Love, Again, page 3
Luke pushed the door shut with his foot and walked towards me, pulling his sweat-soaked shirt off. His tented shorts suggested he was either carrying a large animal there or glad to see me. I swallowed nervously. His eyes had a glint I’d never noticed before.
“I want you, Daniel.” He pushed his shorts down and casually stepped out of them. It surprised that the rebound of his erection didn’t smack him in the face. “You’ve teased and kept me waiting but the time is up. Your ass is mine.”
He stalked me, his boner appeared to be guiding the rest of his body with determination and intent on its target, me. I whimpered, wondering what to do with it, even if it gave me options. Luke wrapped me in his arms which felt like me hugging a tree, considering the monster between us. His lips crushed against mine and I my head was spinning with a mixture of lust, fear, and uncertainty. If I did this, whatever this might be, would I still be me or would it change things so much that I’d lose myself? Without realizing that I was over-thinking, Luke’s tongue probing my trachea brought me to the present. It had been such a long time since I’ve had an erection that was firmer than cooked pasta. I noticed the fabric of my shorts threaten to rip with the strength of my boner. Luke’s hand slid down from my chest, across my abdomen, and into my shorts. As soon as his fingers closed around it, my body rebelled against my mind and…
I woke with a gasp, my heart pounding, the memory of Luke’s kiss still tingling on my lips. After a moment of clarity, I realized I’d had my first wet dream since the seventh grade. How humiliating was that for a fifty-five-year-old man you might ask? After a moment I grinned realizing I hadn’t cum this hard or this much for ages. I wanted to keep the vivid memory of that whole encounter but as with most of my dreams; it faded as I became fully awake. A knock on my door both distracted me and had me curious. I seldom had visitors. Dressed in my singlet and slick briefs, I pulled on my Roots brand sleep pants and padded to the door. I blinked in surprise to see Luke holding a takeout tray with coffee, and a bag.
“Breakfast is served, Daniel. I hope I didn’t wake you.” He did a quick eye sweep over my body, raised an eyebrow, and grinned.
“Nope, I was just getting up. What’s with the food? We’re not on for gym today. Not that I’m ungrateful, mind you.” I waved him in and took the coffee.
“First, you tell me why you’ve got a wet and sticky spot spreading on the front of your pants. Did I interrupt a personal moment?”
The bastard smirked and knew what the hell he was seeing. I glanced down and noticed the stain from my over-abundant load widening. “Grab a seat and start on your coffee. I need to change.” I looked as indignant as I could. “It was something that happened while I was asleep. Maybe I’m getting incontinent or something.”
Luke laughed. “Incontinence doesn’t cause semen stains. I’m not a doctor, Daniel, but even I can tell the difference.”
“Drink your damn coffee and let me get changed.” I hated that bastard. He caused this and now he’s crowing over it. Karma will even the score. And I’ll rip his lips off if he ever mentions this to anyone. I made a mental note to remind him of that. Even I was impressed with the mess I’d made. I enjoyed a moment of pride before I remembered I had the cause of it sitting in my kitchen, without a doubt smirking as if he knew he’d done this.
Luke had his coffee cup to his lips but I could see the smile and crinkle at the corner of his eyes. “I was hoping you’d help me with Christmas decorating. It goes much better with two.”
I appreciated the change of topic. “I’d be happy to help. I have a few ornaments left from when the kids were young if you’d like to use them.”
We finished our coffee and breakfast sandwiches and drove together in Luke’s car. It had been a few years, but I truly enjoyed how we spent the day, wondering if it was more because of the company. Either way, I’d take it.
Chapter 3
Bruce and Julia offered to pick up her brothers and their partners at the airport. Luke and I lounged on his leather sofa admiring our decorating skills. He stretched and let his arm rest on the back of the sofa behind my head.
“Daniel, we have the kids sorted out for accommodation. The offer still stands if you want to crash here. I’ll show you the guest room and you can decide. It’ll make things more convenient for us to work together preparing the holiday feast.”
He leaned closer while his finger teased the hair at the nape of my neck. I avoided looking at him and sighed. He must have taken it as a hint of impatience because he quickly pulled his arm down and stood.
“Care for some coffee? It’ll only take a few minutes to brew a pot.” He wasn’t smiling.
I think I pissed him off but hell, I was new to this. “No, I’m good thanks. I should probably head out. I’ll give some thought about staying at your place.”
Judging from the look on Luke’s face he’d already assumed I would decline. I probably decided somewhere in my deepest brain I’d say ‘no’ which was unfair, considering he’s fun to be with. I wondered if it was fear of having my bones jumped during a weak moment, or that I’d do the jumping after a glass or two of wine.
As planned, I helped Luke cook and serve while our kids visited and got to know one another better. It was good having the whole family around to celebrate and I was sure the kids didn’t notice the chill that settled between Luke and me. We kept our conversation to a minimum. I resigned myself to the fact I’d irritated our host but put on a brave face for the family. I waited for a suitable amount of time after everyone else left before thanking Luke and heading off to my own basement. Lord, how I wished this Christmas season would hurry up and end.
* * * *
We survived the holiday which went well considering Julia’s harsh words about how rude I’d been by not staying over with Luke. I couldn’t explain to her it wasn’t him I was trying to avoid, but rather the prospect of me trying to make a pass and failing badly.
In my mind, I had totally embarrassed my host and probably humiliated myself with my transgression. I avoided the gym for a while. My excuse was those people with upcoming resolutions who would pack the place more than my comfort level would allow. The reality was the need to avoid Luke’s look of disapproval. Why the fuck that should mean anything was a mystery, but I still figured it would be hard to handle.
I ignored calls from friends and family alike. Somewhere in my feeble mind, I felt I didn’t have the strength to face criticism or questions. I only wanted everyone to leave me alone.
* * * *
February was the worst month of the year—the shortest but the most brutal. I had previously avoided invites to New Year’s Eve parties and subsequent dinners. I hadn’t been to the gym for over a month and missed Luke.
My phone made its bizarre sound showing a call from my daughter. Steeling my nerve, I answered.
“Don’t start on me with sarcasm. I’ve got my eyes glared so you ought to know I mean business.” I shook my head at my madness.
“Happy New Year, Daddy. Bruce wants to know when you might grace the gym with your presence again.”
I said, “I’m still glaring, and that comment sounded sarcastic.” It was nice to hear her voice.
“Yeah, the glare, I’m frozen in my tracks. Now, before I turn my glare on you, where in hell have you been for the last five weeks? And don’t hand me any bullshit about being at a recluse workshop.”
I tried to think of a million excuses. The words that popped out of my mouth surprised even me. “I like Luke, a lot. That scares me because I don’t know…promise you won’t laugh?”
“Dad, I’d never laugh at you, with you, yes but never at you. You mean too much to me. Tell me your concerns.”
I took a deep breath and spoke. “I don’t know how to be gay and how to love a man. I mean, the physical stuff is a no-brainer—I think. It’s the emotional things. I used to make breakfast for your mother or cook her favourite meal. I’d buy her silly trinkets or, on a whim, a bunch of flowers. I don’t know how to romance a man.”
I heard Julia chuckle. “Dad, isn’t that the best part of forming a relationship? Learning about what the other person likes and doing little things to show them you care? There’s no rule book to guide you, but you have experience. I know how much you and Mom loved each other. You aren’t betraying her memory by starting out again. Luke cares a lot about you. There aren’t many times when he doesn’t ask about you. He figured he’d done something wrong when you cut off contact.”
I hadn’t thought about it from Luke’s side of the equation. I realized I was being a total one hundred percent asshole. I thanked Julia for the call and decided it was time I made progress.
It was still early enough that the evening Triangles crowd would be a while in coming. I stuffed myself into my previously comfortable jeans. Packing on the pounds again would never do. Deciding I’d not drink alcohol I drove to the bar in Halifax and found parking near the bar. I knew I was nervous and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans despite the minus ninety-nine-degree wind-chill. I decided I’d get a booth, same as the first time I was there with Luke. Taking a quick glance around, I stopped in my tracks. Luke was sitting in our booth and across the table from a slightly younger but a very handsome man. My heart dropped when I saw that he’d cupped the man’s hand in both of his. I was in the younger man’s line of sight and he raised an eyebrow, pasted on a small smile, and nodded. I quickly left before Luke might turn to see who he was looking at.
I can honestly say I was slightly surprised at the sting of tears while I sat in my car. How could I have been such an arrogant asshole to imagine he’d wait forever until I came to my senses? I squared my shoulders and reminded myself that there had been nothing between us. He had every right to enjoy his life, even if it was with someone who was so goddamn pretty. As I thought about it, I realized how much those two looked alike. Luke, my Luke, was a narcissist. Who knew?
* * * *
I tried to make myself as inconspicuous as possible while I swiped my membership card and went through the turnstile. Busted!
“Well, Dan, it’s good to see you back.” Bruce narrowed his eyes. “It has been a long time, do you need a refresher on everything?”
I sighed. “I’ve been on a pity party for a while, if you really have to know.” I mumbled, “Like you don’t already. I’m back and ready to resume the routine.”
Bruce nodded. “Welcome back. It won’t take long to get into the swing of things.”
He turned to greet a client, so I sauntered off to the change room. He hadn’t mentioned his father, and I got the feeling my workouts would be solo. I glared at the scale but knew there was only one person to blame—Luke. This was his fault. I sighed. He’d moved on if the man I saw him with at Triangles was anything but a model or porn star. I saw a recent Behind the Scenes gay porn flick where they claimed the erections were models. I was trying to enlighten myself about the ins and outs of sticking it in and pulling it out. Luke’s face was on every fantasy moment while I paved my way to hell as my mother’s mother would say. That was a joyous ride. Sorry, grandma.
I entered the gym from the locker room and the first sight to greet me was Luke wrapping his alter-ego from Triangles in a tight hug. It reminded me of a spider wrapping a fly in a web of silk for immediate gratification of having the catch and knowing it would relish the bounty later. I turned on my heel and went back to the locker room. I’m sure I heard “Daniel” but ignored it.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted a coffee bar or something stronger. I could always leave my car and cab home. I sighed in defeat when I realized I wanted neither. I wanted Luke and wondered how I could get him from the clutches of that handsome succubus—or was it, Incubus? Whatever that evil male thing is that seduces innocents. I snorted, as if Luke was innocent.
I compromised and bought an eight-pack of beer to take home. After drinking half my body decided I’d had enough and crawled into bed. There was a time when eight beers would have gotten me through. My affiliation with Bruce and Luke improved my life. I tried to fantasize Luke in my imagination while trying to rub one out. It was the other face that kept appearing and prevented a full-on erection. I eventually fell asleep, frustrated, horny, and angry. I wasn’t sure if Luke deserved any of my anger but I couldn’t help it.
* * * *
I groaned at the persistent knocking at my door. My head hurt despite my reduced alcohol consumption. I could always tell the canvassers to go away. I pulled on the Roots brand sleep pants and fumbled my way to the door.
Luke stood there grinning while holding a carry-out tray containing three cups of coffee in one hand and a bag in the other. Something smelled reasonably good enough to make my stomach growl.
“No semen stains. I’m proud of your self-control Daniel. I have breakfast.” He pushed by me and went to the table.
“Three cups?” I looked around. “Near as I can tell there are only two of us here.”
Luke nodded. “I figured you might need a double shot of caffeine. I’ll sip one while you demolish the other two.”
I was trying to decide if I wanted to be diplomatic or cut to the chase and call the bastard out. He forestalled me.
“Daniel, I need a favour. I bought two return tickets to Calgary. We’ll be leaving in three days from now. I’d like you to come with me.” He looked at me, tilted his head, and asked, “What’s the wildest fashion statement you can make with what’s in your closet?”
I didn’t even have to think. “Drab would be generous. Is it important?”
Luke nodded. “Only if you agree to come along. If yes, we’ll have to go shopping and I guarantee it’ll be outside your comfort level. Trust me?”
It was time to fess up. “Luke, I saw you with your new Mr. Right both at Triangles and again yesterday at the gym. Why don’t you ask him to go with you?”
Luke’s tight lips blossomed into a wide smile. It lit his whole face and my breath caught in my chest. His eyes sparkled and his dimples deepened. “Danny, I believe you’re jealous.”
I frowned. “What’s with this ‘Danny’ business? And why on earth would you think I’m jealous?”
Luke was about to answer when he stopped, thought for a moment and said, “Danny, come with me and all will be revealed. I can only promise it’ll be as special for you as it will be for me having you there beside me.” He raised his eyebrows.
Goddammit, how can anyone resist raised eyebrows? “Fine, I’ll come along but I draw the line at a rainbow tutu and tiara. If you have better fashion sense than that, I’ll follow.” I was feeling pretty cocky and mumbled, “If the pretty boy so much as looks at you with a sparkle in his eye you’re both in serious shit.” I pulled a wide smile, “Just to clarify the playing field.”
* * * *
Standing in front of the mirrors in Fabrice’s men’s wear, I turned from side to side. Here I stood, at fifty-five years old, wearing high-end trousers that contoured to my skin. The dark blue Myths Brand European-made pants prominently displayed my butt (I never knew I had such a fine ass) and package. I’m not Luke and the full-frontal display was embarrassing for me. The Stenströms shirt was pink (the description said red) with wide white stripes. The footwear comprised court-style shoes featuring burgundy uppers and white outsoles. If there was anything that could take me further from my comfort level, I’d yet to meet it. Maybe a burlap bag with holes for head and arms might come close. Luke watched, biting back a chuckle while I squirmed during the measuring process. Imagining it was the back of Luke’s hand pushing into my crotch while my inseam was being measured brought a momentary glance from the man with the tape. I’ll bet he felt the twitch. My face burned with the blush. Earlier my reaction was similar when the tape wrapped around my chest with the sole purpose of teasing my nipples. The gentleman took his gear and notes and left for a moment.
“You handled that well, Daniel.” Luke grinned. “I was expecting to see another of your famous semen stains spread across the front of your new pants.”
I faced him with hands on my hips and glared. “One time, when you thought you might have seen something, you jumped to a conclusion.” I was about to continue when the clerk returned. My order would be ready by noon the following day. That impressed me.
“Since I put you through all that how about I take you to lunch?” Luke glanced at me while I paid and shook hands with the salesman.
His hand was warm but not sweaty and he squeezed gently. “You look very…impressive…in your choice of clothing. I’m pleased to have been able to aid you, Mr. Holstrom.” He handed me his business card. “Please contact me if I can help with your next purchase.” He’d written his personal cell number below the fancy font.
As we were walking Luke said, “You don’t see it do you, Daniel?”
I shrugged and wondered what he was talking about. “See what, Luke?”
“How attractive you are. I’ve noticed people around us when I’m with you. Many, both men and women, do a double-take. Have you always been oblivious to your charm? It wasn’t just your physical appearance that first caught my eye, although that would be enough for many. Your entire demeanour—dare I say even your aura—all shout perfection.”
I stopped and turned to Luke. “Did I ever tell you, you’re so full of BS your eyes are turning brown?” I shook my head and resumed walking. “Thank you for the ego stroking. I know who and what I am.
“Say the word, my friend, and your ego won’t be the only thing I’ll be stroking.”
I slowed and looked at Luke. He just shrugged and kept on walking.
Chapter 4
Luke drove to the airport while I gazed out the window pondering this mysterious trip. He’d earlier suggested we make a side-trip to Banff while we were in Calgary. I rubbed my left thumb over the fourth finger where my wedding band used to sit. Since exercising regularly, I lost enough weight to take it off. My kids reminded me occasionally since I met Luke that my wedding vows with their mother included ‘until death do us part’. I still carried the ring in my pocket while wondering if Luke had even noticed it missing. He had the radio tuned to an easy listening music station, and I looked over at him when he gently squeezed my shoulder.
