness and put Isaiah’s card on top of it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was your birthday.”
It’s okay. I switched to speaking to him in my mind. Another mystery that surrounded him.
It isn’t okay. A friend would know when your birthday is.
Is that what you are? My friend? He stepped closer to me and placed both his hands on the sides of my neck, holding me as I let my head fall back and pulled a deep breath of air into my lungs.
You’re angry. He kissed my chin.
Confused. His lips dragged down my neck.
I feel the same way.
I doubt it.
You shouldn’t doubt me, he thought, and his lips found mine.
I forced myself to surface from the whirlwind of him. I pulled his hands down but didn’t let them go. “I need to ask you something.” Xavier stayed perfectly still in front of me. “Come here.”
I led him to my bed, pulled back the covers, and climbed in before him. I could feel him towering over me. His hesitation wasn’t daunting. I reached out, grabbed his hand, and pulled him in beside me. He slipped off his shoes as I unbuttoned his coat.
“Helene.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to take advantage of you. I just want to talk.” I thought that was true. He lay down, and I cuddled in next to him. After two breaths, his arm circled my shoulder as if we’d been together in my bed a hundred times before. “Nice, right?”
“Yes.” He tilted his head up until his chin rested on the top of my head. “What is your question?”
I wrapped my arm across his chest. The dress I’d worn to the Project Graduation meeting was twisted at my waist, but I didn’t dare move for fear he’d leave. “How did you know where I lived?” He always seemed to know exactly what I meant, but for clarification, I said, “That first night. When you found me in the woods?”
“I was home from college for the weekend when I heard of the two witches who died in a car accident and decimated the Auburn Coven. I found you then,” he said, and I rolled over and rested on top of his chest. “Something about knowing you were close to my age and out there alone made me want to meet you.” I waited for the rest. I wouldn’t say another word until he did. “You were heartbroken and angry and lost and beautiful . . . but you weren’t alone. You had your boyfriend and your coven.” He sighed. “I hope that doesn’t sound creepy.”
“No more than you lying beneath me in my bed even though I’ve never seen you and don’t know your last name.”
“There’s more.” I braced myself. “I forgot about you until I was home from college after graduation and stumbled upon your boyfriend . . . and your best friend.” I pushed off him, and he pulled me back against his chest. “I waited for you to come home and followed you to the tree house. For the second time, I watched your devastation, I couldn’t leave you.” Mortification overcame me. “You’re not the one who should be embarrassed.”
“Why didn’t you find me after that?”
“It wasn’t that easy. I had to lurk around your friend Gisel, who I can’t stand, to find out any information, and you told her none. All I had was the University of Vermont to go on.”
“You should have gone there. I could have used a friend.”
“I did go.” I would have taken from Xavier everything Isaiah had stolen from me. I was suddenly grateful I still had my clothes on. “I should go.”
“No. Finish. Please. Secrets are killers with patience.” I sat up next to him and the coziness between us fell away.
“I never spoke to you because, what could I say? The only time you’d met me, you were in pain, and you couldn’t see me. I had very little to offer.”
“But things are different now?”
“I’m trying.”
THE DISHARMONY IN the town reached all the way to the sky. Property was burned to the ground. Children were taught to hate one another. A few witches moved. Vehicles were tampered with. Pets were killed. The stories were endless. The momentum of jealousy and hatred expanded as quickly as Janine Smith’s friend list on Facebook. The Kingsway Coven came by every Thursday night, and we traded stories and tracked the witches on Maya’s spreadsheet.
“A meeting’s been called,” Ruby said as she stared at her phone. She passed it around.
“What is it?” Lovie asked when it was her turn to see it.
“It’s an abandoned hotel,” Ruby said and snapped her lips shut.
“How do you know about it?” Sloane asked her daughter, her eyebrows raised.
“Can we just stay focused?” She flipped her hand toward the phone in Gisel’s hand. “I think they’re planning something. Look who has commented or liked the post so far.”
Gisel passed the phone to me, but I couldn’t tell anything by the names. They were “loved2u64” and “grabitifyourwantit” and, my favorite, “stopfollowingme.” None of them made sense.
“You have to look them up on here. “Maya brought out her spreadsheet again and compared the screen names to her list. They matched. Every single one of them.
“What are we going to do?”
“We should go and listen.” Sloane acted as if it made perfect sense.
“They’ll know we’re there.”
“They can’t feel us, remember?” Ever said.
“We don’t know that for sure about all of them. You’re talking about a big group. We still have over forty witches that just liked this post.”
“I was going to go to Rowan tomorrow,” Ever said. “I know it sounds unimportant in comparison. I’m just throwing it out there.” She smiled weakly at us. My daughter really needed to work on her priorities. Her one overnight per month in Ike’s dorm had become sacred to her. “I can go after.” She broke under my scrutiny.
“Thank you,” I said. I tried to tone down the sarcasm, but I’d spent the day with Sloane, which always left its mark on me.
When we woke the next morning, we still hadn’t settled on a plan. Ever was throwing clothes in her backpack. For a split second, I wanted to say that she probably didn’t need clothes, and then ripped it from my mind as quickly as it had landed there. I liked Ike. I loved him. It still wasn’t easy to know my daughter was with him.
