Drown in You, page 18
Panic thrums through my veins at the possibility of our parents waltzing in here and catching us. “They can’t know.”
He squeezes me. “They won’t.”
“Do you still think they’ll split up?”
When he hesitates, my heart drops. “I don’t know,” he admits.
“What happens if they don’t?” I whisper.
His hand drifts up to my hair, tucking it behind my ear. “You’ll always be mine, Sienna. No matter what. Nobody will come between us.”
“But what if they do?” I blink back the tears that threaten to spill out. “They don’t have to let me stay here. If they find out—”
“They won’t.” His voice is hard, sure. “We won’t tell anyone. Not until we graduate. Then we can go anywhere, and I’ll keep you safe.”
“You’re okay with keeping us a secret?”
He gives me a small smile. “Your crazy friend talked sense into me.”
Juliet. So they weren’t flirting after all. More like conspiring. I grin. God, I love her.
“I’ll do anything to keep you. Anything. Even if that means I can’t hold your hand in public. Even if that means I can’t kiss you when someone else is in the room, no matter how much it kills me. As long as you’re mine, the rest doesn’t matter.”
My heart soars. He’s willing to make that sacrifice. For me. To keep me, and to keep me safe.
But to keep me safe, he needs to know what happened with Marcus. He deserves to know the truth. “I need to tell you something.”
His arm around me stiffens. “What?”
I take a shaky breath. “I’ve been getting these threatening texts and . . . I think they’re from someone back home.”
I could mention the times I’ve spotted the red Cadillac and the hazel eyes beneath the mask at the party that I thought belonged to Marcus, but I’m still not sure if that was actually him or someone else. Or drunken paranoia.
Just by saying the words out loud, a small weight lifts off my chest. It’s not my burden alone to bear anymore.
Luke pulls back from me so he can peer into my eyes, brows scrunched low. “Who?”
My heart pounds with the terror that after I tell him the truth, he won’t look at me the same anymore. But I can’t keep this secret bottled up any longer.
“His name is Marcus.” I sit up and take a deep breath, attempting to calm my racing heart. “Last summer, I thought I saw something. Something bad. Really, really bad.” A lump lodges in my throat at the memory, flashing through my mind again like a movie I’ve watched a hundred times. “A crime.”
Luke doesn’t interrupt as I keep going, silent and motionless other than his hand brushing up and down my arm. Comforting. Encouraging. Nowhere feels safer to me than when I’m in Luke Valentine’s arms.
So I finally tell him everything.
That night, Juliet wasn’t responding to my texts. We had plans to hang out, but she mentioned earlier that she might want to meet up with Marcus first. When she didn’t answer my calls either, I knew where to find her.
Her parents built a giant treehouse for her when we were in middle school. Truly giant. Like one of those treehouses you see built on reality TV shows. That became our fortress, our castle. Where we’d go when we wanted a place that was just for us. On warm summer nights, we’d even sleep out there.
That’s the first place I went. Maybe she was waiting for me and her phone died. Juliet wasn’t the most reliable texter, but she almost always followed through on plans. If nothing else, Juliet is dependable, even if she’s rarely predictable.
I snuck past the gate onto Juliet’s huge family property. A few lights from the first floor of her massive house trickled onto the pristine, manicured front lawn. A trail of calf-high lamps bordered either side of the stone walkway that led to their front door. Visiting Juliet was like entering a castle. If I didn’t love her so much, I’d envy her for her fantasy life.
But I knew what Juliet had been through, and it wasn’t anything to envy.
Her parents’ Mercedes wasn’t in the driveway, but Juliet’s Audi was. So was Marcus’s Cadillac.
I should’ve turned around then. Waited for Juliet to text me after he left. But I waltzed up to the front door and tried the knob. Locked. I knocked, rang the doorbell. Silence.
So I slunk around the house and into the backyard like a burglar until I was standing at the foot of the ladder that led up to the towering treehouse. I didn’t hear anything, no voices. Probably another dead-end. Juliet and Marcus were likely up in her room fucking, so she’d want to meet me out here anyway. I’d just wait for her.
I climbed the ladder, each rung groaning slightly under my weight. The treehouse was years old now, the ladder aged and better at withstanding the weight of the two twelve-year-olds we were than the nineteen-year-olds we’d become.
This was our safe place. Our sanctuary. It was supposed to stay that way.
Once I reached the top of the ladder, I could make out a person hunched over in the darkness.
Wait. Not one. Two. One of them was bracing on all fours, the other prone on the wooden floor beneath them.
Juliet’s parents had lights built into the treehouse. We always turned them on when we were out here in the dark.
But Marcus kept them off.
His grunts were the first thing my senses registered. Then it was the thrusts of his hips.
My face burned and I was about to climb back down before they noticed me until I spotted the rope he tightened around her neck.
Beneath him, Juliet was silent. I’d overheard her having sex with guys often enough that I knew she wasn’t quiet in bed.
Certainly never silent.
Worse, she wasn’t moving. She was limp beneath him, her head lolled to the side and eyes shut.
My best friend was unconscious. While Marcus—
After that, there were no thoughts in my head. My body went into panic mode, acting of its own accord like I was watching myself move but my mind wasn’t in control of any of it. “What the hell?”
Marcus dropped the rope and stopped the second he saw me. He scrambled off Juliet, tugging his pants back on with a jangle of his belt.
Her face was red from lack of oxygen. From how hard he’d been choking her with the rope.
“What the fuck are you doing to her?” The scream ripped from my throat so violently, I wondered if the vibration of your vocal chords could scar you.
He held up his hands. “It’s not what it looks like. She wanted it.”
She wanted it. How many fucking times has that been used as a defense for men who take what they want without permission?
No. Not Juliet. Not my best friend. She’d already been through enough. I wouldn’t let this monster get away with it.
Hot tears stung my eyes, but I blinked them away. I’d break down later. Right now, I needed to get this motherfucker far away from her.
Trembling, I moved between them, pointing to the ladder. “Leave.”
He hesitated, and my heart dropped. I came up here without a weapon. I didn’t have anything to defend myself or my best friend. He was a football player. He could hurt both of us.
“No. I’m telling you, she wanted this. Just wait for her to wake up—”
“Get the fuck out!” Fury blinded me. All I saw was black as I lunged at him and shoved.
“Sienna!” A small, husky voice called out in the dark. “No! Don’t!”
But it was too late. His foot caught on the ladder, and my lungs froze as his arms windmilled and he tumbled back, plummeting into the darkness.
He didn’t scream as he fell.
The next second, a sickening thud as his body hit the ground.
Juliet climbed onto wobbly legs, scrambling for the exit. “What did you do? He wasn’t doing anything wrong!”
“He had you unconscious!” The tears spilled down my cheeks, my heart breaking that I had to be the one to tell her what Marcus was doing to her. “He was . . .”
She shook her head adamantly. “He wasn’t! I wanted it like that. Fuck!”
Juliet scrambled down the ladder and screamed his name, shaking him. Marcus’s leg was bent at the wrong angle. My stomach turned and I heaved.
Now, my hands shake as I relive that night with Luke. “Juliet wanted to try breath play. He’d choke her until she was unconscious and stop until she came to. Then he’d do it again, if she told him to. She explained that to the police, so they didn’t press charges. She forgave me right away; she knew why I did what I did. But Marcus . . .” I squeeze my eyes shut, and Luke sits up, pulling me close. “The injuries he sustained to his leg and back were permanent. Physical therapy might help him, but he’ll never play football again. He had to give up his scholarship. He had to give up his team and his future. All because of me.”
Luke hooks his hand under my chin, forcing my gaze up to his. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Sienna. You did what any good person would’ve done in that situation. You thought you were witnessing a crime, and you stopped it. The fact that it was happening to your best friend made it that much worse.”
I shake my head. “I should’ve waited until she woke up. I should’ve waited ten more seconds. Then she could’ve explained and Marcus wouldn’t have gotten hurt—”
“It’s not your fault.” His conviction breaks me, and I bury my head against his chest as a sob wracks through me. He wraps his arms around me tight, squeezing like he’ll never let me go. “If I’d walked in on anything like that happening to you . . .” He pauses, collecting himself as he swallows audibly. “I would’ve killed him.”
I cry harder. Too hard to speak. Luke Valentine would kill for me. Somehow, I didn’t need him to make the promise out loud to know he would.
“He’s the one who attacked you.” Luke’s voice is gentler now, even as a current of rage underlies his words. “You moved here to get away from him.”
I sniffle, managing to pull myself together enough to form watery words. “Yeah. Him and two of his friends. They attacked me in the park. But I left because they turned the whole town against me. Everyone saw him as the golden boy, the star athlete, and I was a nobody. I was just Juliet’s best friend, the poor girl with a single mom glomming onto the rich kids. Mom and I knew they wouldn’t get punished for what they did to me. They have family in law enforcement. Everyone in Wakefield sided with Marcus, and I became their villain.”
“Who gives a fuck what you are to them,” Luke says simply. “You’re a hero to Juliet. That’s what matters.”
“I’m not a hero to her.” I choke on the sob building up again. “I ruined her life. I ruined her chance with Marcus, and now she’s uprooted her whole life to come here with me. I’m a burden.”
A burden to Juliet, to my mother, to my father, to Deb, to Luke. To everyone.
Luke sits up, pulling me close until I’m straddling him. Our noses are inches apart as he holds my face with both hands. “You are not a burden, Sienna. Juliet moved here with you because she loves you. She’s your best friend, and I guarantee if the roles were reversed, she would’ve done the same thing. That’s why she followed you here—because you’re her best friend. And you proved it that night.”
My nose stings as I try to blink back the tears.
“I’m glad you’re here. Because if you didn’t leave Wakefield, I never would’ve met you.” His hand caresses my jaw, and his crystal-lined eyes trace my face. “And meeting you is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
I throw my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder and losing myself again. I can’t remember the last time I cried this much, but a catharsis washes over me. Like I’ve been bottling up these tears for a lifetime and it feels so fucking good to finally let them out.
Meeting you is the best thing that ever happened to me. I think it might be the best thing that ever happened to me too. Luke makes me feel safer, sexier, happier than anyone else ever has. He makes me feel loved unconditionally.
And I think I’m starting to fall for him too.
“Morning, gorgeous.” The rumble of Luke’s morning voice blended with that tinge of a Southern accent makes my toes curl.
I’ve barely blinked awake before his hand caresses my jaw and he brings his lips down onto mine. Sunlight peeks around the edges of the blackout curtain. I wish we could stay here all day. Stay in this blissful bubble, where nothing and no one else exists.
His tongue slides past my lips and he flips me onto my back, sliding his hand down my stomach—
A knock makes me yelp. “Sienna? Are you up?”
Shit. My fucking dad.
Before I can shove Luke out of bed, he grabs my chin. “Confront him.”
“What?” I hiss. “No! Go hide.”
His eyes narrow. “Not about us. About him abandoning you. Tell him how it really made you feel.”
“Fine.” I push him toward the edge of the mattress. “Just go!”
His bare ass is mouthwatering as he snatches his clothes and ducks into the closet, silently shutting the doors behind him.
“Just a second!” I call, scrambling to slip back into my shirt and shorts. “Come in!”
Even with my permission, Dad eases the door open slowly. “Good morning, kiddo. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I wasn’t sure what time you usually get up.”
I offer him a smile. “It’s okay. I was up. Just on my phone.”
“Oh, good.” He shuffles into my room like he’s uncertain of every step before perching on the edge of my mattress. “Now that we’re home, I wanted to check in. Make sure you’re adjusting to school, that you’re comfortable here.”
Thank god. He doesn’t know about me and Luke. Every tight muscle in my body relaxes. “It’s great, actually. I’m definitely comfortable here. Deb is really nice.”
He smiles. “She is very nice,” he agrees. “I’m glad you like her. And Luke?”
I stiffen, bracing for his throaty chuckle from the closet, but he keeps quiet.
He’s right, though. I need to finally confront my dad. About everything. “He’s nice too. I feel really welcome.” I clear my throat, not sure which subject I want to discuss with my father less—my new stepbrother or my parental abandonment. “I actually wanted to talk to you.”
He straightens, pressing his lips together like he knew this conversation was coming. “Of course. What’s on your mind?”
“Why did you pick gambling over us?” Just saying the words out loud brings fresh tears to my eyes. I thought I’d buried down the pain, compartmentalized it, but now that the question is out, a new wave of hurt crashes over me.
My dad drops his gaze to his lap, where his hands are clasped together. He shakes his head. “I’m so sorry, Sienna. There’s no excuse. I can only tell you what I’ve learned in therapy—that addiction is a sickness. A sickness that sometimes leads us to make the worst decisions of our lives. That makes us hurt the people we love the most.” He pauses, taking a moment to compose himself. Seeing him get choked up only brings more tears to my eyes. “My greatest regret is leaving you and your mother. Your mother made the right call, asking me to leave when I couldn’t stop.” He rubs the back of his neck, letting out a brief, self-deprecating laugh. “I’ve spent the years since trying to become better for her, to deserve her. But it wasn’t until I found therapy last year that I was able to really . . . start trying to be the man I’ve always wanted to be. By then, I knew it was already too late to fix my broken marriage. But with you.” His hand lands on my knee and he squeezes. “I hoped you’d still let me be your father, even if it’s a second chance I don’t deserve.”
I already want to throw my arms around him and let him hug me while I cry, but I restrain myself and bite my trembling lip. “It really hurt. You only sent me cards on holidays. I got one awkward phone call on my birthday. I thought you left because of me.” My hands and voice tremble, but I have to get this out. I have to tell him everything. “It made me feel like shit. Like I wasn’t lovable. Like I couldn’t ever make someone mad or upset with me because then they’d leave for good, and I’d never see them again. Just like you.”
He scoots closer, the hand on my knee squeezing. “I’m so sorry—”
“And Mom.” I gasp as the tears spill down my cheeks now. My chest aches, from all the years of keeping the hurt bottled up. “You know how many times I came home to find her crying on the couch? You broke us. But I could get over you breaking me—I couldn’t get over you breaking her. Not my mom.”
The sob racks through me as my father finally wraps me in a hug, pulling me close and enveloping me in his woodsy scent. The hug I’ve been needing for years. For what feels like a lifetime.
“I’m so sorry, Sienna,” he repeats, his voice cracking. He’s trying to stay strong for both of us. He knows only one of us deserves to cry, to be comforted. “I’m sorry I hurt you, and your mom. I didn’t know how to be a dad. Or a husband. I could barely be a person.” He clears his throat. “But that’s no excuse. I’ll never make excuses for my behavior. I was wrong, and I understand if you can’t forgive me. I don’t expect it. But I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be the father you deserve, even if I never succeed.”
I nod against his chest. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully forgive him, if the pain of his abandonment will ever truly go away. But I want him in my life. I want us both to try to repair the father-daughter relationship we once had.
When we’ve both finally composed ourselves, he pulls back and swipes at a tear on my cheek. “I’m sorry you blamed yourself, Sienna. I’m sorry you lived with that feeling for so long. But you did absolutely nothing wrong. Please don’t ever think that. Not for another second.”
I nod, unable to speak, and let him hug me again. The familiar, heavy weight that’s been resting on my shoulders for so long has been lifted.
Luke did that for me. If not for him, I never would’ve confronted my father. Never would’ve gotten the closure I so desperately needed.
No matter what we are to each other, no matter what happens, I’ll always be grateful to him for that.
